THE TOON v BARNSLEEE *** 'HIGH NOON BELLS' TOMORROW!

Posted '1:15pm bells' Saturday 6th May 2017

"I HAVE A 10 YEAR PLAN!"

The final curtain comes doon at SJP tomorrow at 'high noon bells', when we play Barnsleee in wor final and hopefully LAST EVER game in the EFL!
Wor visitors have sold aall of their 2,700 allocation of tickets in a match that haz been 'selt oot' for weeks! 

Just been watchin' 'Rafa the Gaffa' on 'Futbaall Focus' and he said that he could be here for TEN years--under the right conditions! (Are yoo readin' this Mike?)

Will the 'Hazbeenz & Villans' de us a favour tomorrow and beat (ne where near) Brighton?
Aall of  their manager 'Broken Nose Bruce's family live in 'The Toon' and they will aall be hopin' that hiz side can de 'the business'?

We of course must beat Barnslee to start with --or even a draw would de if Brighton lose, to claim the title (on goal difference!)

I've got nowt better to de than listen to the sports programmes on the radio az aa drive mee truck back and forwards to Redditch in deepest Worcestershire. They had a poll on 'Talk Sport' last neet which said 51% of Toon fans wanted us to win the title and 49% weren't bothered--az lang az we won automatic promotion!

Az for little old ME?--I want the title---BUT! promotion iz aall that reeely matters and I will just have to 'live with it' if Chris Hughton's team win The Championship!
(They are in the 'drivin seat' this time---not me!)

We shall sooon find ooot! (fingers & toes crossed!)

"AND WHEN WE WIN THE CHAMPIONSHIP"???

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 4th May 2017


BUT WILL WE BE 'TOP' ON SUNDAY?

Not lang to gan nuw until the very last game of this 'marathon' season!---and to be honest aa could 'de with a complete rest' from the relentless 'grind'  of travellin'--especially the lang distance away games which have nearly aall fell on a week day!

Fulim away (a Frriday), Qpr away (a Wednesday), Brighton away (a Tuesday), Norwich away (a Tuesday), Readin' away (a Tuesday or a Wednesday--cant remember now!), Ipswich away (a Munday), Cardiff away (a Friday)---and that's just to mention the ones that are a roond trip of between 550-700 miles!
Of course in between these games av had to drive a truck 430 miles to Redditch and back to Tyneside--and it HAZZENT been easy---believe yoo me!

Thank god we are back in the 'BIG time' where there will be EIGHT less mid week games!

Wor final game of this 'marathon' teks place on Sunday when Barnsleee are the visitors to SJP, which iz a total sell-oot (suprize-suprize!) and iz wor 53rd competitive game (includin' the 'cups')

Amazingly-aftaa lookin' like we had 'blown the title' at Ipswich, we now find worsels just ONE solitary point behind leeeders (ne where near) Brighton, who must travel to Villa Park on Sunday needin' a win to win the title!
A BIG favour iz needed off a BIG man, namely 'Broken Nose Bruce', whose Hazbeenz & Villans side line up against them!
Of course we still have to beat Barnsleee to have any chance, but dafter things have happened and the pressure iz on THEM (for a change!) (even a draw would de us--IF Brighton lost!--az we have a much better goal difference!)

ie: If we get a better result than Brighton then 'we' win the title---anythin' else and its theirs!

More to follow on aall this in the next few days (and neets!)    

THE TAFFY NOSES 0 THE TOON 2 *** EFL 2016-2017 (EFL stands for English Football League---pleeze tell me which country CARDIFF iz in?)

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 30th April 2017

'GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE!
ATSU FREE KICK GOAL (Atsu next to ref)
View from row BB

"ANOTHAA PERFECT DAY!"

Followin' on from the 'Perfect Day' results of last weekend, we were hopin' (against hope!) that aall the results would gan wor way again---and they DID!

Yet again aa had to catch a train with just ower 3 hours kip after de'in me usual 430 mile 'night truck run' to Redditch and back from the Thorsday afternoon til '2:30 am bells' on the Friday mornin'

Aa got to kip aboot '3 bells' and got up again at '6:30 bells', az aa HAD to catch the train(s) to sooth Wales which left 'The Central' 2 hours later!
With hardly any 'shut eye' aa felt like a'd been 'dragged backwards through a hedge 37 times!' az aa boarded the 'Cross Country' train to Bormingham and then onward on anothaa train to Cardiff (via wor 'digs' in Newport, where we dumped wor owerneet bags!)

We heeded straight for wor 'fave haunt' roond these parts, namely, 'The Canton Rugby Club' which iz a 10 min waalk from the away tornstiles, where several 'tonsil ticklers' were 'downed' before heedin' for the groond!

Ower 4,000 Toon fans were here and they were in very good voice az the game kicked off, singin' the tune to The Beatles 'Yellow Submarine': "sund'lind's goin' down! and Newcasil's goin' up!", throughoot the game! (givin' 2 arm DOWNward motion when sund'lind is mentioned and 2 arm UPWARD motions when Newcasil iz mentioned!) (revenge iz sweet aftaa they celebrated wor relegation barely 11 month's ago!)

The 1st half woz a bit 'iffy' and the anly highlight woz a shot from Atsu which their keeper saved---the anly shot on target that aa can remember from 'us' in this half!

1st HALF ACTION AZ WE ATTACK THE FAR END

The 2nd half woz different though az we attacked the end in which we were housed and the breakthrough came in the 55th minute when Atsu woz brought doon on the edge of the box!
He took the kick himself, sendin' the Cardiff goalie the wrang way az the baall flew into the left hand corner of the goal, from where we were--and send the 4,000 faithful into ecstasy! (see top photo!)

The 2nd and 'killer goal' came 10 mins later when Hayden woz given a 'free run' and he hammered the baall from 20 yards oot, into the right hand corner of the goal from us, with the Cardiff keeper rooted to the spot!
That's the way it stayed, which meant that we had closed the gap on Brighton to ONE solitary point and put 'the pressure' on them to win the title in front of their own fans the next day!

We are in the NUFC record books az well ,az we beat the 13 away wins under 'Special K' with wor 14th away win of the season!

THE PLAYERS CELEBRATE WITH RAFA (black suit)
AT THE END OF THE GAME AZ
THE TOON FANS CLAP AND SHOUT WILDLY!

After the game we heeded back to wor hotel in Newport where celebratory drinks were consumed in the nearby boozers, before heedin 'for the sack' to get some much needed 'shut-eye'!---"ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!" 

The next day woz spent on a train back to London and then onward to The Toon from King's Cross, where the mobile 'telling bones' were 'on the ready' to see if the SMB's would be finally relegated if they got a worse result than Hull!
They DID! (they lost 1-0--Hull drew 0-0) and we joyously celebrated in carriage 'D' of the train!

More good news woz comin' through when we eventually got back to The Toon when we foond oot that Brighton had LOST 1-0 at home to 'The Big Bristols', meanin' that the fight for the title would gan to the last day of the season next Sunday----Anothaa 'perfect day' to follow on from the week before!!! (scroll doon to the bottom of the page to see that report!)

Toon team: Elliot, Yedlin, Mbemba, Clark, Dummett, Atsu, Hayden, Diame, Colback (Shelvey 73), Perez (Sterry 90), Murphy (Mitrovic 66)

Attendance: 23,153 (4,262 very happy Toon fans!) 
Cardiff's highest crowd of the season!

BEST CROWD OF THE SEASON--
BUT STILL THOOSANDS OF EMPTY SEATS!

*  The pre and post match 'gargels' took place here!




THE 'WELLY', BORMINGHAM (IN BETWEEN TRAINS)

POTTERS BAR, NEWPORT
(STAB PROOF VEST RECOMMENDED!)

INSIDE 'THE LINTON', NEWPORT

THE QUEENS, NEWPORT

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!

ON THE WAY TO CARDIFF!
"ZZZZzzzz!!!!"

ON THE WAY BACK FROM CARDIFF!
"ZZZZzzzz!!!!"





 



"WOT GANS AROOND---COMES AROOND!"

Posted 'just after 'high noon bells' Sunday 30th April 2017

Barely 11 months ago the mackems celebrated at 'The Stadium of SHHH! "yee naa wot"---az they secured their top flight status az we were relegated--They even flew a plane ower SJP in wor last game with a banner celebratin' wor demise and hung a banner off the Tyne Bridge which said 'DOWN YOU GO!'

We reeeely DO HOPE that the mackem who organised the plane and banner and the fans who contributed to the costs of £1,000 for it to fly it ower wor groond, were at yesterday's game!
The question iz!---will they fly a plane ower wor groond in wor last game THIS SEASON celebratin' THEIR relegation and WOR promotion???


THE END GAME!


THE BOURNEMOOTH GOAL WHICH SANK THE mackems!

SMB FANS 'CELEBRATE' THEIR RELEGATION!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ALAN SHEARER TRIES HARD TO HIDE HIZ DELIGHT

ON 'MATCH OF THE DAY'!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE TAFFY NOSES v THE TOON *** TOONEET!

Updated '6:57am bells' Friday 28th April 2017

Tooneet @ '7:45 bells' we play wor final away game of the season, gannin for a record 14th away win!
We can relax now, (apart from 'yee naa wot' involvin' Penfold and the tax man!) (see below!) az promotion iz guaranteed and we can close the gap on Brighton at the top to just ONE point, shud we win!?

Not sure wot the followin' will be, but the 6,000 tickets we have been allocated look likely NOT to sell oot!
(Not for a Friday neet away game in sooth Wales that iz live on the box and promotion iz settled!)

Anyway! we must forget aboot wot happened on Wednesday and concentrate on wot happens on Friday neet and hopefully aall will torn oot well! (but I have my doubts!)

A full match 'Geordie Times' match/boozer report will appear here sometime ower the weekend!

Update again on Saturday neet:
Just got back from sooth Wales this afternoon (via London!) 
MATCH REPORT ON ANOTHAA EXCELLENT WEEKEND, WILL APPEAR HERE BY 'HIGH NOON BELLS' TOMORROW!
As per usual---watch this space!

'PENFOLDGATE' *** WEEK 1 !!!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 27th April 2017

SOMEWHERE IN GOSFORTH!
"ANYTHING YOU SAY WILL BE TAKEN DOWN IN EVIDENCE!"
 

News reaches us that wor beloved MD known lovingly az 'Penfold' to Toon fans, woz unceremoniously dragged oot of hiz bed (metaphorically speakin'!) at '6 bells' yesterday mornin' at hiz luxury 'pad' in Gosforth on the north side of Toon by HMRC officers and remanded in custard!
("Er!"--for 'custard' read 'custardy!")

He woz then 'Grilled' for 12 hours aboot tax avoidance schemes for French players (so we are told) and woz released from custard at '6 bells' last neet!

Apparentleee  wor beloved owner, known az 'The Fat Controller' to Toon fans, knew absolutleee nothin' aboot this and anly foond oot from 'chief scout' 'Fatty Man' Graham Carr ( the daddy of TV 'Funny Man' Alan Carr!) late last neet!

We don't want to be scaremongers BUT this definatly ISN'T the end of THIS story, which could well drag on til next season with points deductions and transfor embargos mentioned!

I even got a text message from Toon fan 'The Silver Fox' sayin' that we could even de a 'Glasgow Rangers' (ie: be relegated to the bottom tier of the Futbaall Leegue!)

Yi just CANNIT make it up with NUFC!--promoted on Munday!---dragged through the mud (yet again!) on Wednesday!  

"ROCHDALE!--ROCHDALE!---HERE WE COME!"

PENFOLD IN A PICKLE!

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 26th April 2017

"YOUR NICKED BONNY LAD!"

Stunnin' news haz reached 'The Geordie Times' that wor beloved managin' director known affectionately az 'Penfold' to Toon fans, haz been ARRESTED on suspicion of income tax fraud and national insurance fraud by HMRC!
The raids took place at wor heed offices and in France at '6:30 bells' this mornin' for a fraud said to be in the region of  FIVE MILLION quid! (17 or so French players have been signed by us in the last few years!)

WATCH THE NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL NEWS TO FIND OOT MORE!

PS: Just wot we didn't need after securin' promotion back to the top flight on Munday! ---- "EH!!!"

THE TOON 4 PRESTON DEAD END 1 *** EFL PROMOTION GAME!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 25th April 2017


THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL AZ 'SECRET PIGEON' LOOKS ON!


"BACK WHERE WE BELONG!"  "COO COOOOO!"

I went on 'on the hoy' orlier than a normally de to 'down' a few 'liquid lubrications' to calm mee norves!

Just ONE win from wor THREE remain' games were needed to secure promotion back to 'the big time' and az the game kicked off there were quite a few empty seats around us and one enterprisin' bird, namely Toon fan 'Secret Pigeon', sat on the balcony waall for the forst 15 mins of the game in front of one of the empty seats!

It didn't tek us lang to gan aheed when Perez fired home from close range at The Leazes End after just 7 minutes---BUT! this IZ NUFC after aall! --- and just 7 minutes later Preston had equalised after wor defence woz split wide open and Hugill shot past Rob Elliot in The Toon goal to level things!
By this time 'Secret Pigeon' had flown off into the night sky, heedin' towards a roof beam at 'The Gallowgate End'!

Mee norves were 'janglin' by this time and the thought of havin' to gan to Cardiff on Friday neet to secure promotion entered my heed!

I shouldn't have worried though az just before the interval break Mitrovic provided a through baall to Atsu and he shot across the box to put us 2-1 up!---RELIEF!

The main tornin' point of the game came in the 64th minute when Preston's Gallagher handled on the goal line to prevent a goal and he woz duly sent off az Matt Richie placed the baall on the spot!

ACTION AT THE GALLOWGATE END (2nd half)
'SECRET PIGEON' IZ THERE---SOMEWHERE!

Hands were then raised in a pray like fashion az Richie sent the goalie the wrang way to put us 3-1 up against 10 men!

It woz aall 'Toon' after this and the final goal to wrap up promotion came at the mid point of the half when Perez bundled the baall ower the line from very close range!

Yoo could feell the relief of the crowd az the realisation hit us that we were DEFINATLEEE gannin' up---AT LAST!!!!!

'RAFA THE GAFFA' CELEBRATES WITH THE TOON FANS
AFTER THE MATCH!
(RAFA IZ ON THE FAR RIGHT IN THE DARK SUIT
APPLAUDIN' THE GALLOWGATE END)

"WOT A DIFFERENCE A WEEK MAKES!"

At precisely '5:05 pm bells' last Easter Munday we were waitin' for the train at Ipswich station aftaa wor aaful performance and defeat against a very ordinary Ipswich side, when news came through on 'Mal The Inglish Skool Teecher's 'mobile 'telling bone' that 'uddersfield were winnin' 1-0 after just 5 minutes play! (their game kicked off after wors)
The rest of the jorney back to Peterboro station woz torture to say the least az 'uddersfield held on----BUT with barely 5 minutes left on the clock Darbee equalised to send the packed train wild!----They'd anly gained 1 point on us instead of 3
And then on Saturday when 'we 'wornt playin' ,they lost 4-1 at home to Fulim, while Readin' lost 3-2 at Forest!

This meant victory last neet guaranteed that we would retorn to 'the promised land'!!!  "YAAHOOOO!" 

Toon team: Elliot, Anita, Dummett, Hayden, Lascelles, Clark, Shelvey (Colback 76), Mitrovic, Richie, Perez (Murphy 83), Atsu (Gouffran 68)

Attendance: 50, 212 plus 'Secret Pigeon' (and 504 'Dead End' fans)

*

THE TOON v PRESTON DEAD END **** TOONEET!

Posted '10:52am bells' Munday 24th April 2017

THE LAST PNE WERE HERE***A 6-0 DEFEAT LAST OCTOBER

Followin' the Xcellent results ower the weekend in wor favour (see article below!) we find worsels with the chance of automatic promotion tooneet v Preston, IF we win!?

Last Munday it woz aall doom and gloom followin' wor 3-1 defeat at Ipswich, but with othaa results gannin wor way, it's still in wor hands, az we need just TWO points to guarantee promotion back to the 'BIG time 'gravy train' at the forst attempt!

We welcome back Ciaran Clark tooneet to steady wor shaky defence and with yet anothaa capacity crowd expected to roar us on, we have 3 'throws of the dice' left to 'de the business'!
(Preston have sold less than half their allocation of 1,100 tickets!)

Wor visitors lost here 6-0 in the Leegue Cup orlier this season, but we will definatlee settle for just a 1-0 win this time!

We will know by '9:45 bells' tooneet!---it would be very nice indeed to gan to Cardiff on Friday neet, naa'in that we are ne langer under any pressure and able to relax! 

Lets hope (and pray!) that tomorrows match report in 'The Geordie Times' 'iz a GOOD ONE'!?

7 HEAVEN AND A PERFECT DAY!

Posted '8:08am bells' Sunday 23rd April 2017

"THEY'LL BE DANCING IN THE STREETS OF 'THE TOON' TOONEET!"

I had a '7 heaven' 'wish list' yesterday!

1: I wanted 'uddersfield to lose---and they DID! 4-1!
2: I wanted Readin' to lose---and they DID! 3-2!
3: I wanted  'the smoggies' to lose---and they DID 4-0!
4: I wanted Swanzee to win---and they DID! 2-0!
5: I wanted Hull to win---and they DID! 2-0!
6: I wanted Gatesheed to win---and they DID! 4-0!
7: I wanted Dunston 'Bad Blue Boys' to win---and they DID! 3-0!

The above top 2 results meen that IF we win against Preston Dead End tomorrow neet @ SJP then we are promoted!
'uddersfield cannot catch us if this happens, but  Readin' CAN match wor points total, IF we lose, BUT they have a goal difference of minus 36 to make up on us--an impossible task unless they win their last 2 games 18-0! (to make up the goal difference!)
In effect, 'uddersfield are the anly team that can deny us, IF they win their last 3 games and WE lose wor last 2
We now need just 2 points to guarantee promotion from wor last 3 games!

Aalso, IF 'uddersfield draw or lose on Tuesday, no matter wot wor score iz tomorrow neet, then we are defiantly promoted az wor goal difference on them iz plus 35 (I hope yoo are followin' aall this?)  

The next 3 above results I wanted are aalso very satisfyin', az it meeenz that 'the SMBs are 12 points from safety in the top flight and that 'the smoggies' are virtually relegated az well!

The last pair of results are from 2 of wor local Tyneside teams who I wanted to win az well!

Add in the fact that Brighton lost 2-0 on Friday neet, meeenz that we STILL have a very smaall chance of claimin' the title! so this woz indeed---'A PERFECT WEEKEND'!!!

Aaall we have to de nuw iz beat Preston!!!!????