Wednesday, 14 September 2016

QUEENS PARK RAG & BONE MEN 0 THE TOON 6 (SIX!)

Posted '12:40pm bells' Wednesday 14th September 2016

Pleeeze be patient with me after this fantastic result @ QPR!
I have just got off the train from King's Cross and have to gan straight to work now and drive mee truck on the night trunk to Redditch in deepest Worcestershire--so!--I divvint have the time to de a match report on last neets game--- yet!
I WILL de one sometime tomorrow---I normally get back at '2:30 bells' in the mornin'--gan to bed ---"ZZZZzzzz!!!!" --and get up again at '11 bells'

I've got a fantastic photo of Jonjo Shelvey's spectacular 2nd goal from the away end and I will publish that tomorrow az well---Like 'The Geordie Times' haz said many times in the past---
"We will bring yoo aall the latest Toon news 2nd hand---forst"!

Monday, 12 September 2016

THE SHERPHERD'S BUSH RAG & BONE MEN v THE TOON **** TOONEET!

Posted '1:20pm bells' Munday 12th September 2016

At dinnaatime tomorrow we heed for 'The Central' once more to catch the train to King's Cross and then onward to 'SteptoeLand' in "west Landan!" for wor game against QPR @ Loftus Road

Aall 2,700 away tickets have been sold for 'The School End' az we try for wor 'sixth win in a row'!
A Geordie Times match report will appear here later in the week--when aa get a chance to 'de it'!  (Got to gan straight to work when aa get off the train on Wednesday!)

It's 48 years since aa forst went to Loftus Road (aka Rangers Stadium) in 1968 when we drew 1-1---and aa make 'ne apologeee for 'diggin' up' the archive match report from that day (Iz it reeely 48 years ago!?)
With both 'The Arse' and 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham movin' onto 'pastures new', this iz now the oldest groond left in London that aa forst went te! (Match report on that game below!) 

Sunday, 11 September 2016

DARBEE COONTY 0 THE TOON 2 *** EFL 2016-2017

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 11th September 2016
JUST MOMENTS AFTER THIS CROSS, YEDIN SEALS THE VICTORY!
(TOON IN WOR 'BUMBLE BEE' STRIP!)

"RAM RAIDERS!"

NUFC ground oot a 2-0 victory and the anly highlight of the forst half waz an absolutlee sublime <(we reeely DE na aall the posh words!) effort from 'Gooffy' Gouffran in the 20th minute to put The Toon in front at Pride Park in wot waz a dour game, to say the least! (The anly shot on target we can remember in the forst period!)
Darbee reely are a 'ramshackle mob' <(excuse the pun!) and the fact that they had anly scored ONE solitary goal aall season proved to be their downfall!
1st HALF ACTION AZ WE ATTACK THE FAR END

The 2nd half wasn't much better az we attacked the end in front of 'us' and again, just one shot on goal waz forthcomin' before Yedin sealed the victory in the very last minute of the game with a scrambled effort az the home fans made for the exits like 'droves of sheep' <(sic!)

Before the game we made for some boozers near the train station which had 'welcoming' signs on the windows sayin' 'HOME FANS ONLY'!
But az iz the case with us, we 'sniffed' oot a boozer alang the road caalled 'The Alexandra' which let away fans in!---and so (az yi de!) we stopped there for 'the duration' until it waz time to heed for the game which kicked off at '5:30 bells' (for live telly of course!)
"WILL THEY LET US IN?---YES THEY WILL!"

INSIDE THE ALEXANDRA 


THE 'SCENIC' ROUTE TO THE GROOND
(A 25 MINUTE WAALK FROM 'THE ALEX')




The win takes us up to 'altitude sickness level' in 2nd place with wor FIFTH win on the spin and aall the talk from the sceptics of relegation after wor forst 2 games ended in defeat, iz surely banished forever!

Next up iz a trip to "west Landan" on Tuesday neet when we take on 'The Rag and Bone Men' of Shepherd's Bush' at Loftus Road.
The train will again 'take the strain' az we heed southwards on the East Coast Line yet again!

Toon team: Sels, Anita, Dummett, Colback, Mbemba, Lascelles, Shelvey, Diame (Hayden 88), Richie, Gouffran (Yedin 73), Gayle (Perez 76)

Attendance: 30,405 (3,200 happy Toon fans!)      *  

Thursday, 8 September 2016

DARBEE COONTY v THE TOON **** SATURDAY TEATIME!

Posted '1:41pm bells' Thorsday 8th September 2016

We heed for Pride Park on Saturday evenin', where we take on 'The Ramshakle Mob', now managed by formaa Lestaa manager Nigel Pearson.
Pearson waz credited with buildin' 'that side', which of course went on to win the Leegue last May aftaa he'd left!
However!--- Hiz current side have scored just ONE goal in 5 games so far this season and we will nevaa have a better opportunity to win wor 4th Leegue game in a row.

We sold oot wor 3,200 allocation of tickets 'lang ago' in wot will be wor forst visit here for ower 6 years, when we lost 3-0! <("We want revenge!")

Pride Park <(its original name!) iz a 'Lego clone' of Stoke and 'The Smoggies' new stadiums, (with different coloured seats!) and iz on the trunk road oot of Darbee, with hardly any boozers nearby (just like Stoke and Boro!)

We are on the '11:40am bells' train (me finks?) from 'The Central' and shud arrive in deepest Derbyshire around aboot the '2:30 bells' mark! ('5:30 bells' ko)

A full Geordie Times match report will follow sometime on Sunday az per usual---watch this space!

Tuesday, 6 September 2016

WOLVES TICKETS ANLY A TENNER!

Posted '1:03pm bells' Tuesday 6th September 2016

Tickets for wor EFL Cup tie against Wolverhampton Wanabeez later this month are nuw on sale to season ticket holders!
At just a TENNER for big kids and THREE QUID for sprogs there shud be a bigger than usual crowd than wot we expected!
30,000 plus we reckon because of the price reduction!
(We paid £15 and £5 for the last roond against Cheltenham!)

Sunday, 4 September 2016

BAD BLUE BOYS of DUNSTON 2 SKELMERSDALE UNITED 2 *** FA CUP 1st QUALIFYIN' ROOND

Posted '11:11am bells' Sunday 4th September 2016
MORIEN SCORES FROM THE SPOT TO ORN 'THE BAD BLUE BOYS' A REPLAY!

"WEMBLEY, WEMBLEY HERE WE COME!"

With a blank weekend coz of the Internationals (see article below!) it waz decided to heed for mee fave non leegue club for their FA Cup tie v Skelmersdale near Scouseland!

Heavy rain kept the crowd doon, but the traffic on their way to the Metro Centre, half a mile from the groond waz heavin' <(it's indoors yoo see!)

The clubhoose waz half empty/full! when I arrived but it soon filled up with approx. 15 Skelmersdale fans/officials amongst the throng to shelter from the rain <(THAT, I may add iz the ANLY reason 'I' went into the clubhoose!!!!)

Toon season ticket holder 'Shaz the Postie' then torned up and we had discussions aboot the 12 players we have signed in 'the window' and those who have departed!

The doonpour had eased off az the teams ran oot and for some reason the game kicked off 5 mins late at '3:05 bells'?
THE GAME KICKS OFF (EVENTUALLY!)

It took 'The Bad Blue Boys' barely 2 mins to open the scorin' when 'Scrappy' (Liam Thear) put the baall into the net at 'The Dunston Rocketless End' <(Explanation: there used to be a tower block behind this end which looked like a space rocket!--now demolished!)

Skelmersdale, who are 2 leegues higher than their Tyneside coonterparts equalised soon after with a unstoppable shot from Strickland at 'The Teahut End' <(AYE!---there's a teahut behind the goal!)

And then controversy in 1st half stoppage time when the ref (and linesman on wor side) said the baall had croosed the line (when it clearly hadn't!) to put the visitors 2-1 up!---aall hell then broke loose at the decision az the ref blew for half time! 

A 'mad dash' to the clubhouse then ensued (to beat the queues!) and we looked at some of the photos on the wall az we supped wor half time beverages > (Broon ale!)---Skelmersdale are a famous non leegue club who lifted the old Amateur Cup back in the 70's @ Wembley and one of the photos on the wall shows the 1974 FA Cup final between 'The Toon' and 'The Liverbirds', with Steve Highway beatin' Bobby Moncur to the baall (which he crossed to a certain Kevin Keegan who scored!) Highway aalso played for Skelmersdale!

The visitors went hell for leather in the 2nd period and if it wasn't for Dunston's keeper havin' a blinder the game would have been ower lang before the end.

A penalty waz then awarded to 'The Bad Blue Boys' which waz easily convorted by Malcolm Morien!---A home player waz then sent off az 'we' hung on to claim a replay at their place on Tuesday neet!---The Wembley dream lives on!

PS:  I estimated the crowd to be 250 and the official attendance waz!---249!

"WE WAZ THERE!" 

PROGRAMME!

 
   


CRUMPLED TEAM SHEET!


MATCH TICKET!!! 

Saturday, 3 September 2016

A NEW SEASON OF 'BLANKETY BLANKS'!

Posted '1:00pm bells' Saturday 3rd September 2016
"I'M BACK AGAIN FOLKS!"

A new season and the forst international break after just 4 weeks iz upon us, which meeenz a 'blank weekend' of course az far az NUFC are concerned!

This iz because Ing-er-land, under the management of *The UFO have a World Cup qualifying game against Slovenia on Sunday (or iz it Slovakia?) <(shows how much interest we have in this game!)


*The UFO haz amazingly selected EIGHT of the team who were humiliated against Iceland in the Euros and it surely will end in 'crocodile tears' for him!---me 'finks'

* UFO = Ugly Fat One!

Thursday, 1 September 2016

THE WINDOW SHUTS!

Posted '12:35pm bells' Thorsday 1st September 2016

Transfor deadline day closed at '11 bells' last neet with the news that 'The Sossoko Kid' haz signed for SPORZ for a reported THORTY MILLION!
Just how anybody can think a man who haz gone AWOL for the past 2 seasons iz worth SO much money iz beyond us!
This iz probably the best bit of transfor dealin' we've done in wor entire history!
£30 mill for a player who contributed to wor demise last season!
"WOW!"
Let us remind yoo wot Sissoko said in JOON this year!
"ARSENAL is one of the best teams in Europe!
I hope that I will have a chance soon to play for this club!"

Are yoo readin' this Sporz fans???

Rafa the Gaffa haz certainly pulled off a coup in this deal and just the othaa day he said:
"If someone wants Moussa they have to pay!" 
In total 19 players have left NUFC in the transfor window.

A total of 12 have arrived in that same period, namely:
Matz Sels, Matt Richie, Dwight Gayle, Jesus Gamez, Isaac Hayden, Grant Hanley, Ciaran Clark, Mohamad Diame, Deandre Yedlin, Daryl Murphy, Achraf Laazar and Christian Atsu

Those leavin' us---and 'good riddance' to most of them, are:
Marveaux, Obertan, Taylor, Cabella, Townsend, Coloccini, Cisse, Wijnaldum, Janmaat, Bigiramana and of course Sissoko!
On loan are: Thauvin, Mbabu, De Jong, Saivet, Krul, Armstrong, Sterry and Riviere


Wednesday, 31 August 2016

TRANSFOR DEADLINE DAY IZ UPON US!!!

Posted '1:15 pm bells' Wednesday 31st August 2016

WINDOW CLOSIN'!

Transfor deadline day iz here and so far we have signed 11 players and got rid of 18
A full list of 'in's and 'oot's will appear here tomorrow!

Tuesday, 30 August 2016

WHO'S AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD WOLF!?" ***

Updated '10:15 am bells' 30th August 2016

The EFL Cup draw haz been kind to us once again for we have been drawn at home in the thord roond against Wolverhampton Wanabeez who must now play us TWICE in a few days at 'wor place' az we play them in the leegue az well on the Saturday before!

EFL: Saturday 17th September***'3 bells' 
EFL CUP: Tuesday 20th September***'7:45 bells'

ARCHIVE GROUNDS MATCH REPORT LIST