THREE! CUP EXITS IN TWO! WEEKS

Posted '12:57pm bells' Friday 15th January 2016




THE ANLY 'SILVERWARE' WE WILL SEE THIS SEASON
(A TOON FANS 'NICKS' A TROPHY FROM THE WINDOWSILL
OF A PUB IN WOTFAD LAST WEEK!)

Wor U21s went oot of the 'U21 Premyaa Leegue Cup' last neet when we were beaten 4-3 by Everton @ Southport's Haig Avenue groond! 
Wor goals were scored by Riviere, Marveaux and Callum Roberts, who had equalised in the last minute to make it 3-3, anly for 'The Toffee Noses' to gan straight up the othaa end and score the winner!

The defeat follows on from wor U18s loss to AFC Wombledon in the FA Youth Cup on January 6th and of course the 'forst team' to Watfad in the FA Cup 3rd roond last Saturday!

Who needs silverware anyway!---it just clogs up the trophy cabinet!---DOESN'T IT!?





SOMEWHERE IN THE BOWELS OF ST. JAMES' PARK!

MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPIN' NEWS!

Posted '2:15pm bells' Thorsday 14th January 2016

Tooneet wor U21s travel to sunny? Southport where we will take on Everton's U21s @ Haig Avenue.
There are comebacks from injury for Marveaux, Riviere and Aarons, if yoo fancy deein' a bit of (mad-sad) Groundhoppin'?  <(and YES 'The mad-sad groundhoppers' have been here before --many moons ago when we played Liverpool resorves!) 
Kick off iz @ '7 bells'

THE TOON 3 VAN UNITED 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '12:22pm bells' Wednesday 13th January 2016

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

"IZ THIS THE TORNIN' POINT AT LAST!?"

We said in wor pre match build up that "Anythin' could happen!" az this IZ NUFC---and it DID INDEED!

Twice the Manc Muppeteers took the lead and twice we came back to deny them!

It didn't look 'ower clever' in the forst half az Van Gaal's Mob attacked the Gallowgate goal and went 1-0 up in the 8th minute through a Rooney penalty, after Mbemba waz harshly judged to have handled the baall in the box!---Janmaat then had a 'ligitimate' penalty appeal torned doon at The Leazes End before Lingard fired the visitors into a 2-0 lead in the 38th minute and aall looked lost!


Just after Man U's 2nd goal a banner waz unfurled @ The Gallowgate End which read
'Sports Direct Shame', in reference to the way workers are treated by the company!

Wijnaldum gave us hope just before the interval when volleeed home from a Mitrovic pass to half the deficit!

Just before the mid-point of the 2nd half we were back on level torms when Mitrovic waz pulled to the groond by Smalling and the ref pointed straight to the spot for wor forst penalty in ower a year!

Mitrovic grabbed the baall and wellied it into the net to send the
46,000 plus Toon fans in the crowd wild with delight!


2nd HALF ACTION AZ THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE GOAL


We went for the win after that but couldn't make the breakthrough and then disaster struck again when that 'thorn in wor side' Wayne Rooney hit an unstoppable shot into the roof of the Leazes net to send the 3,000 muppets into ecstasy az they mocked Alan Shearer, caallin' him "A sad Geordie b*stard!' -with a sh*t football team!"

Aall looked lost at this point! (10 mins left!)

Paul Dummett however, dumfounded them (and us!) in the very last minute of the game with a belter of a shot to beat De Gea in the Manc Muppets goal to lift the roof off the stadium and claim an unlikely precious point in the progress!

"Chants of " SHEARER!-SHEARER!" then rang oot from the home contingent az 'The 3,000 Muppeteers' (in tears!) sat in deathly silence in the away end!

Is THIS the tornin' point of wor season at last?--OR anothaa 'false dawn'?----we shall soon find oot on Saturday when we face 'The Jellied Eels Mob' at SJP, where wor new signings will (hopefully!) be on show!

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Dummett, Sissoko, Colback (Gouffran 81), Tiote (Toney 85), Wijnaldum, Perez (De Jong 92), Mitrovic

Attendance: 49,673 (3,000 very quiet Muppets at the end!) * 

THE TOON v VAN UNITED *** TOONEET!

Posted '11:07am bells' Tuesday 12th January 2016

ST JAMES' PARK FROM HAYMARKET CAR PARK (Silver Fox foto)

The games are comin' thick and fast and a bit of better news comes with the signin' of Senegal midfielder Henri Saivet from Bordeaux for a reported £5 mill and the possible signin' of Jonjo Shelvey from Swanzee for £12 mill! (The fee haz been agreed!)

We certainly need some new faces in the team after a horrendous set of results and hopefully they will both play on Saturday against 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham!

Toneet we face 'Van Gaal's Manc Muppetts' @ SJP and with him admittin' that hiz side are borin', it shud be a rivitin' contest for the SKY viewers to witness, especially az WE havvent scored in the last 4 games and are hardly classed az anythin' but borin' az well!

McClaren reckons that Man U are on 'a downer' at the moment and that we shud take full advantage of that. (Man U have WON their last 2 games, while we have LOST wor last 4!, Steve!)

Wor visitors have won here on the last 3 occasions, scorin' 8 goals in the process--- while we have failed to find the net in any of those games! <(sounds familiar?)

Wor prediction however!---iz that anythin' could happen toneet!---this IZ NUFC after aall!

We shall see! and a full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime tomorrow!

WOTFAD 1 THE TOON 0 *** FA CUP 3rd ROOND

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 10th January 2016

THE TOON (IN WHITE & BLUE) ATTACK THE AWAY END (1st half)

"DRY JANUARY!"

At precisely '4:54 pm bells' yesterday the ref blew for full time and ended wor dreams of FA Cup glory yet again!
The NINTH of January and wor season fizzled oot with the prospect of Championship futbaall to follow UNLESS we buy a proven striker!
We actually did BETTER than last season when we  anly 'lasted' til the 3rd day of January when Lestaa knocked us oot of the competition on that date!
Indeed since 'The Fat Controller' took the reigns NINE years ago in 2007 we have NEVER got past the month of January in the FA Cup, gannin oot at eethaa the 3rd roond or 4th roond stage every time! (the 3rd roond for 4 years in a row now!)

Wot more can we say?---anothaa abysmal performance where wor 'shootin boots' were eethaa 'weak' or miles off target against a mediocre Wotfad side who looked anything but world beaters!

Janmaat DID have a reasonable shot on target in the 8th minute but it waz easily parried by Gomes in the home goal and misses by Mitrovic and Perez anly compounded wor misery!
Then we 'shot worsels in the foot' yet again when a disastrous back pass by Wijnaldum foond Wotfad's Troy Deeney, who had the simple task of roundin' Elliot in the Toon goal to put us 1-0 doon just 1 minute before the interval!

'The Geordie Times' prediction that there would be at least 5 changes to the startin' line up against Arsenal last week were miles off the mark, az anly ONE change waz made---Mbabu for Colback who waz 'rested'!( He waz probably wor best player on the day az well!--but!,McClaren substituted him in the 52nd minute? -WHY?) 

2nd HALF ACTION AZ THE TOON ATTACK THE FAR END

We had chances after the break to level things but misses by Perez and Mitrovic  cost us dear az wor inability to score for the 4th game in a row meant anothaa 'Dry January' and 2 blank weekends to follow for the Toon faithful (4th roond day and 5th roond day!)

The tornin' point az far az the fans were concerned waz when Sissoko ran aboot 40 yards into the box--- but instead of havin' a shot himself, passed the baall to 'super sub'? Thourvin who (predictably!) completely 'fluffed hiz lines' az the 3,000 faithful chanted for their money back! (1,000 unsold tickets in wor 4,000 allocation!)
They then torned on McClaren who substituted Tiote for De Jong in the 82nd minute and chants of :"You don't know wot your doin'!", rang oot from the visitors enclosure amongst othaa things!
And we aall naa wot happens when the fans torn on the 'scapegoat'!---divvint we!???


That's SIXTY ONE YEARS now since NUFC last won a major domestic trophy! 
After the match McClaren said: "It's important to show patience!"

UNREAL!!!!!

Toon team: Elliot, Mbemba, Coloccini (Laselles 46), Dummett, Janmaat, Sissoko, Tiote (De Jong 82), Wijnaldum, Mbabu (Thourvin 52), Perez, Mitrovic

Attendance: 18, 259 (3,000 very unhappy Toon fans!) *



The pre and post match gargels took place here!


OOTSIDE WOTFAD STATION *** SPOT THE HEADLESS CHICKEN!

 

 

WOTFAD TOON CENTRE

"IT'S WOR CUP!"
A TOON FANS 'NICKS' A TROPHY FROM THE WINDOWSILL
OF THE GOLDEN LION!
(THE ANLY ONE WE'LL SEE THIS SEASON!)
 

WOTFAD v THE TOON *** FA CUP 3rd ROOND *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '12:43pm bells' Friday 8th January 2016

We face the horrible prospect of 2 visits to Wotfad in the next fortneet az we take on 'Elton John's Mob' TWICE in the FA Cup and then Leegue later this month.

With the SMBs in London az well, tomorrow, it shud be 'fun and games' on the trains and aroond King's Cross station before and after the match! <(divvint forget to take your tin helmet!)

'The Wally withoot the Brolly' haz promised to send a 'strong' team az wor intention iz to actually WIN the silver pot in May!---(but somehow, me 'finx' that we'll be watchin' 2 othaa teams @ Wembley on the telly that day!)
Wor prediction iz that at least FIVE changes will be made from the startin' line up who played at Arsenal last week <(we shall sooon find oot if he iz 'tellin' 'porkies'!)

Wor FA Cup record since 'The Fat Controller' took ower in 2007 iz truly shockin' az we have NEVER progressed past the 4th roond and played a cup tie in the month of February in aall that time! That's EIGHT YEARS of abject misery!

There iz aalso the prospect of EIGHT YEARS of abject misery ahead az well, if, by some 'miracle', we DE manage to win the coverted trophy! (see below!)  




"DO WE 'REEELY' WANT TO WIN IT!?"

WOMBLES IN TOON! *** FA YOUTH CUP 4th ROOND!

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 6th January 2016


THE AFC WIMBLEDON U18s TEAM!


Tooneet we welcome AFC Wimbledon to a soggy SJP when wor U18s play them in an FA Youth Cup tie:
The East Stand will be open for this game and admission iz £3 for big kids and £1 for sprogs and zimmerframeites!

A result must be obtained on the neet and extra time and penalties are possible!
  < The forecast iz for persistent rain aall neet, so don't forget to take your brolly!
 
 (PS: Unfortunately aa wont be there az av got to gan to graft!)


Updated 'high noon bells' Thorsday

The Toon U18s 1   The Wombles of Wimbledon U18s 2

"A FAMILIER TALE OF WOE!"

An abject display from The Toon's youth team sent us crashin' oot of the FA Youth Cup at wor 2nd hurdle!

Wimbledon desorved their win by aall accoonts at a very damp SJP.
Lewis McNall got wor anly goal just after the restart to equalise after wor visitors had took the lead orly on!

However!--'The Wombles' sent us oot of the cup with just 2 minutes left on the clock with a well placed heeder from Egon to send most of the 915 crowd home disappointed ('The Wombles' actually brought a bus load of fans up for their 'big day' and they were in good spirits at the end!)

Their reward iz anothaa 'big day'---a home tie against eetha Man U or Chelski in the next roond!

"ER!" Match report nicked from nufc.com az aa had to 'miss it' and gan to graft, az mentioned above!  <(just az well--mebeez!)

"IT'S WOR CUP!"

Posted '12:35pm bells' Wednesday 6th January 2016

THE LAST TIME WE WON IT! **** 61 YEARS AGO!

More waffle from 'The Wally'!

Wor 'beloved'? heed coach Steve McClaren haz made the followin' statement regardin' the strength of wor side to face Wotfad in Saturday's FA Cup tie @ Vicarage Road, claimin' that NUFC will be 'trying' to win the converted silver pot! :
" I'm confident that we can have a go at the FA Cup!"---"We'll play a strong team and every game is important!"
"The FA Cup is as important as any other game. It's another game we want to win!"

'Geordie Times' prediction: We predict that at least FIVE player who started against 'The Arse' last Saturday will NOT be in the startin' line up to play Wotfad!---We shall seeee!?

'THE WALLY WITHOOT THE BROLLY'S LATEST QUOTES

Posted '10:22am bells' Munday 4th January 2016

"BELIEVE YOU ME--BELOW THE SURFACE I AM PADDLING LIKE MAD!"
(A recent quote from McClaren!)

On aboot wor defeat at Arsenal: "If we'd had Olivier Giroud we would have comfortably won the game!  That's the difference, you're always looking for that!" <(But we havvent got him--HAVE WE!---we wont pay 'the bit'---that's why we've anly won 4 games oot of 20 this season!)

"Unfortunately at the moment Emmanuel Riviere is injured, just coming back!" <(He's been injured aall season and scored just ONE goal in 23 appearences last season!)

"Cisse, who is a goalscorer, is injured for the next two or three months!" < (He's scored a grand total of TWO goals this season! and played in a total of 13 games (5 as a sub)---If he iz 'so valuable' to the team, why haz he been on the subs bench 8 times and an unused sub on 3 of those occasions?)

On aboot the players: "In the last five or six games they've been excellent!" <(We've lost the last 3 withoot scorin' a solitary goal!)

THE ARSE 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 3rd January 2016

A MINUTES APPLAUSE BEFORE THE GAME FOR FORMER TOON KEEPER
PAVEL SRNICEK, WHO TRAGICALLY DIED LAST WEEK AGED 47

"BLANKETY, BLANKETY, BLANK!"

Despite havin' at least 3 glorious chances to take the lead against 'The Arse' yesterday, we failed to find the net for the thord game in a row and paid the ultimate price when they grabbed the winner late on in the game.

For once we weren't 2nd best against the leegue leaders, but goals mean prizes and we finished with the 'booby one' yet again az Wijnaldum, Mitrovic and Mbemba aall shud have scored with glorious chances,---but didn't!
Wijnaldum had the best chance, when with just 3 minutes on the clock at the start of the 2nd half he waz put straight through and looked certain to score!---And wot did he de?---he shot straight at Cech, with the goal at hiz mercy!
Just a minute later Perez crossed for Mitrovic, who heeded the baall ower the bar when it looked easier to score!

MBEMBA PUTS THE BAALL WIDE OF THE ARSE GOAL!
(View from row 11 seat  261 'Clock End')

Mbemba then had a free heeder which he put wide and not lang after this the home side scored the anly goal of the game when Koscielny fired past Elliot from a corner kick in the 73rd minute!   

This means that we have failed to score in SIX of wor TEN away games so far this season---this iz the main reason 'we are where we are'!

A proven striker pleeeze in the transfor window!---or else we've 'HAD IT'!

Toon team: Elliot, Coloccini, Mbemba, Dummett, Janmaat, Sissoko, Tiote (De Jong 87), Colback (Thourvin 79) , Wijnaldum, Perez , Mitrovic 

Attendance: 59,257 (2,000 Toon fans) *


The pre-match 'gargels' took place here!

HOLBURN---LONDON
 



DRUNKEN TOON FANS INVADE THE BROWNSWOOD ARMS!---
MANOR HOUSE---LONDON (20 mins waalk from groond)

 

 

 

The post match 'gargels' took place here!

 




ISLINGTON---LONDON



CAMDEN---LONDON

"IZ THIS THE END OF THE WORLD?"
CAMDEN---LONDON

CAMDEN---LONDON