THE TOON 1 THE HAZBEENZ & VILLIANS 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '11:27am bells' Sunday 20th December 2015


THE PICTURE ISNT BLURRED---IT'S 'CHUCKIN IT DOON'!


"WE TOLD YOO SO!"

We said in wor run up to this match that NUFC were capable of 'shootin worsels in the foot' and that's exactly wot happened @ SJP yesterday evenin' in front of the live telly cameras! (see article below!)

Against a poor Villa team we dominated the forst half az torrential rain started pourin doon from the heavens!
The breakthrough came in the 38th minute when the baall fell nicely to 'Fab' Coloccini a few yards oot and hiz shot waz deflected in to give us a desorved half time lead @ The Gallowgate End!

Aa took mee 6 year old grandson Jamie to the match az he waz 'a lucky mascot' the last time he came, when we beat Norwich 6-2 a couple of months ago!
The rain waz faallin that hard the pitch waz gettin' waterlogged and aa had visions of the game havin to be abandoned because of this, but luckily it abated in the 2nd half az we went 'for the jugular'!

The tornin point came on the hour mark, when (somehow!) a point blank heeder from De Jong on the far post @ The Leazes End went wide, when it waz so much easier to score!---a goal that would have sealed victory!

However-this gave wor visitors some confidence and they went for an equaliser straight away--just az Perez had came on for the dejected De Jong!---Seconds after the substitution, wor visitors raced away up the pitch, where the baall foond Villa's Gordon Awey, who torned quickly on the edge of the Gallowgate box to hit an unstoppable shot past Rob Elliot in The Toon goal--a contender for 'goal of the month' undoubtedly!
From wot shud have been 2-0 up to 1-1 in the space of 2 minutes waz a 'gut wrencher' for certain!

Perez then missed a glorious chance at the very end to claim the 3 points when he blasted high ower the bar!
'The Hazbeenz' had had a couple of chances to win the game az well, but it ended 'aall square and we had to settle for a solitary point!

At least 'Jamie' hadn't seen us lose!

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THIS AND THE TOP PIC!?
ITS NEAR THE END OF THE GAME AND THE RAIN HAZ EASED OFF
AZ WE ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL!

Bad results for us elsewhere (apart from the mackem's getting beat!) meenz that we dropped to 17th position, just 3 points above Swanzee, who play West Ham @ home today!
Shud they win, then we will be in the bottom 3 again, come Xmas Day!

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Coloccini, Dummett, Mbemba, Sissoko, Colback, Anita (Thourvin 71), Wijnaldum, De Jong (Perez 60), Cisse (Mitrovic 33)

Attendance: 48,234 (1,500 Hazbeenz & Villians) (Had wor visitors sold their entire allocation (3,200) then the attendance would have been around aboot the 50,000 mark) * 

THE TOON v THE HAZBEENZ & VILLIANS *** TOMORROW EVENIN'!

Posted '2:20pm bells' 'Black Eye' Friday 18th December 2015

Papiss Cisse (partially hidden by number 28 Sammy Ameobi) 
scores the anly goal of the game @ SJP last season

We gan into tomorrows game against the bottom side of the division lookin' for wor thord win 'on the boonce'
Villa havvent won @ SJP for 10 years, with 'us' winnin' 6 times and 3 draws in that period!

Of course (az we aalways point oot!) this IZ NUFC and the potential to 'shoot worsels in the foot' iz aalways 'on the cards' and at the back of wor minds!

Hopefully this wont happen and if results gan wor way ower the weekend we could well move up to the 'lofty heights' of 14th in the table and leave 'The Hazbeenz' well adrift in last position!

Tickets are still on sale and we expect anothaa 50,000 crowd @ 'The Cathedral on the Hill', although we don't know just how many wor visitors will bring to 'level 7 of The Leazes End?

A full match report and pix will appear here az per usual sometime on Sunday---az ever!---"watch this space!"

Footnote: Just in case yi divvint naa---''Black Eye' Friday iz when the Xmas party goers are in 'full swing' (literally!) and by the end of toneet many will be sportin' 'black eyes' az they get into 'drunken stupor' arguments in the packed bars!---and az for me?---A'm tooo old for 'aall that' and will be drinkin' 'local' and keepin' well away from 'The Toon' toneet!

LET THE STRAIN TAKE THE TRAIN!

Posted '9:43am bells' Black Eye' Friday 18th December 2015

"SOMEWHERE ON THE 'EAST COAST' MAIN LINE!"

"DO YI 'FINK' THEY DE IT ON PURPOSE!?"

News that wor away game against Chelski on Saturday 13th February haz been changed to a '5:30 bells' kick off for live telly haz reached 'The Geordie Times'
That's still ok to get the '9 bells' train back from King's Cross, then!?

NO! coz the last train back iz @------'7:48 bells'! due to engineerin' works on the East Coast line!
This meeeenz!---that it iz IMPOSSIBLE to catch the last train yem az the match wont finish til close on '7:30 bells', givin' us barely 20 minutes to run to the nearest tube station on the Kings Road in Chelsea and catch the tube to KX---a total jorney time of at least 45 minutes from the final whistle to the train!

This meeenz!---that unless we gan by bus (ne chance!) or leave orly (anly if we are gettin' hammered!) then we will be forced to stop owerneet in London ---and the forst train back on the Sunday mornin' takes ower 4 and a half hours! (normally 3 hours)
due to 'line work' of course!

"SOMEONE UP THERE DEFINATELY DOESNT LIKE US!"

ILKESTON v TOON MATCH REPORT *** COMIN' SOON!

Posted '1:25pm bells' Thorsday 17th December 2015

'The Geordie Times' iz busy workin' on wor match report from Ilkeston, where The Toon's U18s won 3-2 last neet in the FA Youth Cup!
It shud be on-line by tooneet at the latest---meeenwhile!--A'm off to buy some Xmas prezzies and 'devour' a few 'liquid lubrications' in the processs!---watch this space later! "hic!"

ILKESTON U18s v THE TOON U18s *** FA YOUTH CUP *** TOOONEET!

Updated 'high noon bells' Wednesday 16th December 2015

"TO THE MANOR BORN!"

"THE MAGNIFICENT 7!?"

Tooneet 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' are off on wor travels again when we heed to the Derbyshire toon of Ilkeston for wor FA Youth Cup 3rd roond tie @ The New Manor Groond

7 of us are travellin' doon in mee 'canny tranny', come mini bus and are departin' from Pink Lane near 'the Central' @ 2:30 bells' for the '7:45 bells' kick off!
Admission iz just £3 for big kids, £1 for zimmerframeites and FREE for U16s accompanied by a 'big kid' 

A full match report and pix on this game will appear here sometime on Thorsday afternoon! 

SPORZ 1 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '110:58am bells' Munday 14th December 2015

THE TOON (in dark blue) ATTACK THE FAR GOAL IN THE 1st HALF

"SUPER SUBS SINK SORRY SPORZ!"

The day started of badly when wor train broke doon near the village of Langley Moor in Coonty Durham and we were stuck for ower half an hour az the train driver tried to fix the Pantaloon which connects with the owerheed electrified wires on the top of the train ("ER!" --that shud be Pantagraph NOT Pantaloon!)

"A VIEW TO DIE FOR!"---"FOR 45 MINS AT LEAST!"

Anyway after an anxious wait, where we had the 'priviledge' of lookin' oot the train window onto a local 'beauty spot'---namely a scrapyard with wrecked cars stacked on top of each othaa!----we were finally 'on wor way again' and eventually arrived into King's Cross 45 minutes late!

It waz then off to 'Manor House' on the tube where we met up with the rest of the entourage <(we naa aall the big words!) in 'The Brownswood' boozer!

Again, ne one waz confident aboot this game, despite wor unexpected 2-0 win against 'The Liverbirds' the week before!

It waz then off to White Hart Lane and wor scepticism seemed justified az a lack lustre performance waz played oot in front of us in the forst half!--(although we did shoot worsels in the foot in the 5th minute when a De Jong shot which waz heedin' for the back of the net waz blocked by CISSE?, who somehow got in the way of the effort!?) ----and then aa got a text message off 'Barry from The Newcastle Arms' back home! "I've got a good feeling about todays game, mate!", he said and ne sooner had I put my 'telling bone' back in my pocket, disaster struck when a Eric Dier back heeder couldn't be kept oot by Elliot this time and Sporz had the lead just before the break! <(wot were yoo sayin' Barry?)

The 2nd half waz much better and we came oot lookin' for the equaliser! It waz still 1-0 to Sporz however az the clock ticked doon and then two inspired substitutions torned the game on it's heed when Mitrovic and Perez came on for the inaffective De Jong and Cisse!
Just when it looked az though we were heedin' for anothaa defeat in the capital, Coloccini heeded across the box and up stepped Mitrovic who toe pocked the baall into the Sporz net after a scramble in the box!--1-1 after 75 minutes!

'GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE!
 COLOCCINI (far right) HEEDS THE BAALL ACROSS THE BOX
JUST BEFORE WOR EQUALISER FROM MITROVIC
'JUST ONE' SECOND LATER!
 

We were happy to settle for a point at this stage, but Perez had othaa ideas and just after Mitrovic had missed a glorious chance to win it, HE DID with a great shot deep into injury time which Lloris in the home goal waz unable to stop az the baall hit the back of the net to send the 2,500 Toon fans into crazy celebrations!---It waz tooo late for a comeback and the ref blew for full time a few seconds later and for the thord time in a row we had claimed the 3 points @ White Hart Lane!---Not anly that! but Perez had won us the game there for the 2nd year in a row az well!

The celebrations continued in central London after the game, before we caught the train back to 'The Toon', which waz runnin' late again!----but who cared!---we were nuw up to the dizzy heights of 15th in the Leegue!
"I told you so!" said 'Barry' in anothaa text message!---Yoo certainly did Barry!---yooo certainleeee did!

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Coloccini, Dummett, Mbemba, Sissoko, Anita (Gouffran 91), Colback, Wijnaldum, De Jong (Perez 63), Cisse (Mitrovic 72)

Attendance: 35, 768 (2,500 or so very happy Toon fans!) *

SPORZ v THE TOON **** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 12th December 2015

HAPPY TIMES!--PEREZ (number 17) CELEBRATES WOR 2nd GOAL
@ SPORZ IN THE LEEGUE LAST SEASON (We won 2-1!)

We travel doon to 'The Smoke' tomorrow mornin' for the 2nd time in a fortneet, to take on a Sporz side who have anly lost once this season so far!
Wor last visit to the capital waz a complete disaster--losin' 5-1 to Pardew's Palace at Selhurst Park!

The '4 bells' kick off iz live on SKY and The Toon section iz a complete sell-oot, although they havvent said just how many tickets we have been given?

Rumour haz it that we will send oot an unchanged team from the one that beat 'The Liverbirds' 2-0 last week, so lets hope we can get  'back to back' wins for the forst time in ower a year!

Wor last 2 Leegue visits to White Hart Lane have in fact resulted in victories for 'us' (2-1 and 1-0) although we did lose 4-0 in The Leegue Cup there last season.
Sporz are unbeaten at home this season ---so far!

The trains back from King's Cross are of course 'DRY' at the bequest of 'The British Transport Dibbles' and bottles of 'Fanta' and 'Diet Cokes' are the 'order of the day' on the retorn jorney! <(we've got to look after wor 'figures', yi naa!)

In othaa news, wor FA Cup game against Wotfad away haz been conformed az gannin aheed @ '3 bells' Saturday 9th January--the same time and day az The SMBs game against 'The Arse' @ The Emirates!

To add 'spice' to the day, aall East Coast Main Line trains to London will be divorted through!---sund-lind! because of on gannin line work!
That meenz thoosands of Toon and mackem fans will be on the same trains to King's Cross!-----Shud be 'fun and games'!

AWAY DAYS TICKET NEWS

Posted '1:30pm bells' Thorsday 10th December 2015

Tickets for wor away game against Sporz this Sunday are completeleee sold oot (allocation TBC), az are tickets for 'The Baggie Troosers' of West Brom on Munday 28th December and 'The Arse' on Saturday 2nd January!
Wor allocation for WBA iz 2,700 and 2,000 for The Arse <(we could have had more but the club's shameful policy of takin' the minimum numbers of tickets still applies!)

"OH NO!----WHY CAN'T WE JUST KEEP WOR TRAPS SHUT!?"

Posted '11:33am bells' Wednesday 9th December 2015

Followin' wor 2-0 win against 'The Liverbirds', some of the players have been gettin' carried away' and are predictin' great things by the end of the season.
Rather than 'play doon' wor win on Sunday followin' disastrous 5-1 and 3-0 defeats, Sissoko haz claimed that: "We can finish in the top ten!"--which will surely 'put the mockers' on wor visit to White Hart Lane next Sunday, when we play Sporz (who incidentally!) are unbeaten at home in 8 games this season!

Indeed shud results gan against us on Saturday we could find worsels BACK in the bottom 2, come Sunday mornin'!

Why can't we just keep wor traps shut!? and de wor taalkin' on the pitch and not some 'hot air' on the back page of 'The Ronny-Gill'????

"200,000 REASONS TO BELIEVE!"

Posted '12:35pm bells' Tuesday 8th December 2015

'The Geordie Times' haz reached a new 'historic' milestone <(or shud that be mill-stone?) for we received wor TWO HUNDRED THOOOSADTH! (200,000th!) pageview late last neet!
We thank each and every one of yoo for loggin' into this daft site in these difficult times for NUFC fans!

We are aalso in the 'Top 20' of world wide websites---"ER!" that's in the 'Top 20 MILLION oot of the 30 million websites aroond the planet, that iz!---We are in 19,563,591st place az we speak!--and are rated 2 and a half stars oot of 5! (see below!)

Az per usual in New York City, King Kong haz climbed to the top of 'The Empire State Building' in 'joyous celebration' of this momentous event!

"Keep the faith!"