ILKESTON U18s v THE TOON U18s *** FA YOUTH CUP *** TOOONEET!

Updated 'high noon bells' Wednesday 16th December 2015

"TO THE MANOR BORN!"

"THE MAGNIFICENT 7!?"

Tooneet 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' are off on wor travels again when we heed to the Derbyshire toon of Ilkeston for wor FA Youth Cup 3rd roond tie @ The New Manor Groond

7 of us are travellin' doon in mee 'canny tranny', come mini bus and are departin' from Pink Lane near 'the Central' @ 2:30 bells' for the '7:45 bells' kick off!
Admission iz just £3 for big kids, £1 for zimmerframeites and FREE for U16s accompanied by a 'big kid' 

A full match report and pix on this game will appear here sometime on Thorsday afternoon! 

SPORZ 1 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '110:58am bells' Munday 14th December 2015

THE TOON (in dark blue) ATTACK THE FAR GOAL IN THE 1st HALF

"SUPER SUBS SINK SORRY SPORZ!"

The day started of badly when wor train broke doon near the village of Langley Moor in Coonty Durham and we were stuck for ower half an hour az the train driver tried to fix the Pantaloon which connects with the owerheed electrified wires on the top of the train ("ER!" --that shud be Pantagraph NOT Pantaloon!)

"A VIEW TO DIE FOR!"---"FOR 45 MINS AT LEAST!"

Anyway after an anxious wait, where we had the 'priviledge' of lookin' oot the train window onto a local 'beauty spot'---namely a scrapyard with wrecked cars stacked on top of each othaa!----we were finally 'on wor way again' and eventually arrived into King's Cross 45 minutes late!

It waz then off to 'Manor House' on the tube where we met up with the rest of the entourage <(we naa aall the big words!) in 'The Brownswood' boozer!

Again, ne one waz confident aboot this game, despite wor unexpected 2-0 win against 'The Liverbirds' the week before!

It waz then off to White Hart Lane and wor scepticism seemed justified az a lack lustre performance waz played oot in front of us in the forst half!--(although we did shoot worsels in the foot in the 5th minute when a De Jong shot which waz heedin' for the back of the net waz blocked by CISSE?, who somehow got in the way of the effort!?) ----and then aa got a text message off 'Barry from The Newcastle Arms' back home! "I've got a good feeling about todays game, mate!", he said and ne sooner had I put my 'telling bone' back in my pocket, disaster struck when a Eric Dier back heeder couldn't be kept oot by Elliot this time and Sporz had the lead just before the break! <(wot were yoo sayin' Barry?)

The 2nd half waz much better and we came oot lookin' for the equaliser! It waz still 1-0 to Sporz however az the clock ticked doon and then two inspired substitutions torned the game on it's heed when Mitrovic and Perez came on for the inaffective De Jong and Cisse!
Just when it looked az though we were heedin' for anothaa defeat in the capital, Coloccini heeded across the box and up stepped Mitrovic who toe pocked the baall into the Sporz net after a scramble in the box!--1-1 after 75 minutes!

'GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE!
 COLOCCINI (far right) HEEDS THE BAALL ACROSS THE BOX
JUST BEFORE WOR EQUALISER FROM MITROVIC
'JUST ONE' SECOND LATER!
 

We were happy to settle for a point at this stage, but Perez had othaa ideas and just after Mitrovic had missed a glorious chance to win it, HE DID with a great shot deep into injury time which Lloris in the home goal waz unable to stop az the baall hit the back of the net to send the 2,500 Toon fans into crazy celebrations!---It waz tooo late for a comeback and the ref blew for full time a few seconds later and for the thord time in a row we had claimed the 3 points @ White Hart Lane!---Not anly that! but Perez had won us the game there for the 2nd year in a row az well!

The celebrations continued in central London after the game, before we caught the train back to 'The Toon', which waz runnin' late again!----but who cared!---we were nuw up to the dizzy heights of 15th in the Leegue!
"I told you so!" said 'Barry' in anothaa text message!---Yoo certainly did Barry!---yooo certainleeee did!

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Coloccini, Dummett, Mbemba, Sissoko, Anita (Gouffran 91), Colback, Wijnaldum, De Jong (Perez 63), Cisse (Mitrovic 72)

Attendance: 35, 768 (2,500 or so very happy Toon fans!) *

SPORZ v THE TOON **** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 12th December 2015

HAPPY TIMES!--PEREZ (number 17) CELEBRATES WOR 2nd GOAL
@ SPORZ IN THE LEEGUE LAST SEASON (We won 2-1!)

We travel doon to 'The Smoke' tomorrow mornin' for the 2nd time in a fortneet, to take on a Sporz side who have anly lost once this season so far!
Wor last visit to the capital waz a complete disaster--losin' 5-1 to Pardew's Palace at Selhurst Park!

The '4 bells' kick off iz live on SKY and The Toon section iz a complete sell-oot, although they havvent said just how many tickets we have been given?

Rumour haz it that we will send oot an unchanged team from the one that beat 'The Liverbirds' 2-0 last week, so lets hope we can get  'back to back' wins for the forst time in ower a year!

Wor last 2 Leegue visits to White Hart Lane have in fact resulted in victories for 'us' (2-1 and 1-0) although we did lose 4-0 in The Leegue Cup there last season.
Sporz are unbeaten at home this season ---so far!

The trains back from King's Cross are of course 'DRY' at the bequest of 'The British Transport Dibbles' and bottles of 'Fanta' and 'Diet Cokes' are the 'order of the day' on the retorn jorney! <(we've got to look after wor 'figures', yi naa!)

In othaa news, wor FA Cup game against Wotfad away haz been conformed az gannin aheed @ '3 bells' Saturday 9th January--the same time and day az The SMBs game against 'The Arse' @ The Emirates!

To add 'spice' to the day, aall East Coast Main Line trains to London will be divorted through!---sund-lind! because of on gannin line work!
That meenz thoosands of Toon and mackem fans will be on the same trains to King's Cross!-----Shud be 'fun and games'!

AWAY DAYS TICKET NEWS

Posted '1:30pm bells' Thorsday 10th December 2015

Tickets for wor away game against Sporz this Sunday are completeleee sold oot (allocation TBC), az are tickets for 'The Baggie Troosers' of West Brom on Munday 28th December and 'The Arse' on Saturday 2nd January!
Wor allocation for WBA iz 2,700 and 2,000 for The Arse <(we could have had more but the club's shameful policy of takin' the minimum numbers of tickets still applies!)

"OH NO!----WHY CAN'T WE JUST KEEP WOR TRAPS SHUT!?"

Posted '11:33am bells' Wednesday 9th December 2015

Followin' wor 2-0 win against 'The Liverbirds', some of the players have been gettin' carried away' and are predictin' great things by the end of the season.
Rather than 'play doon' wor win on Sunday followin' disastrous 5-1 and 3-0 defeats, Sissoko haz claimed that: "We can finish in the top ten!"--which will surely 'put the mockers' on wor visit to White Hart Lane next Sunday, when we play Sporz (who incidentally!) are unbeaten at home in 8 games this season!

Indeed shud results gan against us on Saturday we could find worsels BACK in the bottom 2, come Sunday mornin'!

Why can't we just keep wor traps shut!? and de wor taalkin' on the pitch and not some 'hot air' on the back page of 'The Ronny-Gill'????

"200,000 REASONS TO BELIEVE!"

Posted '12:35pm bells' Tuesday 8th December 2015

'The Geordie Times' haz reached a new 'historic' milestone <(or shud that be mill-stone?) for we received wor TWO HUNDRED THOOOSADTH! (200,000th!) pageview late last neet!
We thank each and every one of yoo for loggin' into this daft site in these difficult times for NUFC fans!

We are aalso in the 'Top 20' of world wide websites---"ER!" that's in the 'Top 20 MILLION oot of the 30 million websites aroond the planet, that iz!---We are in 19,563,591st place az we speak!--and are rated 2 and a half stars oot of 5! (see below!)

Az per usual in New York City, King Kong haz climbed to the top of 'The Empire State Building' in 'joyous celebration' of this momentous event!

"Keep the faith!"

"FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROADSSSS!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 8th December 2015



January 9th?

January 23rd!

The FA Cup draw haz been unkind to us yet again, az we must travel to Elton John's Wotfad in the 2nd week of January and then again at the END of January for a Leegue fixture!
Add in the fact that we are away to Sporz this comin' Sunday and The Arse on January 2nd, this meeenz we have to travel 'to and fro' to King's Cross in London ne less than FOWER times in the next 6 weeks!
A total of 2,500 rail miles in aall--and of course expensive train and game tickets to match!

To complicate things the SMBs have drawn 'The Arse' away in London on the same day and we envisage that 'The Dibble' will not want thoosands of rival fans travellin' on the same trains and drinkin' in the same boozers around King's Cross!--So one of the games will undoubtedly be moved!

We will keep yoo informed of any forthaa developments!

THE TOON 2 THE LIVERBIRDS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '10:37am bells' Munday 7th December 2015

"OH YEE OF LITTLE FAITH!"

Aall the talk in 'The Bodega' before the match waz just how many goals 'The Liverbirds' would put past us that afternoon, but the pessimists amongst us (includin' 'me'!) were resigned to a heavy defeat, especially after wor 5-1 drubbin' @ Palace the week before and wor visitors stunnin' 6-1 win away to Sooothampton last midweek!

Although we didn't have a shot on goal durin' the forst half neetha did 'The Liverbirds' and we went in aall square at the break!

THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END (1st half)

A goal-less draw waz the best we could expect in the 2nd half, we thought, but Gini Wijnaldum proved us aall wrang with a deflected shot in the 69th minute @ The Leazes End which sent the biggest crowd of the season @ SJP into raptures!

Could we somehow hold on?---'The Mickey Mousers' were not on top form, thankfully, and missed several chances, with sub Sturridge missin' a golden chance not lang after wor goal, which he normally puts away! <(but not this time!)

A goal for them waz then ruled offside by the linesman on The Milburn Stand side of the pitch, but this proved to be a wrang decision in TV replays az good fortune shined on 'us'!

2nd HALF ACTION @ THE LEAZES END

And then the fourth official put up FIVE minutes of stoppage time to loud boos from the crowd az THREE minutes waz wot we expected!---But NOT to worry az Wijnaldum raced doon the pitch and connected to a through baall pin-point from Sissoko and he lifted the baall slightly ower ex mackem goalie Mignolet and into the empty net! 2-0!
It waz tooo late for a comeback and we took the 3 precious points to move up to 3rd bottom, level on points with Bournemoooth and Norwich just above us and above the SMBs who drop to 2nd bottom a point behind!

A totally unexpected result in this topsy, torvy season---wot next @ White Hart Lane next Sunday when we tek on Sporz, who are unbeaten at home in 8 games!?--Who naaz with this lot?, but at least we had a bit of fightin' spirit at last!

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Dummett, Coloccini, Mbemba, Sissoko, Colback (Gouffran 77), Anita, Wijnaldum, De Jong (Perez 68), Cisse (Thourvin 82)

Attendance: 51,273 (wor biggest crowd of the season by nearly 900) (3,200 Liverbirds) <(half that number by full time!) *

THE TOON v THE LIVERBIRDS *** THIS AFTERNOOON @ '4 BELLS'!

Posted '9:44am bells' Sunday 6th December 2015

HAPPIER DAYS! *** LAST SEASON WE WON 1-0!

A mixed set of results on Saturday mean that we are firmly entrenched in the bottom 3 until at least next week, as even an unlikely win today would still see us in the relegation zone followin' Bournemoooth's suprize win at Chelski last neet, which lifts them to 4th bottom, 3 points clear of us, level with Norwich and both with a better goal difference than us! (unless WE win by a cricket score today!) <(very highly unlikely!)

We actually beat today's opponents 1-0 @ SJP last season, with Perez scorin' the anly goal of the game to claim the 3 points, but with wor current form and their current form the 'cricket score' mentioned iz likely to be for them, shud we implode once again!

We will find oot @ '6 bells' when the match iz ower and hope (somehow!) that these 'feisty' trainin' sessions 'championed' by 'The Brollyless Wally', finally pays off!

Match report an pix will be on-line sometime tomorrow az per usual

"GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE! *** CARVER HOPES TO 'RE-BUILD' IN MLS

Posted '9:22pm bells' Friday 4th December 2015

John 'the pie' Carver, wor failed manager from last season, who lost 8 games in a row and nearly got us relegated from a relatively safe position when he took ower, says he wants to try hiz luck again in America!
He waz at FC Toronto 6 years ago in the MLS (Major League Soccer) and fancies a retorn to North America
"I want to go somewhere where I can build something!" he told 'Goal USA'---and 'The Geordie Times' haz foond the perfect place for him to 'build' in New York City!

A Lego model of The Empire State Building, New York!
(MLS = Miniature Lego Skyscraper!)