GROUND NUMBER 317 --- CITY FOOTBALL ACADEMY COMPLEX (PITCH 8), MANCHESTER CITY

Ground number 317
Date of First Visit: 10th October 2015
Pitch 8, Academy Complex, Manchester

Manchester City U18s 6
Newcastle United U18s 1 (McNall)

FA Premier U18s League
Attendance: 75 (Estimated by Glennn!) (includin' 3 mad-sad groundhoppers, plus wor number 11s faathaa!)

"PRISONER CELL BLOCK 8!"   ^^^^^^
("IT'S JUST LIKE WATCHIN' THE FORST TEAM!")

Before anybody accuses 'The Geordie Times' of nickin' the above headline off  'nufc.com' , az they have the same one---(the one in brackets) then think again!---coz WE thought of it when Man City put the baall into the net for the 3rd time in the 25th minute of the forst half!

We were dreadful!---and conceded after just 2 minutes when the home side simply 'walked the baall' into the net---it waz 2-0 barely 2 mins later when wor defence went 'walk aboot'!


PITCH NUMBER 8 *** THE TOON ATTACK 'THE ACADEMY END'(1st half)
THE CITY OF MANC STADIUM IZ ON THE LEFT WITH
IT'S 'BABY SISTER'  ACADEMY STADIUM TO THE RIGHT  


When the 3rd one went in wor minds flashed back to the previous week when wor forst team were hammered 6-1 'ower the road' in their main stadium!

It waz 'fower-nil' 8 mins into the 2nd period when again 'The Blue Moonies' simply walked through wor defence to score!
A needless penalty given away by Pedrah made the score 5-0 ----and then a miracle happened!---WE actually scored through Lewis McNall who's shot waz deflected past their keeper 3 minutes from full time----but then 'City' hammered the final nail into wor coffin deep into injury time to make it the SAME SCORE az the NUFC forst team just 7 days before!

THE TOON MAKE A RARE 'SORTE' INTO THE MAN CITY BOX (2nd half)

"YELLOW WRIST BANDS AND AALL THAT!"

To get into the complex before the game waz a nightmare, with barriers, fences and locked tornstiles barrin' wor way.
To make sure we got in 'Glennn from Ashington' (who I waz travellin' with) said we shud say that we were related to a Toon player and telt me that wor goalie waz called Brendan Pearson (A'm not 'clued up' aboot the U18s team az it's ages since a'v seen them play!)

"NO ENTRY!"

The guy on the forst barrier asked us who we were, but unfortunately aa had a 'brain warp' and aa waz just aboot to tell him that we were related to a Toon player called Brendan Rodgers!--- but just az aa waz aboot to say 'Rodgers' aa remembered hiz proper name---in the nick of time!--- and so he let us in to park wor motor! ('Phew---it waz a close call!')
The 2nd obstacle waz the tornstile and we had to ring a buzzer to get through to somebody on an intercom---again we telt him we were related to a Toon player! ---and he 'buzzed us in'!

The 3rd and final obstacle waz in reception, where again we telt the lassie behind the desk that we were related to a Toon player.
She told us to hold wor hands oot so she could place 2 yellow plastic bands around wor wrists! (honest--aa felt like a tagged prisoner!)---and pointed us in the direction of 'Pitch 8' where the game waz to be played! (The yellow wrist bands bein' wor 'tickets' to get in!)---aall this hassle just to watch an academy game!


"SING IN THE BUS STOP!"


It waz disappointin' to say the least that the game waz NOT gannin to be played at the 7,000 capacity Academy Stadium az we expected, but instead on one of the many floodlit pitches on the complex next to it!
The facilities were fantastic though--and aall the pitches had  seated shelters for aboot 50 spectators-------never mind!---we can aalways gan back sometime in the future when wor U21s play at The Academy Stadium---(az lang az we divvint lose 6-1 again!)

ROTTEN FROM THE TOP TO THE BOTTOM!

Some damnin' stats for wor 1st team, U21s and U18s:
Between them to date, they have won just ONE game oot of a possible TWENTY TWO played this season!---The ANLY success comin' from a solitary 3-2 win for wor U18s v Man Utd U18s in September!

PS: One of the 3 mad-sad groundhoppers, namely 'Byzy', had been to the Ing-er-land game against Estonia the neet before and had travelled up from London for the U18s game.
He waz stoppin' 'on the drink' aall neet, az he didn't have a hotel booked--and then he waz off to Lithuania from Liverpool airport at '6 bells' on Sunday mornin' for anothaa Ing-er-land game on the Munday neet! (Dedication?---OR!---shear stupidity?)

BLANKETY BLANK!---WHEY! NOT QUITE FOR THE MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!

Posted '1:28pm bells' Friday 9th October 2015


'LITTLE SISTER' WITH 'BIG BROTHER' IN THE BACKGROOND!

With the forst team in inaction once again ower the weekend becoz of yet anothaa International break, we have decided to heed for Man City (once again!---and for the 2nd time in a week!) az wor Under 18s are playin' Man Citys equivalent at their new purpose built academy stadium ower the road from their main groond!
The game kicks off at '1:00pm bells' tomorrow and there are a huge number travellin' doon from the north east for 'this one'!----'The mad-sad groundhopper' <('ME'!) and 'Glennn from Ashington'!

The rest of the (so caalled!) groundhoppers are pre-occupied in the followin' locations---Poland <(for a p*ss up and a local game!)---Portugal <(for a holiday!)---and Lithuania <(where Ing-er-land are playin'!) <(update: "Oh no they are NOT!--Lithuania U21s are playin' Ireland U21s?)

Lets hope that it ISNT the same scoreline az last week when we were here!

A Geordie Times match report and pix on this game will appear here on Sunday sometime!

SMB SELLOOT!

Posted '12:43pm 'bells' Friday 9th October 2015

300 YARDS FROM THE STADIUM OF "SSshhh! YEE NAA WOT!"
"DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIVE IN THEEZE SHACKS?"

Not suprisingleee wor allocation of tickets for wor forthcomin' game v The SMBs @ The SOS later this month have been selt oot!
But not before the loyalty points dropped to az low az 60 from the 100 forst needed to apply for one!  (1 loyalty point from each away gamed attended ower the years!)

FIXTURE CHANGES FOR LIVE TELLY IN DECEMBER!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 8th October 2015

Wor forst fower games in December have aall been picked for live telly az the vultures and wild dogs wait to 'pick us off' in the Premyaa Leegue desert!

Wor beleaguered 'Wally with(oot) a Brolly' manager/heed coach haz 'begged US for more time and to "stick together!" <(think aa hord that one before the Man City game Steve!!!!

Wor December fixtures nuw look like this:

Sun 6th '4 bells': The Liverbirds @ SJP (SKY)
Sun 13th '4 bells': Sporz @ White Hart Lane (SKY)
Sat 19th '5:30 bells': The Hazbeens & Villians @ SJP (SKY)
Fri 26th (Boxin' Day) '5:30 bells': The Toffee Noses @ SJP (BT)
Mon 28th '3 bells':The Baggie Troosers @ The Hawthorns(Ne TV)

THE BLUE MOONIES 6 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 4th October 2015

"COWBOY BREAKFAST BLUES!"

"YEEE HAAA!"

The trip started @ '8:35 bells' when we caught the train to Mancland for the '3 bells' kick off.

A big brekky in Yatesys in the centre of Manchester waz the order of the day when we got there!
Aa didn't have my readin' glasses when aa read the menu but opted for a 'Cowboys Breakfast'---mistakenly thinkin' aa would get roast buffalo, grilled sausages etc--but aa couldn't read the small print and when it arrived it consisted of a fried egg, bits of bacon and chopped up sausage in a large bowl of aboot 5,000 beans!

THE BIG KICK OFF!---IT WAZ STILL 0-0 AT THIS POINT!

The lads reeely toll the p*ss and ribbed me aall day aboot it and then it waz time to gan to the match!-----We did well in the 1st half and held our own and even took the lead through Mitrovic which waz greeted with wild celebrations in the Toon section! (he then had a goal disallowed for offside--but it looked very close!)

Wor 'joy' wasn't to last though and Aguaro levelled things just before the break!

And then in the 2nd half!----total disaster az we collapsed like a pack of cards with Aguaro scorin' FOWER more and one from De Bruyne in the space of just THORTEEN minutes!
There waz still half and hour to gan and a record defeat looked on the cards--but City took pity on us a took off their five goal man and thankfully there were ne more goals to compound wor misery!

We were 'has-beans' and had lost 6-1 and I waz HAPPY!---coz it could (and should) have been much worse than this!
"BEANZ MEANZ SCREAMZZZ!" "AAAaaarrrggghhh!!!!"

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Mbemba, Coloccini, Mbabu (Laselles 53), Sissoko (Tiote 66), Anita, Gouffran (Thourvin 66), Wijnaldum, Mitrovic, Perez

Attendance 53,850 (3,000 traumatosed Toon fans!)

The post match 'drownin of the sorrows' 'gargels' took place here!



'THE COLONEL'S MATCH TICKET!
GUESS HOW OLD HE IZ?

THE BLUE MOONIES v THE TOONIES *** TOMORROW AFTERNOONIES!

Posted '1:50pm bells' Friday 2nd October 2015

HAPPY DAYS!---SISSOKO SCORES IN WOR 2-0 LEEGUE CUP WIN LAST SEASON!

The stats make very worryin' readin' for wor visit to Mancland tomorrow az we haven't won a Premyaa Leegue game in ELEVEN previous attempts since City moved to their new abode from Maine Road! (Although we DID beat them 2-0 away in the Leegue Cup last season!----wor one and anly solitary success @ The City of Manc Stadium)

We aalso gan into this game tryin' to win wor forst leegue game of the season at the EIGHTH attempt!---failure to do so will meen that this is the WORST ever start to a Premyaa Leegue season for us!

Trawlin' back through the history books, yoo have to gan back to the 19th century for wor worst ever start to a season when we didn't win in the forst TEN attempts before beatin' 'The Liverbirds' 3-0 @ St James' Park in November 1898!
Anothaa damnin' stat iz that we are the ANLY team oot of the 92 leegue sides NOT to score an away goal this season!

Tickets are still on sale to Toon fans in the expanded stadium and lookin' at mee ticket a'm in the middle tier of the stand! (apparently we now get 3 tiers of the stand in the corner!)
The fact that we cannit sell aall wor tickets for a 'local' game away sez everything aboot wor current predicament! <(we naa aall the BIG words!)

Wor train gets into Piccadilly (Manchester) @ '11.06 bells' tomorrow mornin', which gives us plenty of time to get 'completleee comatosed' before the '3 bells' kick off!

We can anly hope that we play like we did against Chelski last week and NOT like we did against Sheff Wed in the Leegue Cup!--

Watch this space for a match report on Sunday---and pleeze! pleeeeze! anothaa 2-0 win like we did in the Leegue Cup last October and NOT anothaa 5-0 hammerin' like we suffered in the Premyaa Leegue under 'Pieman' Carver's disastrous leadership in February this year!---but this iz NUFC and ANYTHING can happen!

WOR OBSESSION WITH THE INTER CITIES FAIRS CUP *** McFAUL GETS A MENTION!

Posted '12:45pm bells' Friday 2nd October 2015

THORSDAY'S 'RONNY GILL'

ONE DAY!---that's aall it's taken for the 'Ronny-Gill' to mention the Fairs Cup yet again (see article below!)
This time it waz because it waz Fairs Cup goalie Iam McFaul's birthday yesterday!
(In the last 7 days wor Fairs Cup win in 1969 haz been mentioned 3 times)

WOR OBSESSION WITH THE INTER CITIES FAIRS CUP *** 5 DAYS BETWEEN MENTIONS

Posted '12:48pm bells' Thorsday 1st October 2015

Last Friday we said that we thought that it would be ne more than 10 days before 'The Ronny-Gill mentioned the Fairs Cup again!

We were reet!---az it anly took FIVE days az it waz mentioned in yesterdays 'rag' with the story focusin' on wor defeat of Inter Milan in the competition way back in 1970!
The question on everbodys lips! <(or at least mine anyway!) iz how many days can they gan this time withoot mentionin' it!?
(We will keep yoo posted!) 


IZ THE HIGHWAYS AGENCY RUN BY A MACKEM?

On a completlee different subject---aa waz drivin' back from Redditch in deepest Worcestershire last neet and waz diverted FOWER times!
The M1 waz shut at Nottingham so I had to divert up the A38!
The A1 waz shut at Scotch Corner so I had to divert up the A19!
The A19 waz shut at the Tees flyover so I had to divert through Smogland!
The exit to the Washington Highway waz shut so I had to divert alang The Felling Bypass!
EVERY set of traffic lights on this road changed to RED when I got anywhere near them! (aboot 10 sets of lights!) <(they must have been waitin' for me!)
The joys of truckin'!

Lets hope NUFC have better luck on Saturday when we face Man City away! (Match build up to this game tomorrow)

SMB TICKETS NUW ON SALE!

Posted '12:25 pm bells' Tuesday 29th September 2015

THE LAST TIME WE WERE THERE!
"ARE THEY PEOPLES HOUSES!?"

Tickets for wor annual torturous visit to The SOS next month are nuw on sale to season ticket holders with 100 loyalty points or more <(those of yoo who have been to at least 100 away games!)

Tickets are priced @ £39 for big kids, £26 for zimmerframeites ower 65 and £16 for under 16s and sprogs!

THE TOON 2 THE CHELSKI PENSIONERS 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 27th September 2015

PEREZ SENDS IN A CORNER AND WIJNALDUM HEEDS HOME (centre of pic)
'GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!'

"IT FEELS LIKE A DEFEAT!"

If you'd asked any Toon fan before the game if we would be happy with a draw against the champions of Ing-er-land, 99.99% would have taken it!

To be 2-0 up and then concede 2 late goals waz heartbreakin' but not entirely unexpected az we nearly hoyed aall 3 points away at the end!

We played well for a change and went straight for goal from the start with Perez gannin close orly on!

VIEW FROM THE MILBURN STAND BALCONY WITH THE EAST STANDS LIGHTS BLARIN'
THE CIVIC CENTRE AND THE NORTH SEA BEYOND ARE ON THE HORIZON!

It waz indeed Perez who gave us the lead just before the break when hiz shot went in off the post @ The Leazes End to send the crowd into raptures!

Wor lead waz doubled midway through the 2nd half when a Perez corner foond the heed of Wijnaldum and he foond a space at the far side of the Gallowgate goal to put us in wonderland az the roof lifted off the stadium! (see top pic!)

Then 2 subs by Chelski proved to be the tornin' point when 1st sub Ramires hit an unstoppable drive past Tim Krul to half the deficit with just 10 mins to gan!

Worse waz to follow just 5 mins later when a free kick by 2nd sub Willian unsighted Krul and the baall ended up in the back of wor net!---A 'KRUL' BLOW for aall of us!

It could have been worse at the death when anothaa free kick by Chelski waz palmed away by wor goalie and the game ended aall square!---but! it felt like a defeat after bein' 2 up!

A much (much!) better performance than wor last 3 games and we can anly hope that this iz a revival at last!


Man of the match : It haz to be Kevin Mbabu who waz makin' hiz Premyaa Leegue debut and MUST be in wor startin' line up next week against 'The Blue Moonies' in Manchester!

Toon team: Krul, Mbemba, Coloccini, Mbabu, Sissoko (De Jong 92), Anita, Colback (Obertan 55), Wijnaldum, Perez, Mitrovic (Toney 85)

Attendance: 48,682 (3,161 Pensioners (of various ages!)
The crowd waz less than we predicted (50,000) but with adult prices startin' at £39 and juniors at £22 and of course a late kick off for live telly, it wasn't that bad---waz it!?