THE TOON 0 THE WEDNESDAY RESORVES 1 *** LEEGUE CUP 3rd ROOND 2015-2016

Posted '12:52pm bells' Thorsday 24th September 2015

"A'd rather be stuck in the M1 road works than watch this!"

Leyton Orient!, Bournemoooth & Boscombe Athletic!, Blackpool!, Chester!, Peterboro United!, Lincoln City!, Bristol Rovers!, Bormingham City!, Wotfad!, Bury!, Oxford United!, Bradford City!, Reading!, SHEFFIELD WEDNESDAY!!! etc!---etc!---etc! 
Theeze are just some of the 'so caalled' 'lesser teams'? that have knocked NUFC oot of the Leegue Cup since its inception in 1960
(Apologies if we've missed any more 'debacles' and 'horror shows' oot!)

We just divvint naa wot to say aboot aall this anymore???--- except that a mediocre Championship side like Sheff Wed can inflict a devastatin' defeat against us, shud send the 'Blind Faith Brigade' into the 'blind leadin' the blind mode'! (blindfolds at the ready of course!)

Just one shot on target from us in the entire game---5 mins from the end by Wijnaldum when it waz aall tooo late, sums up this sorry state of affairs!

THE TOON PREPARE TO KICK OFF---IT AALL WENT 'DOON HILL' FROM THIS POINT!

When Wednesday resorves! took a deserved lead in the 76th minute through McGugin (they made TEN changes from the weekend!) it waz a relief in some ways, az we didn't have to face the torture of extra time and penalties! <(which waz just az well az mee 5 year old grandson Jamie had to gan to school this mornin'!)

HONESTLY!---A'd rather be stuck in a 10 mile traffic jam in mee truck in the M1 road works <(quite common when they shut the motorway for night work!) than watch this shambles!
"I hope I have made myself clear Mr McClaren!"

PS: I will be 'truckin' doon the M1 tooneet on 'the night trunk' to deepest Worcestershire from Gatesheed!---CANNIT WAIT!
"Traffic cones! traffic cones! here I come!" 

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat (Mbabu 46), Lacelles, Williamson, Mbemba, Anita, Wijnaldum, Thourvin (Perez 46), Sissoko, Obertan (Toney 70), De Jong

Attendance: 33,986 (includin' 5,000 very happy and noisey Wednesdayites!)
A fantastic and undeserved home crowd of 28,000 plus!
(WHEN will we ever lorn???)

THE PRE MATCH GARGELS TOOK PLACE IN 'BAR LOCO'
AZ JAMIE GETS STUCK INTO HIZ 'COKE BEER' 'ON THE ROCKS'!

  

THE TOON v THE WEDNESDAY *** TOONEET!

Posted '12:33pm bells' Wednesday 23rd September 2015


ST JAMES' PARK --- THE MILBURN STAND AT NIGHT


Tooneet we take on Championship side Sheff Wed @ St James' Park in the 3rd roond of the Leegue Cup.
It will be very interestin' to see just wot team we will send oot this evenin' @ '7:45 bells', bearin' in mind we have anothaa 'vital' Premyaa Leegue home game at the weekend against Chelski

It will aalso be interestin' to see the size of the crowd givin' wor recent form although wor visitors will have 4,500 in the upper reaches of the Leazes End.
We predict a crowd of around aboot 30,000!

The draw for the next roond takes place after wor game--but will we be in it?---we shall soon find oot!

A full match report and pix will appear here sometime tomorrow IF aa can get mee computaa to work properly, az it's been 'workin itsel' lately!
If ne match report appears yoo will know why! 

IDENTITY CRISIS!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 22nd September 2015

Steve 'The Brolly' McClaren haz come oot with some very puzzlin' and bafflin' comments ower the last few days which make absolutleee ne sense whatsoever!

Quote 1:
"WHAT IDENTITY HAVE WE GOT!?"

Quote 2:
"WE ARE SEARCHING FOR THE BEST IDENTITY WITHIN PERSONNEL WE HAVE GOT HERE!"

Quote 3:
"I DON'T THINK WE HAVE AN IDENTITY YET!"

AAARRR!---NOW WE UNDERSTAND
JUST WOT YOO MEAN, STEVE!

THE TOON 1 WOTFAD 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '11:40am bells' Sunday 20th September 2015

JUST BEFORE WOTFAD SCORED THEIR 2nd GOAL
"HELLO!---IS THAT JOHN CARVER?---HELP!"

"POSITIVELY NEGATIVE!"

We cannit remember if we've used the above headline before (we probably have?) but we said yesterday that we needed a 'positive' performance against Wotfad---and that's exactly wot we DIDN'T get!

The alarm bells shud have been ringin' orly on, az the visitors attacked the Gallowgate goal with 3 good chances missed before the 'totally expected' happened, when they took the lead in the 10th minute through Aghalo who had the easy chance to score az he stood unmarked near the goal----He doubled Wotfad's lead just before the half hour mark with anothaa easy chance az wor defence waz flat footed and unable to stop it gannin in!

We did have some chances worsel, @ The Leazes End with Cisse missin' a couple of good chances--and one that the ref missed az he waz pulled back in the box by hiz shirt (see foto!)

A CLEAR PENALTY AZ WOTFAD'S NUMBER 5 GRABS CISSE'S SHIRT!

We hit back on the hour mark with a very rare goal from Janmaat (wor forst for nearly EIGHT hours!) az he sidefooted the baall past Gomes in the visitors goal to give us at least some hope of a comeback!---It wasn't to be however and we now have gone 6 games withoot a win at the start of this season.

Amazingly we actually moved off the bottom spot az the SMB's lost by a 2 goal margin at Bournemooth!

'The Wally with the Brolly' looked a very happy man in hiz post match interview----the anly one of us who waz!
When asked if there waz a crisis he replied: "No,no,no,no,no,no,NO!"

POST MATCH INTERVIEW ON MATCH OF THE DAY
"I'M SO HAPPY WE ACTUALLY SCORED A GOAL!"---WHAT CRISIS?"

Chelski and Man City are up next in the leegue!!!---an eazy SIX points for 'US' then???

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Haidara (Aarons 80), Mbemba, Colback, Wijnaldum, Sissoko, Thaurvin (Obertan 88), Perez, Cisse (De Jong 46)

Attendance: 47,806 <(we predicted a crowd 'approachin' 48,000!) (2,200 of Elton John's mates!) *

"SAY NO MORE!"



UNHAPPY FANS FILE PAST THE JACKIE MILBURN STATUE AFTER THE GAME!
WOT WOULD 'WOR JACKIE' MAKE OF IT ALL!?

 

THE TOON v WOTFAD *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

Updated '10:20am bells' Saturday 19th September 2015



"FROM ONE CATHEDRAL TO ANOTHER!"
(ST JAMES' PARK---VIEW FROM THE TOP OF 'ST NIX' CATHEDRAL)
(Special thanx to 'STEEV' for foto!)
FOR MORE PIX LIKE THIS, GAN TO: 'ST JAMES' PARK VIEWS' (ABOVE)

We gan into worth sixth leegue game of the season lookin' for wor forst win, but on the evidence on wot we've seen so far the future looks bleak unless 'The Wally with the Brolly' can change things and motivate the players for this vital game against Wotfad @ St James' Park----one of three successive home games in the next eight days!

Playin' with a lone striker up front like we did at West Ham last Munday neet just doesn't work az Cisse waz oot of sorts like the rest of the team and looks like a player who just doesn't want to be here!
Quite simply McClaren HAZ to change wor startin' line up and start with Perez, De Jong and Aarons, instead of leavin' them on the bench! 

With just two home wins in the leegue since January (against Villa and West Ham last season) this iz a must 'MUST' win game, az surely if we cannit beat newly promoted and relegation 'fodder' Wotfad @ 'The Cathedral on the Hill', then just who can we beat!?

With Chelski and Man City up next in the leegue, THREE points (and some goals pleeeze!) iz a 'MUST'!

We understand that 'The Elton John Mob' have selt 2,200 tickets for level 7 of The Leazes End and with the old 'current bun' shinnin' brightly ower the sacred River Tyne az we speak, a crowd approachin' 48,000 iz predicted by 'The Geordie Times'

A full match report will of course appear here in due time az per usual!------Let's hope we can write sommik POSITIVE for a change!

009 revisited: THE JELLIED EELS MOB 2 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Date of Last Ever Visit: 14th September 2015
Boleyn Ground, Upton Park, London

West Ham United 2
Newcastle United 0

Premier League
Attendance: 34,907

Updated '11:20pm bells' Tuesday 15th September 2015

Thourvin's free kick failed to find a Toon player
and just after this the home side ran up the field
to score their 2nd goal of the game!
(View from row 'E' of 'The (Clevaa) Trevor Brooking Stand')

"JUST LIKE MY DREAMS, THEY FADE AND DIE!"

Wot the hell can we say?---Yet anothaa aaful away performance from NUFC meanin' that we have scored just ONE goal and taken ONE point from wor last NINE away games! (and NE goals in the last FOWER!)

I reeely hate writin' stuff like this, time and time again!---but anothaa relegation battle looks certain after this debacle, az we hardly bothered 'The Jellied Eels Mob' in wot waz wor last ever appearance here in a leegue game before they move to The Olympic Stadium in Stratford some 4 miles away next season!---On this performance we WONT be gannin there, az we could well be in a different division to them by then!


THE TOON ATTACK THE BOOBY MOORE END (1st half)
(Moore's huge picture can be seen on the right hand side of the stand)

We didn't start off tooo badly and attacked The Bobby Moore Stand in the forst half---but in West Ham's very forst attack they scored in the 9th minute through Payet who volled the baall past Tim Krul into the top corner of the net in front of the Toon faithful!
Many hadn't reached the groond by this point az there waz chaos on the roads AND the tube---and indeed the NUFC team bus got caught up in the snarl az well and the players reportedly had to waalk the last mile to the groond to make the kick off themsels!

Too many players are oot of form includin' wor new signings who had lack lustre games, plus Cisse up front on hiz own <(meanin' we had 'set wor stall oot' for a point!) who seemed disinterested to say the least!

The 2nd half started and we got a free kick straight away in front of The Toon fans housed in The Trevor Brooking Stand.
Thauvin took it from 30 yards oot--- but hiz weak effort waz cleared upfield and Moses who easily beat Anita, wellied the baall against wor bar---it rebounded oot to Payet and he had the simple task of placin' the baall beyond Krul's reach and to put the game 'oot of reach' for us just 3 minutes after the restart!



VIEW OF 'THE CHICKEN RUN' (left)


Wor heeds were doon at this point and we just didn't have it in us to make a fightback, despite several chances that went 'a beggin' ---especially from Cisse, Janmaat and De Jong!

Yoo probably watched it az well on 'the box' ---in horror!--- az we plunged to the bottom of the table----surely we cant get any lower!?

The Jellied Eels Mob have a club song called 'Bubbles'---one line gans: "Just like my dreams, they fade and die!"----mebeez we shud sing it instead!

After the match we heeded to 'The Overdraft' next to East Ham tube station for the post match 'drownin' of the sorrows' ales--and 'there waz' 'The Wally with the Brolly' on the telly, smilin' and laughin' to the reporter who waz interviewin' him! <("Honest Steve!---this iz NE laughin' matter!") 

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Mbemba, Coloccini, Haidara, Anita(De Jong 60), Colback, Sissoko, Wijnaldum (Aarons 79), Thourvin (Perez 60), Cisse

Attendance: 34,907 (2,200 utterly sick Toon fans!)   

Watford are up next @ St James' next Saturday and the nerves will be janglin' from 'Brollyman McClaren', the players and the lang sufferin' fans----in wot iz now a 'must, must! win game'

THE JELLIED EELS MOB v THE TOON ***** 'THE GEORDIE TIMES'Z LAST LEEGUE VISIT TOONEET! (1969 to 2015)

Posted '10:10am bells' Munday 14th September 2015


THE TOON PREPARE TO TAKE A FREE KICK FROM LAST SEASON
(IT DIDN'T GAN IN!---AND WE LOST 1-0!)


We travel to Upton Park, 'eest Landan' tooneet for the last time ever (unless we draw them in one of the cups!) and to be honest it will be a sad day for me az I forst went to The Boleyn Groond some 46 years ago---in the same week az Eest End gangsters the Kray Twins were sentenced to life imprisonment! <(waz it reeely THAT lang ago?)
Of course--(shud we both be in the same division next season?) we will then have a new groond to gan te in the form of The Olympic Stadium in Stratford, when WHU move there next season

We sit in 3rd bottom place in the Premyaa Leegue above Stoke and the SMBs who are rock bottom!
A win would lift us up to the dizzy heights of 14th place but a 2-0 defeat would send us to the foot of the table!

Just two of wor pre season signings will be playin' this evenin' az Mitrovic iz suspended for hiz unjust sendin' off in wor game against 'The Arse'the othaa week---which meeenz NINE of the players who featured in last season disastrous run will be playin'

We have sold wor full allocation of tickets of 2,200 for the visitors section---which isn't bad for a live telly game at '8 bells' on a Munday! 

We leave at dinnaatime for King's Cross and a full match and hootch report will appear here sometime tomorrow afternoon when we get back!

With anly ONE away win this year (v Hull) it's aboot time we had anothaa under wor belt----we shall naa by '10 bells' tooneet!

A match report from 'The Geordie Times'z forst ever visit in 1969 iz reprinted below---a different era and in a different time warp!

THE TOON U21s 1 THE ARSE U21s 2 **** FA PREMYAA RESORVE LEEGUE

Posted '11:31am bells' Sunday 13th September 2015


A FLOODLIT MILBURN STAND!


A rare Friday neet fixture @ St James' ended in a 2-1 defeat for wor U21s against Arsenal U21s in front of 726 spectators! <(includin' 'me' and mee 5 year old grandson Jamie!)

We played well in the forst half but couldn't make the breakthrough az we attacked The Leazes goal with good chances for Toney and Longstaff in the 17th and 25th minute which both went narrowly wide.


THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)


The game changer came in the 59th minute when Callum Williams waz sent off for a professional foul which reduced us to 10 men once again this season (2 sendings off for the 1st team az well!)

The Arse finally took the lead in the 79th minute through Iwobi whose low shot beat Darlow in The Toon goal!
Mavididi <(where do they get theor names from?) doubled their lead bang on full time and a consolation goal for Gilliead reduced the arrears in the 4th minute of stoppage time---but it waz all tooo late by this time!

A FREE KICK FOR THE TOON AT THE GALLOWGATE END AZ JAMIE LOOKS ON!


THE PRE MATCH GARGELS TOOK PLACE HERE!
 

THE STRAWBERRY 'BEER BAR' ***SPOT BEARDSLEY AND Co!

THE CROWS NEST ---"WOT! A XMAS TREE IN SEPTEMBER!?"

 

"HAMMER BLOW!' FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!"

Posted '1:30pm bells' Friday 11th September 2015

RUSH GREEN, ROMFORD***
'NO GO' FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!

Yet more 'dastardly deeds' have befallen The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers, az 'The Jellied Eels Mob' from West Ham have annoonced that their resorve U21 game against us on Munday week, which waz due to be played at Rush Green, Romford haz been moved to The Boleyn Groond @ Upton Park instead!

Az the forst team are due to play there for the very last time next Munday, it iz with great regret that we have had to cancel this groundhoppin' trip, az there iz ne point in gannin' to the same groond two weeks in a row! <(unless yer completleee mad!)

An absolutleee disgraceful decision if yoo ask us!!!

Meeeenwhile!---The U21s are in action toneet @ St James' Park (see below!)

THE TOON U21s v THE ARSE U21s *** ST JAMES' PARK THIS FRIDAY NEET!

Posted '11:43am bells' Friday 11th September 2015

Tooneet the resorve side makes a rare appearance @ St James' Park when we take on The Arse resorve side!

The game kicks off @ '7 bells' and The East Stand will be the anly part of the groond open, az iz per usual on these occasions

Admission iz FREE to season ticket holders and members, so get yiselz alang to cheer on the youngins'!

A full Geordie Times match report and pix will appear here sometime ower the weekend!