"IVAN THE TERRIBLE SIGNS!" ("ER!--that's 'terrible' for opposition defences!)

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 6th August 2015

'GEORDIE TIMES NEWSFLASH'!

News reaches 'The Geordie Times' via carrier pigeon that 19 year old striker Ivan Toney haz signed for us from Northampton Toon on a lang torm deal!
Toney haz scored 11 times in 29 starts for Northampton and will be in wor U21 resorve squad we understand!

We can anly hope that part of the deal includes a friendly @ Northampton's Six Fields Stadium sometime in the future!--A ground that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have never been te! <(fingers and toes crossed!)

He could? make hiz debut in wor U21s fixture v Wolves U21s @ Bucks Head, Telford on Saturday <(AYE! we've been there!)
It's a '3:00 bells' kick off if yoo fancy it! (£5 for big kids, £4 for zimmerframeites and just £1 for sprogs!)  

Meeenwhile! wor U18s are aalso in action on the same day in deepest Staffordshire against Stoke U18 @ their Clayton Wood Trainin' Groond ('11:00 bells') <(AYE! we've been there az well!)*** FREE admission!

Az the above kick off times are 4 hours apart and the groonds are just 1 hour apart, this iz the ideal opportunity for any 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' who havvent been to eethaa ground, to de a unique 'double header' in one day! 

THE MAG-NIFICENT SEVEN?---NEW BOSS BUT NOTHIN' CHANGES!

Posted '12:33pm bells' Wednesday 5th August 2015

Despite a disastrous season in 2014-2015 when of course we anly avoided relegation on the last day, the team who played against Borussia Munchen'gladbach on Saturday in wor last pre season friendly included ne fewer than SEVEN  of the players who started wor last pre season friendly against Real Sociadad the season before!--plus anothaa TWO who came on az subs

Quite simply--many of the seven are 'deadwood' az far az we are concerned and to try and carry on with them and just three new signings to date, iz surely anothaa recipe for disaster?

We obviously hope we are dead wrang and that 'Brollyman McClaren' can sort us oot despite us anly winnin' 2 of wor 7 pre season games in which we didn't play well in ANY of them!

Of course wor minds stretch back to 2009 when a 6-1 defeat to the hands of Leyton Orient in a pre season friendly in eest Landan made us fear the worst for the forthcomin' season----anly for us to win The Championship by 'a country mile' in the season that followed!

*Lets hope that this iz the case again <(we shall soon find oot on Sunday when we play Sooothampton @ St James'!)
*It shud be noted that NUFC are currently 1,000 to 1 to win The Premyaa Leegue!

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!
The teams that lined up against Sociadad and Borussia:
Players who played in both games in pink:
Players who didn't play in both games in yellow

Sociadad last season                Borussia last Saturday
Krul                                          Krul
Janmaat                                    Jammaat
Williamson                               Williamson
Coloccini                                  *Steve Taylor
Haidara                                     Haidara
Anita                                         Anita
Gouffran                                  *Obertan
Sissoko                                     Sissoko
Colback                                    Colback
Cabella                                     Wijnaldum
Riviere                                      Cisse
                                                  *came on az subs against Sociadad!

100,000 THANKOOOZ TO WOR OWERSEAS REEEDERS!

Posted '2:33pm bells' Munday 3rd August 2015

The 7 bridges that span The 'sacred' River Tyne between Newcasil and Gatesheed
(Top to bottom) The Redheugh bridge, The King Edward bridge,
The QE2 (Metro) bridge, The High Level bridge, The Swing Bridge,
The Tyne bridge and finally The Millennium bridge  

We never realised it at the time but 'The Geordie Times' reached anothaa 'landmark' a few day ago when we received wor ONE HUNDRED THOOSANDTH pageview from owerseas <(and beyond!)

In total 100,677 have now viewed this site from the USA to the UAE with more than half that total comin' from just 3 countries, namely the USA (29,000 plus), the Ukraine (15,000 plus) and Jawmany (14,000 plus)

Again we thank each and every one of yoo for loggin' in to 'The Mad-Sad Groundhoppers' website!---lang may it continue!

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!---WHEY AYE MAAN!"

THE TOON 0 THE BORUSSIA MUNCHIN'GLADBACHS 1 *** PRE SEASON FRIENDLY 2015-2016

Posted '11:20am bells' Sunday 2nd August 2015

"BORUSSIA 'MUNCH' THE TOON AZ JAMIE ^ 'MUNCHES' CHOCOLATE BUTTONS!"

Wor one and anly home pre season friendly ended in a 1-0 defeat for The Toon against The Munchin'gladbachs of Jawmany to make it 4 defeats, 2 wins and a draw in wor 7 pre season games!

Of wor 3 new players anly Wijnaldum started the game with the other 2, Mitrovic and Mbemba both comin' on in the 60th minute of the contest

THE TOON (IN WOR NEW WHITE AWAY STRIP?) ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL 

Both Wijnaldum and Williamson went close in the forst half to scorin' at The Leazes End but the teams went in level at half time in yet anothaa below par display from 'us'

A'd taken mee 5 year old grandson Jamie to the match and he'd asked for a hot dog at the interval! There waz anly one food kiosk open however and the queues were massive and by the time we got to the front Jamie had spotted some chocolate buttons on display and said he wanted them instead, plus a smaall bottle of coke az he waz thorsty!
At nearly FIVE QUID! for the 2 items they must have been the most expensive 'buttons' in toon <(taalk aboot gettin' your eyes taken oot!)  We'd waited so lang in the queue that we actually missed the start of the 2nd half az well!<(not that we'd missed much anyway!)

JAMIE CHECKS THE TEAM LINE UP ON THE BACK OF
THE MATCH PROGRAMME

Az Jamie munched his 'chocky' buttons wor Jawman 'Munchin'gladbach'  visitors also started 'munchin' us' and from a howler from Rolando Aaarons, who lost possession, Steve Taylor had time to clear the baall, but it fell to Borussia's Thorgan Hazard who sidefooted the baall into the net to score wot waz to be the anly goal of the game at the mid-point of the half!

"Jamie!"--aa said "The Baddies' have scored!"


2nd HALF ACTION @ THE GALLOWGATE END
"SWITCH PLAY TO THE LEFT!" JAMIE SHOUTS!


There were chances for Sissoko and new boy Mitrovic (who had came on az a sub with Mbemba just before the goal) who both hit the woodwork near the end @ The Gallowgate End, but az bad luck would have it the baall rebounded back into play both times and NOT the back of the net!
A draw would have been a much fairer result!

Throughout the game Jamie kept askin' me "Have Newcasil scored yet granddad?" and I repeatedly had to tell him "NO 'The Goodies' hadn't!"

However he told me at the end of the game that he HAD enjoyed himself, which iz more than can be said for the rest of the 21,000 plus crowd who torned up! ("Er!" apart from the 150 Jawman diehards who had torned up!)

Full time: 'The Goodies'  0    'The Baddies'  1 !

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat (Mbemba 60), Williamson, Taylor, Haidera, Anita (De Jong 75), Colback, Sissoko (Perez 81), Wijnaldum, Obertan (Aarons 60) , Cisse (Mitrovic 60)

Attendance: 21,088 (150 Jawman's plus a handful of Scousers in the visitors end who were old friends with Borussia fans!) *

THE PRE MATCH 'GARGELS' TOOK PLACE IN 'THE PITT 'BEER' BAR'
AZ JAMIE GETS STUCK IN TO HIZ 'ORANGE BEER'!

 

    



POST MATCH---MORRIS DANCERS INVADE 'TILLYS BAR'!

THE TOON v THE BORUSSIA MUNCHIN'GLADBACHS *** PRE SEASON FRIENDLY 2015-2016

Posted '10:26am bells' Saturday1st August 2015

"LETS MUNCH SOME GLADBACHS!"

Wor final and anly home pre season friendly takes place this afternoon @ '3 bells' when we take on The Munchin'gladbachs from Jawmany @ St James' Park.
Debuts are expected from wor 3 new signings az Chancel Mbemba's work permit haz arrived at the last moment and he will line up alang side Alek Mitrovic and Ginio Wijnaldum in the startin' 11

A'm takin' mee 5 year old grandson Jamie to hiz forst 'European game' and we are in the middle tier of The Leazes End today!
I promised to take him to the match if he could pronounce the Jawman teams name!
"Jamie!", aa said, "If yi can say Borussia Monchengladbach aa'll take yoo to the game!" 
He came oot with "Bruce MUNCHIN'gladbachs!"---so that waz near enough! 

Not sure wot the weathaa will bring today?---one minite the sun'z oot---and the next minute it looks az though it's gannin' to p*ss doon!
Anyway!---a full 'Geordie Times' match report and pix will appear here sometime tomorrow, with 'Jamie's' version of the match az well!

MORE LIVE TELLY GAMES! *** "HIGH NOON SHOOTOUTS AND AALL THAT!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 31st July 2015

3 more of wor games have been picked for live telly in October and November!

Wor home game against 'Delia's 'Canary Custard Creams' haz been switched to Sunday 18th October @ '4 bells' (SKY) <(we DIDN'T predict this!)

The derby game away to the SMBs @ The SOS iz now @ 'high noon bells' Sunday 25th October (SKY) <(we DID predict this!)

And finally! ---and just to make it easy for us to get to?, wor 730 mile trek to Bournemoooth and back haz been moved to '12:45 bells' on Saturday 7th November (BT) <(we THOUGHT this might be changed--but at least it isn't on a Munday neet!)
This meeenz however, that we must travel doon on the Friday and stay owerneet! <(the 'joys' of live futbaall!)

FIXTURES BELOW

NUFC PREMYAA LEEGUE & CUP FIXTURES ***** 2015-2016

Updated '12:47 pm bells Friday 31st July 2015

The Premyaa Leegue fixtures have been released and wor forst game will be at home to Sooothampton---BUT!--it haz be changed from Saturday to Sunday az they are in Europa Leegue action 2 days before we are due to play them!
We then face a 'continental trip' to Swanzee in sooth Wales a week later and then to 'The Theatre of Muppets' when we will play 'The Cockney Reds' a week after that!--We then finish off August with an 'eazy'? home game against 'The Arse'!

We face the SMBs away in October and at home in March,
we will visit Bournmoooth in November for a Saturday '12:45 bells' kick off <( nice that they are thinkin' aboot the travellin' fans for once?)while they must travel to wor place in March next year!
Amazingly  every game this year waz originally on a Saturday <(SKY, BT and clubs in Europe have ensured that this iz NOT now the case!) until the last game in 2015 when we are away to The Baggie Troosers of West Brom on a Munday
'The Geordie Times' predicts that at least 25 of wor 38 fixtures will be moved

We roond off the season with anothaa home fixture against Sporz in May---the anly game that cannit be changed!

Games moved so far for Europe and live telly--- 8 oot of 14


(Aall games listed are '3 bells' kick offs unless stated!)
Key: Home games in gold (SJP) St James' Park---
Away games in pink 

August:
Sun 9th: Sooothampton @ SJP @ 1:30 bells
Sat 15th: Swanzee away
Sat 22nd Manc Muppets away @12:45 bells, live on BT
W/C Mon 24th Aug: Leegue Cup 2nd roond 
Sat 29th The Arse @ SJP @12:45 bells, live on BT

September:
Mon 14th: The Jellied Eels Mob away @ 8:00 bells, live on SKY 
Sat 19th: Wotfad @ SJP
Sat 26th: Chelski @ SJP @ 5:30 bells, live on SKY

October:
Sat 3rd: Manc Blue Moonies away
Sun 18th: The Canary Custards @ SJP @ 4:00 bells (SKY)
Sun 25th: SMBs away @ 'high noon bells' (SKY) 
Sat 31st: The P*ss Potters @ SJP

November:
Sat 7th: Bournemoooth away @ 12:45 bells (BT)
Sat 21st: The Basil Brush Brigade @ SJP
Sat 28th: The Crystal Balls away

Live games for December will be picked on or before September 17th (Alledgedleeee!) 

December:
Sat 5th: The Liverbirds @ SJP
Sat 12th: Sporz away < (WILL be changed az Sporz play in Europe 2 days before!)
Sat 19th: The Hazbeenz and Villians @ SJP
Sat 26th: The Toffee Noses @ SJP
Mon 28th: The Baggie Troosers away

Live games for January will be picked on or before October 19th

January 2016:
Sat 2nd: The Arse away
W/E Sat 9th: FA Cup 3rd roond
Wed 13th : The Manc Muppets @ SJP (7:45 bells)
Sat 16th: The Jellied Eels Mob @ SJP
Sat 23rd: Wotfad away

Live games for February will be picked on or before November 17th

February:
Wed 3rd: The Toffee Noses away (7:45 bells)
Sat 6th: The Baggie Troosers @ SJP
Sat 13th: Chelski away
Sat 27th: Manc Blue Moonies @ SJP

Live games for March will be picked on or before January 5th

March:
Wed 2nd: The P*ss Potters @ SJP (7:45 bells)
Sat 5th: Bournemoooth @ SJP
Sat 12th: The Basil Brush Brigade away
Sat 19th: The SMBs @ SJP

Live games for April will be picked on or before February 3rd

April:
Sat 2nd: The Canary Custards away
Sat 9th: Sooothampton away
Sat 16th: Swanzee @ SJP
Sat 23rd: The Liverbirds away
Sat 30th: The Crystal Balls @ SJP

Live games for May will be picked on or before March 23rd

May:
Sat 7th: The Hazbeenz and Villians away
Sun 15th: Sporz @ SJP <(CAN'T be moved)



Most of the above fixtures WILL be changed when the ravages of telly coverage and postponed games, due to othaaz playin' in Europe, are annoonced

PS: 'The Geordie Times' doesn't want to be 'done' for copyright, so yi'll have to work oot for yorsels the above teams which are in 'Geordie Cryptic Code'!

"JUST WOT THE DOCTOR ORDERED!"

Posted '10:10am bells' Friday 31st July 2015

Chancel Mbemba becomes the 3rd player to sign for us durin' the transfor window!  The 20 year old DR Congo international defender haz signed a f5 year deal for a reported fee of between 7 and 8 million quid!
This brings wor war chest 'spend' to 34 or 35 million quid so far!

105 (revisited) bootham crescent, york ************* THE KIT KAT CRESCENT CLAN 2 THE TOON 1 *** PRE-SEASON FRIENDLY 2015-2016

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 30th July 2015


(Ground number 105 revisited)
Date of this visit: 29th July 2015
Bootham Crescent, York

York City 2
Newcastle United X1  1 (Perez)

Friendly fixture
Attendance 5,406 (2,048 Toon fans) <(plus 4 people watchin' from their bedroom windows beyond!)


"Definatly NOT the ticket!"



"Serves the bustard reet, for havin' a mackem coloured car!" ^^^

The short trip to NorthYorkshire ended in defeat against fourth tier York City <(aalso known by the above headin'---see article below!) when The Toon put oot a virtually entirely different team to the one who played @ Sheff U last Sunday!

Three of us includin' 'me' and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' travelled doon in 'Michael the Mag's' 'jam jar' and tried to find a parkin' space near the groond, but most of the streets were 'permit holders only'!
We foond one street that we thought was 'permit free' and decided to park there!---BUT hang on a minute!---there waz a bright red Mini 'parked up' and it had SIX! parkin' tickets stuck to the windscreen!---Time to find anothaa parkin' space, sharpish!---and we DID, not far away on the main road next to a church---checkin' of course to make sure it waz 'a permit free zone'!

It waz then off to the boozer at the top of the street for the customary pre- match 'gargels', before heedin' for a rain sodden Bootham Crescent and the OPEN away end!

"Sanctuary!"

Enterin' the groond waz like gannin' back to 'the dark ages' of 'The Gallowgate End terraces' and the 'tool sheds' were the same az 'The Gallowgate's' back in the 1970's!

The match kicked off and at the same time the rain started to get a bit more persistent <(ie: it waz P*SSIN' DOON!)
It waz aall 'The Toon' at forst, az we bombarded the far end for the forst goal of the game, with new boy Mitrovic gettin' hiz forst outing in a black n white shirt and missin' several chaces! 
Perez aalso went close orly on, but we couldn't make the breakthrough !
However!---- and in their forst attack of the half, the home side took the lead through Straker in the 16th minute after a disastrous mix up in wor defence by *new boy? Jamaal Lascelles, to send the home fans into 'wonderland' az he looped the baall ower Karl Darlow in The Toon goal! (*Lacelles waz on loan to Forest aall last season)


1st half action az The Toon attack the far goal
(4 people in the houses beyond are watchin' from their bedroom windows!)


It got worse of course just a few minutes later, az the torrential rain got heavier, when  'TRIALIST 'A' <(I kid yoo not!) fired a volley from the edge of the box past Darlow, to double York's lead and compound wor misery, az the rain started to soak through mee expensive 'waaterproof jacket'???
This resulted in quite a few Toon fans heedin' for the exits and an orlier than expected MID-match 'gargel'!

Thankfully the rain (and York goals!) eased off and we ended the half 2-0 doon!

We again came oot with 'aall guns blazin' in the 2nd half and finally got the breakthrough in the 75th when Perez tapped in from an Abeid corner kick, to send half the crowd of 5,000 plus into raptures <(whey!---muted cheers and light applause anyway!)


2nd half action in front of The Toon fans


That's the way it ended I'm afraid and York who had lost 2-0 to HARROGATE TOWN! just a few days orlier, now had a 'Premier Leegue scalp' to add to their 'mixed' pre-season results!

PS: The Toon DID win something however!---We managed to kick the baall oot of the groond THREE times, compared to York's TWO!

Lets hope this isn't an omen!

Toon team: Darlow (Elliot 46), Bigiramana, Satka, Lascelles, Ferguson, Abeid, Gouffran, Aarons (Kemen 58), De Jong, Perez, Mitrovic (Suddick 70) (Scroll doon page to compare this team to the one who play @ Sheff U)

Attendance: 5,406 (nearly half were from The Toon)  <(plus 4 'freebeez' watchin' from their bedroom windows!)  *

A view to die for!

 

Fascinatin' Footnotes:
Just ower the road from the groond iz St Peters School,
where, (believe it or not!) Guy Fawkes went to before
he attempted to burn the Houses of Parliament doon!

 

Bootham Crescent/Kit Kat Crescent:

Originally it waz called 'Bootham Crescent' and then

some idiot from the local chocolate factory, who were

the clubs sponsors at the time, decided to rename the

 groond KIT KAT CRESCENT! after the famous

chocolate wafer bar! (hence the above headin' for wor

opponents!

At the time aa thought it waz 'a wind up', az surely that

couldn't be the groonds new name---but!---

"OH YES IT WAZ!"

Apart from a certain club caallin' their new groond after

Benfica's famous 'Stadium of Light' <(yi'll never

guess who?) this surely iz the most ridiculous name given

to a futbaall groond---EVER!

Thankfully York have since seen sense and changed the

name back to 'Bootham Crescent', a groond aa forst

visited to watch The Toon back in 1992, when we

WON 3-1 <(horray!) with wor goals comin' from

Kevin Sheedy, Gavin Peacock and Franz Carr!   

THE KIT KAT CRESCENT CLAN v THE TOON **** TOMORROW NEET IN YORK!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 28th July 2015

Tomorrow neet we heed for the delights of York for wor penultimate <("We naa aall the big words!") pre-season friendly @ the 're-renamed' groond of York City.
Originally it waz called Bootham Crescent and then some idiot from the local chocolate factory, who were the club's sponsors at the time ,decided to rename the groond Kit Kat Crescent after the famous chocolate wafer bar! (hence the above headin' for wor opponents!)
At the time aa thought it waz 'a wind up', az surely that couldn't be the groonds new name---but "OH YES IT WAZ!!!"

Apart from a certain club caallin' their groond after Benfica's 'Stadium of Light', <(yi'll never guess who?) this surely iz the most ridiculous name for a futbaall groond---EVER!

Thankfully, York have seen sense and changed the name back to Bootham Crescent, a groond 'The Geordie Times' forst visited to watch The Toon in 1992 when we won 3-1 with goals from Kevin Sheedy, Gavin Peacock and Franz Carr.

A full 'Geordie Times' match report and pix will appear here, sometime on Thorsday!---have a break <(sic!) and watch this space az per usual!