SACRAMENTO REPUBLIC 0 THE TOON 1 **** 'WOT MADE MILWAUKEE FAMOUS TOUR' 2015

Posted '11:32am bells' Sunday 19th July 2015

Anothaa lack-lustre performance from The Toon in the orly hours of this mornin' (GMT)---but a win at least!---even if it waz an own goal from a Sacramento defender that won it for us!

Those who watched it on-line @ 4 this mornin' on their computaaz etc <(NOT me! 'Too many 'gargels' last neet!---"ZZZZzzzz!!!!") were not impressed with this display and wor new heed coach now naaz the problems that nearly got us relegated last season---Tooo many average players who are past their 'sell by' date---and yet anly ONE signin' so far---Ginio Wijnaldum, who came on at the mid-point of the 2nd half, just after Haidera waz sent off for a reckless high challenge on a Sacramento player!

The anly goal came in the 48th minute when a certain James Kiffe wellied the baall inexplicably past hiz own keeper after pressure from Haidera, who had crossed the baall into the box for Cisse

One more game to gan on 'the tour'---against THIRD division Portland Timber RESORVES!----(we certainly pick high quality opposition to play--don't we?) <(Sacramento aalso play in the THIRD TIER of American futbaall, but at least it waz their FORST team that we played!)

Attendance: 11,442 (includin' the '3 B's'---'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer', 'Biffa the Beer' and 'Byzy' from Ashington)

(PS: 'Blondie' said he would send us some match fotos---but he hazzent yet?---the drunken useless bustard must by sendin' them by carrier pigeon!?)

SACRAMENTO REPUBLIC v THE TOON **** SOMETIME AFTER THE MIDNIGHT HOUR!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 18th July 2015

"THERE'LL BE SOME 'BONNY STATES'
IN 'BONNEY FIELD'!"

In the orly hours of tomorrow mornin' 'The Toon' take on American 3rd Division side Sacramento Republic in Sacramento, Califonia, in the 2nd game of wor 'Wot kept Milwaukee Famous Tour 2015'.

Havin' lost the forst game 2-1 against Mexican side Club Atlas in Milwaukee, we hope to re-group and beat (wot iz effectively) a non league club by English standards. <(however they DID beat 'the mackems' in a friendly orlier on this week!)
New boy Ginio Wijnaldum iz expected to make hiz Toon debut in the Californian sunshine! <(not sure wot time the sun gans doon there?)
'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' haz promised to try <(he failed last time!) and send us some pix on hiz mobile 'tellin bone' of the match <(we shall see!?)
Sacramento play @ 'Bonney Field' and we are absolutleee certain that 'Blondie Alan' and Co. will be in a 'bonny state' with the 'liquid lubrication' come kick off time!
The game, by the way, iz a complete selloot and aall 11,000 tickets have been sold!

A full results service will appear in 'The Geordie Times' sometime tomorrow!---az per usual---watch this space!

RIP JOHN 'THE UNDERTAKER' AND LIAM 'FROM THE LAMP'!

Updated '11:44am bells' Friday 17th July 2015

Today iz a very sad day indeed for aall NUFC fans, for this iz the day last year that wor great friends John 'The Undertaker' and Liam 'from the Lamp' lost their lives on the MH17 flight to the far east, where they were gannin' to watch 'The Toon' play in New Zealand

Their plane was shot doon ower the Ukraine and alang with them anothaa 296 people aalso tragically lost their lives!

We are gannin' to 'The Newcastle Arms' and 'The Strawberry' next to St James' Park for a few drinks in their memory this afternoon and aall are welcome to come and join us!
Aalso on Saturday afternoon many more are tornin' oot in their memory

RIP John and Liam---yoo will NEVER be forgotten by us!


Updated Saturday mornin'

We had a few drinks in 'The Newcastle Arms' and 'The Strawberry' in their memory and then laid a black and a white rose at the 'Alder Sweeney Memorial Garden' @ St James' Park

LOST BUT NOT FORGOTTEN!

SWANZEE AND MANC TICKETS ON SALE

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 16th July 2015

CEDRIC THE SWAN AND FRIENDS
WAITIN' TO GREET US IN SOOTH WALES!

Tickets for the langest trek of the season AND forst away game in the Premyaa Leegue @ Swanzee on Sat Aug 15th are now on sale
Priced @ £35 for big kids and £17.50 for sprogs and zimmerframites <(like me!)  50 loyalty points are needed to porchase one <(that's those of yoo who have been to at least 50 away games under the NUFC loyalty system)
They are actually £15 and £12.50 MORE expensive respectively than wot we paid last season???

Tickets are aalso on sale for one of wor SHORTEST jorneys of the season to 'The Theatre of Muppets' a week later---priced @ £45 for grown up kids and various lower prices for Sprogs, zimmerframeites and U16s  (50 loyalty points needed az well) 

"WELCOME TO OLD TRAFFORD!"



CLUB ATLAS of MEXICO 2 THE TOON 1 *** THE WOT MADE MILWAUKEE FAMOUS TOUR 2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 15th July 2015

A STRANGE SHAPED STADIUM TO PLAY WITH A ROOND BAALL!

The Toon got off to a losin' start in their tour of the USA when we lost 2-1 to Club Atlas in Milwaukee last neet!
Two goals in the forst 17 minutes from the Mexicans sealed the victory for them---but it could have been much worse az they rattled the woodwork az well on a couple of occasions!

'The Sissoko Kid' got one back for us just before the break with a low shot, but that waz the end of the scorin' although we were much the better team in the 2nd period--- We must now re-group for wor 2nd game in Sacramento on Saturday 

Attendance: 21,246 includin' 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' who waz supposed to send us some match/pub pix--but hazzent yet??? <(the drunken useless bustard!) *

WOT MADE MILWAUKEE FAMOUS TOUR ********* USA 2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 14th July 2015

Toneet The Toon play their forst game in the tour of the USA when they heed to Milwaukee to play Club Atlas of Mexico in a basebaall stadium! <(plastic pitch and aall!)

The same players who played @ Gatesheed on Friday neet will aall get a game (see match report of 'that' and the players used, below) but 'new boy' Ginio Wijnaldum wont be playin, but will join up with the squad later this week!

Lang distance 'Geordie Times' paparazzi reporter 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' iz in the States and will send us some pix of the games (and pubs!) <(he'd better!---or else we'll 'slag him off'!)
Watch this space!

'WAR CHEST' LATEST!

Posted '10:25am bells' Sunday 12th July 2015


At last some good news!---Someone haz actually signed for us in the transfor window!
24 year old Midfield Dutch international 'Ginio' Wijnaldum haz signed for a reported £14.5million from PSV Eindhoven az 'The Toon' finally 'crowbar' wor war-chest open and spend some money at last <(the LAST club in the Premyaa Leegue to buy a player!)

Not sure if he'll be 'jetting off' to America for wor pre-season tour next week, but at least we have one of the SIX players we need to compete in the top flight---more to follow????---lets hope so!

LATEST PREMYAA LEEGUE TRANSFOR NEWS (AT LAST WE HAVE ONE!)

Updated 'high noon bells' Sunday 12th July 2015

The transfor 'window' iz well and truly OPEN and there haz been a hive of activity amongst  aall of the Premyaa Leegue clubs! 
And az for NUFC?---at last we have signed a quality player--namely Ginio Wijnaldum from Dutch side PSV for a reported £14.5 million <(Az mentioned above, we are the LAST club to sign a player in 'the window'!) <(More to follow???----"PLEEEZE!!!")

 
TRANSFORS 'IN' so far

SIX
Bournemoooth,
The Liverbirds

FIVE
The P*ss Potters

FOWER
Swanzee,
Sooothampton,
Wotfad
The Hazbeenz & Villians
The Jellied Eels Mob

THREE
Lestaa,
Sporz

TWO
The Toffee Noses,
The Canary Custards,
The SMBs,
Chelski
Manc Blue Moonies

ONE
Manc Muppets,
The Baggie Troosers,
The Arse,
The Crystal Balls
THE TOON

THE HEEDBANGERS XX 0 THE TWO TOON X1s 1 *** FRIENDLY FIXTURE *** 43 PLAYERS USED!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 11th July 2015

CISSE SCORES THE ANLY GOAL FROM THE PENALTY SPOT

"A GAME OF TWO TOONS!"

Papiss Cisse saved wor blushes in wor new PINK and dark blue change strip on a warm evenin' in east Gatesheed ,when he convorted a very dubious penalty in the 6th minute <(given by a mackem referee!) to win this contest, contested by a total of FORTY THREE players from the two sides!
The Toon played two entirely different 11s in each half, beatin' 'The Heed' by one, who used a 'mere' 21 players in total!


THE BIG KICK OFF!

Bad misses by Sissoko, Armstrong and Riviere only added to wor frustration az we struggled to beat a very average Conference side!

By the end we'd totally lost count of the number of players who went on and off the pitch az wor brains were 'puddled' by this time!

America beckons next week for the forst team while the U18s and U21s are due to play in Ireland and Holland respectively later on this month---we will try and de at least TWO games in eetha Ireland or Holland az the trip to the USA iz a non starter <(ie: Aa havvent got enough pennies left in mee 'piggy bank'!)

2nd HALF ACTION AZ 'THE TOON' ATTACK THE RIGHT HAND GOAL

Toon team line up(ssss!)
(1st half): Darlow, Janmaat, Haidera, Lascelles, Williamson, Anita, Colback, Gouffran, Cisse, Sissoko, De Jong 
(2nd half): Woodman, Bigiramana, Ferguson, Satka, Good, Tiote, Armstrong, Aarons, Perez, Riviere, Obertan   


Attendance: estimated 4,000 (3,000 Toon fans) *

Update on Munday: Official attendance waz given az 5,258 with 3,463 of them 'Toon' fans in the East Stand and 1,795 'Heed' fans in the Main Stand (There were a canny few Toon fans in the Main Stand includin' 'us'---so there were probably 4,000 'Toon' fans in total and the rest 'Heed' fans!)

THE HEEDBANGERS v THE TWO TOON X1s **** TOONEET @ GATESHEED STADIUM

Posted '2:15pm bells' Friday 10th July 2015

The 'big day'? haz finally arrived az we heed to 'The Heed' for wor forst pre season friendly of the new season.
We understand that Dutchman 'Ginio' Wijnaldum will sign for us later today---pendin' a medical!----he will of course NOT be playin' tooneet in a Toon side that will feature TWO completely different teams in the forst and second halves! <(This iz one reason I hate pre-season friendlies!----(ie: can yoo name the 22 (plus!) who will be comin' on and off the pitch after a skin-ful of liquid lubrication!?)

Pay tornstiles will be in operation, despite us bein' told that the game waz 'aall ticket' ----With NE new signings on show wor prediction iz a crowd of between 2,000 and 3,000

ANYWAY!---'The Geordie Times' will of course bring yoo a full match report sometime tomorrow with loads of pix az well!

Watch this space!