HEEDBANGERS TICKETS NOW ON SALE---SHEFF U TICKETS AZ WELL!

Updated '1:33pm bells' Friday 3rd July 2015

Tickets for wor game @ Gatesheed a week today are now on sale priced @ £15 for big kids, £10 for zimmerframeites and just £3 for sprogs! (kick off '8 bells')

Tickets for wor friendly @ Sheff U ('1 bells' Sunday 26th July) are aalso on sale @ £15 for big kids and a fiver for zimmerframeites and sprogs 

Pre season trainin' started on Wednesday and with ne transfors to talk aboot, we are amongst just 3 Premyaa Leegue clubs who have yet to make a move in the transfor market!

Wor game against Sacramento Republic in America on 18th July  iz 'selt oot' we understand! <(so divvint waste a 5,062 mile trip if yi havvent got a ticket!) <(AYE! we checked the distance from SJP!)

That's just SEVEN days to gan now til wor forst pre season friendly---and ne new players to show off---so far!
Get the WAR CHEST OOT!---"QUICK!" <(or else we will be in trouble!)

"WHO ARE YOU!?"

Posted '1:11pm bells' Friday 26th Joon 2015

NUFC's NEW ASSISTANT MANAGER---HE's THE ONE ON THE LEFT!--WE THINK?
 

News that *household name Ian Cathro iz to be appointed assistant manager of NUFC haz reached 'The Geordie Times' (*A 'household name' in hiz own house anyway!)

We aall remember him of course, playin' for Forfar, Clyde and Brechin City, don't we!? <(az a youth player!) --He nevaa made it to the forst teams of the above clubs!

The man from 'Jockland'  iz wor FOURTH choice for the post aftaa Steve Round, Bolo Zenden and Phil Neville aall torned this 'prestigious' post doon!
To be fair to him we've hord from a reliable sauce that he's not a bad coach---(wor 'reliable sauce' bein' one of wor drinkin' companions-- 'Grumpy Stumpy'!)    

Later on he became a coach at Dundee United and assistant manager at Rio Ave (Portugal) and Valencia in Spain and will take up hiz post before pre season trainin' starts next Wednesday.

We wish him well!--He'll need it workin' for this lot!

WAR CHEST NEWS!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 25th Joon 2015

Still ne news to report on inpendin' transfors and it iz now just 5 days before the players report back for pre-season trainin'!--and 15 days before wor forst friendly @ Gatesheed
Ne news eethaa aboot TV fixtures which were supposed? to be annoonced yesterday

We will of course let yi naa (2nd hand, forst!) of any developments on eethaa front az soon az we find oot!

10 DAYS AND COONTIN'!

Posted '9:23am bells' Sunday 21st Joon 2015
(The langest day of the year!)


"THE CLOCK'S A TICKIN'!"
(Somewhere near St James' Park)

There are just 10 days to gan before the NUFC squad retorn for pre-season trainin' and not one new forst team player haz been rumoured to sign-- or iz due to sign when the 'window' opens on the same day! (we understand that a total of 73 (plus!) possible 'nonsense' signings have been mentioned in the press, includin' Shola Ameobi !---so take NE notice of that!) <(for example, former Toon keeper and Sundih Sun columnist Pavel Srnicek, who haz absolutleee ne conection with NUFC now, claims that Sparta Prague winger Ladislav Krejci HAZ had talks with NUFC!---how the hell does he naa that--like!???) <(he then gans on to say:
"I don't know whether anything has happened this summer but of course I would recommend it if anything happens!") <(ie: he hazzent got a clue wethaa he haz actually had talks with NUFC!!!)
Total nonsense!

'This so caalled 'WAR CHEST' spendin' money that Bob Monc(s)cur haz been tellin' us aboot in 'The Ronny-Gill' ower the last couple of weeks iz still jammed shut and the nearer it gets to the start of the new season the more nervous the Toon faithful will get if the promise? of at least SIX new players doesn't come to fruition!

Wor forst, forst team pre-season game at Gatesheed in just 19 days time could well start with ne new players in wor line up, which would be a massive let doon after aall the 'War Chest hype'

Indeed! wor forst Premyaa Leegue game on the 8th of the 8th iz now fast approachin' and with a season ticket rebellion from many p*ssed off fans (the deadline for renewals haz been put back THREE times to date!) a less than full SJP iz likely against Sooothampton!

We can anly hope (and pray!) that they manage to 'jemmy' the 'War Chest' open and spend some of the 'bit'--or else it will be anothaa season of despair for the lang sufferin' faithful!

"WHERE'S WOR WAR CHEST?"

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 19th Joon 2015



"ARE THOSE 1p COINS IN THERE!?"

New club board member and former club captain Bob 'Moncs'cur said last week that NUFC had a "WAR CHEST" to spend on new players!
With just 12 days to gan before pre season trainin' starts and just 3 weeks to gan before wor forst pre season friendly against Gatesheed the silence iz defenin' from the corridors of St James' aboot forthcomin' transfors!

The Charlie Austin deal looks 'dead in the waataa' az hiz wage demands will ne doubt send 'heart attack palpulations' to the NUFC hierarchy! <(we naa aall the big words!)

Of course there iz NE MENTION az to just how much iz in this so caalled 'war chest' ,az iron bars, drills and dynamite might be needed to prize it open!

The danger IZ!---the closer we get to the new season with ne incomin' deals (and we need at least SIX by wor calculations!) then panic will set in and some 'bit players' from France or wherever will be bought!   

'War chest' definition: A 'war chest' iz a metaphor for any collection of tools or MONEY intended to be used in a challenging or DANGEROUS situation!

"WE'LL DRINK A DRINK A DRINK TO LILLY THE PINK THE PINK THE PINK!"

Posted '12:40pm bells' Tuesday 16th Joon 2015

'The Geordie Times' haz just receeeved ecluuusive pix of wor new 'cup' 3rd(4th?) strip for the forecomin' season!---A natty PINK and black number which shud be popular with wor female fans for sure!
Ne release date for the new strip haz been annoonced but we will keep yoo posted when we find oot! 

TOP 20 NORTH EAST AVERAGE GATES 2014-2015

Posted '10:15am bells' Munday 15th Joon 2015



VIEW OF THE GALLOWGATE END OF ST JAMES' PARK
BUT FROM WHICH BOOZER WAZ THIS PHOTO TAKEN?
(ANSWER ON FRIDAY!)

Once again NUFC are top of the tree in the north east attendance leegue for last season!
The top 20 from The Premyaa Leegue doon to The Northern Leegue----are:!


1: THE TOON***50,359
2: The SMBs***43,157
3: The Smoggies***19,562
4: The Monkey Hangers***3,736
5: The Heedbangers***1,179
6: Darlo***1,038
7: Spennymoor Toon***542
8: Berwick Strangers***466
9: North Sheeldz***402
10: The Whitley Baywatchers***323
11: The Bishop from Auckland***241
12: The Consett Hillbillies: 225
13: The Pit Yaakers of Ashington: 223
14: The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston: 220
15: West Auckland Toon: 213
16: Marske Yinited***212
17: Shildin: 201
18: Gizboro Toon: 190
19: Morpeth Toon: 189
20: Durhim City: 153 

"ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY!"

Posted '10:37am bells' Sunday 14th Joon 2015

This mornin' @ 10:30am bells' 'The Geordie Times' past anothaa 'landmark'? for we have now had a grand total of 180,000 pageviews since we forst did this blog some 5 years ago!
Once again we must thank YOO wor loyal reeders for for loggin' into this site and a total of 152 countries and territories have now viewed it! (plus Mars!)

The top ten countries and territories are az follows:

1: UK (Ingerland, Scotland, Wales & N Ireland)  83,212
2: USA *****************************************28,618
3: UKRAINE ***********************************15,134
4: JAWMANY**********************************14,300
5: (Mee old) CHINA******************************4,023
6: ISRAEL**************************************3,453
7: RUSHAA*************************************3,380
8: FRANCE*************************************2,088
9: THE GUINNESS REPUBLIC***************** 1,292
10:TORKEY************************************1,074

It shud be noted that more than half of wor pageviews come from ootside of the UK*** a grand total of 96,788 in fact!
(includin' wor alien friends from Mars of course!)

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"

"ONE MAN---MINUS DOG!"

Posted '2:25pm bells' Thorsday 11th Joon 2015

"IS THERE ANYBODY THERE!?"

When Kevin Keegan, Bobby Robson and even Ruud Gullit were appointed az managers of NUFC, thoosands of fans torned up to greet them!
In complete contrast yesterday 'The Daily Mail' reported that anly "One man who didn't even have a dog with him!" greeted McClaren az he entered St James' Park!

Press release photos show him with the obligatory black n white scarf above hiz heed---but not one fan waz present to witness this! (The 'one man' must have went lookin' for hiz dog!)

"STONE ME!----IT'S A 'CARVE UP'!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 10th Joon 2015

"DEAR JOHN!---P*SS OFF!"

News that both John 'the pie' Carver and Steve Stone have faallin' on their sword comes az a relief rathaa than a suprize to us here at 'The Geordie Times'

'The Disastrous Duo' couldn't possibly continue could they?--Aa meen they took us from the safety of 'mid table mediocrity' to 'the relegation abyss' within the matter of 4 months--and 9 defeats in 10 games tells it's own sorry story!

Carver loves The Toon of course and bleeds 'black and white'--he must be devastated, but not suprized at the outcome of hiz disastrous tenure in charge and we 'wish him well' for the future! <(his CV certainly won't help him!)

'Brollyman McClaren' <(definatly NOT 'WOR' forst choice!) iz expected to be annoonced az wor next manager/heed coach sometime this afternoon and we will inform yoo, wor loyal reeders, of any developments az soon az we find oot! <("er!"-- it shud be noted that av got to gan to 'graft' at '3 bells' this afternoon, so any announcement after this will not be updated til tomorrow dinnatime!) <(remember wor motto?--"we bring aall the latest news forst hand, second!" (or iz it 'second hand, forst???)