IT'S NOT AALL DOOM AND GLOOM!

Posted '1:05pm bells' Thorsday 16th April 2015

"JOYOUS NEWS FROM DEEEPEST DERBYSHIRE!"

'The Geordie Times' haz some very exitin' news for aall NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers, which will have yoo droolin' at the mouth!

Wor planned U21 resorve game @ Derby Coonty haz now been switched from Pride Park to Alfreton Toon's groond in north Derbyshire!
The game will tek place @ '3 bells' in the afternoon on Tuesday 28th April <(the floodlights must be knackered?) and aalready half a car-load of us are plannin' on gannin'!
Last season the game waz supposed to be played at Alfreton's Impact Arena, but waz changed to Pride Park at the last minute for live telly <(beleeeve it or not!?)

We can anly hope and pray that this doesn't happen this time and we can finally chalk this groond off wor nevaa endin' list, at last!

THE LIVERBIRDS 2 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Updated 'high noon bells' Wednesday 15th April 2015

"YOUR NOTHIN' SPECIAL!--WE LOSE EVERY WEEK!"


A SIGN NEAR ANFIELD
"DO THEY MEAN 'US'!?"

A FIFTH defeat in a row waz not unexpected and that's exactly wot happened @ Anfield last neet!

Anothaa inept display where we went behind with less than 9 minutes on the clock when Sterling 'cashed in', meant that the travellin' faithful were left to slag off the opposition and the mackems throughout the match az the inpendin' defeat unfolded before us.
The Liverbirds seemed to penetrate wor defence at will and we were very fortunate indeed to gan in just one behind at the break!

A loud penalty appeal at The Kop End 'by us' when Perez waz hacked doon fell on 'deaf ears' to the ref <(even Brendan Rodgers thought it waz a pen!) and apart from fluffin' a couple of easy chances, we simply wernt 'at the races' <(The Grand National took place in Liverpool just 2 days before!)

RYAN TAYLOR CORNER @ THE ANFIELD ROAD END
(£52 VIEW FROM ROW 12, SEAT 35!)

A 2nd goal came in the 70th minute through Allen (after a defensive missteak by Williamson) and we were well and truly beaten by this time. <(game ower!)
Sissoko then got himself needlessly sent off for a reckless challenge in the 83rd minute with the 800 foot soldiers in the Anfield Road End reduced to singin': "Your nothin' special--we lose every week!"----don't we just!----

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Ryan Taylor, Colback, Williamson, Anita, Abeid (Armstrong 75), Sissoko, Cabella, Obertan (Gutierrez 67), Perez (Gouffran 86)

Attendance: 44,611 (just 800 Toon fans)


Lookin towards The Kemlyn Road Stand


Fan plus points: Both sets of fans impeccably observed a minute silence to the Hillsborough victims.
The Liverbirds gave testicular cancer victim 'Spiderman' Gutierrez a standin' ovation az he came off the subs bench.

Fan minus points: We repeatedly sang aboot a certain mackem player who haz been accused of bein' a 'peedo' and a certain scouser who 'slipped on hiz arse' <(he wasnt even playin'!) 

The usual "Yoo nicked my stereo!" and "In your Liverpool slums!" songs were sung (yet again!) alang with "Sign on you'll never get a job!" <(to the tune of You'll never walk alone)
Give it a rest lads and lasses!--we've been singin' some of theeze crap, humourless and tiresome songs for more than 30 years now!

THE LIVERBIRDS v THE TOON **** TOONEET @ 8 !

Updated '8:40am bells' Munday 13th April 2015


£52 FOR A VIEW LIKE THIS!

At the time of writin' this we are still NINE points above the 'abyss' az wor season peters oot with 7 games to play.
On current form we are the worst side in the top flight and just where wor next points are comin' from iz anybodys guess?

We haven't won at Anfield for 20 years and are very unlikely to do so tomorrow evenin' eetha! <(Last 19 attempts---won 0, drawn 3, lost 16!)

Results ower the weekend includin' the mackems 4-1 revorse to Pardews Palace, brung a rare smile to Toon supporters faces in this dismal season!

We are travellin' ower the Pennines this afternoon in mee 'canny tranny' 9 seater <(4 seats empty!)  and shud be in Scouseland by '6 bells' at the latest! 

We told yoo that we had anly sold 850 tickets for The Anfield Road End orlier this week, but even that low number waz too high and in fact just 800 diehards will be in attendance come '8 bells' <(a shockin' indication of wor desperate plight!) <(high ticket prices (£52!), boycotts and live Munday neet telly are the main reasons for this!)
But 'The Geordie Times' 'sadists' WILL be there of course, watchin' through open fingers! to bring yoo a match report and pix on Tuesday!

History lesson: We forst played Liverpool @ Anfield 122 years ago on 4th November 1893, when we were thrashed 5-1 with Bill Thompson gettin' wor anly goal in front of an 8,000 crowd!

In total we have played 'The Liverbirds' 171 times, winnin' just 49, drawin' 41 and losin' 81 times!

Geordie Times history: 47 years ago on 26th October 1968---we lost 2-1 with Tommy 'Gibbo' Gibb gettin' wor goal---Attendance 45,323 (Archive match report from this game below!)   

BLANKETY BLANK --- TIMES NINE!

Posted '2:33pm bells' Saturday 11th April 2015


"I'M BACK!"---"YOU WILL NEVER! EVER! EVER! GET RID OF ME!"


Incredibleee and for the NINTH weekend this season, we find worsels withoot a Toon game to gan te!

The reason for this iz az follows: Internationals, Munday neet futbaall, NON participation in the FA Cup and lastly, (believe it or not!?) ---The Grand National!, which iz bein' held @ Aintree in Liverpool az we speak! <(The main reason wor game against The Liverbirds iz nuw on Munday!)

Toon 'Blankety Blank' weekend dates this season---so far!:

1: 6th-7th September
2: 28th-29th September
3: 11th-12th October
4: 16th-17th November
5: 24th-25th January
6: 14th-15th February
7: 7th-8th March
8: 28th-29th March
9: 11th-12th April

Apparently the Morseyside 'dibble' cannit cope with a horse race and a futbaall match on the same day!

There are 39 horses in todays National----Lets hope it's not a 'one horse race' on Munday neet!-- "EH!?"

WOT NEXT @ ANFIELD?

Posted '1:41pm bells' Thorsday 9th April 2015

'KEEP THE FAITH!'  *** "WHEY!- 4 OF US ARE, ANYWAY!"

Now that the (annual) horror derby shows are behind us for anothaa season at least, we must 'move on' and think of wor next game away to 'The Liverbirds' @ Anfield next Munday neet!

With a ridiculous price of £52 for a ticket to 'stand' in 'The Anfield Road End' (row 12 this time!) many fans are wonderin' if it will be £10 a goal, come the end of the game? (and of course NOT in wor favour!)

Lookin' at the leegue table and with yet anothaa 'blankety blank' weekend comin' up, we could possibly find worsels just SIX points off a relegation place come Munday mornin', shud the revival of the 'no hope' teams below us continue on Saturday and Sunday!

With just 850 tickets sold for Munday neet, this will be the lowest number of Toon fans @ Anfield since 'little ol' me' started gannin there in 1968---wot does that tell yoo aboot the apathy and 'no hope' mentality of those who will stay behind and watch it on 'the box'?

More to follow on aall this later on in the week!   

NUFC LATEST TEAM FORMATION!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 7th April 2015

Wot 'John "Whey Aye-Where's Mee Pie?" Carver' said after wor latest 'disastrous derby debacle'!

CarverQuote: "We've only got 35 points!---You need 40 points!---We've got 7 games left!---Yi naa we're down to the bare bones!"

KRUL

R. TAYLOR, JANMAAT, WILLIAMSON, COLBACK, SISSOKO



GUTIERREZ, GOUFFRAN, AMEOBI, CABELLA, PEREZ

THE TOON'S NEW FORMATION
TO PLAY LIVERPOOL NEXT MUNDAY!
(1-5-5 !) 

THE SMBs 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Easter Munday 6th April 2015

Eggscruciating!

 

THE SMBs v THE TOON *** EASTER SUNDAY*** "THE DERBY GAME THAT NE ONE WANTS!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 4th April 2015

"WELCOME TO THE JOURNEY TO HELL!"
("AND BACK!")

Tomorrow we heed once again alang the Washington Highway for wor annual visit to The SOS, in a game that BOTH sets of fans could de withoot!
Honestly! it's purgatory gannin' to their place and they must feel the same aboot the retorn game!
The last time we played them it took a total of SEVEN HOURS from leavin' The Newcastle Arms to retornin' there after the game because of the torturous jorney doon and back by the yellow double decker skoool busses!

If yoo jumped in your car it would take yoo a maximum of 20 minutes to drive between 'The Cathedral on the Hill' and 'The Stadium of Sshhh! (yee naa wot!)' ---yet the busses (and Metro) that we must travel on to get there and back take forever!
The busses depart @ '2 bells' from Barrack Road (for a '4 bells' kick off!) and it will take at least AN HOUR to get there, az we are escorted by 'The Dibble' in black marias, motor bike outriders plus police helicopters at a max 10mph! ---and when we eventually get to the SOS, Dibbles on horseback and those with barkin' dogs will then frogmarch us to the away tornstiles past the mackem hordes!---PURE PURGETORY for sure! 

And then of course there's THE MATCH!---anothaa defeat iz unthinkable but a real possibility and I'm sure the mackems feel the same az they are hoverin' aroond the relegation zone---and I'm certain a draw would be exceptable  to both camps! (we write this before any games have taken place today and tomorrow dinnatime and there iz a very real possibility that the SMBs could be in the bottom 3 come kick off time!)

History lesson: We have played the SMBs 151 times and have won 53, drawn 49 and lost 49 times.

Wor fost ever away meetin' took place at Newcastle Road <(would yoo believe?) when we lost 2-0 in an FA Cup tie in the 1888-1889 season in front of a 5,000 crowd 
Wor forst ever leegue meetin' took place @ Joker Park 10 seasons aler when we won 3-2 with Pendle (2) and Wardrope gettin' wor goals in front of a huge (in them days!) 25,000 crowd!

Geordie Times history: A 3-3 draw @ 'Joker' in 1967 when McNamee famously swung from the crossbar after scorin'
(Archive match report below)
PS: This will be 'The Geordie Times'z 50th competitive Tyne/weary derby game 'in a row' from 1967 onwards! <(If we make it!)   

PROFIT BEFORE PERFORMANCE!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 31st March 2015

NUFC have annoonced that we made a record EIGHTEEN MILLION, SEVEN HUNDRED THOOSAND POONDS profit in the last financial year!

It's just a pity that they keep it in their OWN pockets and not spend it on strengthenin' the squad!
Ne mention at aall that we languish in TWELTH place in the Premyaa Leegue and are slidin' doon' the table rapidly towards the 'abyss'!
It's just az well that there are anly 8 games to gan or we reeely would be in the s*it!---Wouldn't we!?  

NOT ANOTHAA BLANKETY BLANK!

Posted '10:12am bells' Sunday 29th March 2015


"SURPRISE! SURPRISE! ---I'M BACK AGAIN!"

With yet anothaa blank weekend to fill in---(this time due to the Internationals!) we were forced to find wor 'futbaall fix' elsewhere and had planned to gan and watch North Shields in the FA Vase semi final 2nd leg v Highworth Toon (Shields won the 1st leg away 1-0).
However!---the game waz a complete 1,500 selloot and so we heeded for one of wor fave haunts instead, namely 'The Dunston 'Bad Blue Boys' who were playin' *'Billy Syners' in a 'Tyne/Tees' Northern Leegue encoontaa! (*Billingham Synthonia)

'Geordie Times' intrepid reporter 'Tex' Taylor, however, managed to get hiz hands on a prized 'Shields' ticket and by the wonders of modern technologeee, he sent us a 'detailed' match report, via text messages from hiz mobile 'tellin' bone'!

WEMBLEY BOUND!

The 'detailed'? text messages went az follows:
'4:37 pm bells': "Shields 1-0!"
'4:49 pm bells': "2-0!"

This of course meeenz that North Shields are on their way to WEMBLEY!---where they will play Dunston's conqueror's Glossop North End in the final!---and 'The Geordie Times' sends them wor congratulations on bein' yet anothaa Tyneside based Northern Leegue side to reach the final!

'The Bad Blue Boys', by the way, won 3-2 @ Federation Park in front of 150 hardy souls in a game that waz played in a howlin' gale!  

'THE BAD BLUE BOYS' ATTACK THE 'BILLYS' GOAL