THE TOON U21s v CREWE ALEX U21s *** TOONEET!

Posted '10:17am bells' Monday 24th November

ACTION ORLIER THIS SEASON @ BLUE FLAMES
 (U21s v READING U21s)

Tooneet @ Blue Flames in Benton (aka Whitley Park), wor resorves have a mouth waaterin' cup tie against Crewe Alexandra? in the U21 Premier Leegue Cup!
Just how Crewe are in the U21 Premier Leegue iz anybodys guess? az of course their forst team languish in the lower reaches of the Futbaall Leegue <(where they have aalways been!) 

Get there orly to avoid 'the crush' az a crowd of 200 plus iz expected! 
The tie will be settled on the neet with extra time and penalties if necessary!
Kick off iz @ '7 bells' and admission iz FREE to season ticket holders and members

Updated Tuesday:

The Toon progressed to the next stage of the competition by defeatin' 'The Alex' 2-1 in front of a 317 'crowd'

Callum Roberts and Tom Heardman scored wor goals with Heardman's comin' in extra time to win the tie and put us in the last 16!

THE TOON 1 'APPY 'ARRY'S RAG & BONE MEN RANGERS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '10:27am bells' Sunday 23rd November 2014

"Sissok-go!---It's SIX in a row!"

THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END

This game waz 2nd last on 'Match of the Day' last neet which tells yoo just how good the game waz! (The mackems were on last!)

We started off well az we attacked 'The Leazes' and aalmost went aheed in the very forst minute when QPR goalie Green wellied a baall, which hit Colback and nearly rebounded into the net!

The rest of the half waz a bit dour with the visitors happy to gan in at the break on level terms!


LOOKIN' TOWARDS THE EAST STAND


An injury scare for Ryan Taylor waz the most worryin' point for us in the forst period and he waz forced to come off in tears in the 34th minute after his forst start for 993 days!

The 2nd half wasn't much better and with a goal-less draw loomin', up stepped 'The Sissoko Kid' to fire home an unstoppable shot from inside the area @ 'The Gallowgate' to send the 50,000 Geordies inside St James' crazy with delight!

There waz ne way back for 'The Rag & Bone Men' from Shepherd's Bush <(BBC comedy duo from the 1960s 'Steptoe & Son' came from here!) and we ran oot one-nil winners and recorded wor FIFTH leegue win in a row and SIXTH in aall competitions!

We amazingly climbed briefly to a 'Champions Leegue' position (4th) but MAN Us win @ 'The Arse' later on, knocked us back doon to 5th!

ACTION AT THE LEAZES END

Afterwards we foond oot that Ryan Taylor's injury wasn't az bad az we'd thought and he came off az a precaution az hiz knee felt 'a bit dodgy'! <(we wish him well!)

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Williamson, Dummett, Haidera, Ryan Taylor (Gouffran 34), Sissoko, Colback, Cabella (Cisse 68), Perez (Armstrong 89) , Sammy Ameobi

Attendance: 51,915 (inc my great nephew 'Dan from Darlo') (1,400 or so QPR)

                                      
(2nd highest attendance in the UK behind 'The Arse')

SOME QPR FANS OOTSIDE ST JAMES' PARK!

*
Wor stats for the season so far are quite impressive actually.
In the Premya Leegue and Leegue Cup oot of 15 games played so far, we have won 8 *** drawn 4 *** and lost just 3 !

P45DEW?---we still resorve wor judgement til after Xmas az we still have to play Chelski, 'The Arse', Sporz, 'The SMBs', and Man U!

THE TOON v 'APPY 'ARRY's RAG & BONE MEN RANGERS *** TOODAY @ '3 BELLS'

Posted '10:19am bells' Saturday 22nd November 2014

THE LAST TIME WE MET***
THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END

After a fortneets break we are back in action against QPR @ St James' this afternoon

We understand that ower 50,000 tickets have been sold so far and a 'selloot' looks on the cards (not sure just how many wor visitors have sold?)

We are gannin for wor SIXTH! win on the boonce against lowly QPR--but this iz NUFC of course and anythin' can happen!!!???

History: The last time we met @ SJP we won 1-0 with Shola Ameobi gettin' the anly goal of the game in the 2012-2013 season in front of a 50,180 crowd (900 QPR).

Wor forst EVER meetin' took place az recently az 1968 @ SJP where we won 3-2 in front of a 35,000 plus crowd in an old  forst Division match. <(now Premyaa Leegue!)
Wor goal scorers were Ollie Burton, Keith Dyson and Tommy Gibb and 'The Geordie Times' waz there!

In total we have played the "west Landaners" 46 times, winnin' 22, drawin' 8 and losin' 16!   Goals for 66---goals against 67

A full and compreeehesive 'Geordie Times' match report and pix will appear here sometime tomorrow!

MANC MUPPETS U18s 2 THE TOON U18s 0

Posted '9:47am bells' Saturday 22nd November 2014

On a rainy neet in the Manchester suburbs <(wot else in Manchester!?) the Toon U18s succumbed to Man Us equivalent and lost 2-0.
3 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers made the trip, namely 'Michael the Mag', Adam (minus hiz aunt!) and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer'! And they sent 'The Geordie Times' a compreeehensive match report and pix for yoo to enjoy?

"A goal each side of the break from Marcus Rashford condemned The Toon to defeat in front of 433 @ Moss Road, Altrincham last neet!" <(end of 'compreeehensive' match report!?)

And az for the 'pix'??? <(they forgot to send them!---they are sacked!!!!)

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS!

Updated '12:30pm bells' Friday 21st November 2014

Wor U18s game against Man U U18s toooneet haz been confirmed and will be played @ Moss Lane, Altrincham and NOT Man Us trainin' groond @ Carrington ,az haz been wrongly reported in various publications!

Kick off iz @ '7 bells' in this Under 18s Premyaa Leegue game!

Most of the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' <(inc little ol' me!) have been here before, and therefore won't be gannin', but the likes of 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' and 'Michael the Mag' havvent and they will be makin' the trek ower the M62 sometime this afternoon to tick 'this one' 'off their list'! <(the traffic iz terrible on the M62 on a Friday afternoon!---so best of luck to them!)

(PS: A mad-sad groundhoppers archive match report from 'The Geordie Times'z visit here 10 years ago, when NUFC resorves played Man U resorves, iz printed below!)
(ground number 233) 

233 moss lane altrincham

(GROUND NUMBER 233)

Date of First Visit: 21^st APRIL 2004

MOSS LANE, ALTRINCHAM

MANCHESTER UNITED RESERVES  2

NEWCASTLE UNITED RESERVES  1  (Ferrell)

BARCLAYCARD PREMIERSHIP RESERVE LEAGUE (NORTH)

ATTENDANCE 333

 

“WHEN WILL WE EVER LEARN!?”

 

Ah had nee choice if ah wanted tih gan tih this one but tih tek a day off graft az ah waz offered some work deliverin’ goods tih Cheshire and Manchester (of aall places!) forCarters Express’.

Az we were actually playin’ in the Manchester area it waz temptin’ tih tek thework and ‘park up’ for the neet in Altrincham.

 

However!---because they needed the truck back for orly the next day, it waz ‘oot of the question’ and it would’iv meant missin’ the match az there would’nt be enough time tih drive back doon.

(Plus it would’iv meant iz drivin’ ower six hundred miles and passin’ ‘The ‘M62’ Farmhoose’, fower times in one day!----(It waz just TOO! much tih contemplate!)

And so (‘it came to pass’!) ah blew yet another days graft tih watch the resorves play on a new groond.

 

A’d picked ‘Biffa’ up on the way at Garforth station (he’d been workin’ in York) and just the two of us heeded for Moss Lane, the home of Altrincham and Man Utd resorves.

The King George booza just doon the road from the groond waz wor forst ‘port ‘o’ caall’ when we arrived there.

Amazingly, ‘The Undertaker’ had decided tih give this one ‘a miss’ az he waz runnin’ out of lou days from graft and said that he’d ‘catch up’ when we played there the followin’ season.

 

Afta a couple of gargels wih heeded for the groond and surprizingly, (considerin’ it was’nt too far from Manchester) there were very few fans inside the groond when we got there?

 

Az the match kicked off the were bearly 300 spectators present and this total (az usual) included quite a few Toon fans, most of them of course livin’ in the area!

‘Glen from Ashington’ then made an appearance and  he waz the anly ‘saddo’ apart from me and ‘Biffa’ who had travelled doon from the north east.

(This waz aalso ‘Biffas’ 100^th Toon game of the season!)

 

We were waalkin’ aroond the groond tih get a good vantage point when Man U struck the forst blow.

With bearly thorty secs on the clock, ‘one’ Chris Eagles had a shot which ‘flew’ (sic!) intih the Toon net!----NOT! a good start!

 

That torned out tih be the anly score in the forst period, which tih be porfectly ‘blunt’ (and mee surname is ‘Sharp’)  waz total CR**!

 

At half time, Altrincham did a presentation to some Man U directors az this (the loudspeaker announcer announced) waz the last time that the Old Trafford second string would be playin’ there!

(Or waz it ManU deein a presentation tih Altrincham???)

Wait til ‘The Undertaker’ finds THIS! oot ah thought!---remember!--- he’d said that he’d dee this groond the next season! (OH! NO HE WON’T!)

 

ANYWAY!---the second half waz just az cr** az the forst and The Toon went fortha behind with twenty mins tih gan when Ramage in the Newcastle defence gave away a penalty.

Eagles took the pen and it ‘soared’ intih the top corner! (double sic!)

 

‘SICK’!----you’re not kiddin’, and it made us wonder just why we bother with theeze games (once again!)

 

Just before full time Andy Ferrell gave us sommik tih cheer when he scored with a fine solo effort!, but it waz aall much too late and aboot a minute later the ref blew for full time.

 

Aa  gave Glen a lift back in mee ‘limo’ and az wih past the ‘M62’ farmhoose the farmers wife waz busy

draa-in  hor bedroom curtains, ready for a bit ‘shut-eye’! (or sh**???)

 

 

 

TOON U21s 7 TEAM NORTHUMBRIA 0 *** NORTHUMBERLAND SENIOR CUP QWAATAA FINAL

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 19th November 2014


"AND HERE'S YOUR STARTER FOR 7!"


Dreams of a replay so that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' could visit a new groond very quickly evaporated @ 'Blue Flames' last neet in front of 268 hardy souls! <(NOT includin' me---I may add, az aa had to gan to graft!)

A hat-trick by Sean Longstaff and forthaa goals from Gilliead, Olley, Ward and Broccoli sealed the university sides fate in this very one sided contest! 

"THEY DON'T LIKE US!---THEY DON'T CARE!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 18th November 2014

An absolutelee disgraceful decision by Millwaall FC to play their FA Youth tie against us on the same afternoon az wor forst team visits 'The Arse', meenz we can't possibly take in both games in their entirety!
Wor game @ 'The Emirates' kicks off @ '5:30 bells' on Saturday 13th December, while wor Youth game @ The New Den kicks off @ '3 bells' on the same day!

Az it would take at least an hour to travel between the 2 groonds, NUFC asked Millwaall if they could bring the Youth Cup tie forward a couple of hours so Toon groundhoppers could attend both games---but they REFUSED POINT BLANK!

The Youth Cup game could aalso gan to extra time and penalties meenin' that it wouldn't finish before wor game @ 'The Arse' started! <(meenin' that we would end up missin' it, if we stayed til the bitter end!) 

Aall Millwaall had to de waz bring the kick off time forward by TWO HOURS to help us---but they have insisted that the game gans aheed @ '3 bells'---Az their club songs gans----"No one like us!---We Don't care!"

"NO GO! FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!"
(Unless we miss the Arsenal game!)

Meenwhile!---wor U21s take on Team Northumbria tooneet at 'Blue Flames' Benton in The Northumberland Senior Cup @ '7:30 bells'---A draw would meen a replay @ Team Northumbria's Coach Lane groond!--anothaa groond we have nevaa been te (like The New Den!)

"THE CLUBHOOSE WHERE TIME STOOD STILL!"

Posted '11:20am bells' Sunday 16th November 2014

THE DUNSTON CLOCK, SHOWIN' THE CORRECT TIME
AFTER THE MATCH!
(ING-ER-LAND ARE ON THE TELLY!---AND NEBODYS WATCHIN'!)

Az mentioned before, The Toon had a 'Blankety Blank' weekend yet again due to the European International qualifiers, so it waz decided to heed for Federation Park, where the Dunston 'Bad Blue Boys' were playin' 'The Guisborough 'mackems' <(they play in red n white stripes!) in a Northern Leegue fixture.

The clubhoose (of course!) waz the forst 'port o caall' and aa arrived in good time for a few 'gargels' before the match. A couple of the othaa lads came in and we sat and chatted az we supped wor ale.
And then aall of a sudden aa hord a loud 'thud' and looked in the direction where the noise had came from, but could see nothin' amiss? <(very strange?)

10 minutes later a'd nearly finished mee pint and looked towards the clock on the waall to see if we had time for anothaa pint (or 2!) before the kick off!---But the clock wasn't there???---and then aa 'tumbled'---it waz the clock which had faallen off the waall and had made the loud thud!

"John!", aa shouted to the committee man behind the bar!, "Aa think yi clock's faallen off the waall!", pointin in the direction of the empty space on the 'said' waall!

He duly went to retrieve the clock which had faallen onto a chair and put it back up and waalked away.  "The clock's 10 minutes slow!", somebody shouted and John went back, took the clock back off the waall and moved the minute hand 10 minutes forward to the correct time!
He couldn't hear the clock tickin' and tapped the glass to try and get it gannin'---but to no avail!?---- 

And then a Dunston fan foond sommik else on the floor! "Aa think yi need this to get the clock gannin', John!", he yelled, az he held a BATTERY above hiz heed!

Huge roars of laughter suddenly enveloped the packed clubhoose az John sheepishly took the clock off the waall yet again and put the battery back in! 
He then skulked off back to the bar, tryin' to hide hiz blushes in the process! <(Yi COULDN'T make it up!)

The game torned ott to be just az 'entertainin' with Guisborough winnin'  a '7 goal thriller', by 4 goals to 3!
Az predicted by 'The Geordie Times' in an orlier article (see below!), we (once again!) missed a goal at the start of the 2nd half, scored by Guisborough, az we were still in the clubhoose at the time! <(we must have missed a 100 goals ower the years because of this!)

STEVE 'BULLY' BULL SCORES FROM THE SPOT FOR 'THE BAD BLUE BOYS'!

A very 'entertainin day' in more ways than one!

The goals sequence:
Adam Gell (shot) 0-1 to Guisboro
David Coulson (heeder) 1-1
og Ben Cattanach 1-2
Liam McPhillips (heeder) 1-3
Dale Burrell (25yard shot) 2-3
Dan Earl (shot) 2-4
Steve Bull (pen) 3-4


Attendance: 200 (estimated)   

BLANKETY BLANK TIMES 4 !

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 15th November 2014

"I'M BACK AGAIN!"

For the fourth time this season so far, we find worsels withoot an NUFC game ower the weekend due to the International breaks and Monday neet futbaall! (3 times for Internationals and once for Mondays!)

This meeenz that we must find wor 'fix' somewhere else yet again, with 'The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston' lookin' the best bet az they are at home to Guisborough Toon in a Northern Leegue encoontaa <(providin' their pitch haz recovered from the resent doonpours!?) (kick off '3 bells')

Next up for any of the Toon's teams iz a Resorve U21s home game in the Northumberland Senior Cup, against Team Northumbria on Tuesday neet.
And the best result will be a draw for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers', az the replay will be played @ Northumbria's Coach Lane groond next door to The NUFC trainin' groond---a groond we have nevaa seen the Toon play at! <(Hence--why we are prayin' for a draw!)

The forst team aren't in action again til next Saturday when we take on 'appy 'arry's Rag and Bone Men' from Shepherd's Bush (QPR!) @ St James' Park!

Shud the 'Bad Blue Boys' game be played, then we will bring yoo a report from there sometime tomorrow!--- but "beware!"---'The Geordie Times' normally misses the start of the 2nd half az we will still be drinkin' wor half time tipples az the game restarts and there iz the distinct possibility that we might miss a goal (or two!) when we stagger from the clubhoose back to wor standin' places nearest to the 18 yard box!