Friday, 16 May 2014

"HEEDIN' OFF TO WEMBLEY!"

Posted '2:15pm bells' Friday 16th May 2014

In celebration of Gatesheed's trip to Wembley on Sunday we have 'dug up' this archive from the distant past, when The Toon played The Heed @ Redheugh Park in Gatesheed some 44 years ago!

There'll be more to follow on the Wembley trip tomorrow!

Thursday, 15 May 2014

"NO ONE LIKES US!" *** "WE DON'T CARE!"

Posted '1:16pm bells' Thorsday 15th May 2014

The above line iz taken from a Millwaall song, but in this case it iz NUFC who are singin' it to the fans of wor great club!

THE BACK PAGE OF TODAY'S 'RONNY GILL'
The club had reiterated <(we hate that F*****' word!) that survival in The Premyaa Leegue takes aall presidents ower everythin' else and that 'The Fat Controller's' 'puppet on a string' 'I Beg Your Pardew', will indeed be wor manager/spokesman/dogsbody, come wot may ower the next 12 months!

The 'cups' again are of NO priority and we will NOT be attemptin' to win any, az this of course will 'interfere' with wor survival plans!

We are aalso telt that we CANNOT compete with the likes of Liverpool and will have to live within our means, despite bein' in the top 20 'world rich list' and bein' the 12th best supported futbaall club on the planet! <("Pass the beggin' bowl pleeeze!")

Where do we gan from here!---whey! Wembley with Gatesheed on Sunday for starters!---NUFC certainly won't get the chance to gan there next season!---that's a CERTAINTY!

Much more to follow on Gatesheed and 'The Heedbangers Army' Wembley trip ower the next couple of days! 

Wednesday, 14 May 2014

NUFC v SAFC *** PREMYAA LEEGUE GATES THIS SEASON

Final update: '1:28pm bells' Wednesday 14th May 2014


ST JAMES' PARK *** HOME OF THE NORTH EAST'S LOYALIST FANS!?
YOU DECIDE!

Az mentioned previously, safc fans are claimin' that they are just az loyal az nufc fans and because of this 'The Geordie Times' statttistician <(we can spell aall the big words!) haz published below the Premiership attendances of both clubs for this season from the 'highest' to 'lowest' from the 38 home games between the two clubs!



Key:
nufc in white
safc in pink

The NUFC v SAFC Premyaa Leegue final attendance table
2013-2014


Updated Monday 7th April 2014 

1 nufc v safc 52,280 (5,967 more than safc got against 'us'!)
2 nufc v arsenal 52,161 (13,106 more than safc v arsenal)
3 nufc v man u 52,081 (7,665 more than safc v man u)
4 nufc v liverpool 51,703 (10,288 more than safc v liverpool)
5 nufc v chelsea 51,674 (11,022 more than safc v chelsea)
6 nufc v stoke 51,665 (16,920 more than safc v stoke)
7 nufc v palace 51,588 (7,952 more than safc v palace)
8 nufc v hull 51,523 (8,713 more than safc v hull)
9 nufc v norwich 51,328 (13,550 more than safc v norwich)
10 nufc v swansea 51,057 (5,477 more than safc v swansea) 
11 nufc v villa 50,417 (10,660 more than safc v villa)
12 nufc v cardiff 50,239 (7,842 more than safc v cardiff) 
13 nufc v west ham 49,622 (11,226 more than safc v west ham)
14 nufc v man city 49,423 (9,286 more than safc v man city
15 nufc v wba 49,298 (4,117 more than safc v wba)
16 nufc v sooothampton 49,164 (11,049 more than safc v soton)
17 nufc v sporz 48,264 (10,301 more than safc v sporz)
18 nufc v everton 47,622 (9,177 more than safc v everton)
19 nufc v fulham 46,402*** (2,497 more than safc v fulham)
20 safc v nufc 46,313*** (see above!)
21 safc v swansea 45,580 (see above!)
22 safc v wba 45,181 (see above!)
23 safc v man u 45,416 (see above!)
24 safc v fulham 43,905 (see above!)
25 safc v palace 43,636 (see above!)
26 safc v hull 42,810 (see above!)
27 safc v cardiff 42,397 (see above!)
28 safc v liverpool 41,415 (see above!)
29 safc v chelsea 40,652 (see above!)
30 safc v man city 40,137 (see above!)
31 safc v villa 39,757 (see above!)
32 safc v arsenal 39,055 (see above!)
33 safc v everton 38,445 (see above)
34 safc v sooothampton 38,115 (see above!)
35 safc v sporz 37,963 (see above!)
36 safc v norwich 37,778 (see above!) 
37 safc v west ham 37,396 (see above!)
38 safc v stoke 34,745 (see above!)

 

*** = nufc's lowest crowd
*** = safc's highest crowd

nufc average leegue gates 2013-2014: 50,395
safc average leegue gates 2013-2014: 41,090
difference: 9,305 per game in nufc's favour!

Az yoo can see, nufc's LOWEST leegue crowd for the season iz actually HIGHER than safc's HIGHEST crowd! (which waz against 'US'!)
Again! we will leave yoo to draw your own conclusions az to who have the most loyal supporters!
(For the aall time attendance list for nufc v safc, see right hand tool bar list and 'click')

Monday, 12 May 2014

THE LIVERBIRDS 2 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2013-2014

Posted '1:55pm bells' Monday 12th May 2014
VIEW FROM ROW 24 OF 'THE ANFIELD ROAD END'
(LOOKIN' TOWARDS 'THE KOP')

"DOWD AND OUT!"

A game that 'The Liverbirds' had to win to have any chance of the Leegue title waz played in a very strange atmosphere az the Scousers just knew that 'The Blue Moonies' of Manchester wouldn't 'blow it' against 'Fat Sam's Jellied Eels Mob' just alang the M62

We in fact took the lead in the 20th minute when a Yoan Gouffran cross waz deflected into the net at The Kop End by Skrtel, to send the Toon fans wild and 'The Liverbirds' fans into disappear!

We held on to wor lead az news from Manchester filtered through that City were winnin' 1-0 to forthaa dampen the home fans spirits!
LOOKIN' TOWARDS 'THE KEMLYN ROAD STAND'
(THE TOON ARE IN GREY--TIM KRUL IZ IN ORANGE)

We were still 1-0 up at the break and had played well up until this point, but then in the 2nd period we hit the self destruct button with 2 Gerrard free kicks that ended up in wor net!

The forst one shud nevaa have been az we shud have had a free kick just before this, but referee Phil Dowd though otherwise and waved 'play on'!
Steve Gerrard took it from the edge of the box and hiz cross to the far side foond Agger and he somehow stuck a leg oot to level the scores in the 63rd minute!
An identical free kick just 2 minutes later foond Sturridge this time and he scored a virtually identical goal to Agger!
Shola argued with the ref just az we were aboot to restart the game and he waz sent off by Dowd for dissent!
Game ower!

News from 'Mancland' that 'The Blue Moonies' were now leadin' 2-0 waz 'delightfully' conveyed to the Liverbirds by the 2,800 Toon fans in The Anfield Road End!

Paul Dummett then scythed doon Suarez near the end and he waz aallso given hiz marchin' orders by Referee Dowd just FIVE minutes after he came on az a sub! to leave us with just 9 men left on the pitch to see oot the remainder of the game!

The usual excuses by 'I Beg Your Pardew' then followed and he then telt anybody who cared to listen that we would sign 4 or 5 new players in the summer transfer window!
"Aa think wi'v hord this one before Alan, mate!---aa think wi'v hord this one before Alan, mate!---aa think wi'v------------!!!!!"

Toon team: Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Haidera, Coloccini, Steve Taylor (De Jong 73) <(waste of space!), Sissoko, Anita, Shola Ameobi, Tiote (Dummett 82), Gouffran (Sammy Ameobi 78)

Attendance: 44, 724 (2,800 Toon fans, happy to see the end of the season at last!)

Before the match we went to wor fave 'haunt of 'The Clock' wino bar! which iz aboot the same waalkin' distance between Goodison Park and Anfield (pix below)
"A DRINKERS PARADISE!"


ENTRANCE TO THE 'SELECT'
LOUNGE AREA OF THE BAR!

'STATE OF THE ART' FLOORING IN THE BAR AREA!
(Note that the tiles are stapled to the floor!
This iz to stop anybody nickin' them!)
 

A POLITE NOTICE IN THE 'PRISTINE' 'TOOL SHED'
TO ONE OF THEIR 'REGULAR' CUSTOMERS!

Sunday, 11 May 2014

THE LIVERBIRDS v THE TOON *** SUNDAY AFTERNOON!

Updated '9:15pm bells Saturday 10th May 2014
NOT FOR SALE AT ANY PRICE!
(ER! THE TICKET, THAT IZ!---NOT THE BEARS OR PENGUIN!)

The last game of the season teks place @ Anfield @ '3 bells' tomorrow afternoon and anly a win for the home side and defeat for 'The Blue Moonies' of Manchester, will give them the title!

Shud 'The Blue Moonies' anly draw against 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham on Sunday, then 'The Liverbirds' will have to beat us 13-0 ! to claim the trophy! <(divvint panic---they've NEVAA beaten us 13-0 before!)
Any sized win for 'The Blue Moonies' will give them the title and break Scouse hearts <(of the red variety only!)

Nebody gives us any chance of winnin' or even gettin' a draw, which iz hardly suprizing considerin' that we have lost the last 4 away games withoot scorin' a solitary goal!
Aalso we haven't won @ Anfield for ower 20 years and everbody iz expectin' the worst!
Both Cisse and Santon will be missin' and god naaz aboot Ben Arfa???

Adam Armstrong won't be there eethaa az he iz on England U17 International duty! The Toon will wear their FIFTH different strip this season---'the new aall grey number' <(lets hope it isn't 'a grey day' for us!)

We have sold wor entire allocation of 2,800 tickets and leaflets were handed oot at 'The Arse' last week, urgin' Toon fans to 'sell their £48 tickets' for between £500 and £1,000! to desperate Scousers in this title decider! <("NE WAY!")


FONE NUMBERS AND E MAIL ADDRESS HIDDEN
FOR OBVIOUS REASONS!
DIVVINT SELL YOUR SOUL TO A TICKET TOUT!


Match/liquid lubrication report to follow sometime on Monday!---Az per usual 'watch this space'!  

CULLERCOATS 4 GATESHEED RUTHERFORD (sorry!) GATESHEED REDHEUGH 1 ("or waz the score the othaa way roond!???") *** NORTHERN ALLIANCE DIVISION 1

Posted '6:48am bells' Sunday 11th May 2014

"FROM LAND'S END TO JOHN O GROATS!"
"FROM WHITLEY BAY TO CULLERCOATS!"
"SHELTER FROM THE STORM!"

Az we had ne game to gan te once agen coz The Toon wornt due to play til the next day, it waz decided to heed for the coast on the Metro and take in Cullercoat's last Northern Alliance game of the season at their seaside groond in Links Avenue 

The wethaa wasn't 'ower clever' az we 'attacked' 'The Queens Heed' on the sea front, az black clouds desended!
A few 'liquid refreshments' later and it waz time to heed for the ground which waz aboot half a mile inland.

Cullercoats opponents were a team from Gatesheed, which isn't tooo far from where we live and so that's who we would 'support' for the day!

It waz still thankfully dry az we foond a spare space on the half way line (we were the anly ones there at the time!) az the teams ran oot from the portacabin on the othaa side of the pitch!

'The Caped Crusader' informed us that the Gatesheed RUTHERFORD team were wearin' black n white qwaatered shirts and that Cullercoats therefore were wearin' red n blue!

The Cullercoat's goalie waz (shall we say!) a rather large chappy weighin' aboot 18 stone and within 10 minutes he fumbled the baall which ended up in the net to give Gatesheed Rutherford the lead <(or so we thought!?) at 'The North Sea End'!

A lad we naa called Peter who supports Whitley Bay just doon the road, then torned up and informed us that in fact it waz Cullercoats who were wearin' black n white qwaataaz and NOT Gatesheed!
(ie: We'd got the 'colours' wrang in 'Culler'coats! and had 'cheered' the wrang team for half an hour!)

'The Caped Crusader, Paul the Peddler' <(he had hiz bike!) and 'The Mad Professor' who were in wor party still wornt convinced, but an advort on the red n blue strip waz from a Gatesheed firm? <(would a Gatesheed firm sponser Cullercoats???)
Anyway by half time the visitors (or home team perhaps?) had equalised and they went in aall square at the break!

The referee, it shud be noted waz the faathaa of 'Liam from the Lamp', who iz of course 'The Geordie Times' cheeef futbaall correspondent and the linesman on wor side waz hiz 16 year old nephew! (Liam wasn't there by the way) <(the part time bustard!)


"SHELTER FROM THE STORM!"

Anyway!-- Cullercoats <(or Gatesheed?) retook the lead and before lang it waz 3-1 !
The rain then desended in torrents and we made 'a sharp' exit to the bus stop on the main road az it waz the anly shelter available in the whole groond!
We still got soaken though az the rain came in sideway az there waz ne cover at the front!

Anothaa goal for the home side/visitors? sealed the game and thankfully az 'Liam from the Lamp's daddy blew for full time the rain had ceased and we trundled off soakin' wet to the nearest waaterin' hole doon the road caalled 'The Quarry' to dry oot and wet wor appetites! <(if yi see warra meen???)

It waz then onward to Whitley Bay Metro station and yem!---a great win for eethaa Cullercoats or Gatesheed! <(we may nevaa find oot!)

PS: Next day aa got The Sunday Sun to solve wor mystery and it said that Cullercoats had beaten Gatesheed REDHEUGH and NOT Gatesheed RUTHERFORD 4-1 (ie: a totally different team!)

SO!---not anly did we get the teams strips the wrang way roond, we actually got the team that Cullercoats were playin', wrang az well! <(pass the asprins pleeeze!)
Gatesheed Rutherford play in the Northern Alliance Premier Leegue, while Gatesheed Redheugh play in the division below!

Therefore, 'The Geordie Times' can anly offer yoo--wor loyal reeders a grovellin' apology for theeze heinous blunders az well az an apology to the Cullercoats goalie for any hurt or distress caused by caallin' him a "fat bustard", when in fact he waz Gatesheed Rutherford's---"er! sorry!" Gatesheed REDHEUGH'S goalie!   
Hopefully the next time we watch an Alliance game, we will get the strips and teams right!??? <(the broon ale haz got a lot to answer for!)

Attendance: 38 and 'a half' <( 'a little baaby in a pram'!) plus a doggy!

PPS: Cullercoats features in an old Geordie Song which gans:
"Wherever yi gan your sure to find a Geordie!"
"Wherever yi gan yi'll here the Geordie twang!"
"From Land's End to John O Groats!"
"From Whitley Bay to Cullercoats!"





   

Thursday, 8 May 2014

THE GEORDIE TIMES *** A GROVELLING APOLOGY!

Posted '2:22pm bells' Thorsday 8th May 2014
TOON 'FANS?' HEED FOR THE EXITS IN THE 69th MINUTE!

In 'The Geordie Times' Cardiff match report we said that there waz a mass waalkoot in the 69th minute in protest and the club's plight (we last won a major trophy in 1969---The Fairs Cup!)

'Dave from York' haz inundated 'The Geordie Times' with hundreds of angry e mails in protest (er 'ONE' actually) sayin' that it waz hardly a 'mass' waalkoot, rather a 'mini' one!
He's reet of course, <(we did slightleee 'gan ower the top'!) but there were still a canny few who left at this precise minute in The Milburn Stand and the rest of the groond! (4,000 or so!)
We can anly give a grovellin' apology to Dave for wor grossleee eggzagerated error and hope he forgives us!??? "Grovel! Grovel!"

However! by the end of the match The East Stand, for example, DID HAVE thoosands of empty grey seats on show for aall to see, despite wor 3-0 win!----
90 MINUTES + ***PICTURE 'NICKED' FROM nufc.com!

Wednesday, 7 May 2014

WORLDS BEST SUPPORTED CLUBS WITH AVERAGE LEAGUE ATTENDANCES OF OWER 50,000

Posted 2:52pm bells' Wednesday 7th May 2014
Add caption
The Leazes End of St James' Park from Leazes Park


Borussia Dortmund are by far and away the current best supported futbaall club in the world, while 'the club with ne ambition', namely NUFC, are in 12th place worldwide with a magnificent/foolhardy? average of 50,395!

Europe haz aall the best supported clubs on the planet
Below are the 13 clubs who have averaged ower 50,000 crowds!

1 Borussia Dortmund (Jawmany) 80,676

2 Man U Muppets (England) 75,207

3 Barcelona (Spain) 72,776

4 Real Madrid (Spain) 72,200

5 Bayern Munich (Jawmany) 71,009

6 Schalke 04 (Jawmany) 61,483

7 The Arse (England) 60,013

8 The Munchin' Gladbachs (Jawmany) 52,505

9 Hamborg (Jawmany) 51,976

10 Ajax (Holland) 50,906

11 Stuttgart (Jawmany) 50,674

12 THE TOON ((Geordieland!) 50,395

13 Hertha Berlin (Jawmany) 50,186

Tuesday, 6 May 2014

NORTHERN LEEGUE CUP FINAL *** @ ST JAMES' TOONEET!

Posted '2:07pm bells' Tuesday 6th May 2014

To celebrate 125 years of The Northern Leegue, St James' Park, (above) will host the final between Whitley Bay and Marske United toneet @ '7:15 bells'.

St James' staged one of the forst ever games in September 1889 (the month the leegue waz formed) when Newcastle West End defeated arch rivals Newcastle East End 2-0 in front of a 4,000 crowd!
Of course just three years later the two clubs amalgamated to become Newcastle United FC!

Admission iz £5 for big kids and £3 for sprogs and zimmerframeites via The East Stand!

Update Wednesday dinnatime: Marske won the cup 2-1 after extra time in front of 1,503 spectators, with the winnin' goal (a penalty) comin' in extra time stoppage time!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHHHD!

Posted '10:47am bells' Tuesday 6th May 2014

'GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE!
"OPEN TOP BUS TOUR PLANNED FOR NUFC!"

FLASHBACK TO 1974
TOP & MIDDLE PIX: ST JAMES' PARK
BOTTOM PIC: 'THE CARDBOARD CUP TOUR'
GANS UP NEWGATE STREET!

Followin' last neets dramatic 3 goal comeback in the last 12 minutes from 'The Crystal Balls' against 'The Liverbirds' to draw 3-3, it meenz that with just 1 point gained the sooth Londoners CARNT now catch us in the 'table race' and NUFC can finish no lower than 10th position in the Premyaa Leegue!

We are currently in 9th place and anly 'The Stoke P*ss Potters' can now owertake us, shud they win away to 'The Baggie Troosers of West Brom' on Sunday and we lose to 'The Liverbirds'!

An open top bus tour of the city centre haz been mentioned with 'The Fat Controller' holdin' up a cardboard cut oot of a cup with   "WE FINISHED IN THE TOP TEN!" written on it, in black felt tipped pen! <(ne expense spared!)

40 years ago today, then club captain Bobby Moncur did exactly the same thing, famously? holdin' a cardboard cut oot of the FA Cup aloft on an open top bus tour, after we lost 3-0 to 'The Liverbirds' in the 1974 final!

'The tour' iz expected to start at The Tyne Bridge and travel via the 'new' castle, Northumberland Street, Greys Monument and Eldon Square, before endin' at the 'gates' of St James' Park!
A lap of honour will then take place aroond the pitch with the heed groondsman, hiz staff and the tea lady in attendance, to witness this momentous occasion!  "MISSION ACCOMPLISHHHD!"  

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