THE JELLIED EELS MOB v THE TOON ***SATURDAY!

Posted '6:40am bells' Saturday 4th May 2013

Wor thord last game of the season iz now on the horizon against 'The Jellied Eels Mob' today @ '3 bells' and it looks ever so likely that we won't naa wor fate until the final baall iz kicked in three weekends time, against 'The Arse' @ St James', in the very last game of the season!

Havin' lost AALL FOWER of wor games in London this season so far, it doesn't look good for wor trip to the "eest end" of the big city!

We can anly hope that aall the 'hype' that the players and manager have been spoutin' off ower the last few days followin' wor disasterous defeat against 'The Liverbirds', aboot, "bein' a united group!" and "stickin together!", finally works this time in the capital!?<(although they've been sayin' that aall season and look where we are!)

'Captain Coloccini' iz expected 'steer the ship' after bein' oot since February, although 'Marveaux the Magician' iz doubtful with a groin strain.

Old boys Andy 'Pandy' Carroll and *'King' Kevin Nolan will be oot to prove a point against us and I for one hope that the Toon fans divvint give them a load of 'stick', for that will surely fire them up!
(*'King' coz he scored a hat-trick for us against the SMBs in 2010!)

*2,000 fans are makin' the trip doon to 'the smoke', so lets hope we aall have a canny 'drinkin' trip' back to Tyneside tooneet!?<("Er!"---just foond oot!---the trains 'dry'!")
(*'The Ronny Gill' claims we will have 3,000 fans @ the game?)

We are off on wor travels in just ower an hours time, on the '8 bells' train to 'King's Cross', but just to hoy a 'spanner into the works' the direct District Line tube we normally get to Upton Park from 'King's Cross' haz 'line work closures' and we will have to get FOWER! different tube trains to get there!<(just to make life a bit harder!) 

The othaa weekend fixtures that effect us:
(points in brackets) (NUFC have 37 points)

Saturday:
The Wacko Jacko Jivers(40) v The Biscuitmen (25) <Cannit catch us!
The Canary Custards (38) v The Hazbeens and Villians(37)
Spors(n/a) v Soothampton (38)
The Baggie Troosers(n/a)  v The Blue Wigs (32)
Monday:
SMBs(37) v The Pulis P*ss Potts(40)

PS: for a '44 year old archive match report' on wor game @ Upton Park in 1969, scroll doon the page!)


Footnote: Anothaa north east team who play in black n white stripes will be in London today az well!
Northern Leegue Spennymoor Toon are in the FA Vase final @ Wembley where they meet Tunbridge Wells.
Shud they win, then they will bring the cup back north for the fifth year runnin' aftaa previous successes by 'The Whitley Baywatchers' (3 times winners) and 'The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston', who won it last year!
We at 'The Geordie Times' wish them well in their quest for the coverted silverware!  

THE NEW ZEALAND 'AALL BLACKS' ARE COMIN' TO TOON!

Posted '10:10am bells' Friday 3rd May 2013

The Rugby World Cup iz comin' to Tyneside in 2015 when three games will be played @ St James' Park.
The one game that sticks oot 'like a sore thumb' iz  ' the New Zealand 'Aall Blacks' game against Tonga on 9th October.

Although a'v NEVER been to a rugby game in mee life, aa quite fancy watchin' this game if aa can get a ticket!
This ISN'T the forst time that a New Zealand side have played @ St James' Park by the way, for in October 1984 aa saw NUFC play a friendly against New Zealand's futbaall team and we won
3-0!---but wot waz significent aboot this game?

Kenny Wharton, Chris 'Waddler' Waddle and Pat Heard were wor scorers, but wot waz the attendance?***WAZ IT!***(A) 3,486?***
(B) 13,486? or (C) 23,486?
Answers on a postcard pleeze to: The Geordie Times, Wor Hoose, Geordieland!

'The Geordie Times' will give yoo the answer sometime next week! (so watch this space!)   

LIFE BEGINS @ 40 QUID!

Posted '9:00am bells' Friday 3rd May 2013 

Mee QPR ticket haz just faallen on the doormat and iz priced @ £45<(plus £1 bookin fee!)  for the final away game of the season. 

This meeenz that the cost of aall 19 Premyaa Leegue away games this season in total comes to a staggerin' £773 includin' a £1 bookin' fee for each ticket!
That works oot @ an average of £40.68 a ticket for wot are normally the worst 'corner' seats in the groond!

The most expensive ticket this season waz for wor Premyaa Leegue away opener @ Stamford Bridge against The OAPs of Chelski @ *£56 per ticket and the cheapest @ *£26 @ 'The Blue Wigs' JJB Stadium<(it's origional name!)
(*includin' the bookin fee)

The game @ Loftus Road, by the way, STILL hazzent been 100% conformed az a '3 bells' Sunday kick off az 'SKY' need to pick anothaa game for live telly on the Monday neet!
That's NINE days to gan til the match and we STILL divvint naa for certain that it will take place then!!!? <("Unbeleeevible!!!")

GEORDIE TIMES ARCHIVE *** GROUND 009***THE BOLEYN GROOND (UPTON PARK) 1969

Posted '11:00am bells' Thorsday 2nd May 2013

In the run up to Saturdays away game a'm re-postin' mee forst ever visit to "Landans eest end" to watch 'The Toon' 44 years ago, when we played 'The Jellied Eels Mob' @ Upton Park in March 1969

This archive match report iz now online below! 

THE PIT YAKKERS v THE WHITLEY BAYWATCHERS ***TOONEET @ ST JAMES'!

Posted '12:25pm bells' Wednesday 1st May 2013


VIEW FROM THE EAST STAND
Toon v Blackborn, FA Cup 2012
(Lookin' towards The Milburn Stand (centre)
and The Leazes End (right)


The final of the Northumberland Seeenya<(Senior!) Cup takes place toneet when 'The Pit Yakkers of Ashington' take on 'The Whitley Baywatchers' @ St James' Park in an aall Northern Leegue encoontaa!***kick off '7 bells'
It's £6 for grown ups and £3 for sprogs and zimmerframeites to get in<(East Stand tornstiles anly)

Unfortuanateleee, 'yours trueleee' won't be there az av got to gan 'night truckin' to Glasgow @ '9:30 bells', but there shud be a good torn oot az both teams have canny support!
Thorty minutes extra time will be played if needed followed by a penalty shootout, shud the scores remain level!

Get there if yi can and support your local teams!***'The Geordie Times' will of course post a special match report tomorrow, by somebody else!<(a'm not SykickK!)<('Geordie Times' spellin'!)

Updated '10:15am bells' Thorsday 2nd May 2013

Dressed in their black n white striped garb, 'The Pit Yakkers from Ashington' beat 'The Whitley Baywatchers 3-0 to lift 'The Northumberland Seenya Cup in front of a 1,500 crowd!<(but not includin' 'little old me' of course!) 

"MAY DAY!***MAY DAY!"

Posted '10:00am bells' Wednesday 1st May 2013


ACTION FROM WOR HOME GAME
v 'THE JELLIED EELS MOB'
LAST NOVEMBER! (We lost 1-0 !)


We must now put the catastrophic month of April behind us (when we performed like 'April showers'/'fools'!) and regroup yet again for the final three games in May to avoid 'the abyss'!

'The Hazbeens and Villians' 6-1 slaughter of the SMBs on Monday neet meenz that the men from Englands 2nd biggest city move ONE above us on goal difference, when anly last week they were TEN  behind us in the 'goals difference' table! (wot a 'difference'<(sic!) a week makes!)

'The Honeymoon Period' for the 'Manky Moggies' facist leader iz now 'on hold', az the SMBs are aalso level on points with us, az the scramble to avoid the trap-door continues unabaited!
Aall three of the above are now prayin' that 'The Blue Wigs' divvint win their game in hand and reduce the deficit to just TWO points!

The great news for NUFC iz that 'Captain Coloccini' iz expected to retorn to the fray against 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of "eest Landan" @ Upton Park on Saturday after a lang absence and hopefully hiz leadership will 'steer' us to safety!?

This game iz a selloot (2,000 allocation) az iz wor final visit to the capital a week on Sunday to relegated QPR <(or iz this game to be switched at the last minute, to MONDAY neet for live telly!?)
(QPR: 1,600 allocation)

Anyway!---'The Biscuitmen' and 'appy 'arry's Rag and Bone Men' relegated each othaa with a goal-less draw the othaa day, and hopefully the men from 'Steptoe country' won't be too bothered when WE play them!?

More to follow on wor 'norve shatterin' game in "Landan's eest end" this comin' Saturday, later!--a "MAY DAY" caall if ever there waz one!

                         

"30,000 THANKYOOZ! AND 10,000 YANKYOOZ!"

Updated '8:20pm bells Tuesday 30th April 2013


"HANDS UP!***FOR 'THE GEORDIE TIMES'!"


Apart form the weekend disaster show, two things have happened in the last few days in regard to 'The Geordie Times' pageviews!

We received wor THORTY THOOSANDTH!<(30,000th!) owerseas 'hit' @ the weekend and yesterday we passed the TEN THOOSAND MARK<(10,000!) for 'hits' from the USA!

A mammoth total for a daft futbaall blog, divvint yoo think?***135 countries and territories aroond the world have now viewed us!<(plus of course, MARS!)

The celebrations (az usual!) started off in New York City @ the top of  'The Empire State Building', which iz now a 'tradition' amongst wor friends across 'the pond'!


"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"

Yet again we thank each and every one of wor loyal reeeders from owerseas<>(and beyond!) for 'loggin in' at this difficult time!

"I BEG YOUR PARDEW!?"

Posted 2:50pm 'bells' Monday 29th April 2013

BACK PAGE OF YESTERDAYS SUNDIH SUN!

The backlash of Saturdays capitulation are startin' to reverberate aroond Tyneside, with many fans furious with wor performance ower the weekend!

Amazingleee, wor manager says he ISN'T! embarressed aboot wor worst home defeat for 88 years!  (Blackborn beat us 7-1 @ St James' in 1925!)< (Accordin to The Sundih Sun, 1925 was 87 years ago?)

The local 'rags' say it aall I think!

FRONT PAGE OF TODAYS  'RONNY GILL'! 

THE TOON 0 THE LIVERBIRDS 6 <(SIX!)

Updated '8:45pm bells' Sunday 28th April 2013

I reeely divvint naa wot to say aboot this performance???
The worst home defeat in my lifetime and the worst in livin' memory of anybody aged ninety five or under!!!
It doesn't get ANY worse than this!<(and I meeen that most sincerely folks!) from a team who 'promised'? to make up for 'derby disaster day' a fortneet ago!
They let us doon badly again of course, with a performance that would have insulted a Sunday league pub side!

THE BACK PAGES OF BOTH FRIDAY'S AND
SATURDAY'S 'RONNY GILL'!

We are now just THREE games from 'the abyss' and just where the next point iz comin' from iz anybodys guess az confidence seems to be at an aall time low?

We can anly hope that 'The Blue Wigs' and 'The Hazbeens and Villians' slip up, az this iz the anly way we will keep wor top flight status!

Any othaa manager would have been sacked after this, or resigned in shame, but this iz NUFC we are taalkin aboot and we will find oot in the next week just which direction we are heedin'!

That's it for the 'match report' az there iz NOTHIN' 'to report' on wor abysmal performance, az 'The Liverbirds' were 'TEN classes' above us yesterday and could easily have had double figures!<(thank god that  '23 goal' 'Chomper' Saurez wasn't playin' for them!)

Where DO we gan from here?????????

Toon team?:Elliot, Debuchy, Steve Taylor, Yanga, Haidera, Perch (Ben Arfa 46), Tiote (Anita 65) Cabaye, Sissoko, Cisse, Gutierrez (Gouffran 46)

Attendance; 52,351 (49,351 shell shocked Geordies!) (3,000 Mickey Mousers takin' the p*ss!)

Much more to follow later!

THE TOON v THE LIVERBIRDS ***THIS AFTERNOON!

Updated 11:15am bells Saturday 27th April 2013


'ACTION' FROM WOR GAME AT ANFIELD
ORLIER ON HIS SEASON!
A SPRINKLER GANS ON 'THE RAMPAGE' AND SOAKS HUNDREDS OF 'LIVERBIRDS'
IN THE EXECUTIVE AREAS! HA! HA!
 

Anothaa crucial game in this lang torturous season takes place today against 'The Liverbirds' @ St James' with a '5:30 bells' kick off for live telly!

We understand that Demba Cisse could well play, despite havin' a reported cracked rib and we've hord that captain Coloccini could play some part az well?<(we shall see!)
Cheik Tiote iz aalso expected to retorn to the fray, while Ben Arfa iz expected to be on the subs bench.

'Chomper' Suarez', of course, will be a massive 'miss' for them, after hiz 10 game ban for cannibalism, and az he haz scored 23 of their goals this season, 'this' will undoubtedly be a massive 'hit' for 'us'!

This iz wor penultimate<(divvint naa wot it meenz but it soonds good!?) home game of the season and iz a selloot az we write this.
Aalso a 'selloot' iz wor next away game against 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of "Eest Landan" a week today, where we have been allocated 2,000 tickets!

Gettin' back to todays game, 'The Liverbirds' fans have been warned by their aan club not to hoy flares or smokebombs, which of course haz happened in quite a few Toon games this season az well!

The wetthaa az aa speak, lookin' across the 'sacred river', iz freezin' caad and a howlin' gale iz blowin' with intermittent rain!

Az mentioned, the game iz a 52,000 plus selloot, with 'The Mickey Mousers' takin' up their full allocation az usual in 'The Leazes End gods'!

Match report az per usual to follow eethaa late toneet or sometime tomorrow mornin', when aa get oot mee 'scratcher'!

PS: Apologeez for not updatin' this site yesterday, but av been 'stowed off' with graft and have been to West Brom three days in a row! (The Bakery where aa gan te, iz ower the road from 'The Hawthorns!)