GEORDIE TIMES FESTIVE HITS

Posted '9:15pm bells' Cris'mis
Day 2012


WHITE XMAS!?---PLEEEZE GOD!---"NO!"

Ower the last couple of days 'The Geordie Times' haz had an unusually high number of pageviews (for US anyway!) and we can anly assume that it's Xmas boredom on your part, due to the festive 'transport/pub/shop shutdoon' and the fact that that bloody 'Snowman' film waz shown YET AGAIN on the telly today, alang with aall the otha cr*p that yi get on 'the 25th'! (ne doubt 'Morcambe and Wise' and 'Bing F*****' Crosby' were on the TV schedule somewhere az well!?)

On Xmas Eve we had wor most 'hits' of the year so far in one day (160) and today we have well ower 100 at the time of typin' this into mee computaa!

A preview of wor trip to 'The Theatre of Muppets' tomorrow will appear in the mornin' before we leave

THE TOON ON THE MOON!

Posted '4:30pm bells' Chris'mis Day 2012

Aa waz drinkin' in 'The Porcy' in the Haymarket on Sunday afternoon when a fellow plonky caalled 'Geordie' asked me if aa waz gannin' to the Ukraine to watch The Toon in February.
"OF COURSE!" came the reply from little ol' me az aa supped mee 'liquid lunch'!

"Would yi gan if they played on the Moon?", waz his next question az he looked me straight in the eye, az he pointed hiz left index finger in my direction!
"YES!"--aa said, "But aa divvint think there'd be any atmosphere at the match!" (yi'v got ti be quick!) (sic!)



"IF THEY PLAY ON THE MOON
WE'LL HIRE A SPACE ROCKET
JUST TO FOLLOW THE TOON!"

ST JAMES' PARK***A PROPA FUTBAALL GROOND!

Posted '12:45pm bells' Cris'mis Day 2012

A quote from QPR central defender Ryan Nelsen after wor game against them in the pourin' rain last Saturday makes very interestin' readin':

"I love those conditions!---It was fun out there for most of the match!---St James' Park is one of my favourite places, especially with the rain lashing down and wind biting and the crowd is really passionate!---Maybe I'm just old and sentimental but that's what English football is all about!---It was like the Alamo at times!---I swear I heard the horns and the cavalry coming!!!"

ST JAMES' PARK LAST SATURDAY!
LOOKIN' TOWARDS 'THE LEAZES END'!

"AND McFAUL IZ OUR GOAL-EEE!"

Posted '9:40am bells' Cris-mis Day 2012

'The Geordie Times' makes ne apologeee for diggin' up this 'festive futbaall classic' once again from the 1960's when fans actually made up decent songs!
("Those were the days!")

DIVVINT JUST BOOK IT!***THOMAS COOK IT!"

Updated '5:00pm bells' Xmas Eve Monday 24th December 2012

'The Geordie Times' haz lorned that travel agents Thomas Cook (Sport) are puttin' on just ONE plane for an owerneet stay in Karkiv, Ukraine for wor Europa Leegue match against Metalist on Thorsday 21st February.
(The 'day trip' mentioned previously, iz NOT gannin' az far az we naa!?) 

Flights are direct from 'Toon Airport' and the total price includin' a match ticket iz aroond aboot the *£399 mark for the owerneet stay! (*might be slightly more, dependin' on the price of the match ticket!?)

We understand that the plane iz a 180 seater , so if yi plannin' on gannin', yi'd betta book now to save yi the hassle of havin' to travel there via London, Istanbul and Kiev! (and an extra £300 to boot!) 
("AT LEAST TEN OF US AALREADY HAVE!") 

THE TOON 1 'APPY 'ARRY'S RAG AND BONE MEN RANGERS 0

Updated '10:35am bells' Sunday 23rd December 2012

DEMBA BA FREE KICK @ GALLOWGATE END
(HIS SHOT WENT MILES OWER THE BAR!)

Aall day, torrential rain in Geordieland and it's environs< ('The Geordie Times' naaz aall the posh words!) made it a 'grey day' indeed, az we made wor way 'up the hill' to St James' and then onward to 'level 7 of The Milburn Stand' via the 200 steps up to wor seats on the balcony above the directors box!

To be porfectleee honest the forst half waz absolutlee cr*p! and with the wind addin' to the 'Freda Paine', it made it a horrible half to endure az we (again!) couldn't seem to put two passes together withoot losin' the baall!
(Wor visitors from Shepherd's Bush were even worse!) (0-0 half time!)

The 2nd half waz a bit better, but the likes of Demba Ba, who waz takin' orful free kicks, couldn't get their act together.
Az the time passed it looked az though the match would end nil-nil***UNTIL!***the introduction of 'Super Sub Shola' and the 'Angel Gabreil'<(whey! it IZ Xmas!) in the 60th minute to replace Cisse and 'Spiderman'.

2nd HALF ACTION @ THE LEAZES END

Obertan (the 'Angel Gabreil'!) then made some stunnin' runs doon the left wing of 'The Milburn Stand' and had several impressive crosses to bring the 50,000 faithful back to life, but it waz Shola who saved the day with a well placed left footed shot into the corner of 'The Leazes' goal, with just nine minutes left on the clock, after good work from Davide Santon and James Perch, who supplied him with the pass!

Some anxious moments due to stupid free kicks bein' given away at 'the death', nearly cost us, but we held on for the precious three points!

With games comin' up away @ 'The Theatre of Muppets' on Boxin' Day and 'The Arse' a few days later, theeze are probably the anly points we will get til the new year!

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Coloccini, Williamson, Santon, Anita, Tiote (Marveaux 77), Perch, Gutierrez (Obertan 60), Ba, Cisse (Shola Ameobi 60)

Attendance: a suprizin' 50,180 considerin' we got less against 'The Blue Moonies of Manchester' last week? (900 or so 'rag and bone men' from Sheperd's Bush!)(plus a not so 'appy 'arry in the away dugoot!)  


"THREE! RESIDENTS OF SHEPHERD'S BUSH
SPOTTED OOTSIDE ST JAMES'
NEXT TO THE QPR BUSSES!"



Fortha update @ '11:45pm bells'

"ER!"---a'v just watched 'Match of the Day 2' and it waz 'Marveaux the Magician' who supplied the pass for Shola's goal and NOT James Perch!

And wor excuse for gettin' it wrang???
"Well!---we did have a canny bit to drink before the match and wor seats in 'level 7 of The Miburn Stand' ARE a canny way from 'The Leazes End' goal! (see 2nd photo!)---
it IZ Chrismas yi naa!!!---"Hic!"

THE TOON v HAPPY HARRY'S RAG AND BONE MEN FROM SHEPHERDS BUSH

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 22nd December 2012

THE TOON v THE SHEPERDS BUSH MOB FROM LAST SEASON
WE WON 1-0 THROUGH A LEON BEST GOAL!

Today @ '3 bells' we play a crucial game at St James' in this 'must win' game against 'arrys  Rag and Bone Men' and three points are vital az we try to keep wor heeds above the parapit!
We expect a low crowd, especially az the weathers lowzy and it's near Xmas and we predict that aroond aboot 43,000 will torn up!

Match report to follow az usual much later and we can anly hope it's a happy one, with trips to 'The Theatre of Muppets' and 'The Arse' away comin' up in the next week or so!

YI CANNIT GET MUCH FORTHA AWAY THAN THIS!

Posted '3:15pm bells' 'Black Eye Friday' 21st December 2012

From St James' Park to The Metalist Stadium!

"IT'S!***METAL GURU!

Updated '2:20pm bells' 'Black Eye Friday' 21st December 2012

THE METALIST STADIUM***"SPOT THE GIANT SPIDER!"

The draw for the Europa League knockoot stages haszzent been kind to us and a 3,500 mile roond marathon trip to the Ukrainian ootpost of Metalist Karkov iz in the offin' on Thorsday 21st February!
(The 1st leg iz @ St James' a week olier on 'St Valentines Day')
The 38,000 capacity groond staged three games in the Euro championships and thankfully it haz under soil heatin' az the temperature will be at least minus seven when we play there!

Just how we're goin' to get there iz anybody's guess and it will cost an 'arm and a leg' for certain! (IF we can afford it?)

THEN! if we get through THAT ONE? we could face an even fortha away trip to Russia to face (deep breath!) Anji Makhackala or (nearer to home!) Hannover of Jawmany, although a trip to Hannover would be much preferable (and cheaper!)

Much more to follow on this later!

PS: 'Black Eye Friday' iz the Friday when everybody breaks up for Xmas and invariably people get 'sloshed', start a fight and end up with black eyes and broken noses!

"THE MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR IZ WAITIN' TO TAKE YOO AWAY!" (AGAIN!)

Updated '11:25am bells' Thorsday 20th December 2012

"LESS THAN TWO HOURS TO GAN!"

Today iz 'wor day of destiny', az 'The Geordie Times' haz lorned that we could play any of the followin' thorteen teams in the next rooond of the Europa Leegue, in wor neva endin' 'Magical Mystery Tour' of Europe!---one of them with an unpronoonceable name!: (NO! it isn't 'Genk'!)

---gold text---YES! we'd like to play yoo!
---yellow text--Would prefer not to!
---pink text---NO THANX it's too far!
---green text--TOO dangerous!

1st leg will be at home on Thorsday 14th February
2nd leg will be away on Thorsday 21st February
The draw will be made @ '1:00pm bells' TODAY!
Benfica of Portugal
Genk of Belgium
Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk of the Ukraine
Lyon of France
Hannover of Jawmany
Viktoria Plzen of the Czech Republic
Fenebache of Torkey
Lazio of Italy (been here before, versus Roma)
Metalist of the Ukraine
Ruban Kazan of Russia
Steaua Bucharest of Romania
CFR Cluj of Romania
Olympiakos of Greece (been here before---got the tee shirt!)

Both the draw for the roond of 32 and the roond of 16 are bein' made at the same time!
We will, of course, bring yoo the draw az soon az we find oot---watch this space after '1:00pm bells'!

"ER!"---STOP PRESS!***STOP PRESS!"
A'v been caalled into work unexpectadlee and have got to drive to a bakery within hocklin' distance of West Brom's groond @ 'high noon bells'!
This meeenz that I will be unable to bring yoo the draw until much later when aa get back!
Can I suggest that yoo log into that otha 'pirate' Toon website: www.nufc.com  to find oot just who we will be playin'!
Cheers! Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)