DIVVINT JUST BOOK IT!***THOMAS COOK IT!"

Updated '5:00pm bells' Xmas Eve Monday 24th December 2012

'The Geordie Times' haz lorned that travel agents Thomas Cook (Sport) are puttin' on just ONE plane for an owerneet stay in Karkiv, Ukraine for wor Europa Leegue match against Metalist on Thorsday 21st February.
(The 'day trip' mentioned previously, iz NOT gannin' az far az we naa!?) 

Flights are direct from 'Toon Airport' and the total price includin' a match ticket iz aroond aboot the *£399 mark for the owerneet stay! (*might be slightly more, dependin' on the price of the match ticket!?)

We understand that the plane iz a 180 seater , so if yi plannin' on gannin', yi'd betta book now to save yi the hassle of havin' to travel there via London, Istanbul and Kiev! (and an extra £300 to boot!) 
("AT LEAST TEN OF US AALREADY HAVE!") 

THE TOON 1 'APPY 'ARRY'S RAG AND BONE MEN RANGERS 0

Updated '10:35am bells' Sunday 23rd December 2012

DEMBA BA FREE KICK @ GALLOWGATE END
(HIS SHOT WENT MILES OWER THE BAR!)

Aall day, torrential rain in Geordieland and it's environs< ('The Geordie Times' naaz aall the posh words!) made it a 'grey day' indeed, az we made wor way 'up the hill' to St James' and then onward to 'level 7 of The Milburn Stand' via the 200 steps up to wor seats on the balcony above the directors box!

To be porfectleee honest the forst half waz absolutlee cr*p! and with the wind addin' to the 'Freda Paine', it made it a horrible half to endure az we (again!) couldn't seem to put two passes together withoot losin' the baall!
(Wor visitors from Shepherd's Bush were even worse!) (0-0 half time!)

The 2nd half waz a bit better, but the likes of Demba Ba, who waz takin' orful free kicks, couldn't get their act together.
Az the time passed it looked az though the match would end nil-nil***UNTIL!***the introduction of 'Super Sub Shola' and the 'Angel Gabreil'<(whey! it IZ Xmas!) in the 60th minute to replace Cisse and 'Spiderman'.

2nd HALF ACTION @ THE LEAZES END

Obertan (the 'Angel Gabreil'!) then made some stunnin' runs doon the left wing of 'The Milburn Stand' and had several impressive crosses to bring the 50,000 faithful back to life, but it waz Shola who saved the day with a well placed left footed shot into the corner of 'The Leazes' goal, with just nine minutes left on the clock, after good work from Davide Santon and James Perch, who supplied him with the pass!

Some anxious moments due to stupid free kicks bein' given away at 'the death', nearly cost us, but we held on for the precious three points!

With games comin' up away @ 'The Theatre of Muppets' on Boxin' Day and 'The Arse' a few days later, theeze are probably the anly points we will get til the new year!

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Coloccini, Williamson, Santon, Anita, Tiote (Marveaux 77), Perch, Gutierrez (Obertan 60), Ba, Cisse (Shola Ameobi 60)

Attendance: a suprizin' 50,180 considerin' we got less against 'The Blue Moonies of Manchester' last week? (900 or so 'rag and bone men' from Sheperd's Bush!)(plus a not so 'appy 'arry in the away dugoot!)  


"THREE! RESIDENTS OF SHEPHERD'S BUSH
SPOTTED OOTSIDE ST JAMES'
NEXT TO THE QPR BUSSES!"



Fortha update @ '11:45pm bells'

"ER!"---a'v just watched 'Match of the Day 2' and it waz 'Marveaux the Magician' who supplied the pass for Shola's goal and NOT James Perch!

And wor excuse for gettin' it wrang???
"Well!---we did have a canny bit to drink before the match and wor seats in 'level 7 of The Miburn Stand' ARE a canny way from 'The Leazes End' goal! (see 2nd photo!)---
it IZ Chrismas yi naa!!!---"Hic!"

THE TOON v HAPPY HARRY'S RAG AND BONE MEN FROM SHEPHERDS BUSH

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 22nd December 2012

THE TOON v THE SHEPERDS BUSH MOB FROM LAST SEASON
WE WON 1-0 THROUGH A LEON BEST GOAL!

Today @ '3 bells' we play a crucial game at St James' in this 'must win' game against 'arrys  Rag and Bone Men' and three points are vital az we try to keep wor heeds above the parapit!
We expect a low crowd, especially az the weathers lowzy and it's near Xmas and we predict that aroond aboot 43,000 will torn up!

Match report to follow az usual much later and we can anly hope it's a happy one, with trips to 'The Theatre of Muppets' and 'The Arse' away comin' up in the next week or so!

YI CANNIT GET MUCH FORTHA AWAY THAN THIS!

Posted '3:15pm bells' 'Black Eye Friday' 21st December 2012

From St James' Park to The Metalist Stadium!

"IT'S!***METAL GURU!

Updated '2:20pm bells' 'Black Eye Friday' 21st December 2012

THE METALIST STADIUM***"SPOT THE GIANT SPIDER!"

The draw for the Europa League knockoot stages haszzent been kind to us and a 3,500 mile roond marathon trip to the Ukrainian ootpost of Metalist Karkov iz in the offin' on Thorsday 21st February!
(The 1st leg iz @ St James' a week olier on 'St Valentines Day')
The 38,000 capacity groond staged three games in the Euro championships and thankfully it haz under soil heatin' az the temperature will be at least minus seven when we play there!

Just how we're goin' to get there iz anybody's guess and it will cost an 'arm and a leg' for certain! (IF we can afford it?)

THEN! if we get through THAT ONE? we could face an even fortha away trip to Russia to face (deep breath!) Anji Makhackala or (nearer to home!) Hannover of Jawmany, although a trip to Hannover would be much preferable (and cheaper!)

Much more to follow on this later!

PS: 'Black Eye Friday' iz the Friday when everybody breaks up for Xmas and invariably people get 'sloshed', start a fight and end up with black eyes and broken noses!

"THE MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR IZ WAITIN' TO TAKE YOO AWAY!" (AGAIN!)

Updated '11:25am bells' Thorsday 20th December 2012

"LESS THAN TWO HOURS TO GAN!"

Today iz 'wor day of destiny', az 'The Geordie Times' haz lorned that we could play any of the followin' thorteen teams in the next rooond of the Europa Leegue, in wor neva endin' 'Magical Mystery Tour' of Europe!---one of them with an unpronoonceable name!: (NO! it isn't 'Genk'!)

---gold text---YES! we'd like to play yoo!
---yellow text--Would prefer not to!
---pink text---NO THANX it's too far!
---green text--TOO dangerous!

1st leg will be at home on Thorsday 14th February
2nd leg will be away on Thorsday 21st February
The draw will be made @ '1:00pm bells' TODAY!
Benfica of Portugal
Genk of Belgium
Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk of the Ukraine
Lyon of France
Hannover of Jawmany
Viktoria Plzen of the Czech Republic
Fenebache of Torkey
Lazio of Italy (been here before, versus Roma)
Metalist of the Ukraine
Ruban Kazan of Russia
Steaua Bucharest of Romania
CFR Cluj of Romania
Olympiakos of Greece (been here before---got the tee shirt!)

Both the draw for the roond of 32 and the roond of 16 are bein' made at the same time!
We will, of course, bring yoo the draw az soon az we find oot---watch this space after '1:00pm bells'!

"ER!"---STOP PRESS!***STOP PRESS!"
A'v been caalled into work unexpectadlee and have got to drive to a bakery within hocklin' distance of West Brom's groond @ 'high noon bells'!
This meeenz that I will be unable to bring yoo the draw until much later when aa get back!
Can I suggest that yoo log into that otha 'pirate' Toon website: www.nufc.com  to find oot just who we will be playin'!
Cheers! Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)

NANTWICH TOON!***POSSIBLE NEW GROOND!!!

Posted '1:40pm bells' Wednesday 19th December 2012

Followin' on from wor U21's defeat to Soothampton @ Eastleigh on Monday neet, The Toon finished in SIXTH position (oot of SEVEN) in the U21's Resorve Leegue and will now aall most certainleee play the followin' teams in the next 12 game group stage:

'The P*ss Potts of Stoke', 'The Palace of Sooth London', 'The Canary Custards of Norwich',  The Blue Moonies of Manc-land', 'The Biscuitmen of Reading'  and 'Ne Where Near Bolton, Wanderers'

We understand that aall teams mentioned, will play on groonds that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have previously visited***"APART FROM!"*** 'The P*ss Potts of Stoke'!, who play their resorve games at the home of NANTWICH TOON FC! a few miles away from 'The Britannia Stadium'!

We can anly 'haad wor breath' (and pray!), that  this iz the case!?

THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB U21's 5 THE TOON U21's 1

Posted '2:30pm bells' Tuesday 18th December 2012

Ground number 296
Date of First Visit: 17th December 2012
Silverlake Stadium, Eastleigh

Southampton U21's 5
Newcastle United U21's 1 (Campbell)

FA Premier U21 Reserve League
Attendance: 500 (estimated) (includin' 4 saddos who travelled doon from Tyneside, plus aboot 50 other exiles!)


"SHUD WE STAY OR SHUD WE GO?"


"SPOT THE LOW FLYIN' PLANE!"

The debate on the mornin' of this game waz the state of the Eastleigh pitch in Hampshire, given that their game on Saturday had been caalled off due to a waaterlogged pitch.
This waz to be the forst time that Soothampton had played here and Eastleigh FC were desperate to get the game on for their 'big neighbours'

At forst we decided NOT to 'risk it' az we didn't fancy a 300 plus mile trek for nowt, but a frantic phone caall to Soothampton's box office by 'The Caped Crusader' conformed that the match waz ON (at the moment!)

We decided then to 'RISK IT' and off we set doon the 'A1M' soothboond!
SIX hours later we eventually arrived at the groond (after missin' the torn off on the motorway!) to see the NUFC team bus parked ower the road from the main car park (huge sighs of relief!)
The groond iz next door to Eastleigh Airport and a 'Spitfire' logo lit up with Christmas lights adorned the main stand. (Eastleigh's nickname is 'The Spitfires')

The five poond admission waz a bit steep we thought for an U21 game, but with the 'liquid lubrication' at just TWO quid a pint in the Eastleigh clubhoose, it waz a case of 'swings and roondaboots'! (er!--shandy for me coz aa waz the 'showfaa' <(Geordie Times spellin'!)

The predictable 'saddos' then torned up in the shape of 'Glennn from Ashington' and 'The Bear from The Bay' ('Whitley Bay' that iz!), meanin' that just FOWER of us had made 'the lang trek' from Tyneside!

Wor forst look at the pitch conformed just why the game had been caalled off two days previously as there waz more sand on in than Tynemooth beach to soak the waata up and it looked a reet state!

"WELCOME TO TYNEMOOTH!"

However! this waz ne excuse for wor lack lustre performance and Soothampton, who looked a much better outfit than us, were two nil up at the break!
It waz 3-0 soon after the restart az the Toon's youngins struggled to stop the momentum from the home side.

Adam Cambell then reduced the arrears at 'The Tynemooth Beach End' with a loopin' shot, which took a deflection off a Soothampton defender.

It waz aall in vain though az the home side added two more before the end to see us on the end of a five-one hammerin', although we didn't desorve to lose by such a big margin!

Toon U21's line up: Alnwick, Logan, Riley, Miele, Kitchen, Good, Maddison, Knight (Campbell 31), Hooper, Abeid, Amalfitano

It waz then the marathon 'trek' back yem and aa finally arrived at mee front door @ '2:30am bells' after droppin' 'The Caped Crusader' off and onimously there were 666 miles on the trip meter! (666 iz a sign of the 'devil'!!!?)

EASTLEIGH FC***"NEW GROOND!***NEW GROOND!?"

Posted '10:30am bells' Monday 17th December 2012

The opportunity haz arizen to visit yet anotha new groond this season az 'The Simon Templar Mob' have annoonced that their forthcomin' resorve game against The Toon resorves toneet will now be played at 'Silverlake' the home of Eastleigh FC and NOT St Mary's Stadium az originally stated!

HOWEVER!---Inclemennt weather in the shape of a waaterlogged pitch, forced the postponement of Eastleigh FC's home game on Saturday and we're not sure if the game will gan aheed at the moment and we may have to abandon the trip!

At least TWO of the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have travelled doon in force for this fixture!---(mebbez TWO more!?)

Full match report to follow IF? we make it!
WATCH THIS SPACE!

THE UKRAINE BRANCH JOIN THE THOOSAND CLUB!

Posted '5:30pm bells' Sunday 16th December 2012

THE BADGES OF THE UKRAINIAN PREMYA LEEGUE!

'The Geordie Times' haz just received it's 1,000 hit from the Ukraine today, makin' that country the thord most popular to visit us behind the UK and the USA and we thank each and every one of yoo from that 'neck of the woods' for loggin' into this site!