Saturday, 8 September 2012

GROOND 290 ATROMITOS

Posted '6:15 pm bells' Saturday 8th September 2012

Here it iz at last!---'The Geordie Times' full match and 'mishap' report from wor game in Greece against Atromitos SIXTEEN days ago!

'Blondie Alan'---divvint read on!

290 municipal stadium of peristeri,atromitos,greece


(Ground number 290)

Date of First Visit: 23rd August 2012

Municipul Stadium of Peristeri, Athens, Greece

Atromitos 1

Newcastle United 1 (Ryan Taylor)

Europa League 4th Rd qualifying 1st leg

Attendance: 4,872 or! 5,002? (90 Toon fans---‘The Bear’ counted them!) (plus 200 or so watchin’ from their balconies!---(AND a doggie waalkin’ roond the terraces!)

 

“100 IN A ROW!”—(Whey!---IF yi include the Anglo-Italian Cup---like!)


The epic and lang jorney to Athens began @ presiceleee ‘7:30am bells’ from wor hoose to the bus stop some 100 yards distant on the Wednesday mornin’!

Then it waz a 10 minute ride to ‘The Central’ to catch wor train to King’s Cross---then another train to Gatwick Airport and finally the flight to Athens (followed by an hours lang tube ride to the city centre where wor hotel waz situated!) where we arrived some 12 hours after leavin’ Tyneside!

There were three of us (The Three Magpieteers’!) namely, ‘Mal the Inglish Skoool Teechaa’<(hiz spellin’---NOT mine!) ‘The Caped Crusader’ and of course ME! ‘The mad-sad groundhopper’!

 

The temperature waz ower the 100 mark az we dumped wor bags in the Hotel Arethusa and we heeded for the forst ‘liquid refreshment stop’ ower the road. At NINETEEN AND A HALF EUROS for two beers and a vodka and coke it wasn’t f***** cheap! (aboot SEVENTEEN QUID in English money!)

A few more expensive ‘liquid stops’ later and we eventually retired for the evenin’!---”ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!!”

Next day it waz even hotter and az the match didn’t kick off til ‘8 bells’we had aall day to sample the ‘delights’ of Athens, makin’ sure to keep well oot of the sun’s rays az we didn’t want to get bornt to death!

It waz then onward to the groond which waz situated in the western suburbs of the capital. The groond waz just wot we expected (a dump!) and on three sides the people of the high rise villas had an uninterrupted view of the proccedins from their roof terraces and balconies! (estimated 200 freebeez!)

Dan Gosling touched the baall forst az we kicked off towards the end where the Toon fans were hoosed behind a runnin’ track and this meant that aa nuw had seen The Toon play in 100 consecutive European club competition games ‘in a row’, stretchin’ way back to 1977! (er!---this includes six games in the Anglo-Italian Cup az well---like!)

 

However!---things didn’t start off well and the home side were oot of their blocks quicker than we were and they took the lead when Epstein hit a low shot past Steve harper in The Toon goal

The equaliser came deep into injury time when Gosling was fouled and from 25 yards oot Ryan Taylor (who else!?) hit one of hiz famous free kick ‘screamers’ ‘ower the waall’ and into the back of the net, givin’ the Atromitos keeper ‘ne chance’ and send the 90 Toon faithful into joyous celebrations!
"RYAN TAYLOR---OWER THE WAALL!"

 

Marveaux the magician, Kuqi and Obertan then had chances to score in the 2nd period, but couldn’t find the back of the net and we had to settle for a ‘ones each draw’to take to the 2nd leg @ St James’ a week later.

The anly other action of note waz a gadgie at the far end from us waalkin’ hiz dog aroond the terraces! (aye!---there waz plenty of room!)

 

“IT’S OFF THE HOOK!”

Next day it waz then the prospect of a torturous jorney back to London (Heathrow this time!--- via Romania!) for wor game against Chelski @ Stamford Bridge on the Saturday, after just fower hours kip in The Hotel Arethusa (aye!---we’d stopped on ‘the drink’ for a canny while after the match!)

On arrival at Athens Airport ‘The Caped Crusader’ started feelin’ hiz pockets lookin’ for sommik?

“Wot have yi lost?” aa said az me and Mal looked at each other with raised eyebrows!

“AV LOST MEE PHONE AGAIN!” came the reply from ‘TCC’ (he’d lost it previously on one of wor pre season trips!)

He thought he’d left it in wor room at the hotel, but it waz too late to gan back and aall looked lost until ‘yours truly’ had a ‘brainwave’!

“It might be in your bag so we’ll give you a ring!”---with the bag held closelee we listened for the ring tone but there waz none---just the engaged tone!

Brainwave number TWO then came to me! (or shud that be brainWARP?)

“Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer<(there’s NE hidin’ place from ‘The Geordie Times’, Blondie---yiv been ‘outed’!”) Er!---aall start again!---“Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer doesn’t fly back til tomorrow mornin’!---Hiz hotel iz anly three miles from wors so why don’t aa text him to gan to wor hotel and ask them to sorch wor room!?”

This brought nods of approval from ‘The Caped Crusader’ and Mal, so aa text him the name and address of where we were stayin’ and asked him if he could de TCC a big favour and gan oot of hiz way to wor hotel.

It waz then time to catch wor flight to Romania and then onward to London so aa switched mee ‘tellin bone’ off on the flight and waited til we got to Bucharest Airport before lookin’ at mee text messages again.

There waz devastatin’ news for TCC however, az Blondie’s text read: ‘They’ve sorched the room but cannit find it!’

“The chambermaid haz probably ‘half inched it’, aa said and he resigned himsel to the fact that he would have to buy a new one!

Anyway!---we had SEVEN HOURS to kill before wor onward flight to Heathrow so we did az many of the airports bars az we could find (THREE!)

At fifteen Euros a roond it wasn’t cheap and we ended up spendin’ ower £110 between us on ‘the hootch’!

Then it waz onward to England and  we (eventually!) arrived at wor hotel in Swiss Cottage (London) aroond aboot 17 hours after leavin’ wor hotel in Athens @ ’11:30pm bells’! (who would be a Toon fan!?)

‘Az ‘The Caped Crusader’ unpacked hiz bag in the hotel room a shout went up from him!

“GUESS WOT A’V FOOND?” he said, az he held it up in hiz hand!---AYE! That’s reet!---It waz hiz F***** PHONE! which somehow had slipped to the bottom of his bag! (YI COULDN’T MAKE IT UP!)

Next day it waz off to the Chelski game at Stamford Bridge where a grovellin’ apology to ‘Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer’ was made by ‘yee naa who’!

‘Blondie’ waz NOT amused! (but he did see the funny side!)    

 

©Fink™(the mad-sad grJundhJpper!)

 

PINNOCHIO OWEN---GEORDIE TIMES COMMENT!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 8th September 2012
"THE JOKE'S ON STOKE!"

In 2011 Pinnichio Owen made the followin' statement aboot hiz move from The Toon to The Cockney Reds of Salford
Quote: "Prefer playing less often in a top team then every game in a poor team!"
"Been there and DIDN'T ENJOY IT!"
(bet 'The Posion Dwarf' ENJOYED hiz ONE HUNDRED AND TEN THOOSAND POOND a week wages we paid him, though!) Aye!---that's £110,000! or nearly HALF A MILLION a month!

We honestly didn't realise that 'The Pullis P*ss Potts' of Stoke in their 27,000 capacity 'Boro lookalike' 'tin shed stadium' were a TOP team!???

Friday, 7 September 2012

BERWICK STRANGERS 2 TOON X1 1

Updated '11:30am bells' Saturday 8th September 2012

Last neet the Rangers of Berwick took on a Toon X1 in a hastily arranged friendly @ Shieldfield Park @ 'qwaata to eight bells'.


A resorve/junior side was sent up to Tweedmooth for the match against 'The Borderers' and we lost
2-1 with wor goal comin' from Adam Campbell who put us aheed in the 11th minute with a fine drive from 25 yards oot.
The home side came back though, with goals in the 35th and 75th minutes of the game to win it.

Attendance: 309 (ne one waz fooled that The Toon would send a strong team---hence the low crowd which waz more than 200 less than they got for their leegue game against East Stirling last week!) (520!)

'The Geordie Times' therefore makes ne apologeee for diggin' up wor 'Battle of Berwick' archive match report from 34 years ago in 1978, when the Toon played there---and we have reproduced the story of that day below!

PS: The Atromitos away story from Greece that we have been workin' on 'feverouslee' for the last fortneet will hopefully be published sometime ower the weekend! (fingers and toes crossed!) 

Wednesday, 5 September 2012

FIXTURE CHANGES & EUROPA LEAGUE NEWS

Updated '7:50am bells' Thorsday 6th September 2012
The club have belatedly annoonced that they will be runnin' day trips to Brugge and Bordeaux (but NOT Maritimo?) but this iz tooo late az we have aalready booked for two of wor three trips aalready!

Az predicted by 'The Geordie Times', because of wor European commitments, THREE of the five fixtures followin' wor Thorsday neet 'sortes' have nuw been moved. 

We nuw play 'The Canary Custard Crumbles' @ home on Sunday 23rd September @ '3 bells' and 'The Baggie Troosers' @ home a week later (aalso '3 bells')
Then on Sunday the 11th of the 11th we face 'The Jellied Eels Mob', again @ home for anotha '3 bells' start (see nicknames @ top of page toolbar if yi cannit work it oot!) 

 See fixture list below!
 

Monday, 3 September 2012

THE TOON 1 THE HAZBEENS & VILLIANS 1

Posted '10:10am bells' Monday 3rd September 2012

Yet another reet footed wonder strike from Hatem Ben Arfa @ The Gallowgate End saved the day for The Toon in another 'lack lustre' performance!

'The Villians of the peace' took the lead at the mid point of the forst  half when Ciaran Clark heeded past Tim Krul @ The Leazes End ("ER!"---THAT SHUD READ GALLOWGATE END!) to send their unusually smaall band of aroond 1,000 fans, wild with delight<(a sign of the times perhaps?) 

SPOT THE AWAY FANS IN LEVEL 7!

Ben Arfa then hit hiz wonder strike on the hour mark past Guzan in the visitors goal<(WOT!---no Shay Given!?) to give us a barely desorved point!
(The Toons 999th Premya League goal---by the way!)

Ex SMB Darren Bent waz hit full in the face with the baall near the dugoots in the 2nd half and he went doon like 'a sack of taatties'. It waz hit with such force by Ben Arfa that it ricocheted off Bents bugle and went oot for a corner to us!---much to the delight of the Toon faithful!
Ex Toon players Steven Ireland and Charlie N'Zobia were givin' loads of stick (especially N'Zobia when he came on az a 2nd half sub!)

The lass who sits two seats from me on The Milburn Stand balcony summed the game up porfectleee! "WE PLAYED OK IN THE FORST TWO MINUTES!", she said---and she waz REET!

Toon team: Krul, Simpson (Bigirimana 38)Coloccini, Steven Taylor, Santon, Ben Arfa, Cabaye, Anita, Gutierrez (Marveaux 86), Ba(Obertan 87), Cisse

Attendance: 48,245 (anly 1,000 Villians of the peace!) 

Saturday, 1 September 2012

THE TOON v THE HAZBEENS & VILLIANS! ***THIS AFTERNOOON!

Updated '11:30am bells' Sunday 2nd September 2012


ACTION FROM THORSDAY NEET v ATROMITOS



The summer neets are nuw behind us az we heed into Autumn and wor forst game in the new 'season' iz against those 'Hazbeens & Villians from Bormingham.
Ex SMB hazbeen Darren Bent and of course wor ex Irish goalie Shay Given (who left us 'to win things'!) plus 'Charlie' N'Zogbia and Steven Ireland are in their relegation haunted squad tomorrow @ 'fower bells'? (it's NOT on the telly---so why the late afternoon kick off?)

Anyway!--one absentee from wor side will be Ryan 'ower the waall' Taylor who 'done hiz knee in' on Thorsday neet against Atromitos of Greece in the Europa League play off!
With ne comins or gannins in the transfor window, we will have to mek de with the squad we've got---but will it be strong enough for the rigours of Europe and the Premya Leegue, aa ask meesel!???

More to follow on the match later!

PS: the plan to de 100 beers in the Newcastle Arms ower the season haz been abandoned afta just ONE GAME due to lack of interest from 'Grumpy Stumpy' and 'Norman the Cowboy Plumber'! (will just have to stick to the John Smiths and cider instead!)

Friday, 31 August 2012

"THE MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR IS WAITIN' TO TAKE YOOO AWAY!"

Posted '9:50pm bells' Friday 31st August 2012









The draw for the group stage of the Europa League haz been made today and it haz been very, very! kind to us, with trips to the holiday island of Madeira near the Canary Islands ('A' on the map), Bordeaux in champagne capital of France! (B) and Brugge in beer capital of Belgium! (C
(The Toon iz 'D' on the map)

This avoids the feared and dreaded trips 'to the back of beyond' in places like Azerbiajan, Ukraine, Torkey and Israel!


Matches to be played on the followin' dates:

Thorsday 20th September***Maritimo of Madeira, Portugal 
away

Thorsday 4th October***Bordeaux of France
home

Thorsday 25th October***Brugge of Belgium
home

Thorsday 8th November***Brugge of Belgium
away

Thorsday 22nd November***Maritimo of Madeira, Portugal
home

Thorsday 6th December***Bordeaux of France
away

Thursday, 30 August 2012

THE TOON 1 ATROMITOS 0

Updated '5.45am bells' Friday 31st August 2012



A very fortuitous win against win against Greek unknowns Atromitos<(had yee ever hord of them before!?) sent The Toon, playin' in their new 'Yellow Peril' 'high viz jacket coloured' change kit into the group stage of the Europa League with 'super sub' Haris Vuckic's deflected winner in the 22nd minute of the forst half @ 'The Leazes End', estimated to end up costin' 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' aroond aboot £2,000 each for the next three away games in the group stage! (at least an average of £600 (plus!) a trip, (inc. beer money etc!) we thinx!---dependin' on where we're heedin'?)
(Vuckic had replaced Ryan Taylor in the 11th minute, who had fell awkwardly on the Milburn Stand touchline)

We were very lucky to win this game, az the visitors had quite a few chances to level things, after wor opener had sent the near 30,000 faithful wild with delight! (40 or so Atromitos fans)

Two heart stoppin' penalty appeals by the visitors in each half were waved away by the Swiss ref who booked the offendin' players for divin'! (many refs would have given both pens!)

Really there's nothin' more to add except to say that there waz 'A bad moon 'a' risin' above 'The Gallowgate End' durin' the 2nd half of this lack lustre display! (see photo!) 

On the final whistle the tannoy annooncer telt us that we had been drawn away to Man U in the 3rd roond of the League Cup!<(at least we won't have to fork oot for a Wembley final ticket in this competition now!)

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Coloccini, Ryan Taylor (Vuckic 11), Bigirimana, Perch (Tavernier 60), Marveaux (Amalfitano 92), Obertan Gosling, Ba

Attendance: 29,242

'The Magical Mystery Tour' of Europe sets off again today at 'high noon bells' (when the draw iz made for the group stage!) (fingers crossed that it's not Azerbaijan etc!)

"Wwwwatch this space!!!!"

 

"WELCOME TO HELL ON EARTH!"*** THE TOON v ATROMITOS

Posted '1:00pm bells' Thorsday 30th August 2012




In complete contrast to last Thorsday, when we awoke in Athens to 100 degree plus temperatures and signs at their groond sayin' 'Welcome to Hell', in Greek, the Atromitos players and fans would have thought that this waz 'Hell on Earth' az they awoke this mornin' on Tyneside to torrential rain, gale force winds and freezin' caad temperatures!

This can anly be good news az far az we are concorned, az the caader it gets the more chance we have of beatin' them to progress to the 'Group stage' of the Europa League! (the 5-1 demolition of Vitoria Setubal in the 'Inter Cities Fairs Cup', in the heavy snow, way back in 1969, springs to mind!---somethin', the Spaniards of that time had never seen!)

'The Magical Mystery Tour' draw iz tomorrow dinnertime and we await it with trepidation az to just where we will be gannin this time!??? (IF ? we progress!???)

The Toon will wear their new 'Yellow Peril' change strip this evenin' @ '8 bells' and we can anly assume that that the probable line up will be wor 'shadow squad' again, that drew 1-1 in Greece last week!?

The draw for the League Cup thord roond takes place toneet (when wor match will still be in progress!) with the possibility of FOWER! new groonds for the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers'! to visit, namely, Burton Albion, Crawley Toon, Northampton Toon and MK Dons< (carnt wait!)

Az per usual---match report and League Cup draw to follow much later 

PS  apologeeez for not updatin' the trip to Athens last week, but a'v been 'stowed off' with work and will update it ASAP!

ARCHIVE GROUNDS MATCH REPORT LIST