HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MA**** IN MILAN!?

Posted '10:00am bells' Tuesday 15th May 2012

THE SAN SIRO ON AUGUST 23rd---PERHAPS?

Now that we naa exactly where we stand in torms of qualification for the Europa League we can give yoo an idea az to just who we could be playin' on THORSDAY AUGUST 23rd, which iz the date that we will start wor European adventure!

By finishin' fifth we gan straight into the *FOURTH qualifyin' roond which iz a 2 legged play off to get into the group stages.
("Er!"---at least we THINK that we gan into this qualifyin' roond?)(*to be conformed by UEFA)

Other teams who have to pre qualify, include (amongst many many others!)----Stuttgart of Jawmany---Athletic Club Bilbao of Spain---Olympique Marseille of France---Anzhi Makachkala of Russia<(wherever the hell that iz!?)----Red Star Belgrade of Serbia---Dundee United and Hearts of Jockoland---Arsenal!? Kiev of Ukraine----(deep breath!)>Zhetysutaldykorgan! of Kazakhstan <("PLEEZE GOD!---NO!")---AND!!!----Inter MILAN of Italy!!!

Now how does that aad song gan again???

"HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MA**** IN MILAN!?"   


Incidentleee!----MA**** stands for MAGPIE!
(Wot the hell did yi think it stood for???)

'THE RONNY-GILL' BACK PAGE---TONEET

Posted '3:00pm bells' Monday 14th May 2012

For a change the main story on the back page of toneets 'Ronny-Gill' iz of Dunston's fantastic win in the FA Vase final @ Wembley yesterday, showin' a photo of 'The Bad Blue Boys' liftin' the trophy.

Aalso mentioned iz Papiss Demba Cisse, pictured in wor new 'wino away top', who haz pledged to stay at 'The Toon' and help us secure a Champions League place next season followin' yesterday's dissapointin' result.

THE TOFFEE NOSES 3 THE TOON 1

Posted '9:35am bells Monday 14th May 2012

Forst of aall can aa just say 'congratulations' to Dunston UTS who won the FA Vase yesterday @ Wembley by beatin' West Auckland 2-0 thanx to goals from Steve 'Bully' Bull to bring the silverware back to Tyneside!
Az mentioned previously, we would have been there had the two games not clashed---(but yi cannit be in two places at the same time---can yi?)
"Well done 'The Bad Blue Boys'!"

  RYAN TAYLOR (extreeeme left!)
  TAKES A CORNER @ THE PARK END
  

Secondly!---'it just wasn't to be' for 'The Toon' though, and in the end, the 3-1 defeat against The Toffee Noses @ Goodison made ne difference to the premya table anyway, even if we'd won, az both The Arse and Spors won their games to claim thord and fourth places respectively.

So Europa League futbaall it iz for the 'black 'n' whites' next season!

Most of wor pre match 'garglin' took place in the Fountains Abbey which iz aboot a ten minute waalk from the groond, where we met a few Toffee Noses who we naa, namely Joanne and Mark, who telt us that the one thing they wanted above aall waz to win and finish above The Liverbirds in the table! (a bad omen for us or wot!?)

Yoo could see from the start of the game that we just wernt 'up for it' az we ran oot in wor new 'Winos' away strip and Pienaar opened the scorin' for the home side on the qwaata of an hour mark with a shot that hit Mike Williamson on the back and the baall spun past the stranded Tim Krul and into the net!
Jelavic doubled the home sides lead in the 27th minute, when, after he had handled just moments orlier (unbeseen by the ref of course!) he fired past Krul and wor Champions League aspirations were startin' to evaporate.

Meeenwhile!---text messages from Wembley telt us that Dunston were beatin' West Auckland 1-0 in the Vase final!

The thord and 'killer goal' came at the mid point in the 2nd half when Heitinga heeded home at The Gladys Street End.
We pulled one back soon after with an own goal from Hibbert, but it was aall ower by then.

Another two text messages from Wembley telt us that Dunston had won the FA Vase 2-0, so at least it wasn't aall bad news! (special thanx to 'Davy the Silver Fox' and 'Shaz the Postie' for keepin' us updated!)

News waz comin' through from the Championship decider games az well and cheers went up from the Evertonian sections when they hord that Man City were gettin' beat? (aalways thought they hated Man U more??) Of course we aall naa 'wot happened next', az this crazy season drew to a close!

Next stop for The Toon!?----The Amsterdam Arena! (where the Europa League final iz bein' held next season!)

Toon team: Krul, Perch (Marvaeux 46), Williamson, Coloccini, Santon (Ryan Taylor 46), Cabaye, Tiote (Shola Ameobi 81), Ben Arfa, Gutierrez, Cisse, Ba

Attendance: 39,517 (3,000 Toon fans) (The Toffee Noses highest crowd of the season)    

YI CANNIT BE IN TWO PLACES AT THE SAME TIME!

Updated '6:45am bells' Sunday 13th May 2012

The last weekend of the season iz aalmost apon us and two massive games are takin' place today involvin' Tyneside teams, in the shape of 'The Toon' @ Goodison Park in the premya leegue and 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston UTS @ Wembley in the FA Vase final.

It's such a pity that the two games are bein' played at the same time on the same day, az aa naa a lot of Toon fans (includin' meesel) who would have been @ Wembley had the games not clashed.

But yi cannit be in two places at the same time and in my case 'The Toon's' game must! take priority and aa'll be relyin' on mee mate 'Davy the Silver Fox' who'll be at Wembley, to text me any score in Dunston's game against Northern League rivals West Auckland Toon. 

Lets hope that aall of Tyneside haz a double reason to celebrate toneet!----'The Toon' gettin' into the Champions League and 'The Bad Blue Boys' bringin' the FA Vase back to Tyneside!

"Fingers, toes (and legs!) crossed!" 

Match report to follow az usual when we get back! (sometime on Monday!)

ANOTHA WAALK ON THE 'TYNE-SIDE'!

Updated 6:30am bells Sunday 13th May 2012

"The Field of Fields!"

Followin' on from last years 'sorte' to a Northern Alliance game @ Wark, beside the River North Tyne, (A Wark on the Wild Side!) we took anotha 'Tynetrip' yesterday az we heeded for Stocksfield on Tyne to watch their top of the table clash against Whitley Bay resorves @ 'The Stocksfield Sports Fields'!

The Geordie Times entourage caught the 'one bells' Hexham snail train from 'The Central' which passed through Stocksfield (and it thankfully stopped there!) and from there it waz a short waalk away alang the main road to 'the fields'.
After a few 'liquid refreshments' in the very nice clubhoose it waz off to one one the many fields beside the railway line where the match waz bein' played (the sports complex included two cricket pitches, two footbaall pitches and a rugby pitch)

A bit of train spottin' waz the order of the day az well az the match which torned oot to be a six goal thriller. (more to follow on this when aa get time az a'm off to Morseyside in an hours time!)
Full time: Stocksfield 3 Whitley Bay 'A' 3
Attendance: 49 (plus a doggie!)

MANAGER OF THE YEAR!???---"I BEG YOUR PARDEW!"

Posted 9:50am bells Saturday 12th May 2012

The fantastic news that the manager of the year award haz been won by WOR manager comes az ne suprize to us after the unexpectedly fantastic season we have had so far!
The anly question now iz!---just which of the European competitions will he guide us into next season!?

We'll find oot tomorrow afternoon @ 'five bells' (hopefully!)

The Cockney charvaa'z done good! "CONGRATULATIONS ALAN!"

BLACKPOOL TOWER or! THE TOWER OF LONDON?

Posted '7:45am bells' Thorsday 10th May 2012

Blackpool's win @ Brum last neet means that we will be gannin to East Lancs or East London next season az they will play West 'em in the play off final @ Wembley.
Aalso dependin' on if the 'QPRag & Bone Men' or 'Ne Where Near Bolton' stay up,we have the possibility of at least EIGHT trips to 'the smoke' next season, az we have to travel through the capital to get to Soothampton and The Biscuit Men of Reading az well! (We'll just have to wait and see!)

THE FIGHTING FIFTH!

Posted 9:55pm bells' Tuesday 8th May 2012

THE ROYAL NORTHUMBERLAND FUSILIERS
FORMED IN 1642
WERE KNOWN AZ 'THE FIGHTING FIFTH'!

'The Liverbirds' 4-1 win against 'The Kings Road OAPs of Chelski' @ Anfield toneet means that the lowest position that The Toon can now finish iz in FIFTH position in the premya leegue!

EUROPEAN QUALIFICATION---AZ IT STANDS!

Updated '9:55pm bells' Tuesday 8th May 2012

THE AMSTERDAM ARENA---"WILL WE BE HERE IN MAY 2013???"
(WHERE THE EUROPA LEAGUE FINAL IZ BEIN' PLAYED!)
"OR!---IZ THIS 'WISHFUL THINKIN'-PERHAPS!???"

Results ower the weekend mean that we must now win wor last game away to 'The Toffee Noses of Everton' next Sunday to have any chance of qualifyin' for the Champions League.
This will now anly happen if we win and eetha 'The Arse' lose their final game away to WBA, or! Spors drop at least two points at home to 'The Jackson Jivers of Fulham'

'The OAPs of Chelski', meeenwhile, lost 4-1 away to 'The Liverbirds' toneet and cannot now finish above us!


THE PREMYA LEEGUE---AZ IT STANDS @ '9:55pm bells' Tuesday
(4 Champions League places and 3 Europa League places up for grabs!)


1 The Blue Moonies---
played 37---points 86---goal difference +63--- Champions League place guaranteed

2 The Cockney Reds of Salford---
played 37---points 86---goal difference +55---
Champions League place guaranteed

3 The Arse---
played 37---points 67---goal difference +24--- Champions League? or Europa League?

4 Happy Harry's Hotspors---
played 37---points 66---goal difference +23---
Champions League? or Europa League?

5 THE TOON---
played 37---points 65---goal difference +7---
Europa League? or Champions League?

6 The Kings Road OAPs of Chelski---
played 37---points 61---goal difference +18---
Europa League? or Champions League? (cannit now finish above The Toon and can anly qualify for The Champions League if they win the final in Munich!)

7 The Toffee Noses---
played 37---points 53---goal difference +8--- 
cannit qualify for Europa League or Champions League

8 The Liverbirds---
played 37---points 52---goal difference +8---
Europa League qualifiers by virtue of winnin' the League Cup---cannit qualify for the Champions League

THE TOON 0 THE BLUE MOONIES 2

Posted '8:50am bells' Monday 7th May 2012

"WEBB OF DECEIT!"

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES END (1st half)

Whey!---we gave it wor best shot!---didn't we!?
A game that waz winable, lost in the last 20 minutes through a Toure Yaya 'brace', the last one comin' in the final minute to send us to a 2-0 defeat and The Blue Moonies closer than ever to the title.

The ref Howard Webb didn't help wor cause with soft bookins against first, Ben Arfa orly on and then Tiote and Perch, which meant that they aall had to be very careful not to get a 2nd yellow and dismisal.
Aall three yellows were for trivial offences and the record crowd in the rebuilt St James' Park (by one!), let their feelins known to him by loud booin' and whistles! (it waz a shockin' display from the man in black!)

Wor three strikers never reeely got goin', although we did have chances to tek the lead with the visitors lookin' very nervy from the start. Ben Arfa's effort for example, which looked like gannin in, was torned roond the post by Hart in the Blue Moonies goal.

It waz 'even stevens' 'til the deadlock waz broken and even a defeat didn't entirely finish off wor Champions League aspirations az we could still de it on the final day of the season next Sunday @ Goodison Park az anly TWO POINTS seperate us from The Arse and Spors in third and fourth! (both The Arse and Spors could anly draw ower the weekend, droppin' valuable points!)

Aa naa av said this before!---but who would EVER have believed that we would STILL have a chance of qualifyin' for the Champions League 'holy grail' by the last day of the season!???

Toon team: Krul, Perch (Ferguson 74), Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Ben arfa (Shola Amiobi 74), Cabaye, Tiote (Ryan Taylor 82), Gutierrez, Cisse, Ba

Attendance: 52,389 (3,200 Blue Moonies)
(A record crowd at rebuilt groond, beatin' the SMBs crowd by 'one'!) (where was he/she at that game!?)