A NUMBER 9 AT LAST!---DEMBA 'MARK II' SIGNS FOR TOON FROM JAWMAN CLUB ! -------NEIN!"---"NEIN!"---"NEIN!"

Updated 2:50 pm bells' Wednesday 18th January 2012

THE 'CISSE-CO' KID!

News reaches 'The Geordie Times' (a day late az usual!) that we have signed a new centre forward who will wear the 'coverted' number nine black 'n' white striped shirt.
His name iz Papiss DEMBA Cisse and he haz signed from Jawman club Freiburg for a reported fee of £7.5 million.
Like Demba Ba he iz on African Nations Cup duty for Senegal and so won't be available to play for a while yet.
This season he has scored nein (sorry!) NINE! goals in the Bundesliga to tek hiz total to 37 goals in 65 starts! (This compares favourably with his namesake who scored 37 times in 97 appearences for Hoffenheim before hiz move to Tyneside!) 

BACK PAGE OF TONEETS 'RONNY GILL'

Papiss Cesse haz revealed the 'lightnin' pace' of hiz move to NUFC from Bundesliga side Freiburg.
The African was determined to make the move to St James' Park, and travelled through the neet in order to make it happen and become The Toon's new number 9.
Cisse said today, "It's been very quick!---An agreement was only finalised between the two clubs at '8 bells' last night<(or words to that effect!) and then I headed to Newcastle.
I was told to be at the airport at 10pm so I had little opportunity to do much" 

In otha news, Wrexham's game against Brighton last neet was caalled off because of a frozen pitch and they will try again toneet @ '7:15 bells' to see just who plays The Toon in the next roond of the FA Cup!------We wait with 'baited breath' to see just where we will be gannin @ '5:15 bells' on the 28th of this month? (the game will be live on ESPN)

THE TOON 1 THE SHEPHERD'S BUSH RAG AND BONE MEN RANGERS 0--------------"STEPTOE RIDES AGAIN!"

Updated 9:00 pm bells' Sunday 15th January 2012

QPR SUPPORTERS CLUB
"NOOOCARRSILL!---HERE WE COME!"

The sole reason for wor game against 'The Steptoe Rag and Bone Men of Shepherds Bush', bein' televised live on Sky @ 1:30 bells today, was because of the retorn of Joey Barton to The Toon!
HE WASN'T!---coz he got sent off against Norwich on January 3rd for a heed butt on Bradley Johnson and waz banned! 
Aaltogether now!---"There's only NONE Joey Barton!"

However!---another familiar face waz there in the shape of Mark Hughes who replaced Neil Warnock az their new manager last week and we (did'int!) wish him well!

Just under 50,000 were inside the groond when the game kicked off, which isnt bad when you consider that the game was live on the telly and against unattractive opposition and at a cr*p kick off time!

We didn't start off well and QPR came at us 'hammer and tongs' in the forst ten minutes and had a couple of chances to gan aheed!

In the 20th minute Yohan Cabaye waz disgracefully fouled by Shaun Derry, but the QPR player got off with just a yellow card, while Cabaye had to be stretchered off the pitch!
Chris Foy the ref got it totally wrang I'm afraid and shud be sent to the gallows @ The Gallowgate End for hiz incompetence (if only they were still there!)

We withstood this 'barrage' and in the 37th minute we broke the deadlock when Leon Best fired home  a great effort from just inside the box @ The Leazes End to send us in 1-0 up at the break!

More bad tackles followed in the 2nd period from 'The Rag and Bone Merchants', but we 'kept wor cool' and despite Mark Hughes 'kick em hard' team tactics, we held on to take the three points and send us up to =5th  

The results of course certainly went wor way ower the weekend and wor win today took us above 'The Liverbirds' and into equal FIFTH with 'The Arse' who lost 3-2 away to Swanzee!

Toon team: Krul, Coloccini, Williamson, Santon, Gutierrez, Guthrie, Cabaye (Ben Arfa 25), R Taylor (Gosling 81), Best (Perch 75), Shola Ameobi
Attendance: 49,865 (1,500 Steptoes')

The Geordie Times 100 Pub Crawl Challenge

We started off @ 'The Five Swans' near The Haymarket this mornin' @ '11 bells' for the forst 'gargels'
This used to be caalled 'Lucky's Bar', and waaterin hole number SIXTY FIVE on wor seeminglee neva endin' jorney waz indeed a 'lucky one' for us az it torned oot!
Withoot borin' yoo to bits, we did a few 'celebratereee' boozers after the match and by the end of the neet @ 'The Old George', wor Geordie Times pub total came to SEVENTY! (anly THORTY to gan!) 

More to follow on this tomorrow!-----when we (eventually!) sober up!

Footnote: For those of yoo who are tooo young to remember or wernt even born, Steptoe and Son was a 'rag and bone men' comedy series in the 1960's based in the Shepherds Bush area of London, where QPR play!---so nuw yi naa! 

ST JAMES' PARK SINCE 1880---AND AALWAYS WILL BE!------------------WOT THE PAPERS SAY!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 14th January 2012

TAKEN FROM LAST NEETS 'RONNY GILL'

Yet more ramifications <(whatever that meenz?) of the 'attempted' name change of St James' Park are deein' the roonds with Newcastle City leaders puttin' in their 'penneez-worth' of comments.

For the benefit of Geordie exiles aroond the world (and beyond!) 'The Geordie Times' haz reprinted extracts from an article printed in last neet's 'Ronny Gill'

Quote:
'The Fat Controller' < (or words to that effect!) has been told that he will receive NO support from Newcastle Council in his efforts to rename St James' Park.
City leaders at the council have passed a motion calling on 'The Fat Controller' < (owtte!) to reverse his decision in light of widespread fan opposition.
Labour and Liberal Democrat politicians united behind a motion which will see the council REFUSE to change street signs to reflect the clubs decision to rename the ground.
The motion, agreed UNANIMOUSLY, says the council officially agrees with "the overwhelming majority of supporters who believe this is the wrong decision" 
It adds: "Council confirms that it has NO plans to change existing way finding signs which bear the name 'St James Park' and call on the club to reconsider it's decision"
The council motion also commits city officers to write to media organisations asking them to hold back from referring to the ground as 'yee naa wot'<(or words to that effect!)

ARCHIVE UPDATES!--- LATEST!

Posted '8:30 pm bells' Friday 13th January 2012 

"CRUFTS!---CRUFTS!---HERE WE COME!"

We've had loads of trouble tryin' to doonload wor  archive stories from 'Microsoft Word', since we got the shortened web address of www.geordietimes.com  to make it easier to log in. (The old address, by the way, is still OK to use www.geordietimes.blogspot.com )

The computaa simply wouldn't let us doonload 'Word' and it kept sayin'---"WORD CANNOT REGISTER YOUR ACCOUNT"------ everytime we tried?.

The Man City story we did a few weeks back (007 Maine Road) had to be completly re-typed onto the blog!---and az I'm not the worlds quickest typer, it took me THREE F*****' DAYS! to de it---'and it done mee heed in'!

However!---we've been messin' aboot with the computaa and by chance have worked oot how to de it anotha way!
By splittin' the screen into two and  'draggin'  the story with the mouse onto the blog page, it works!, and we can now doonload an archive story withoot havin' to re-type it again!----but it's a bit of a pain to de it this way! (we're NOT az daft az yoo think!???)

We play 'The Jackson Jivers' of Fulham away next Saturday and we will put wor forst ever visit there from 1978, online, sometime next week, when we won 3-1!.  (groond nunber 50!)
"CRUFTS!---CRUFTS!---HERE WE COME!"

Az the title suggests---it's well worth the reeed!

'GEORDIE TIMES' NEWS FLASH!--------------------------"THE VULTURES ARE WAITIN'!"

Posted '6:00 pm bells' Thorsday 12th January 2012

"SOMEWHERE NEAR WREXHAM!--OR!---IZ IT BRIGHTON!?"

News haz reached us through the grapevine that wor forthcomin' FA Cup tie away to eetha Brighton or Wrexham will be on live telly @ '5:15 bells', Saturday 28th January!

The match iz live on ESPN and ne doubt 'The TV Vultures' will be hopin' (and prayin'!) that we play non leegue Wrexham and that we get 'twanked'!

It doesn't reeeleee matter who we play though, az it will be another owerneet stay for us, wherever it iz, with THAT! crazy kick off time!

PREMIER LEAGUE AVERAGE GATES 2011-2012

Updated '12:50 pm bells' Thorsday 12th January 2012 

"ST JAMES' PARK SINCE 1880---AND AALWAYS WILL BE!" 

The latest average gates for the 'premya leegue' are az follows.
The Toon are still in thord position and wor current average of 48,866 iz the highest since the 2007-2008 season when we averaged 51,321.
The anly 'movers' are Villa who climb above Everton. Wolves aalso move up to climb above their arch rivals WBA


Premya Leegue average gates up 'til
12th January 2012

1 Man U-----------75,452
2 The Arse--------59,960
3 THE TOON---48,866
4 Man C-----------47,013
5 L/birds-----------44,857
6 Chelski----------41,632
7 SMB's-----------38,830
8 Spors------------36,077
9 Villa-------------34,650      
10 Everton---------34,407
11 Stoke----------27,222
12 Norwich-------26,516
13 Fulham--------25,315
14 Wolves--------25,162
15 WBA----------24,794
16 Bolton---------23,125
17 B/born---------22,916
18 Swanzee-------19,823
19 Wigan----------17,662
20 QPR------------17,025

Interestingleee!, we have had the biggest away gates at fower clubs so far, which iz more than both Manc clubs, The Arse, The Liverbirds and Chelski!

1  THE TOON! (4 times) biggest gates @ Man C--- Norwich---SMB's---Bolton
2  Villa (3 times) @ Fulham---Swanzee---Stoke 
=3 Man C (twice) @ Liverbirds---QPR
=3 Liverbirds (twice) @ Chelski---Everton
=3 The Arse (twice) @ Spors---Wigan  
=3 Bolton (twice) @ WBA---Blackborn
=3 Chelski (twice) @ The Toon---Wolves
=8 Man U (once) @ Villa
=8 Wolves (once) @ Man U
=8 WBA (once) @ The Arse



= Last (Ten teams with none)
QPR
Swanzee
Norwich
Fulham
Blackborn
Wigan
Everton
Spors
Stoke
SMB's!

NO JUSTICE FOR BEN ARFA!

Posted '11:00 am bells' Wednesday 11th January 2012

'THE RONNY GILL'---THE INSIDE! BACK PAGE ON MONDAY

'The Geordie Times' haz been 'simmerin' with rage for a few days now, aboot wor disgraceful coverage in the local press and ITV's coverage of wor FA Cup game on Saturday and now iz the time to 'have a rant'!

"Now that the dust haz settled ower Hatem Ben Arfa's 'wonder goal' at the weekend against Blackborn, when he beat SIX players to score, we ask the question, just why waz it given such little 'air time' on the ITV FA Cup highlights show on Saturday neet and Sunday mornin'???"

"A total of FIVE seconds waz shown and NE REPEATS!?, before they briefly showed Spidermans winner (Gutierrez) and then they quickly moved on to the next game!
Mebeez we should be thankful that such brief highlights were broadcast, az we divvint want the so caalled 'big boys' nickin' him in the transfor window!" (THIS is still a possibility of course!)

"Then we had 'The Ronny Gill's back page main photo on Monday of  'WAYNE F******' ROONEY! kissin' 'the badge' az he celebrated one of hiz goals against Man City!----WHILE!----Ben Arfa and Spiderman's celebrations were 'relegated' to the INSIDE back pages!
And this iz supposed to be Newcastle's main paper for goodness sake!" (now printed in Smogland by the way!) (perhaps they shud rename it 'The ROONEY Gill'!)

"ITV showed extended highlights of at least HALF AN HOUR! of both the Swindon v Wigan and Fleetwood v Blackpool cup games, which included a lang discussion on Paul Ince's son who plays for Blackpool--by!---PAUL INCE!!---but NE! mention at aall of 'ye naa who'???"

"Even the national press commented on it!" (see the article below taken from 'The Mail')

TUESDAY'S DAILY MAIL

"It's an absolute disgrace if you ask us!"

Footnote for non Geordie reeders:
'The Ronny Gill' iz the name given to The Newcastle Evening Chronicle newspaper by Geordies, az street paper sellers shout oot "CHRON-ICLE!", which soonds like "RONNY-GILL!" to the trained Geordie ear!---so nuw yi naa!

NEWSFLASH!!!------THE TOON RESORVES 3 v WIGAN RESORVES 1--RESULT---BEHIND CLOSED DOORS! (AGAIN!)

Updated '3:30 pm bells' Tuesday 10th January 2012

For the thord resorve leegue home game in a row we played 'behind closed doors' against Wigan this afternoon @ Darsley Park!
Az usual under theeze circumstances, we sent 'by air' (at great expense!), wor intrepid  'Stop the Pigeon' reporter, who flew ower the action and 'winged' this 'exclusive' match report back to The Geordie Times Heed Office , second hand!---forst!

'Stop the Pigeon'---in his own words:
"The Toon won 3-1. Cooocooo!---Remie Streete kneed the baall into the net from a Dan Gosling cross to open the scorin' in the forst half!
Wigan equalised in the 66th minute but we fought back and fortha goals from Brad Inman fower minutes later with a low shot and trialist Jason Prior, who fired in from 10 yards oot in front of wor manager 'I Beg Your Pardew', to seal the victory!---Cccoooooo"

(It's just a pity we couldn't gan worsels and give you the report forst hand!---second!) 

"KING OF THE CASTLE!"---THE USA 3,000 CLUB!

Posted '8:10 pm bells' Monday 9th January 2012

"HANDS UP!---IF YI LOVE 'THE TOON'!"

Yet anotha milestone haz been reached today az wor great American cousins from across 'the pond' have just logged on to 'The Geordie Times' for the THREE THOOSANDTH time!

It doesn't seem like two minutes since the 'USA Geordies' paid their two thoosandth visit and they have, by far and away, the highest number of pageviews we have received from ootside the UK in wor aall time list.

The Top Ten owerseas visitors are az follows:
(Up to and includin' ' 8 bells' toneet!)

United States of America***3,002 hits
Republic of Ireland***571
Greece***563
Germany***405

"TAKE ME TO
YOUR LEADER!"
"WHEY AYE MAAAN!"

Nigeria***259
Holland***199
Australia***176
Russia***146
Canada***138
Mars***100! (& coontin'!)>

FA CUP DRAW!---SOOTH COAST!---OR!---NORTH WALES!

Posted '7:15 pm bells' Sunday 8th January 2012

AMEX?

The FA Cup fourth roond draw haz paired us with eetha Championship side BRIGHTON or non leegue WREXHAM away!

Brighton would be 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' prefored choice az we've NEVA been to their new Amex groond before, whereaz, we HAVE been to The Racecourse Groond, Wrexham. 
We have very bad memories of wor last FA Cup visit to North Wales az we lost 4-1 there in 1978!

OR!---RACECOURSE?

We'll be lookin' with great interest for the result of this replay which will take place on Tuesday 17th January @ Wrexham---"COME ON BRIGHTON!"