THE ARSE 1. THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026

 Posted from ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔 onwards, Sunday 26th April 2026

“AIR SHOTS AND ‘OWER THE BAR’ FROM 1 YARD OOT’ , AGONY!”🙈

A goal from a set piece corner woz the difference between the 2 sides at The Emirates Stadium yesterday evening!

Unfortunately for NUFC and the travellin 3,000 plus 3 fans, it wasn’t for ‘us’, az  The Arse ran oot 1-0 winners to reclaim top spot!

Played in brilliant sunshine, we went behind after 9 minutes, when a short corner woz fired into the centre and Eze made nee misstayk az he sent a rocket shot past The Pope in the Toon goal, to put the home side 1-0 up! (Arsenal’s 3rd short corner!)

We thought that this wouldnt be the anly goal, but a different NUFC to the previous 4 games (and defeats!) torned up this time!

The biggest and most obvious problem iz we didn’t have a proven goalscorer on the pitch, with Wissa on the subs bench once again!

Osula led the line and within one minute of the start he had an ‘air shot’ at the far end from the travelling Toon fans, when a connection would have put us 1-0 up!

That woz hiz one chance to make a name for himself, which he failed miserably to dee!

Yet again after this, we were frightened to have a shot on goal and passed the baall sideways and back, time and time again!

And then that short corner goal that undid us!

We more than matched The Arse in the first half, but of course its goals that count, not performances!

The 2nd period wazzint much better in terms of shots on goal!

In the 66th and 75th minutes respectively, both Wissa and Waltemade came on, to replace the ineffective Osula and the injured Bruno, who sadly limpted off aroond the pitch!

Not lang after Waltemade had come on, The Toon had a great chance to equalise when the giant Jawman sent a nice flick to Wissa, who woz just one yard from the goal line, but he somehow managed to kick the baall ower the bar, to the dispair of the visiting fans, behind that goal!🙈

Dan Burn had a great chance after this, but he heeded the baall straight at their keeper, instead of the back of the net and that just aboot summed it up! FT 1-0 to them!

Attendance: 60,204 (3,003 Toon fans)

Wor 5th loss in a row —and with Forest, (5-0 at the SOS), West Ham and Sporz winnin their games, the gap between us and 3rd bottom Sporz iz now doon to 8 points, with 4 games to gan!

The train yem woz a complete nightmare az well—more on that to follow later AND wor 2 boozer ‘mini’ pub crawl before and after the game!

‘MINI’ PUB CRAWL!—Just 2 this time az mentioned! ⬇️ A new one for this season and The Parcel Yard, where we have been tee previously this season!

Runnin total of different drinkin dens this season, now 161

We sat in the beer garden (just ower the railings in the photo) and az it neared kick off time, some young Toon fans walked past and started goading the Arsehole fans with chants of, “Second again!—Second again!” ( Man City had claimed top spot off them a few days beforehand)

One middle aged ‘Arsehole’ (well named) woz non plused and hoyed a bowl of chips at them ower the fence!— The chef of The Grafton (who iz the Geordie owner) hord aboot it, came oot and angrily confronted the Arsehole!—and told him to leave and barred him from the premises!

A chip 🍟 off the old block—-perhaps? (sic!)

We were booked on the 9:03pm bells 🔔 train 🚂 from King’s Cross to The Central (station in the Toon)

There woz total chaos coz of a broken doon train somewhere up the line! Some trains were cancelled, while wors woz still running—but very late!

We boarded it  at 9:30 bells 🔔 az hundreds of others rushed to board, az it woz the last train back and az theirs had been cancelled!

Total chaos ensued az the train soon filled up and people were standin in the corridors!

At 9:45 bells 🔔 an annoocement came ower the loudspeakers, telling passengers to stop smokin and vapin on the train!

Another annooncement said that there woz fightin in Coach A coz of the overcrowding! (People sitting in booked seats they hadn’t booked!) (We were in Coach M a lang way away!)

ANYWAY! We eventually left at 10:15 🔔 and finally arrived back on Tyneside at the ungodly hour of qwaataa to TWO 🔔 on Sunday mornin

80 minutes late! The lift a’d arranged at midneet 🔔 bells’ when the train woz due back woz missed, so aa had to get a taxi yem, arrivin at Geordie Times HQ at 2:05 🔔 bells’

Who would be a Toon fan!?😵‍💫

THE ARSE v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 24th April 2026

A GREAT ACTION PAINTING FROM AN ARSENAL V NUFC GAME PLAYED 100 YEARS AGO AT HIGHBURY IN OCTOBAA 1926 *** 

A 2-2 DRAW IN FRONT OF A 45,000 CROWD *** 

NUFC WON THE OLD 1st DIVISION FOR THE 4th TIME THAT SEASON!

(THE LAST TIME WE WON THE TOP FLIGHT TITLE!) 

NOTE THAT ARSENAL PLAYED IN AALL RED SHIRTS BACK THEN, WITHOOT THE WHITE SLEEVES OF THEIR CURRENT KIT!

We are off to the capital city yet again tomorrow, for wor game against 'The Arse' at 'The Em' in a '5:30 bells' kick off for live telly (Sky or pirate ☠️ stick!)

Nerves will definatly be janglin from the Arsenal players and fans, az their title hopes hang by a thread, after their defeat to Man City last Sunday—-and City’s 1-0 win at Bornlee on Wedinzday neet, saw them leapfrog The Arse to top spot, on goals scored! (The win aalso relegated Bornlee to the Championship)

According to AI, NUFC are mathimatically safe with 42 points, and says it will be just enough to escape the drop!---How the times have changed since last season!

Wor allocation of 3,003 tickets were sold ages ago —and az usual we will be in the orange area of the stadium map! The Geordie Times will be in block 23, row 23, indicated by the pin 📌 ⬇️

The Arseholes will odds on favourites to win and we would certainly settle for an unlikely draw, but wor fragile defence might not be able to hold oot!

Both Anthony Gordon and Tino Livramento are expected to be missin due to injury, while lang torn absentees Fab Schar and Emil Krafth arnt expected to return anytime soon!

Joelinton sorves hiz 2nd and last 2 games ban, for picking up too many yellow cards! 🟨

Like we say--- a defeat iz aalso on ‘the cards’, but you never know what will happen with NUFC!?

*After wor 2-1 defeat at SJP to Bournemoooth last Saturday, I owerheard 2 fans talkin on the way oot of the groond!

“I wish the season woz ower!”, one said to hiz mate!

It just aboot sums it up!

A Geordie Times match and boozer report will appear here sometime on Sunday!

Let’s hope it’s not a horror story!👹 🙏🏻 

ARSENAL ARCHIVE MATCH REPORT FROM 1968

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 23rd April 2026 (St. George’s Day! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿)

We heed for London yet again on Saturday, for wor game at The Emirates Stadium against 'The Arse', some 58 years since The Geordie Times entourage forst visited their old groond at Highbury, less than half a mile from their new abode! (0-0)

It woz aalso wor forst ever visit to London aall those years ago!

A match report on the 1968 game iz reproduced below!

Ground number: 004 Highbury

Oh and it’s St. George’s Day!⬇️ 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 

004 highbury arsenal

(GROUND NUMBER 4)

Date of First Visit: 9th NOVEMBER 1968
ARSENAL STADIUM, HIGHBURY, LONDON

ARSENAL 0
NEWCASTLE UNITED 0

(OLD) DIVISION ONE
ATTENDANCE 34,168 (2,000 Toon fans)

"IS HAROLD IN?"


Mee 'debut' visit tih the 'smoke' tih see the Toon play Arsenal, torned oot tih be a real 'eye opener'. 

For 'innocent'? school kid's like meesel and mee mate 'Billy' the thing that fascinated us as we travelled on the supporters bus through the streets of London was just how big the bloody place was.

Mile after mile of endless streets an' buildings, and even at six in the mornin' it was quite busy.
(Wi'd left Tyneside at midnight, as yih did in those days)

As this was wor forst time doon London to watch The Toon, we were taken tih see 'the sights' like 'The Hooses of Parliament', 'The Tower of London', and 'Big Ben'.

Next to the Hooses of Parliament there was an aad gadgie sellin' poppies from a staall as it was rememberance Sunday the followin' day. Aa got mee eye on a huge poppy at the back the size of a futbaall rosette and insisted that that!was the one aa wanted!
Aa gave him a threpny bit and he reluctantly pinned it to the lapel on mee 'nanny goat' an' aa felt as pleased as punch with mee new 'fashion accessory' as aa sauntered off doon the road! (aa say 'reluctantly', as aa think he wanted more than threepence for it!) (one pence in todays money!)


Aalso on the tour was a visit tih Downing Street, where aa was hopin' tih meet Harold Wilson, the then Prime Minister, for a bit 'crack' aboot futbaall. (he supported Huddersfield Town)

In the 1960's, yih could actually waalk reet up tih the front door of 'Number 10' (unlike nuw, where there are huged spiked gates at the bottom of the street tih bar the way, because of the threat of terrorism) (how times change!) 'Officer Dibble' was guardin' the front entrance, and aa asked him if ah could knock on the door and speak tih the Prime Minister.

"Is Harold in?", aa said in an optimistic voice, "a'v got some important business tih discuss with him aboot futbaall!",
---but, aall ah got was one of those,
'YOU'D BETTER P**S OFF BONNY LAD, OR I'LL KICK YOU UP THE F***** ARSE', looks!

---Aa thought it best not tih ask him again, for the fear of bein' hoyed into 'The Tower of London', so wih left very disappointed, (not knowin' what 'Harold' thought of the Toon's chances that day!) and headed for Islington, 'Norf Landon'!.

We arrived at Highbury a while later, and (as luck would have it!) the team bus pulled up ootside the main entrance just as wih got there.
The directors, one wearin' a monocle! (a member of the 'McKeag Clan', ah think?) got off forst, and with their 'noses in the air', they completely ignored the loyal fans who'd travelled doon tih London.

The players in contrast, (a'm glad tih say!) acknowledged the waitin' supporters and signed a few autographs before gannin in.

The uniformed usher on the door looked very regal (as did the stadium!) and as wih entered the East Stand paddock the grandeur of Highbury was there for aall tih see.

The two double decker 'mirror image' stands, with whitewashed balcony waalls on either side of the pitch, looked very impressive, and it was certainly a million miles better than anything wih had at St. James' Park (which still had open terracin' on two sides of the pitch!) To wor right was The Northbank End where the Arsenal 'choir' congregated underneath the roofed terraces and to wor left was the open Clock End which (of course!) had a huge clock the size of 'Big Ben' at the rear of the terracin'

Aalthough the match ended nowts each, it was far from a borin' game, with the Toon by far the better team, and for every save that McFaul in the Newcastle goal had tih mek, his counterpart Bob Wilson in the Arsenal goal had tih mek two.

However, 'The Mags' were very lucky not tih give a penalty away when 'Pop' Robson punched an Arsenal shot ower the bar, which the ref. and linesman did'nt see (much tih the annoyance of 'The Gunners' forwards!) who had tih settle for a corner.

Later on, things evened themselves oot, when 'Pop' evaded several tackles, in a run from one end of the pitch tih the other.
His shot, which was gannin in, was deflected tih Jackie Sinclair who fired a powerful drive into the net!---anly for the ref. tih disallow it for offside!. (looked o.k. tih me, like?)

This was an excellent performance from the 'Black 'n' Whites' in a game wih should iv won easily.
On the final whistle wih headed for the 'bright lights' of the 'West End' with wor 'guides', and in particular, we made for the seedy 'red light strip joints' of 'Soho' for some more 'sight seein'! ('Fenwick's window' in Northumberland Street was neva like this!)


(For 'innocent' 14 year old's like me and Billy, this was the REAL 'EYE OPENER'!)




©Fink ™(the mad-sad gr☺undh☺pper!)

 

“WIN OR LOSE! *** WE’RE ON THE BOOZE!”

 Posted ‘high 🕛 noon bells’ 🔔 Tuezday 21st April 2026

Whey, it’s certainly been a topsy turvy season, which looks like endin az a damp squid!🦑 with more losses than wins! and the most expensive season ever for ‘The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers!

Champions Leegue futbaall and plenty of games and boozers to gan tee aall ower Europe, have been the order of the day!

Aaltogether, so far, we have visited 160 different drinkin dens in away games in England, Scotland, Belgium, Jawmany, southern France, northern France, Turkey (airport), Azerbaijan (in the back of beyond!) and Espanyaa!

And there are still 3 away games to gan, to boost that total even more!

Of course the futbaall takes priority ower the drinkin dens— and it’s just unfortunate that the season will end with nee European futbaall in 2026-2027, az NUFC languish in 14th place in the Premyaa Leegue table!

The Arse are next up on Saturday in north London —and before the game we will heed for ‘The Grafton Arms’ (run by a Geordie!), aboot half a mile from The Emirates Stadium!⬇️

But then, just az we are enjoyin’ worselz, it’s soon time to ‘drink up’ and gan to the match —-and mee favorite sayin just before we leave the bar and heed for the tornstiles, IZ! ⬇️

 “Wipe that fcukin’ smile off your face!—-it’s time for your PUNISHMENT!”😱

THE TOON 1 THE CHERRY PICKERS OF BOURNEMOOOTH 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 🔔 bells’ Sunday 19th April 2026

“THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL CONTINUES UNABATED!”

Just when you 'Fink' it cannot get any worse, then it does!

Another shocking defeat add to the ‘collection’ and wor 5th home defeat in wor last 6 games!

The mood woz flat at the start of the game, and so it proved, with misplaced passes and lost possession the order of the day!

Wor players didn’t look ‘up for it’ and there woz anly one outcome in the end!---Another late goal against---and another defeat!

The 'highlight'? of the forst half for us woz a shot from Harvey Barnes at The Leazes End, which narrowly missed the post, which livened the crowd up a bit!

But that woz it in the forst period, with Bournemoooth just az bad!

However!--In their forst meeningful attack in the 30th minute, an inocuous cross from Rayan woz completly missed by wor defence and an unmarked Marcus Tavinier had the simple task of toe pokin' the baall ower the line to give 'The Cherry Pickers' the lead! (They are nicknamed 'The Cherries'!)

Another similar chance fell to them a few minutes later, but Evilinson somehow missed the baall unmarked, which should have put them 2 up!--This brought a toxic reaction from some of the crowd, who were thouroghly frustrated by wor performance! 

Withoot both goalies havin one shot to save between them, in the forst half, we went in 1-0 doon, with some boooin from the crowd! (A regular habit in the last 4 home games!)

The 2nd period saw us liven up a bit and a loud cheer when Bruno woz introduced in the 62nd minute!---We eventually we got an equaliser in the 68th minute when William Osula fired home from close in!-- A very lenghty 5 minutes VAR check for offside woz taken, with the goal eventually given! 1-1

This really livened the crowd up a bit, but we were soon brought back doon to Earth late on, when Truffert fired in from close range unmarked of course!---This happened in the 85th minute and yet again we conceded late on--for the FIFTH time in the last 6 home games!

This promted many to heed for the exits az the 1,700 away fans, high up in The Leazes 'Gods' celebrated!----The sour point woz that the Bournemoooth players kept wastin time and faynin injury, after their goal, to the annoyance of the Toon fans who stayed til the bitter end!---9 minutes stoppage time woz added, but even if it had been 9 hours, we still would'nt have foond another equaliser!

There woz more boooin az the final whistle sounded, from some of those who had suffered til the very end! (NOT from us by the way!---we have never bood the team, even in the dark days of 2nd tier futbaall!) 

Az far az ah can remember, their goalie Pertovic, didnt have one shot to save in the entire match!----And come to 'Fink' of it, neethaa did Aaron Ramsdale in The Toon goal! (Pleeeze correct me, if I'm wrang!?)

We stay in 14th place in the table. with any hope of European futbaal now gone!----

This woz Eddie Howe’s 8th attempt to beat hiz former club in the Premyaa Leegue—and 8th failure to beat them!

Another one to forget and another one where Match of the Day will be deleted withoot even watchin it!

Attendance: 52,109 (1,726 'Cherry Pickers')

WOR FLAGS 'SHOW RACISM THE RED CARD' DISPLAY, WITH BANNERS FEATURIN' THE FORST 11 BLACK PLAYERS TO PLAY FOR NUFC!

SIX GAMES TO SAVE WOR SEASON!

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells’ 🔔 Friday 17th April 2026

AN OLD BOURNEMOOOTH PROGRAMME FROM AN FA CUP TIE IN 1973 WHEN BOURNEMOOOTH WERE IN THE OLD 4th DIVISION!  NUFC WON 2-0 IN FRONT OF 33,930 (SUPERMAC AND AN OG BY CAVE) (IE: THEY CAVED IN!)  THE NEW EAST STAND HAD JUST OPENED THAT SEASON AND WOZ FEATURED ON AALL THE NUFC PROGRAMME COVERS!

Starting tomorrow afternooon, we really must play better against The Cherry 🍒 Pickers, than we have done durin wor last 3 games! 

Wor biggest fear iz if Bournemoooth take the lead, some of the crowd will turn and the atmosphere could become toxic! ☠️

Wor visitors have taken an allocation of 1,700 tickets ( Full allocation for away teams iz 3,100)

Sadly, some of wor fans have short memories and have forgotten what Eddie Howe haz done for this club and are bayin for hiz heed!

But just who could replace him, we ask?

The next 6 games will tell us which direction we are heedin!  Finish 14th where we are at the minute,!? or climb back into the top half and claim a place in one of the lesser European competitions!?

Bruno could retorn after missin the last 12 games, but Fab Schar and Emil Krafth are still crocked and will play nee part in the proceedings!

Joelinton iz suspended for 2 games after picking up hiz 10th yellow card at Palace!

5 of wor remainin 6 games ARE winnable, with the anly really hard one, wor next away game at ‘The Arse’ on Saturday week! (er! Wor last 3 Prem home games were winnable, but we lost the lot!)

Bournemoooth are unbeaten in 11 games since we beat them on pens in the FA Cup in January! Ominously, they beat title contenders ‘The Arse’ at ‘The Em’ last week! 

Hopefully there will be a vast improvement from us tomorrow at ‘3:00 bells 🔔’ 🙏🏻 

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday az per usual!  

So “Watch this space intentleee!”⬇️

NUFC SEASON TICKET WAITIN LIST TO BE STARTED!

 Posted ‘5:00pm 🔔 bells’ Thorzday 16th April 2026

Breakin' news that NUFC are to open a season ticket waitin list for next season, reaches us from ‘Secret Pigeon’, who flew to The Geordie Times HQ to tell us the news!⬇️

“A NEW NUFC SEASON TICKET WAITIN’ LIST IZ TO BE STARTED NEXT SEASON! COO! COO!”

The club says that it’s FREE to join the waitin list BUT! you MUST be a Mags Member to get on the list!⬇️

Az the prices of Mags memberships are £47, £37 and £20 for Junior Mags, it’s actually NOT FREE after aall to join the list!⬇️

A minimum of 250 season tickets will be made available next season, with priority given to those who have purchased memberships for the last 2 seasons!

Those in the lower priority groups however, have virtually nee chance of gettin their hands on one!⬇️

The club aren't daft.  The donkey’s carrot 🥕 iz to get even more memberships in the blind hope that those who join now will eventually get a season ticket!

Aalso existing members MUST renew or lose their place in the queue, az they won't be eligable!

ARCHIVE MATCH REPORT FROM 1988

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells’ Wedinzday 15th April 2026

With a blank midweek again The Geordie Times haz ‘dug up’ a match report from the opening of Dunston’s groond 38 years ago!

They were caalled Dunston Federation Brewery in those day and the groond woz named Federation Park after the Federation Breweries in Dunston! (Their sponsors at the time) Now long gone I’m afraid!

Ground number 087 ⬇️

087 federation park, dunston (nufc xi)

 Ground number 87

Date of First Visit: 15th August 1988

Federation Park, Dunston

Dunston Federation Brewery 1 (Davison)

Newcastle United XI 3 (Coxall, Craig, Bogey (pen)

Friendly fixture for ground opening

Attendance: 1,000 (estimated)

FEDERATION PARK 1988 •••A FENCED OFF FIELD*** NEE STANDS, NEE FLOODLIGHTS!

"COME ALONG AND SEE THE STARS OF NEWCASTLE UNITED!"

Az the drunken magpie flies Federation Park (Now UTS Stadium) and St. James’ Park are 1.6 miles apart across the Tyne! (Googled it!)

Yet in terms of size and support its aboot a million miles and 10 league divisions apart!

This woz the official openin' of  'The Fed’s new groond and news of ‘The Toon's visit had been the talk of Dunston for days!

A poster woz pinned to the waall of the now sadly demolished ‘Cross Keys’ boozer near Dunston Staiths advertisin the match and it read: OFFICIAL OPENING OF GROUND BY WILLIE McFAUL—COME ALONG AND SEE THE STARS OF NEWCASTLE UNITED (McFaul woz the manager!)

The 'stars', az it torned oot, wornt even playin'!

Instead NUFC had sent a bunch of mainly resorve and junior player, while some of the stars (Andy Thorn, Dave Beasant etc) were just spectators like the rest of us!

I'm writin this in April 2026, nearly 38 years after this game woz played and sadly just a few months after Willie (Iam) McFaul had passed away!

The Dunston groond back then, woz simply a fenced off field with hard standin aroond it with nee cover or seats of any description! (See top photo)

There were nee floodlights eethaa and a smaall cabin behind the goal doubled up az the clubhoose at the time!

Dunston were in The Northern Combination and NUFC were in the old Forst Division (now the Premyaa Leegue)

A large crowd had turned up to see the ‘stars in stripes’ but like aa say it woz anything but!

It didn’t take the Toon XI lang to take them lead when Coxall scored in the 2nd minute!  It stayed that way til bang on half time when Craig doubled the lead, with the home side strugglin to contain their ‘big brother’ from across the river! 

HT 2-0

The second period woz the same and the NUFC XI increased the goal gap in the 54th minute when a Dunston defender gave away a penalty!

Up stepped Ian Bogey to shoot into the back of the net for a 3-0 lead!

(The Bogeyman did have a handful of 1st team appearances, but played mostly in the resorves)

‘The Fed’ then got a consolation goal through Davison, to add a bit of respectability to the scoreline!

There were nee more goals, so it ended 3-1 to the ‘No Stars in Stripes’ at the final whistle! 

NOW UTS STADIUM*** NOW DUNSTON UTS FC