THE COTTAGE PIE BRIGADE 1. THE TOON 1*** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2026-2027

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 🛎️ bells’ Sunday 8 th November 2026

“NEE FIREWORKS FROM WOR FORWARDS!”

For a change we were able to get to London and back on the same day a very unusual’3:00 bells 🔔’ kick off on a Saturday woz the case!  8:24 🛎️s to King’s Cross in the mornin and 7:30 🛎️s back to the Toon in the evenin’!

However and yet again wor forwards failed to fire any rockets on this ‘Guy Falkes’ weekend!

Osula, az far az I can remember didn’t have a single shot on goal and Wissa woz anonymous az well!

Defender, Dan Burn opened the scorin in forst half at The Hammersmith End opposite to where the Toon fans were housed, but the celebrations lasted like a misfiring rocket, az Wissa had obstructed a Fulham defender and the goal woz chalked off in the 33rd minute!

Harvey Barnes had 2 chances but hiz shot just went wide— and that woz it against a very poor Fulham side, to boot!— HT 0-0

It woz a game of hoofed forward baalls and back passes and looked like endin in a goal-less draw until wor number 23 midfielder Jacob Murphy scored a stunning goal 10 minutes before full time, when he picked up a loose baall and ran at the Fulham defence and jinked to the left, before hitting a sweet left footed curling shot, which gave goalie Leno nee chance, to send the 2,600 plus Toon fans in The Putney End wild with delight, behind that goal!

The celebrations had hardly subsided, when (you’ve guessed it!) we conceded 3minutes later, when Osula lost possession and in the resulting attack, Muniz flicked the baall backwards and past Hornicek in the Toon goal for the equaliser!

Hornicek, it shud be mentioned, had made at least 3 outstanding saves, but he had nee chance with this one!

SPOT THE COTTAGE?

Defender Lewis Hall had a great chance to win it, but hiz weak shot woz easily saved by the Fulham keeper! FT 1-1

We simply cannot rely on defenders and midfielders to pull us oot of the 💩!

We definitely need a proven striker,az the ones we have got are simply not good enough!

FULL STOP! ⚫️

Attendance: 27,367 (2,696 Toon fans)

Pub crawl pix to follow!⬇️

THE COTTAGE PIE BRIGADE V THE TOON*** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells’ 🔔 Friday 6th Novembaa 2026

Confusion in the dressing room aboot the formation and tactics the players are supposed to follow, have hit the headlines!

Wot exactly iz heed coach tellin the players to dee—and why arnt they followin them!?

ie: He tells them not to hoof lang baalls upfield and the players dee exactly the opposite in the aaful defeats to Evaatin!

We now heed for London for the 4th time this season and up to now we have a 100% win record, with wins at Sporz, Millwaall and Palace!

However! After recent performances, not many Fink that we will come away from Craven Cottage with aall 3 points!

Another International break iz aalmost upon us, with some very tough games aheed!

NUFC will have a following of 2,696 in The Putney End and The Geordie Times crew will be in block P5, row QQ!⬇️

A quick mention for Sean Neave, who iz on loan to Wolves. He scored both their goals in their 2-1 win at Bristol City and could be recalled in January if need be!

WOLVES IN WHITE SHIRTS

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here az per usual sometime on Sunday!

Let’s hope it’s a good’n!

ROTHERHAM YIHNITED 0 THE TOON U21s 1 *** EFL TROPHY GROUP STAGE

 Posted ‘12:59pm bells 🔔’ Wedinzday 4th Novembaa 2026

17 YEAR OLD KYRAN THOMPSON, CHIPS THE ROTHERHAM KEEPER TO SCORE THE ANLY GOAL OF THE GAME!

Last neet— and after 8 years of tryin’, wor U21s have finally (finally!) qualified for the EFL Trophy knockoot stage, when we beat Rotherham 1-0 at the New York Stadium!

Number 44 Kyran Thompson scored the anly goal of the game in the 34th minute, after fine link up play by Selsdon and Salia, to seal the victory in front of 805 hardy souls, includin 72 ‘Toonhoppers’ in the visitors section!

Next up for the U21s iz Reading away at the Madjeski Stadium in a Premyaa Leegue 2 fixture on Friday neet and then anothaa away game at Stamford in Lincolnshire, when we play Peterborough United on Friday week in a U21s Premyaa Leegue Cup tie!---Both '7:00 bells' kick offs, if you are 'Toonhoppin'!

'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers’ have been to both Rotherham's New York Stadium and Reading's Madjeski Stadium before, so we gave them a 'miss'—BUT! we have never been to the Zeeco Stadium in Stamford before, so we are booked on the trains doon and back on Friday the 13th Novembaa!

Wor rules are simple:  

Away 1st team games: Compulsory!

Away U21 games: Compulsory for a new groond, but not for groonds previously visited!

THE TOON 0. THE TOFFEE NOSES 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2026-2027

Posted from ‘high noon 🕛 bells’ 🔔 onwards, Tuezday 3rd Novembaa 2026

DR. JAISSLE AND MR. HYDE! —     IT’S TURNING INTO A HORROR MOVIE, NOW!

Just when you thought that it couldn’t get any worse—then it does, both on an off the pitch!

Firstly there woz supposed to be a minutes silence for wor nearest home game til remembrance day! The stadium announcer said TWICE that there would be a minutes silence after the ref blew hiz whistle!

Az soon az he did, APPLAUSE rang oot aroond the groond??? (Are some of wor fans deaf, or wot?)

And then on the pitch and against a piss poor Evaatin side, we could hardly put 3 passes together and hoofin the baall up the field tactics followed, in the blind hope that the baall would find one of wor players, which of course 50% of the time it didn’t!

To cut a lang story short, we were bood off at half time az the crowd had grew angrier by the minute!—Where do we gan from here, I thought!

The 2nd half started off disastrously in heavy rain, when goalie Hornicek somehow let a George shot gan under hiz body and Evaatin’s Barry woz on hand to tap the baall ower the line in the 48th minute!

1-0 to them!

Yi would have thought that we would respond and wake up, but the opposite happened, az the crowd got more agitated and toxic, az the clock ticked doon!

The ‘highlights’ of this half woz an Elanga shot that hit the woodwork and shots on target from Wissa and Ramsey, who woz then sent off for 2 bookable offences within a minute of each offence deep into stoppage time! 

Those 2 shots, by the way were easily dealt with by the mackem goalie, we aall love to hate! Elanga’s shot saved by one of Pickford’s legs-and Ramsey’s a tame effort, straight into hiz little arms! 🦖 

The final whistle sounded az heavy rain enveloped the stands, to loud boos from those who had stayed til the bitter end of this ‘horror show’!

Just where we gan from here iz anybody’s guess!—-Doon the table undoubtedly!

Attendance:,52,279 (3,200 happy Scousers!)

After the match wor heed coach said this:⬇️

In other words: He told the players that the plan woz NOT to hoof long balls upfield—-but!—that’s exactly wot they DID DO!

This won’t end well!

THE TOON V THE TOFFEE NOSES*** TOONEET!

 Posted ‘high noon bells’ 🔔 Munday 2nd Novembaa 2026

We play Evaatin in the Premyaa Leegue tooneet at SJP, just 4 days after losin 3-1 to them away last Thorzday in the Leegue Cup 4th roond!

We can anly hope that we put in a much better performance than last week, to climb away from the bottom half of the table!

Evaatin are a bang average team and are there for the taking!

Quite simply, we are struggling to plug a leaky defence and wor shootin ability iz woeful!

Havvint got a clue wot startin line up heed coach Matty Jaissel will pick, but we must do better, or else we are in deep trouble!

Kick off iz at ‘8:00 bells’ 🔔 live on Sky

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here, az per usual, sometime tomorrow! APU “Watch this space!”

THE TOFFEE NOSES 3. THE TOON 1 *** LEEGUE CUP 4th ROOND

 Posted from high noon bells’ 🔔 onwards, Friday 30th Octobaa 2026 on the train(s) back from Livaapoool, via Carlisle

TOON IN WOR AAFUL LILAC PINK  STRIP

“SHATTERED DREAMS!”😱

The mouthwatering prospect of a trip to Fleetwood in the next roond woz well and truly extinguished in the forst 45 minutes of this game at The Hill Dickhead Stadium!

(Fleetwood iz of course a place NUFC and ‘The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers’ have never been tee!)

We don’t like to pick oot players bad misstayks, but Dedic made 2 in the forst half and Evaatin’s Garner and Hackney capitalised on them and they were 2-0 up at the break, because of this!

It had started off well az we attacked the goal, housin the near 8,000 Toon fans, but failure to string more than 3 passes together before giving the baall away and hoofing the baall upfield in the blind hope that the baall would find one of wor players, didn’t work!  Wayward shots az well!

The 2nd period wozzint much better and the shattered dreams moment came at the midpoint of the half when another defensive blunder let in Dewsbury-Hall, who crossed to an unmarked Barry, who scored from close in to put the game beyond doubt!

This resulted in an exodus of Toon fans, who heeded for the exits!

Wissa then had a shot that nearly hit the corner flag, which just aboot sums it up!🙈

Dan Burn heeded a consolation goal in the 88th minute az Pickford grabbed the baall from the back of the net, to stop a quick restart! This resulted in a melee az Joelinton and Tarkowski squared up!  Both players were booked because of this!

Not lang after this the ref blew for full time!

The Fleetwood dream had torned into a nightmare!

Attendance: 51,974 (7,732 totally pissed off Toon fans!)

BOOZER PIX*** 7 VISITED, AALL IN LIVAAPOOOL⬇️

THE BEER WOZ CRAP IN HERE AND THE EVAATIN FANS WERE SINGING A DEROGATORY SONG ABOOT THE LATE KEVIN KEEGAN!***TOTALLY OOT OF ORDER!

WON’T BE BACK!

“WE WOZ THERE!” (UNFORTUNATELY!)⬇️

 

THE TOFFEE NOSES v THE TOON *** LEEGUE CUP 4th ROOND *** TOONEET!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 29th Octobaa 2026 on the train(s) to Livaapoool

EVAATIN'S NEW ABODE *** A BETTER SETTING FOR A NEW STADIUM, WOULD BE HARD TO FIND, WITH THE RIVER MERSEY IN THE BACKGROOND AND THE LIVERPOOL DOCK CRANES AND THE IRISH SEA ON THE HORIZON!

"I HAVE A DREAM!"

It may soond ridiculous, but the Leegue Cup draw couldn't have worked oot better for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers', az we drew the anly team left in the competition, who's groond we have never been tee!----Highbury Stadium---The home of Fleetwood Town FC, who amazingly knocked oot The Arse on penalties on Tuezday neet!---Of course to get there, we have the little matter of beatin Evaatin tooneet, to secure wor dream away tie!

Aall 7,732 away tickets were snapped up for the game at The Hill Dickhead Stadium (or whatever its caalled?) in Evaatin's brand new abode, a groond we forst visited last season in The Premyaa Leegue, when we won 4-1!

The NUFC away followin tooneet iz 2,730 more than the capacity of Fleetwood’s Highbury Stadium, where The Arse anly got 841 tickets for the away end on Tuezday, in a 5,002 selloot crowd!

Not sure wot wor team line up will be, but hopefully its a strong one! It’s a 7:45 🔔s' kick off and iz live on Sky

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here az per usual, sometime on Friday!

LEEGUE CUP DRAW TOOONEET! FLEETWOOD AWAY PLEEEZE! (COME IN NUMBER 4)

Posted '12:39 pm bells' 🔔 Wedinzday 28th Octobaa 2026

HIGHBURY STADIUM, FLEETWOOD

Even though we divvint play at 'The Toffee Noses of Evaatin' til tomorrow neet, the draw for the qwaataa finals of the Leegue Cup takes place after 1015 bells 🔔 tooneet, followin the conclusion of the Livaapoool v Chelseee tie!

The anly team left in the competition where 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have never been iz Fleetwood Town from Leegue 2, who amazingly beat the Arse on penalties yesterday!---And guess who missed hiz, which put the minnows through?---None other than Bruno-rat, who fluffed hiz spot kick, which woz easily saved by the Fleetwood keeper! (Instant Karma!)

NUFC and Evaatin are baall number 3 and Fleetwood are baall number 4

WE will bring you the draw az soon az it iz made on Sky Sports!

Updated: 10:33pm bells!-----IT'S!-----------------------------------

FLEETWOOD AWAY IF WE BEAT EVAATIN TOMORROW!

THIS IZ WOT DREAMS ARE MADE OF!

 

THE TOON U21s 3 THE SMBs U21s 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2

Posted 12:44pm bells' Tuezday 27th Octobaa 2026

A great result for NUFC U21s at SJP last neet, in front of a 5,100 crowd, includin 150 or so mackems! (Most of the Toon fans in The East Stand---SMBs in lower level Leazes/Milburn Stand corner!)

The sequence of events were az follows:

37th minute: Ogunsuyi gives the SMBs the lead  '0-1 to 'them'

58th minute: A Kyran Thompson shot draws NUFC level  1-1

64th minute: A Scott shot restores the mackems lead 1-2 to 'them'

70th minute: A fantastic Seung-soo shot draws us level again! (With heed coach Matty Jaissle lookin on from the directors box in The Milburn Stand!) 

85th minute: Vak Salia wins the game for NUFC with a fine heeded goal!

FT 3-2 to 'US'!

THE CRYSTAL GEEZERS 0. THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2026-2027

 Posted just after ‘high noon bells’ 🔔 onwards, on the train back from King’s Cross, Munday 26th Octobaa 2026

THE LANDLORD OF THE SPREAD EAGLE IN CROYDON LOOKS A BIT OF A DODGY CHARACTER, LIKE!👹

“CRAP GAME!—-GREAT RESULT!” 

TOON FANS CELEBRATE HARVEY BARNES SCORIN TO PUT NUFC 2-0 UP!

To dee this game by train we decided to gan via Carlisle to Euston in London on Saturday ( to avoid replacement buses between Darlo and Donny) and come back via King’s Cross on Munday when the lines were free of the dreaded buses!

We stopped in east Croydon, which isn’t far from Selhurst Park for a few liquid lubrications on Saturday—and  a few on Sunday before the 2 🔔s kick off!

It had rained heavily on Saturday, but the sky woz clear on match day, but very windy!

And the wind definitely spoiled the forst half az both teams struggled to produce anything of note, with NUFC anly havin one good attempt! 😴 

The 2nd half woz much better az far az we were concerned and we took the lead in the 48th minute, when Jacob Murphy sent in a superb right wing cross for Osula to hit a sweet left footer into the net, with their defence ‘aall at sea!” 1-0 to us!⬇️

It wozzint lang before we doubled wor lead (or so we thought!) when Joe Willock ran through the Palace defence to hit a great shot into the corner of the net, az the Toon fans celebrated wildly!—BUT! az iz the case theeeze days, it went to VAR, where a very tight offside decision went against us! (Still 1-0)

However!— just a few minutes later we DID double wor lead, when Dedic crossed the baall to Harvey Barnes, who hit a great right footed shot into the net, to send the Toon faithful ballistic, az there woz ‘nee way’ this goal would be disallowed!

We held on til the final whistle, with Hornicek makin 2 great saves to deny the home side! FT 2-0 to us!

The truth iz that there were 2 bad teams on the pitch and we were just a bit better than Palace!  We move up to the top half of the table into 8th place!— 29 points needed to reach the safety margin of 40!

Attendance: 25,018 The atmosphere from the Palace fans woz non existent---The worst I've seen in the 56 years I've been followin The Toon here! (2,806 happy Toon fans, who were in really good voice!)🤪👍

PUB CRAWL PIX !⬇️ 11 DRINKIN DENS VISITED FROM CARLISLE TO CROYDON!

CARLISLE, ON THE LANG WAY TO LONDON

CROYDON, LONDON, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER⬇️

⬇️⬆️

⬆️⬇️

IT SEZ NEE AWAY FANS AT THIS BOOZER OOTSIDE SELHURST STATION, BUT WE SNEAKED IN!

⬇️⬆️

“WE WOZ THERE!*** THE PROOOF!⬇️