THE TOON V THE CHERRY 🍒 PICKERS *** FA CUP 3rd ROOND

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Saturday 10th January 2026

ELATED TOON FANS LEAVE SJP ON WEDINZDAY AFTER WORK CRAZY 4-3 WIN V LEEEDZ!

NUFC play the 3rd of wor 4 home games in a row against Bournemoooth in the FA Cup at ‘3:00 🛎️ bells’ (Nee live telly for a change—unless yih got a dodgy fire 🔥 stick 🦯!

Fab Schar twisted hiz ankle against Leeedz on Wedinzday and iz expected to be oot for quite a while!

He iz added to the crocked list of Dan Burn, Jamaal Lascelles, Will Osula, Emil Krafth and last be not least, Anthony Elanga!

Playin 9 games in 1 month iz not ideal, but this iz the forst time ever that we have been involved in 4 different competitions in the month of January! (Premyaa Leegue, FA Cup, Leegue Cup and Champions Leegue!)

In the last 12 home games, we have won 10 and drawn 2 and are aiming for wor 11th win in that sequence!

There must be a winner today and if the scores are level at full time, 30 minutes extra time will be played, with a dreaded penalty shootout to follow if it’s still aall square!

A Geordie Times match report will be online sometime tomorrow az per usual! 

THE TOON 4 LEEEDZ 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026

 Posted 'qwaataa past ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Thorzday 8th January 2025

“BARNES-STORMING!”

The greatest ever comeback in Premyaa Leegue history happened last neet at SJP, when The Toon had to come from behind THREE times to clinch an unbelievable 102nd minute winner from Harvey Barnes, which literally sent the crowd (and me!) into meltdoon!

A combination of good fortune, errors, bad refereeing, worldly goals, agony and extacy, were the order of the day!

The sequence of events were az follows (very deep breath!)

Pre kick off: An announcement ower the tannoy told us what most of us aalready knew that King Kevin Keegan woz bein treated for cancer!

THE SJP BIG SCREEN 

This brought a crowd response of very loud applause and the “There’s only one Kevin Keegan”, wonderland song, which woz sung repeatedly throughoot the match!

The goals, woodwork hits and penalty incidents etc:

32nd minute: Malik Thaiw slips and lets Leeedz through wor defence and Calvert-Lewin passes to Aaronson who hits a right footed shot past The Pope in The Toon goal from ootside the box at The Leazes End, to put them 1-0 up!

36th minute: Leeedz lead anly lasted 4 minutes when Waltemade flicks the baall to Harvey Barnes who hits a sweet left footer past Perri in the visitors goal at The Gallowgate End! 1-1

39th minute: From close range Lewis Miley hits the right hand post with a left footed shot, but the baall boonces to safety!

45 plus 2 minutes: NUFCs Malik Thaiw iz deemed to have handled the baall in the box and the ref points straight to the spot!

After a VAR check and much arguing aboot the decision from the Toon player the spot kick iz eventually taken by Calvert Lewin, who hits hiz shot into the centre of the goal!  2-1 to them! 

45 plus 6 minutes: Joelinton gans doon in the box, after a foul by a Leeedz defender,  but the ref says its simulation, az Joe gans 'off it' and iz booked for dissent! 

Az the ref blows for the end of the half the crowd gan mad ower the 2 penalty incidents and the officials are loudly booood az they walk of the pitch!  HT 2-1 to the referee!

54th minute: We're level again when Joelinton heeds the baall into the net at The Leazes End, from an excellent Bruno pass! 2-2

67th minute: This time its Leeedz who hit the frame of the goal with a heeder by Justin which hits the bar, after Toon goalie 'The Pope' completely misjudges a cross!

71st minute: Fab Schar suffers a very bad ankle injury near the touchline on the East Stand side of the pitch --and after a very lang delay, iz stretchered off!

79th minute: Leeedz retake the lead for the 3rd time when sub Yoane Wissa misjudges a pass and lets Aaronson in to hit a shot from the edge of the box, which gans in off the far post! 3-2  to them!

90th minute: The 4th official puts up TEN minutes of stoppage time due mainly to the injury to Schar!

90 plus 1 minute: Leeedz concede a penalty when Lewis Miley stops the baall gannin oot of play near the corner flag and hiz cross iz handled by Aaronson, who iz deemed to be just inside the box!

Bruno convorts the penalty with a right footed shot into the right hand side of the goal! 3-3!

90 plus TWELVE minutes: An absolutleee incredible end to the game az Harvey Barnes turns in the box to send a shot into the left hand corner of the goal, with Perri unable to stop it!--The latest EVER goal in a Premyaa Leegue match! 4-3 to us!

MELTDOON TIME!

Storm Goretti iz aboot to hit the UK today--but BARNES-STORM woz forst!

90 plus 14 minutes: 2 minutes after the winnin goal the ref finally blows the whistle to end the game!

MORE MELTDOON TIME!

A game that none of those present will ever forget!

Attendance: 52,176 disbelievin fans, includin the 3,000 Tykes high up in The Leazes gods!

*The 3rd Premyaa Leegue win in a row lifts us up to 6th place in the table and just 2 points off The Liverbirds in 4th place! (We were 14th 2 weeks ago!)

*

THE TOON v LEEEDZ *** TOONEET

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 7th January 2026

"ANYONE FOR CRICKET🏏 !?"

We gan again tooneet when we face the Tykes from Yorkshire in a '8:15 bells 🔔’ kick off for live telly! (It's on Sky Sports CRICKET beleeeve it or not? (Hence the top heedline!) (Wor game at Bornleee woz on Sky Sports TENNIS!)

NUFC are unbeaten in wor last 11 home games (9 wins, 2 draws) and another win would gan doon nicely!---Thank yoo very much!

Thiz iz the 2nd of 4 consecutive home games in 9 days az we heed into the 2nd week of January, with an FA Cup 3rd roond tie v Bournmoooth on Saturday and then a Leegue Cup semi final tie v Man Citih next Tuezday!

Leeedz away record this season iz even worse than worz, with just one solitary win at Wolves, who just happen to be wor next away opponents, sandwiched between 6 home games! (They are 16th with 22 points—7 behind us in 9th place)

In total we have played them 101 times, winning 40, drawing 22 and losing 39 times, so it’s neck and neck!

The injury list doezint look any better, with (deep breath!) Dan Burn, Anthony Elanga, Will Osula, Jamaal Lascelles and Emil Krafth still 'cattle trucked'!  While Jacob Murphy haz a hamstring injury and is doubtful!

Later in the month we play 2 Champions Leegue games v PSV at SJP and PSG in Paris, az well az Villa at SJP and The Liverbirds at Anfeeeld in the Premyaa Leegue!----'Hectic' iz the word!

A full Geordie Times match report on the Leeedz game will appear here sometime on Thorzday!  Az per usual, 👽 "Watch this space!" 🪐 

THE LEEGUE CUP WINNERS 2. THE FA CUP WINNERS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026

 Posted ‘qwaataa past high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Munday 5th January 2026 

“SUBDUED!”

This woz one of those games yoo will forget aboot in a couple of weeks and woz 2nd last on MOTD!

The timeline of events woz az follows! 

2nd minute: Yohane Wissa iz put clean through but hiz shot woz saved by the Pallis goalie Henderson! (Leazes End)

19th minute: Wissa iz clean through again, but this time he unselfishly passes to an unmarked Anthony Gordon who sidefoots the baall into the net!

After a lengthy VAR check the goal iz ruled fractionally offside!

43rd minute: Another goal iz chalked off, this time it’s Joelinton who fires a great shot passed Henderson, but he iz well offside!

HT 0-0  A subdued 1st half, on and off the pitch az yoo could sometimes hear the players shouting!

After a lethargic start to the 2nd half, NUFC finally make the breakthrough when a set piece finds Lewis Miley inside the box. The 19year old connects with the baall which bounces nicely for Bruno to heed home from close range at The Gallowgate End!

1-0 to us!

78th minute: We double wor lead when a mad scramble in the box finds the toe of Malik Thiaw, who fires 🔥 in from a yard oot!

2-0 to us!

86th minute: Harvey Barnes races through the Pallis defence and hiz cross finds Joe Willock who somehow manages to miss the goal altogether, az hiz shot gan just wide!

FT 2-0 to us!

This woz wor 9th win in 11 home games, with the other 2 draws!

We move up to 9th in the table and just 2 points behind Chelseee in 5th place----with the possibility of  another 3 points v Leeedz at SJP on Wedinzday neet!

Leeedz iz the  2nd of wor 9 games in January, which will define wor season! (Az Steady Eddie woz quoted az sayin!)

Attendance: 51,979 (Not quite a full hoose az Pallis anly brought 1,000 fans with huge gaps in the away section! ⬇️

*

THE TOON V THE PALLISS *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Saturday 3rd January 2026

NUFC gan into the new year with 4 consecutive home games in 9 days, in 3 different competitions!— In total we have a crazy NINE games aall told in January, includin 2 Champions Leegue games v PSV (home) and PSG (away)

Forst up iz a Premyaa Leegue game v Cry😭stil Palliss at ‘3:00 🔔s’ tomorrow!

We are unbeaten in the last 10 home games, winnin 8 and drawin 2 —and 3 points would bring us within striking distance of the top 5 places!

It’s still aall to play for despite bein doon in 13th place in the table, az we type, after yesterday’s results! (Aall draws in the 4 games played, meanin that 8 teams have dropped 2 points each!)

Not sure of the team starting line up— All will be reveeeld tomorrow!

Match report on Munday

APU “Watch this space!”

THE BORNLEEE HILLBILLIES 1. THE TOON 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026⬇️

 Posted ‘high noon 🛎️ bells’ New Year’s day 2026

“MARTIN DUBRAVKA, HE’S ONE OF OUR OWN!”

It took a grand total of 66 seconds for NUFC to open the scorin at Turf Moor, when Anthony Gordon ran doon the wing and after outwitting a Bornleee defender sent a cross in and Joelinton woz on hand to stick hiz foot oot and divert the baall into the the far corner of the net, to give former Toon keeper Martin Dubravka ‘nee chance’ to put us 1-0 up! (The earliest Prem goal that Bornleee have conceded!— according to the BBC!)

It didn’t take lang to double wor lead, when a scramble in the box fell to Yoane Wissa, who’s forst shot ricocheted off a Hillbillies defender and back to wor number 9!

And he made nee misstayk with hiz second shot az it went ower the goal line to put us 2-0 aheed—and coastin’— Whey thiz IZ NUFC and we took the foot off the gas and let Bornleee back into the game, and they missed chances!

However!— the inevitable then happened, when they pulled one back when Laurent hit a volley from inside the box, to beat The Pope in the Toon goal in the 23rd minute! 

The nerves were jangling and then Fab Schar cleared a shot off the line, to huge relief from the Toon Travellers!  HT 2-1 to us!

The half time trek to the ‘tool-shed’ for a ‘gypsys kiss’, woz chaotic to say the least! It took 20 minutes to fight through the absolutely rammed away concourse to get there and back to mee seat!—So lang in fact that as missed the kick off in the 2nd half!—One ‘tool-shed’ for 2,300 travellin fans!—Total shit! 💩(excuse the pun!) ⬇️

The sign on the waall points the way to the ‘tool-shed’. It didn’t say that it would take me 20 minutes to get there and back!

The second half woz nee better with the home side gannin close a few times, but thanx to The Pope, he denied them an equaliser!

The one effort he could dee nowt aboot, woz the one that hit the bar from a heeder by Laurent, but thankfully it rebounded to safety!

We had chances az well, notably when Malick Thiaw had a goalbound effort cleared off the line—and then inexplicably an unmarked Jacob Murphy somehow skied the baall from close range az we tore wor hair oot from the roots in frustration!

However, wor ‘hero of the day’ torned oot to be wor ex keeper Martin Dubravka, who raced oot of hiz box to clear a loose baall—but a mix up with one of hiz defenders let in Bruno, who coolly lobbed the baall into the gapping unmanned goal, deep into stoppage time, to send the 2,300 away fans behind that goal, into raptures!  ⬇️

TOON FANS AND PLAYERS CELEBRATE BRUNO’S GOAL TO SEAL THE VICTORY!

This prompted the Toon fans to cruelly sing: “Martin Dubravka, he’s one of  our own!”. 

FT 3-1 to us!

Attendance: 21,020 (2,300 Toon fans!)

*The pre and post match ‘gargels’ took place in Bornleee toon centre!⬇️🍺🍺🍺⬇️ 3 BOOZERS ⬇️

WE’RE NOT SAYIN THAT THE HILLBILLIES OF BORNLEEE ARE NOT INTELLIGENT, BUT THESE NOTICES WERE ON THE WAALL OF THE BOOZER BELOW!

⬇️

                                        🠟

2 adjoining streets in the centre of Bornleee⬇️ “Howe-way the lads!”

“MARMALADE SARNIES AND AALL THAT!”

A hotel room somewhere in Bornleee!

One of wor number who shall remain nameless caalled ‘Sarnie Steve’ came well prepared!

 In hiz owerneet case, az well az a change of clothes etc, he had orange juice, a bottle of Worcester sauce, a bowl for hiz rice crispies, milk and marmalade sarnies  for his brekkies in the mornin, az it woz ‘room only’ at the hotel we were in next to the M65 Lancashire motorway and nee nearby eateries!

Paddington bear hazzint got a look in! 🐻 

"HAPPY NEW YEAR TO AALL WOR REEEDERS!"

Posted just after 'Midneet bells' New Years Day 2026

A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO WOR LOYAL SUBJECTS

AROOND THE WORLD (AND BEYOND!)

Midneet view from the River Tyne!

THE BORNLEEE HILLBILLIES V THE TOON *** TOMORROW NEET!

 Posted  ‘7:00pm 🔔 bells’ Munday 29th Decembaa 2025

THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE!—A 4-1 WIN WHICH RELEGATED BORNLEEE IN 2023-2024

“ANY 🎾NE F🎾R TENNIS!?”🏸

We gan into a very hectic period when we must play TEN games before the end of January in 4 different competitions!

The Toon gan into this game tomorrow, desperately needing aall 3 points against Bornleee, who are 6 points adrift in 2nd bottom place in the table! 

Wor away form in the Premyaa Leegue iz truly shockin’, havin won just one game in 9 attempts! (4-1 at Evaatin’s new stadium!)

Oot of those 9 we havvint scored in 5 of them (3  0-0 draws!) and taken just 6 points in total, oot of a possible 27!

What we desperately need in the January transfor window iz a proven STRIKER, az Yoane Wissa haz yet to complete 90 minutes on the pitch since hiz arrival last summer’s transfor deadline day!

We have won the last 3 times we have played at Turf Moor, so ‘4 in a row’ would be very nice, thank yoo very much! 🙏🏻 

It’s vital we win this one, az there are some very tough games comin up in January! (Man City, Villa, PSV, PSG and Livaapool)

The game iz live at ‘7:30 🛎️ bells’ on Sky Sports TENNIS 🎾 (would yoo beleeeve?—Hence the top caption!)

A match and boozer report will appear here az per usual sometime on New Year’s day! (ie: Next year!—-Thiz IZ The Geordie Times after aall!— wot did yoo expect???🤔

THE MOAN U MUPPETEERS 1. THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026

 Posted ‘2:00am bells 🔔’ Sunday 28th Decembaa 2025

“WE KNOW WHERE YER FROM!” ⬇️

Anthony Taylor, born in Wythenshawe, Manchester

A game where NUFC had 75% possession against a piss poor Moan U side —-and we still fcukin lost!🙈

Wor inability to have shots on target cost us dearly az Moan U defended like their lives depended on it!

We had many chances orly on az we attacked The Stretford End goal!

However—and just like a crab 🦀 in the sand we repeatedly moved sideways and backwards az we tried unsuccessfully to move goalwards! 

Shots were eethaa skyed or wide and then in a rare attack Moan U took the lead in the 24th minute when a uncleared lang throw in fell nicely to Dorgu on the edge of the box and he fired in past Ramsdale in The Toon goal, who managed to get a hand to it, but unable to stop it hitting the back of the net! 1-0 to them!

Despite conserted pressure we were unable to have a decent shot and we went in at the break one goal behind!

NUFC actually played in wor famous black n white stripes away from home for the forst time this season in the Premyaa Leegue, but it didn’t inspire a great performance!

Aaron Ramsey woz clean through on goal orly in the 2nd period, but tripped ower the baall and the chance woz gone!

Efforts from Anthony Gordon, Lewis Miley and Harvey Barnes aalso missed the target, when aall 3 of them should have scored!

The closest we came woz when Lewis Hall rattled the bar with a fiece shot, but the baall boonced to safety!

A blatent hand baall by Moan U’s Martinez in the box 2 minutes later, woz waved away by ref Anthony Taylor and VAR backed him to rule the spot kick oot —to loud angry chanting from the travelling faithful of   “We know where yer from!” (Wythenshawe —-just doon the road in south Manchester!— the equivalent of a Toon home game bein reffed by someone from Walker) (Which, (for wor continental readers) iz a district in east Newcasil) 

Nick Woltemade who had a ‘so so game’, then made way for Yoane Wissa half way through the 2nd half —-again!

Why oh why we don’t try them together iz a mystery that anly Steady Eddie (Howe) can answer!? 

The result means we drop doon to 13th in the Premyaa Leegue table! (Or 14th if Sporz win this afternooon)—-Which in turn won’t gan doon well with wor PIF owners! 

Iz Eddie’s job on the line, with just one away win oot of nine? Anly time will tell, but they can’t be happy with these inept away performances—just like the rest of us!

Attendance: 73,??? (3,000 Toon fans)

A PARCEL 🎁 LOAD OF TROUBLE! 💝 

On a lighter note! One of wor company, a Toon fan who iz based in Manchester —and who shall remain nameless caalled ‘Marzy’, drove 160 odd miles to hiz parents hoose in West Surrey with presents on Xmas Day!

When he arrived he opened the car boot and said, “💩!”

 He forgot to put the presents in the boot az he woz distracted by a phone call from hiz sister, az he woz aboot to load them into hiz ‘jam jar’!

He drove off and left them on the door step ootside hiz front door!

He then had to drive aall the way back to Manchester to pick them up—take them back to Surrey and then drive back for the game! (Luckily a neighbour saw the presents and took them for safe keeping)

In total he drove 650 miles and didn’t get back to Manchester til the ungodly hour of ‘4:30am 🔔s’

“I blame my sister!”, he said, tryin’ desperately to ‘pass the buck’!

Az Del Boy would say:

“WOT A PLONKER!” 😂

THE MOAN U MUPPETEERS V THE TOON*** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Boxin day 2025

THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE!

This game at the TOM (Theatre Of Muppets) iz the anly Premyaa Leegue game today, so why oh why iz it a ‘8:00 bells 🔔’ tooneet and not this afternooon?

They really don’t give 2 monkeys 🙈 🙈 fcuks aboot us!—do they?

With nee trains 🚂 X runnin’ today we’ve had nee choice to drive to Mancland in ‘mee canny 9 seater Tranny’ ⬇️

This will be Steady Eddie's 200th game in charge of NUFC and in that time he haz avoided relegation against aall the odds, qualified for The Champions Leegue TWICE, been to Wembley TWICE, winnin The Leegue Cup last season —-and of course we are in the semi finals for the 3rd year in a row!

If it wasnt for the fact that a certain player downed tools and upset the apple cart, then we would surely be in the top 4 at least!

Anyway!---we gan into this game havin won here 2-0 last Decembaa and hopefully we can repeat that win in front of the SKY cameras this evenin'!?

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime ower the weekend!

THIS PHOTO ON THE NUFC OFFICIAL WEBSITE SHOWS US IN BLACK N WHITE STRIPES AT OLD TRAFFORD!—IF THIS IZ THE CASE THEN IT WILL BE THE FIRST AWAY GAME IN THE PREMYAA LEEGUE THIS SEASON THAT WE WILL HAVE WORN WOR HOME COLOURS! (Aall the rest have been in eethaa wor green strip or dark blue strip!)