THE PALLISS PRATS! v THE TOON *** TOONEET

 Posted 'high noon bells' on the train to London Wedinzday 24th April 2024

OH THE IRONY OF THE ADVERTISIN’ BOARDS!  

(Toon in white and green from last season!)

*Somehow the name Crystal Palace soonds a wonderous place---but the reality iz anything but!----A rundoon ancient tip of a groond with very poor sightlines in the visitors enclosure, in a rundoon crime ridden area of south London!

The Palliss Ultras? (or shud that be PRATS?) will be at it again with their anti Saudi banners, but last season there were advertisin' boards aroond their pitch showin SAUDI EGYPTIAN DEVELOPERS----a company that sponsors their club!

(Oh the irony!)

Not sure of the team line up, but Joe Willock iz definatly oot, but Callum Wilson could be on the bench!?

The reality iz that we can finish nee higher than the 6th position we currently occupy ---and that will be wor target for a European place next season! (Hopefully The Europa Leegue and NOT The Europa Conference!) 

A Geordie Times match report will appear here az we travel back to Tyneside on the train on Thorzday mornin' (Provided that they are runnin???)

HEED-ACHE!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 22nd April 2024

News that Gatesheed FC have been barred from the play-offs coz they cannit give a 10 year gaurentee that they can play at The International Stadium for that length of time, haz outraged Heed fans who at forst blamed Gatesheed Cooncil for that!

However they have responded to that claim that they are massivly in debt and are tryin' to sell it off and so cannit give them the 10 year assurance until its sold!

The question iz----why oh why didnt they tell the club this at the start of the season????

SO! —-in fact! —The Heedbangers have played the whole season to get back into the Futbaall Leegue for NOTHING! (They were voted oot in 1960 after finishin' 3rd bottom of the old 4th Division---with the bottom 2 clubs voted back in!)

They were due to play Solihull Moors at Solihull tomorrow neet in the forst qwaataa final play of---but that game haz now been cancelled with Solihull given a 'bye' to the semi finals!!!

Correction!--- Altrincham have been given a 'bye' instead of Solihull, coz they finished higher!----Solihull must now play Halifax on Wedinzday!

WOT AN ABSOLUTE SHAMBLES!

Gatesheed cooncil’s response

NEE REPLAYS IN THE FA CUP!---NEE EXTRA TEAM IN CHAMPS LEEGUE!

 Posted '1:29pm bells' Friday 19th April 2024

With nee game this weekend coz wor Premyaa Leegue original opponents this weekend, Moan U, are in FA Cup semi final action ower the weekend---SO!--- we are off to Dunston tomorrow to see 'The Bad Blue Boys' play Winterton Rangers in a Northern Premyaa Leegue game!

Ower the last couple of months Dunston have been ordered by the FA to play home games ‘away’ at places like Consett, Morpeth and even at Brighoose in Yorkshire? coz their pitch haz been waaterlogged with aall the heavy rain recently, and the drainage system haz been unable to cope with the crap wethaaa!

They've lost a fortune in bar and food takings and have played at least 7 home games away from home!

Gettin back to the FA Cup---az from next season there will be nee replays from the forst roond onwards, which haz infuriated the lower leegue and non leegue clubs az they wornt consulted aboot the changes at aall!

Personally it's good for me az aa gan to EVERY Toon home and away game, az its a reet hassle to arrange to gan to the othaa end of the country at short notice, shud a replay be needed---and of course the expense of an owerneet stay and travel! (Plymooth away after a draw at SJP and then a 850 mile roond trip midweek!---Nee thanx!)

And then to European qualification---coz of Man City, The Arse, Livaapoool and West Ham gettin knocked oot of Europe this week, anly 4 (instead of 5) Champions Leegue places will be allocated to Ingish clubs!----2 othaa places are for the Europa Leage and 1 for the Conference Leegue!

The permutations meen that NUFC must finish in the top 6 to gaurentee a European spot next season!---It's aall 'iffs' and 'buts'!---dependin who wins the Leegue and FA Cup!---And the anly team left in Europe, Villa could qualify for the Europa Leegue shud they win the Conference!---Unless they automatically qualify for The Champions Leegue!----7th place for us iz a possibility 'but' not certain!

We divvint play again til next Wedinzday when we travel to Palace in south London for a Premyaa Leegue fixture!

THE TOON 4 SPORZ 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 14th April 2024

"APRIL FOOLS --- AGAIN!"

Havin lost at SJP 6-1 last April it woz highly unlikely that another Sporz hammerin would happen this April!--How wrang we were!

In the orly perid of the game wor visitors had 2 great chances to take the lead at The Gallowgate End but spurned their chances! (sic!)

After this it woz aall NUFC az we pulverised the Leazes goal and the breakthrough came on the half hour mark when Anthony Gordon won the baall off a Sporz defender and threaded a great through baall to 'Alexander the Great' (Isak) who jinked past a defender to hit a right footed shot into the corner of the net! 1-0 to us!

Just 90 seconds later we doubled wor lead when a Pedro back pass missstayk fell nicely to Gordon in the box and he beat a defender to hit a sweet right shot past Vicario in the Sporz goal! 2-0 to us!

The second half woz just the same az The Toon attacked the Gallowgate goal and it woz soon 3-0 from Isak who received a fantastic lob from Bruno and raced through from the halfway line to hit a great right footed shot past Vicario to iffectivleee win the 3 points! 3-0 to us!

At this point most of the 3,000 Sporz fans in level 7 of The Leazes End departed to (no doubt) catch the forst train back to King's Cross in London!

Krafth then hit the post before the final icing on the cake came from ''Fab' Schar who rose above the Sporz defence to heed home from a Gordon corner kick! 4-0 to us full time!

The result meeenz that Sporz have conceded TEN goals against us in 2 consecutive Aprils----April fools for certain!

Attendance: 52,206 (3,000 very quiet Sporz fans!---just 1,000 at 'the death')

*NICE HEED ON MEE PINT!"

Post match drinx in 'The Gunner' near Central station!----Nee Sporz fans in here! (Wonder if the bar name iz the reason?)

Results ower the weekend meeen we stay in 6th place with 6 games to gan!---The lowest position we can now finish iz 14th and the highest iz a very improbable 4th place! 

THE TOON v SPORZ *** TOMORROW DINNAATIME!

 Posted '2:30pm bells' Friday 12th April 2024

VIEW OF SJP FROM THE ROOF OF HADRIANS TOWER-- THE TAALLEST BUILDIN' IN THE TOON (PHOTO TAKEN BY 'WOR LASS'!)

We heed into the final 7 games of the season with a home game against Sporz in a '12:30 bells' kick off for the benefit of the tellywatchers on TNT!

Joe Willock iz unlikely to play az he haz a 'knock' and Lewis Haall iz also a doubt! It iz vital that we get at least one point oot of the game, but with the injuries we have it will be tough against a Sporz side hopin to qualify for The Champions Leegue!

In wor case its a chase for a Europa Leeage or Conference place and 7th position shud dee it! (We are currently in 8th position---just 2 behind Moan U in 6th!--and 1 point behind The Jellied Eels Mob in 7th---but we have a far superior goal difference to both!)

Honestleeee! It's a miracle that we are within touchin distance of Europe, with at least 11 key players still oot! 

One peeece of great news we can bring yoo, iz that Joelinton haz signed a new lang torm deal! (He’s one of the injured—-of course!)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday----Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

As wonder wot ‘event’ they meeen???🤔

RONNY (THE) HUNTER RIP

 Posted '12:35pm bells' Wedinzday 10th April 2024

It iz with great sadness that we hear that 'Big Ronny' from Blakelaw haz passed away!

Ronny used to gan to the away games with me and the lads in the 70s and 80s and had a season ticket until the early 2000s!

He sat beside me in The Milburn Stand when it opened in 1988---Then in 2000 they built an extention and we moved to level 7----The forst game we went to in the upper tier we had to climb nearly 200 stairs to get to wor seats----In the days when anly disabled fans could use the lifts (anybody can use them now!)

He woz a big lad and woz knackered by the climb and said he would have to get a seat in the lower tier because of this!----So we moved to The Leazes corner!

Because of hiz job commitments he couldnt gan to many games and didnt renew a few seasons later!---I'd kept my seat in level 7 and moved back az it woz a much better view! (The seat I still sit in) 

Unfortunatlly Ronny's health deteriated and he sadly passed away last week!----Another Toon fan gone----Lost but not forgotten!

RIP BIG RONNY

THE COTTAGE PIE BRIGADE 0. THE TOON 1 **** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted from ‘10:40am bells 🔔’ onwards, on the train from King’s Cross to The Toon

£3,000 FOR A SEASON TICKET IN THE RIVERSIDE STAND ON THE LEFT!🥶

Put it simply, yoo cannit celebrate a goal like yoo used to coz VAR might get involved and disallow it!

And that’s exactly wot happened yesterday when a perfectly good goal by Fab Schar woz ruled oot, az Dan Burn woz alleged to have pushed a Fulim player in the box in the 75th minute

Then a few minutes later Bruno hit a rocket from ootside the box through a crowd of players to finally put us 1-0 up—-or had he???

Personally aa didn’t celebrate that goal az much az Schar’s disallowed goal— just in case!

SPOT THE COTTAGE?

(While NUFC fans were charged a maximum £30---Fulim fans on the far side of the same Putney End stand were charged £71 !)

It wasn’t until Fulim restarted the game from the centre spot that aa finally celebrated with joy!

The first half woz aall Fulim and they had 3 great chances to take the lead, while wor anly chance came from Anthony Gordon who fired just wide at the opposite Hammersmith End to where we were!

THE TOON ARE IN WOR DARK BLUE AND YELLOW STRIP!

Gettin back to the 2nd half ---an amazing NINE minutes stoppage time woz added az the home side pressed for the equaliser—-actually, ELEVEN minutes were added!!!

That’s 101 minutes in total!—We survived the Fulim onslaught too take the valuable 3 points in wor quest for european futbaall again, az The Toon fan’s celebrated wildly at the final whistle!

TOON FANS WHEN THE FINAL WHISTLE BLEW!

(Some fans had to leave well before the end to catch the last train back at a ridiculous’6:00 bells’, coz of the train strike with later trains cancelled and they missed the winnin goal!)

Attendance:24,416 (2,300 Toon fans in The Putney End)

We were booked on the ‘9:00bells’ train but it woz cancelled, so we ended up stayin at a hotel near King’s Cross ❎ at an extra £65 each on top of the £100 (and 10 pence!) retorn train fare!

It ain’t cheap to follow NUFC away!

LONDON PUB CRAWL PIX!

PRESIDENT HOTEL BAR  LONDON

PS: CONGRATULATIONS TO THE OTHER TYNESIDE BLACK N WHITES —GATESHEED FC, WHO HAVE BOOKED A TRIP TO WEMBLEY IN THE FA TROPHY FINAL AT WEMBLEY NEXT MONTH BY BEATIN MACCLESFEEELD IN THE SEMIS 2-1!

“HOWAY THE HEEDBANGERS!”

🤪👍🏁

THE COTTAGE PIE BRIGADE v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON

 Posted '2:13pm bells' Friday 5th April 2024

UNDER THE PRICE CAP, AWAY FANS CAN ANLY BE CHARGED A MAXIMUM OF £30

FULIM FANS IN THE SAME STAND HAVE TO PAY £71 FOR THE SAME BEHIND THE GOAL VIEW!---GOD NAAZ WOT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THE PRICE CAP ENDS AT THE END OF NEXT SEASON???

We are off on wor travels to west London for the 4th time this season and 2nd time to Craven Cottage, where we won 2-0 in the FA Cup 4th roond 2 months ago!

It's an unusual '3:00 bells' away kick off---anly the SECOND time this season that we kick off at that time away from home (Luton woz the othaa one!)

The plan woz to get the '8:00am bells' train doon and the '9:00pm bells' train back ---BUT!---az the case haz been many many times before, theres yet anothaa train strike and the last LNER train back direct to The Toon tomorrow iz at 'SIX pm bells'!!! (The Lumo train iz fully booked!)

There iz a later LNER train, but it anly gans az far az Donny (Doncaster) which iz aboot 120 miles south of the Tyne!

This meeenz that yet again we must stop owerneet near Euston at £64 each!---with NEE brekky included in the price!

And divvint ask us just wot the team line up wll be???--with aall the injuries we can name a non startin X1 with crocked players!

The anly certainty iz that Anthony Gordon will play (God willin!🙏) after hiz suspension against Evaatin!

A Geordie Times match report on the game will be done on mee mobile telling bone on the train back on Sunday---so expect plenty of misstayks az the train jolts up the track!

Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

THE TOON 1. THE TOFFEE NOSES 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted ‘1:00pm bells’ Wedinzday  3rd April 2024

“DUMMER AND DUMMER!”

On Saturday we won a game we thought we’d lost and last neet we drew a game we thought we’d won!

Evaatin hadn’t won a Premyaa Leegue game since before Xmas and so it looked like an easy 3 points in wor quest for Europe!

NUFC started off well az we attacked the Leazes End and we took the lead in the. 15th minute when Isak received the baall from Harvey Barnes, he beat one defender and coolly placed the baall into the back of the net with mackem miscreant Pickford well beaten!

It haz to be said that Pickford made crucial saves after this to keep the score at 1-0 by half time!

Of course if you’re anly one goal aheed and have aall guns blazin, it just takes one chance for a poor team like Evaatin to grab an equaluser!

After Isak, Barnes, Murphy and Bruno missed glorious chances to put the game beyond doubt, Dan Burn scored but VAR said he woz offside and the goal woz disallowed!—An Evaatin defender (can’t remember who?) hit his own post—It just wasn’t wor day!

And then the sting in the tail! Lewis Hall went off injured in the 79th minute and woz replaced by Paul Dummett who had played less than 5minutes in the last 2 years----and it took him just 9 minutes to grab Evaatin’s  Ashley Young roond the neck in the box, but play continued az we attacked the Gallowgate goal!—-we’d got away with it!---BUT!---aall of a sudden VAR got involved and eventually a penalty at The Leazes End woz given to wor visitors!

Calvin-Lewin took it and aalthough Toon goalie Debravka got a hand to it, it ended up in the back of the net with full time approachin!

10 mins stoppage time woz added, but to nee avail and two points were dropped by the dum decision by Dummett to grab Ashley Young when there woz nee danger at aall!

The result keeps us in 8th place, just ootside the European places, when we could have been 7th had we won!

Evaatin have now went 13 games without a win— Their worst run in the Premyaa Leegue!

Attendance: 52,135 (3,200 Toffee Noses)

THE TOON V THE TOFFEE NOSES.*** TOONEET!

 Posted ‘high noon bells’ Tuesday 2nd April 2024

THE GALLOWGATE END FROM STRAWBERRY 🍓 LANE

The Toon play wor 2nd home game in 4 days when we take on relegation threatened Evaatin at SJP at ‘7:30 bells 🔔’!

Wor memorable 4-3 win after bein 3-1 doon at the weekend proves that unlike under Brucey we didn’t give up!  

On the less memorable side Lascelles haz ruptured his ACL in his left knee and will be oot for a minimum of 6 months—The same injury az Botman haz got!  Almiron aalso went off with a leg injury v West Ham az wor injury list gets even langer!

Livramento, Lewis Miley, Joelinton, Callum Wilson, Targett, The Pope Krafth and possibly Trippier—the list iz endless and of course Anthony Gordon iz suspended for the game tooneet against his old club and Tonali (remember him?) cannit play til next season coz of his gamblin ban!—Somehow we are 8th in the table and could climb even forthaa shud we win!?

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Wedinzday----Az per usual---"Watch this space!"