THE TOON 2. THE CHERRY PICKERS 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2026-2027

 Posted ‘high noon 🔔 bells’ Sunday 6th Septembaa 2026

A NEW BANNER FOR A NEW HEED COACH!

“THE BOURNEMOOOTH JINX!”

For want of  better word the first half woz a DISASTER in many ways and the sequence of events were az follows:

9th minute: Havin failed to have beaten The Cherry Pickers in wor last 4 Premyaa Leegue games at SJP, it looked az though this would stretch to 5 after wor visitors took an lead, which should have been disallowed for a foul on Anthony Elanga near the halfway line!

Truffert had fouled Elanga, but the ref waved 'play on'? A deflected shot looped into the box and Marcus Tavernier woz on hand to poke the baall under Hornicek in The Toon goal at The Gallowgate End!

Despite protests from the payers and the crowd, the goal stood and we were 1-0 doon!

35th minute: It got worse when Bournemoooth doubled their lead with a bizzare own goal!---Justin Kluivert hit the post and it hit Hornicek's heed and spun near to the crossbar and post angle--the spinnin baall hit Thaiw and ended up in the net! 2-0 to them!

Aalmost immediatly we pulled one back when Harvey Barnes hit an unstoppable shot into the top corner of the Leazes End goal, with their goalie well beaten! HT 2-1 to them!

It haz to be said that we lost possession and hit misplaced passes throughoot this half----totally shambolic! 

Aalso the ref gave free kicks for every challenge which frustrated the fans az the Elanga foul woz dismissed az a fair challenge! (Specsavers have got some canny deals this week Mr Jones!) 👓 

The 2nd half woz a bit better az we pressed for an equaliser and new boy Matias Fernandez- Pardo made an appearance in the 62nd minute to liven up the doom and gloom that had enveloped the stadium!

Bournemoooth time wasted with players gannin doon with fake injuries to run the clock doon, but another Toon sub--Jacob Ramsey, saved the day with an equaliser in the 88th minute! 

A Thaiw knockdoon fell nicely to wor number 41 and hit a pressision low shot into the net to the relief of the vast majority of the record SJP Premyaa Leegue crowd of 52,643 (500 new seats have been added in various parts of the groond! (Just 1,159 away fans)

Just 6 minutes of stoppage time woz added and the crap ref blew up to loud booos from the crowd, aimed at him and not the players!

Thats 5 home games in a row that we have failed to beat them in a Premyaa Leegue game----The Bournemoooth jinx continues!

And az for the referee--- 0 oot of 10!

*

THE TOON V THE CHERRY 🍒 PICKERS*** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2026-2027

  ‘Posted high noon 🛎️ bells’ Friday 4th Septembaa 2026

“A NEW BEGINNING!”⬆️

A month ago we were aall in dispair with aall the key players abandoning the club!—The pre season friendlies were painful!—-And now—just a month later we are full of optimism for the new season with 8 new players and of course a new heed coach to oversee things!

If the first 3 competitive games are anything to gan by, then we are in for roller coaster season!

Of course Bournemoooth will be a tough test—they always are!— Let’s see how it pans oot in the next few weeks! (They are bringing less than 1,200 Cherry Pickers with them!) Kick off at the ridiculous time of ‘12:30 🛎️s’ for live telly (TNT)

We have another brand new signing and a quality striker at last, who will make hiz debut tomorrow and we cannot wait to see Matias Fernandez Pardo in action!

Aall the doom and gloom haz gone and a new era begins!

“HOWAY THE TOON!” 🤪👍🏁

SOME GREAT NEWS! THE LEAZES END COMPANIONS BAR ON LEAZES PARK ROAD NEAR SJP HAZ REOPENED AFTER BEING CLOSED FOR OVER A YEAR DUE TO DAMAGE TO THE ROOF!⬇️

For the Bournemoooth game tomorrow the bar iz open at ‘9:30am bells’ 🔔 and upstairs consert room will be open from 10:30am 🛎️s⬇️

Support your local boozer!

 

DOUBLE HEEDER MUNDAY!

 Posted ‘2:33pm bells Wedinzday 2nd Septembaa 2026 (2 days late!)

DUNSTON

The Geordie Times did a double heeder on bank holiday Munday, when we went to see Dunston v West Auckland at ‘3:00 🛎️s and then onward to Benton to watch NUFC U 21s take on Fulham U21s

Forst up woz Dunston where the home side beat the former World Cup winners West Auckland 4-0 ⬇️

and then we crossed the sacred river Tyne to watch wor U21s get beaten by the same score!

BENTON

NUFC U21s HEED COACH⬇️

But guess which game drew the highest attendance?  You would Fink iz woz at Whitley Park, Benton, but the UTS Stadium in Dunston had the higher crowd!

There were 545 at Dunston and 441 at Benton!—104 less!

The pre match and half time drinkin dens were az follows!

Dunston clubhoose

Benton

A PASSPORT TO GAN TO BENTON????🤔

Whitley Park clubhoose

“AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!”

Posted ‘2:29pm 🛎️ bells’ Tuezday 1st Septembaa 2026

“COME IN NUMBER 20!”⬆️

News reaches The Geordie Times that we have signed an out an out striker at last, with fantastic pace! (He can aalso fly doon the wing!)

21 year old Matias Fernandez-Padro iz a Belgian 🇧🇪 International and haz signed for a reported £51 million from French club Lille!

He flew into Toon airport last neet and completed hiz medical at wor trainin groond in Benton, next door to where wor U21s were losin 4-0 to Fulham U21s! (Match report later!)

This iz a fantastic transfer for NUFC and with 7 other major signings durin the summer transfer window, wor team will look completely different from last season!

                                             🤪👍🏁

“I’VE AALWAYS SAID THAT I WON’T BELIEVE THAT A PLAYER HAZ SIGNED FOR US, UNTIL HE IZ STANDING INSIDE SJP WITH A TOON SHIRT OR SCARF IN FRONT OF THE EAST STAND SIGN!”

*In other transfer news, Nick Waltemade haz joined Juventus on a season long loan for £3.5 million! (He cost us a record £64 million!)

He tried hiz best, but hiz style of play doesn’t suite the Premyaa Leegue and he woz a very expensive panic buy in the last summer transfer window, after the rat 🐀 deserted the ship! (And 3 other targets were highjacked by cartel clubs!)

We wish him well az he seems a canny lad and hopefully he will be a success in the Italian ‘Serie A’ Leegue!

SPURZY 0. THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2026-2027

 Posted ‘3:03pm 🛎️ bells’ Sunday 30th August 2026

TOON PLAYERS CELEBRATE WITH THE FANS AFTER WISSA’S GOAL!

“ITS HAPPENIN' ⬆️AGAIN!”

Tottenham Hotspur Stadium iz a great hunting groond for NUFC, for in wor 8 visits here since wor 1st one in 2019 we have won 5 drawn 2 and lost 2 games!

Aalso this woz 3rd win in a row here! Happy days!

And it woz the torn of new manager Matt Jaissle to clam the win this time, with 2nd half goals from Anthony Elanga and Yoane Wissa to seal the 3 points and climb to 3rd top (for the time being, at least!)

We started off well and within the forst minute of the game Elanga went close, with a loopin effort that just went wide at the far end from us!

New goalie ‘Horny’ Hornicek made some excellent saves orly on the deny the home side!

It woz level at the break, but if we had had an out and out striker in the side, we surely would have been in the lead by then, az we attacked relentlessly, but with nee shots on target, you dont score goals!---do you?

The 2nd half torned oot to be a great half for us, and we took the lead in the 63rd minute when a fantastic lang range pass from new boy Nico 'Speedy' Gonzalez foond another new boy, Amar Dedic who heeded the baall doon in the box for Anthony Elanga to turn and shoot---His shot hit the far post and seemed to trickle ower the line, to send the 3,000 plus Toon faithful in the corner section into meltdown---and one kid hurled himself ower the row behind me and nearly knocked mee phone oot of me hand az aa tried to take a picture of the players celebrations! 1-0 to us!

THe 2nd goal wozzint lang in comin, when in the 72nd minute a Lewis Hall corner woz nodded doon by Nick Waltemade and Yoane Wissa acrobatically did an owerheed flick to double wor lead!

Thats the way it stayed az the stands emptied quickly, with fed up Sporz fans heedin for the exits!

Its NOT wot they expected after spendin ower £300 million on new players, includin, of course £100 million on Sandro Tonali, who woz bood by Toon fans everytime he touched the baall and woz jeered off when he woz substituted halfway though the 2nd half!

A great result, which dispels some of the doom and gloom that enveloped Tyneside just one month ago!

Attendance: 61,025 (3,038 very happy Toon fans!)

*There woz anly one boozer ⬆️on wor pub crawl this time, coz we went to London and back in a day!  By the time match finished at aroond aboot ‘7:30pm 🛎️s we anly had 90 minutes to get back to King’s Cross to catch the last train back yem at 9:03 🛎️s’

A near 2 mile walk to Tottenham Hale tube station and join a lang queue of mainly dejected Sporz fans!  We got back to KX at 8:25 bells 🔔’ which meant we had to heed straight for the train 🚂 and abandon any booze stops!

2 vodka and cokes ⬆️in first class woz the order of the day,  to while the 3 hour jorney back to Tyneside!

               “We woz there!—⬆️—-The prooof!”

SPURSY V THE TOON *** TEATIME

 PPosted ‘high noon 🕛 🛎️ bells’ Saturday 29th August 2026 on the train to King’s Cross from The Toon!

VIEW FROM THE AWAY SECTION AT SPURS

Wor forst of many trips to London begins today at ‘5:30 bells 🔔’ at The Tottenham Hotspur Stadium (Sky 📺)

The forst 2 competitive games have been very encouraging, scorin 5 goals in the process, but giving away daft free kicks and ppenalties, iz something we must sort oot!

Anyway! NUFC have sold wor allocation of 3,038 tickets in the usual away section! (See top photo)

A full Geordie Time match and boozer report will appear here later!

MEEENWHILE!

Dates for wor aaway games at Leedz haz been confirmed az Munday Septembaa 14th at ‘8:00 🔔s and wor Leegue Cup tie at Millwaall will be at Tuezday 8th Septembaa— the same day az the Palace v Smogmonster game which iz just 5 miles south of The Den— shud be an interesting jorney doon with the riot capital squad of Middlesbrough 🔥 joining us at Darlo and beyond!

(Don’t forget your stab proof vests—for BOTH fan bases!)

PS: The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers have been to the New Den before, to watch wor U18s v Millwaall U 18s in the FA Youth Cup (Wor 1st team have never played there before)

THE TOON 3. THE BAGGIE TROOSERS 2 *** LEEGUE CUP 2nd ROOND

 Posted ‘3:21pm 🛎️ bells’ Thorzday 27th August 2026

THE TOON V THE BAGGEEZ *** LEEGUE CUP 2nd ROOND

 Posted ‘high noon 🛎️ bells Wedinzday 226th August 2026

Quite a lot to get through today!

FROM SKY SPORTS NEWS YESTERDAY

Firstly we welcome 24 year old Spaniard Nico ‘Speedy’ Gonzalez from Man City for a reported £47 million plus £3 million add ons!

He will be wor 7th signing of the summer transfor window and one of the very best midfielders in The Premyaa Leegue!

Welcome to The Toon ‘Speedy’ (az we will no doubt caall him!)⬇️

Movin on to tooneet when we play Championship side West Brom in the Leegue Cup at SJP

We hear that they have sold just 2,000 of their allocation and so there will be quite a few empty seats in the away section!

Havvint got a clue just wot wor lineup will be come the ‘7:45bells kick off! (Sky)

Hopefully we can overcome them and be in the draw for the 3rd roond, which (like last season) will be fixed , so that the teams in Europe cannit play each other! (NUFC were one of the teams last season)

NUFC could draw anybody, but the anly teams left in the competition who we’ve never played away from home are Fleetwood and AFC Wimbledon!

FLEETWOOD BEAT SHREWSBURY 4-0 AT HOME

If we cannit get eethaa of them away, then a home draw would be preferable!

The draw takes place on Sky after the Preston v Evaaton game!

A full match report to follow tomorrow!

CARLISLE CITY 0. DUNSTON UTS 2 *** FA CUP PRELIMINARY ROUND

 Posted ‘6pm bells 🔔’ Tuezday 25th August 2026

Ground number 79 with Dunston

Gillford Park (Office Technology Stadium), Carlisle

Date of First Visit: 22nd August 2026

Carlisle City 0

Dunston UTS 2 (Ramsey, Shaw)

FA Cup preliminary round

Attendance: 195 (about 60 Dunston fans)

“ANOTHER ONE OFF THE LIST!”

AN OPTICAL ILLUSION *** THE FLOODLIGHT LOOKS AZ THOUGH IT’S HOLDIN THE CLOUD UP ABOVE THE MAIN STAND!

We let 'the train take the strain' for this one---The Tyne Valley line scenic route from The Toon to Carlisle, with much of the line runnin beside the river Tyne for many miles az the 2 carraige train criss crossed it aboot half a dozon times (It IZ a windy river) 

On arrival we made for a few boozers on the way to the groond, which iz on the southside of Carlisle city centre!

🠅

In total we did 4 and the last boozer, woz a private members club, but we decided to see if they would let us in!---They did az the 4 of us, namely, Davy the Silver Fox, hiz side kick Barbara, Tex Taylor and not so little old me doubled the number inside the club!

They aall need the money these days and can't afford to be choosy!

Moan U were on the telly v Hull and the good news woz that Hull were winnin 2-0 in the shock of the day!----We asked the barmaid if she could book us a taxi for '2:15 bells' to get us to the groond on time, (3 bellsKO) which woz 2 miles away!

She ordered one but it didnt torn up, so we frantically phoned an Uber and eventually we got to the groond 10 minutes before kick off!

The Sky Blue bar in the groond anly sorved cans and bottles, so (az yih dee) we put it in a plastic glass and took wor place up on the touchline opposite the main stand, which had stadin cover aaall the way alang!---The main seated stand straddled the halfway line and the end where the clubhoose woz, had a smaall seated stand behind the goal!

The other end woz a flat open walkway which woz uncovered!

A quite impressive for a Northern Leegue Club! 

The game kicked off az the old current bun shon doon on the action!

BUT WHERE ARE THEY?

The sky above woz blue which woz very appropriate az Carlisle City are known az 'The Sky Blues' because of their kit and they had the best chances orly on az they attacked the open end of the groond to wor right and it took Dunston, playin in their red change strip to get into gear!

They finally did and took the lead in the 41st minute at 'The Clubhoose End', when 'Ramma' Ramsey lobbed the Carlisle keeper to sent the 60 or so Dunston faithful into raptures, includin the 20 or so young Dunston Ultras who had hired their own coach! 

HT 1-0 to Dunston

A swift halftime can of John Smiths in the clubhoose and it woz time to heed back to the terraces, or in my case a seat at the back of the clubhoose stand!

Dunston were now into top gear and killed the game off in the 80th minute when a quick free kick foond Wil Shaw unmarked and he ran through to plant the baall beyond the Carlisle keeper at 'The Open End' to double the visitors lead and seal the victory to keep the Wembley dream alive!

We got a taxi back to the train station where the final liquid lubrications took place to celebrate the victory--and then homeward bound on the '7 bells' train back alang The Tyne Valley line!

AALL THE CLOCKS IN SCOTT & BRASSEY SHOWED THE WRANG TIME OF 6:50 BELLS

IT WOZ 5:25 BELLS' WHEN I TOOK THIS PHOTO

“430—ANOTHER SMAALL MILESTONE!”

Gillford Park woz mee 79th groond watchin Dunston in aall its various names, past and present: Dunston Federation Brewery FC, Dunston Federation FC and now Dunston UTS FC (after their sponsors UTS Engineering) Not bad for a part time Dunston fan, eh!

If you include NUFC groonds visited (381), then that total rises to 430 different groonds watchin both clubs! (30 groonds watchin both)---Who could possibly believe that could happen?---Certainly not me!

"WE WOZ THERE!---THE PROOF!"

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)