LEEGUE CUP DRAW TOONEET— INCLUDES NUFC

VALENCIA PUB CRAWL

 Posted ‘high noon 🔔 bells’ Saturday 8th August 2026 (Updated az the day and neet progresses!)

Friday pub crawl⬇️

Toon airport⬆️

 

Amsterdam airport⬆️

Valencia on Friday

BEAR CLUB ⬆️⬇️

⬆️BEERS AND TRAVELS BAR

⬆️BEERS AND TRAVELS BAR

THE LOUNGE⬆️⬇️

Saturday

Valencia

VALENCIA’S NEW MESTALLA STADIUM UNDER CONSTRUCTION

NEAR VALENCIA’S NEW STADIUM

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The Bear Club. 2nd visit!⬆️⬇️

IN BETWEEN BOOZERS! THE LOCAL DOG CATCHER SHOWS OFF HIZ SKILLS!

This iz the temperature in Valencia at the minute (Saturday 3:11pm GMT) Geordie Meen Time!) 🥵Need loads of hydration breaks on the way to the Mestalla! 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺

LAST BOOZER BEFORE MATCH. WON 2-1. MATCH REPORT AND PIX ON MUNDAY

SUNDAY 39 DEGREES CENTIGRADE IN VALENCIA! 🥵🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺

Back in The Bear Club— 3rd day running⬇️

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LAST BOOZER IN VALENCIA BEFORE TRAVELLING BACK TO THE AIRPORT!

 

VALENCIA AIRPORT. 11 EUROS A PINT AND THEY HAD THE CHEEK 15 MINUTES LATER , TO ASK US TO LEAVE, AZ THEY PUT THE CHAIRS ON THECTABLES AND DIMMED THE BAR LIGHTS⬇️

IN TOTAL WE VISUTED 16 DRINKIN DENS IN AIRPORTS AND VALENCIA (AND ONE OF THEM, THREE TIMES)

TThe match report will be later on today, az wor flight from Amsterdam woz turned aroond after 20 minutes, az there woz a technical fault and we had to return to Amsterdam— We were then loaded into another plane and finally arrived at Toon airport in the orly hours of Munday!

VALENCIA V THE TOON *** TOMORROW NEET!

 Posted ‘high noon 🛎️ bells’ on the way to Valencia, Friday 7th August 2026

Will be updated periodically!➡️ 🍺🍺🍺

We play wor forst game under Matthias Jaissle at The iconic Mestalla Stadium tomorrow neet in wor 4th pre season friendly match!

There are new faces on the pitch az well of course and we can anly hope that we hit the groond running!?

We will be ‘on the hoy’ 🍺in Valencia tooneet and aall day tomorrow and The Geordie Times will download boozer pix az we dee them! (If we can get a signal?)

We will need a belly full to climb the nineteen flights of stairs to the very back of the stadium! (Might take a while!) 😰⬇️

Toon fans are in block 533 at the corner section of the stand behind one of the goals and we have sold aall the 2,000 tickets allocated to us!

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*The Geordie Times will of course post the match report when we get back! (Probably on Munday)

*Valencia boozer report, Friday! ⬇️

JAISSLE *** NEW MANAGER🤔

 Posted ‘high noon bells 🔔’ Sunday 2nd August 2026

Updated 'high noon bells' Thorzday 6th August

Although it’s still to be confirmed by NUFC, wor new manager iz aalmost certain to be Matthias Jaissle, followin the sad departure of Eddie Howe!

Of course ‘aalmost certain’ doesn’t mean he WILL BE,  az anything can happen at wor chaotic club, these days!???😵‍💫

More info on this to follow in due course!

Updated 'high noon bells' Thorzday

"THE DAY OF THE JAISSLE!"

It woz confirmed yesterday that Matthias Jaissle IZ wor new manager/coach and will bring in hiz own backroom team!

Hiz forst test iz against Valencia on Saturday neet at The iconic Mestalla Stadium----The last season of this famous stadium before they move across the city to The NEW Mestalla next season!

A review of that game will be published in The Geordie Times tomorrow, az we heed to Spain!

Az per usual "Watch this space!"

“ANOTHER ONE GONE!”

 Posted 12:09pm bells 🔔’ Wedinzday 5th August 2026

“NEE BADGE KISSING 💋 PLEASE!”

Bruno haz departed for The Arseholes for a £75 million fee!— It woz hardly shock news—woz it!

So much for kissing wor badge! 🤮

WE’VE GOT THE HORN!

 Posted ‘1:01pm bells Munday 3rd August 2026

News reaches us that NUFC have made wor 5th new summer signing!

Czech Republic international goalie Lucas Hornicek haz signed from Portuguese side SC Braga for a reported £25.7 million!

He iz 24 years old and iz 6ft 6ins in height!

In the 2024-25 season he kept 8 clean sheets in 17 1st team games and 9 in 24 games for Braga’s ‘B’ team!

Last season he helped Braga to the semi-finals of the UEFA Europa Leegue where he kept 7 clean sheets in 14 outings!

Welcome to The Toon Lucas the Horn !

EDDIE HOWE GONE!

 Posted ‘10:00am bells 🔔 Thorzday 30th July 2026

FROM LAST NEET!—NOW WE NAA WHY HE WOZZINT CONCERNED AFTER THE 4-1 DEFEAT AT BRISTOL CITY!

News reaches us that Eddie Howe haz left NUFC and iz to be replaced by a Jawman caalled Matthias Jaissle who managed Al Ahli from Saudi Arabia to 2 Asian Leegue titles in 2025 and 2026

Before that he woz with Red Bull Salzburg of Austria, where he won back to back leegue titles and the Austrian cup!

He iz 38 and loves attacking futbaall!

Obviously much more to follow az the day progresses! ⬇️

THE BIG BRISTOLS v THE TOON *** FRIENDLY TOONEET

 Posted '4:00pm bells' Wedinzday 29th July 2026 Updated 9:30 🔔s

NUFC play wor 3rd pre season friendly doon in the west country tooneet, when we take on Bristol City at '7:30 bells' at Ashton Gate!---A groond we have been tee many times before!

Amazingly aall 3,417 away tickets have been sold for this 600 mile roond trip kick-aboot!

Geordie Times cheeef reporters 'Sarnie Steve' (aka Blokey) and 'Paul the Englishman' will send us some photos of the game and (hopefully?) some boozers az well!

WE will of course bring yoo the result az soon az the game iz finished!

Az per usual "Watch this space"!!

Updated 9:30pm bells 🔔 

A horrendous 4-1 defeat, with wor goal comin from Harvey Barnes and then Botman scores an own goal! 🥶

And Eddie Howe’s reaction to a 4-1 defeat to a Championship club!?🤔⬇️

PS: Both Sarnie Steve and paul the Englishman are sacked coz they sent no photos!😵‍💫

PPS Updated Thorzday mornin

Sarnie Steve HAZ just sent us photos from Bristol, so we’ve unpacked him!⬇️

THE HEEDBANGERS 1. THE TOON 1 *** FRIENDLY FIXTURE

 PPosted ‘high noon 🕛 🛎️ bells’ Sunday 26th July 2026

“FAREWELL KING KEV!”

The Toon’s first public game of the new season, woz a mile across the Tyne bridge from SJP, to the Gatesheed International Stadium yesterday dinnaatime!

A somber mood woz in evidence before kick off, az a minutes silence woz impeccably observed for Special ‘K’, in wor first game followin hiz passing last Munday! 

It woz one of those games that you will forget by next Saturday, az The Toon huffed and puffed kickin towards the goal at the east end of the stadium!

NUFC wore the new dark blue away kit, while The Heed played in black n white halfed shirts!

Sean Steur woz makin hiz Toon debut in a fairly strong line up! However new signings Akashi Bamba and Bazo Toure were not part of the squad!

Make nee misstayk we had a boat load of chances to take the lead, but luck and good fortune for The Heedbangers, kept the score at nil-nil!

And then a rare Heed attack in the 34th minute resulted in the first goal!

A free kick on the edge of the box deflected off The Toon waall and The Pope in wor goal woz too slow to get the defection before Luke Supyk who slotted the baall into the net to give the home side a 1-0 lead!—-To the delight of the 1,000 or so Heedbangers in a mixed 7,000 plus crowd!

Thats the way it stayed til the break!

We were nee better in the second period az withoot a proven striker on the pitch (still absent due to World Cup duty) we couldn’t find the net!

Just when it looked az though non leegue Gatesheed would pull off a shock win, a Lewis Hall cross hit Heed defender Ben Williams who inadvertently put the baall into hiz own goal to level the score in the 79th minute! (It shud be noted that the smaall seated area behind the west goal woz closed)

There were outings for Matheos Ferreira, Mason Miley, Miograg Pivas and Vakhtang Salia who aall came on az late subs (Hope av sppelt their names reet?🤔)

There were nee more goals and quite a few in the crowd had left before the full time whistle in a somber occasion followin the death of King 👑 Kev!

Attendance: 7,195 (6,000 Toon fans in the home and away sections!)

GATESHEED PUB CRAWL PIX 

6 BOOZERS VISITED

The start of a new season and the start of a new pub crawl!🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺

Before the game⬇️

After the game in the Gatesheed Railway Quarter next to the Tyne and High Level bridges⬇️

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1. There were loads of Toon fans in aall the boozers, which helped to boost a trade which iz nearly on its knees! (2 pubs a day are closing somewhere in the UK!)

Aalso the crowd of ower 7,000 iz nearly 10 times wot Gatesheed normally get, which iz a very welcome boost to their coffers!