THE TOON 1. THE TOFFEE NOSES 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted ‘1:00pm bells’ Wedinzday  3rd April 2024

“DUMMER AND DUMMER!”

On Saturday we won a game we thought we’d lost and last neet we drew a game we thought we’d won!

Evaatin hadn’t won a Premyaa Leegue game since before Xmas and so it looked like an easy 3 points in wor quest for Europe!

NUFC started off well az we attacked the Leazes End and we took the lead in the. 15th minute when Isak received the baall from Harvey Barnes, he beat one defender and coolly placed the baall into the back of the net with mackem miscreant Pickford well beaten!

It haz to be said that Pickford made crucial saves after this to keep the score at 1-0 by half time!

Of course if you’re anly one goal aheed and have aall guns blazin, it just takes one chance for a poor team like Evaatin to grab an equaluser!

After Isak, Barnes, Murphy and Bruno missed glorious chances to put the game beyond doubt, Dan Burn scored but VAR said he woz offside and the goal woz disallowed!—An Evaatin defender (can’t remember who?) hit his own post—It just wasn’t wor day!

And then the sting in the tail! Lewis Hall went off injured in the 79th minute and woz replaced by Paul Dummett who had played less than 5minutes in the last 2 years----and it took him just 9 minutes to grab Evaatin’s  Ashley Young roond the neck in the box, but play continued az we attacked the Gallowgate goal!—-we’d got away with it!---BUT!---aall of a sudden VAR got involved and eventually a penalty at The Leazes End woz given to wor visitors!

Calvin-Lewin took it and aalthough Toon goalie Debravka got a hand to it, it ended up in the back of the net with full time approachin!

10 mins stoppage time woz added, but to nee avail and two points were dropped by the dum decision by Dummett to grab Ashley Young when there woz nee danger at aall!

The result keeps us in 8th place, just ootside the European places, when we could have been 7th had we won!

Evaatin have now went 13 games without a win— Their worst run in the Premyaa Leegue!

Attendance: 52,135 (3,200 Toffee Noses)

THE TOON V THE TOFFEE NOSES.*** TOONEET!

 Posted ‘high noon bells’ Tuesday 2nd April 2024

THE GALLOWGATE END FROM STRAWBERRY 🍓 LANE

The Toon play wor 2nd home game in 4 days when we take on relegation threatened Evaatin at SJP at ‘7:30 bells 🔔’!

Wor memorable 4-3 win after bein 3-1 doon at the weekend proves that unlike under Brucey we didn’t give up!  

On the less memorable side Lascelles haz ruptured his ACL in his left knee and will be oot for a minimum of 6 months—The same injury az Botman haz got!  Almiron aalso went off with a leg injury v West Ham az wor injury list gets even langer!

Livramento, Lewis Miley, Joelinton, Callum Wilson, Targett, The Pope Krafth and possibly Trippier—the list iz endless and of course Anthony Gordon iz suspended for the game tooneet against his old club and Tonali (remember him?) cannit play til next season coz of his gamblin ban!—Somehow we are 8th in the table and could climb even forthaa shud we win!?

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Wedinzday----Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

THE TOON 4 THE JELLIED EELS MOB OF WEST HAM 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted from 'High Noon bells' onwards Easter Sunday 31st March 2024

"STAND UP IF YOUR 4-3 UP!"

A breathtakin game with a breathtakin finish started off with The Toon takin the lead from the penalty spot after just 3 minutes at The Leazes End when Anthony Gordon woz hacked doon in the box!---A very lenghy VAR check for offside took langer than the 3 minutes played, but eventually the spot kick woz given and up stepped 'Alexander the Great’ (Isak) to send the West Ham goalie the wrang way to put us 1-0 up!

ISAK PENALTY!

The events and goal sequences after this were az follows:

17th minute: After gannin doon a few mins orlier, Lascelles iz unable to continue and iz replaced by Krafth

21st minute: A through baall finds Antonio and he fires past Dubravka in The Toon goals to level things! 

1-1

45 plus 10! Schar iz penalised and iz lyin on the pitch with hiz heed in hiz hand, but the ref lets wor visitors take a quick free kick and Kudus hits a risin shot into the net to put them 2-1 up at the break!

The game actually went on for anothaa 2 minutes after protest from NUFC players who asked the ref ,just why the free kick woz allowed to take place with Schar on the deck???

The 2nd half started off badly az well when after just 3 minutes after the restart The Jellied Eels Mob increased their lead when Bowen woz put clean through and he made nee mistayk az he fired past Dubravka!

The West Ham fans then taunted us by singin: "Stand up if your 3-1 up!" and "Sit down if your 3-1 down!"

We looked oot on wor feet but Steady Eddie pulled off a master stroke in the 57th minute when he brung on a 'hat-trick' of players in the shape of Almiron, Hall and Anderson, but Almiron lasted just 10 minutes with a leg injury and woz replaced by Harvey Barnes!

77th minute: A 2nd penalty iz given to us when Gordon iz again fouled in the box and again Isak takes the spot kick to send their keeper the wrang way and reduce the deficiet to one goal!

ISAK 2nd PEN!

And then the drama when supersub Harvey Barnes recieves a pass from Isak and he cooly puts the baall through the keepers legs to level the score at 3-3 in the 83rd minute!

And then bedlam in the 90th minute when Barnes runs doon the East Stand wing, runs to just ootside the box and hits an unstoppable shot into the far corner of the net, to lift the roof off the Gallowgate End and unbelievebly put us 4-3 up!

WINNIN GOAL CELEBRATIONS!

Gordon got a 2nd yellow card for kickin the baall away in the 92nd minute, but the 10 men managed to hang on to win the game with 11 minutes stoppage time played!

The Toon fans were in good voice az we taunted the West Ham fans with chants of "STAND UP IF YOUR 4-3 UP!" in revenge for their '3-1 stand up' chant!🤪👍🏁

On the minus side, more injuries to key players!

Attendance: 52,199 (3,000 shell shocked Jellied Eels fans!)

(Jellied eels iz a favourite delicacy in the east end of London, where West Ham are from!)

THE END GAME!

 

View from high up in The Milburn Stand with The Black and White Bull in the distance on Barrack Road!

Happy fans leave the groond!

PS: In total 23 minutes stoppage time woz added—That’s ower half a half! A 113 minutes game!—RIDICULOUS!

"DRINK! DRINK! WHEREVER YOO MAY BE!"

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' Thorzday 28th March 2024

The forst game after the International break iz on Saturday at SJP when we take on The Jellied Eels Mob of West Ham in a ridiculous '12:30 bells' kick off! (For live telly of course!)

But Toon fans are never beaten for pre match gargels and we can tell yoo that The Leazes End/Companions Club on Leazes Park Road iz open at '9:30am bells' on Saturday to quensh your thirsts!

If yih divvint have a ticket for the game there's a big screen in the consert room upstairs to watch it!

(Correction! They don’t have TNT telly- just Sky! so yoo cannit watch it here!)

The boozer iz on the main road behind The East Stand and iz within very eazy 'hocklin distance' of the tornstiles!

It's the cheapest place aroond the groond az well and yoo can get a pint for under £3:40, which iz a poond cheaper than nearby boozers!

Pleeeze consider them for your pre match 'session' az NUFC games are their lifeline and withoot match takings they wouldn't be able to survive!

News on possible team line ups? Livramento, Trippier and Barnes could aall return, hopefully???---While Wilson, Joelinton, Botman and Lewis Miley are aall crocked and will miss oot!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Easter Sunday!---Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

MORE INJURY WOE FOR NUFC!

 Posted '12:17pm bells' Wedinzday 27th March 2024

"WE ARE CURSED!"

Reports that Lewis Miley haz retorned home from the Ing-er-land U20s with an injured back have surfaced, and that he could be oot for 6 weeks or langer!!!

This iz yet another injury blow to the seamingleee nevaa endin list and the sooner this season iz ower the better!---Its been a total disaster for Eddie Howe and hiz backroom staff----hassint it just!  

THE BAD BLUE BOYS OF DUNSTON 2 CARLTON TOON 3 *** @ MORPETH TOON FC

 Posted '1:18pm bells' Munday 25th March 2024

(Match played on Saturday 23rd)

DUNSTON PENALTY WITH THE TREES WAVIN IN AGREEMENT!

"TREEMENDOUS!"

With the International break in full swing we decided to heed for Morpeth where Dunston were playin' Carlton in The Northern Premyaa Leegue East division! (And congratulations to Anthony Gordon for gettin hiz 1st Ing-er-land cap!)

Dunston's 'home game' woz bein' played here coz the Northern Premyaa leegue chiefs ORDERDED that Dunston must play AALL their home games at a different venue in March coz of the state of the pitch at Dunston!

3 of us travelled up to Morpeth on the X16 bus from The Haymarket bus station in the centre of The Toon--namely 'me' (The mad-sad groundhopper) Davy ‘The Silver Fox ‘and hiz sidekick Barbara, who are both Dunston fanatics!

We got there at 11:30am bells and the forst 3 boozers we tried to get in were CLOSED!?----The 4th one woz open but there woz neebody behind the bar az we waited patiently to be sorved!---We gave up and went back to the forst boozer we tried just before high noon bells, but it woz still shut!--(Tap and Spile)--It eventually opened 5 minutes later and we finally got some 'liquid lubrications' doon wor throats to lubricate wor tonsils!

We drank there til '2 bells' and decided to heed for the taxi rank on the main road to get a taxi to the groond, which iz a canny hike from the centre of Morpeth ((aboot 2 miles away!)

There were NEE taxis to be seen so we heeded to the bus station where there woz another taxi rank, but again NEE taxis!

We then doubled back to the forst rank and hey presto!--there woz one waitin in the rank! HORRAY!

We were whisked to Craik Park (where Morpeth Toon play) and still had time for a swift liquid refreshment before the '3:00 bells' kick off in the clubhoose!

The game started off well for 'The Bad Blue Boys' (in the aall blue strip!) az Dunston took the lead in the 14th minutes from an unfortunate own goal by Dan Brown (Not unfortunate for Dunston though!) It woz blowin' a gale and the huge conifer trees behind the far satand blew sideways like a green 'Mexican wave' and it looked spectacular (See video below when Dunston hit the post)

Not to be ootdone, Dunston aalso scored an own goal in the 44th minute when Jude Swailes put the baall into hiz own net to level things!

A contravertial penalty woz then given to Dunston and after prolonged arguments with the ref up stepped Dale Pearson to put the 'home side' 2-1 up deep into fort half stoppage time! (See penalty video at the top of the page)

It woz then off to the Morpeth clubhoose for somemore booze in the half time interval!

Carlton equalised again in the 54th minute when Hardwick beat Dan Staples in the Dunston goal with another very dubuous penalty! (Mee finx the ref gave it 'to even things up', after the contraversy of the Dunston penalty!) 

And then at the death, heartbreak for 'The Bad Blue Boys' az Carlton hit the winner to the dubulation of their 11 or so fans behind the goal!---and there woz nee way back after that!

Attendance:141 (70 or so from Dunston, 11 from Carlton and a few curious locals!)

A pre-booked taxi (we were takin nee chances!) took us back to Morpeth, where we caught the X15 back to The Toon!

And the moral of the story iz!---Divvint gan to Morpeth before 'high noon bells' az the the boozers are SHUT!

SPOT THE MEXICAN WAVE! 🌊 

NAMED AND SHAMED!—THE BOOZERS THAT WIRNT OPEN BEFORE    ‘HIGH NOON BELLS 🔔’

NAMED AND SHAMED! —THE BOOZER WITH INVISIBLE BAR STAFF!

THE BAD BLUE BOYS OF DUNSTON v CARLTON TOON @ MORPETH TOON FC *** NORTHERN PREMYAA LEEGUE EAST *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 23rd March 2024

With nee Toon game ower the weekend coz of the International break, the mad-sad groundhoppers are off to Morpeth where Dunston are playin Carlton!---The Northern Premyaa Leegue have ORDERED Dunston to play aall their home games in March at anothaa groond coz of problems with their pitch!----Scandalous if yoo ask us az clubs like Dunston make nee money havin to play away, with nee gate money or bar takins etc, to cash in on!

Carlton are in the same boat and must play aall their home games away az well coz of similar pitch problems!---They are killin futbaall at the grass roots end of the pyramid! 

Get alang to your local non leegue club today and support them!----Beleeeve you me, they need the money!

THE WIZZERS OF OZ!

 Posted ‘4:54pm bells’🔔Tuesday 19th March 2024✈️ 

Az if wor injury ravaged squad of players haven’t had enough of this season —-and desperately need a rest—-we find oot that NUFC are to play 2 games in Melbourne, Australia and ‘wizz off’ on a 21,000!miles roond trip ‘doon under’,  just 3 days after wor last game at Brentfaad!

We will play Sporz in the first game on Wedinzday 22nd May at MelbourneCricketvgroond and the n a game against an A Leegue Aall Stars team 2 days later at Marvel Docklands groond, aalso in Melbourne!

This will bring the total number of games played this season to 60!

Just wot the players need “EH!?”

THE BLUE MOONS 2. THE TOON 0 *** FA CUP QWAATAA FINALS

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Munday 18th March 2024

“THE TROPHYLESS TRAIL!”

For the 69th year in a row NUFC will end the season with nee domestic trophies in the cabinet!

For a club with such huge support it’s a travesty!

Nearly 8,000 travelled doon from Tyneside and beyond to witness a predictable lack lustre performance in east Mancland— Although the 2 goals conceded were wicked deflections from Silva shots!

The forst goal came in the 13th minute when Silva's shot took a wicked deflection off Dan Burn, leavin' goalie Dubravka stranded on hiz goal line az the baall looped ower hiz heed!

And the 2nd goal came 18 minutes later when anothaa Silva shot came of Sven Botman heed and ended up in the back of the net, with Dubravka divin the wrang way!

At this point it looked az if we'd suffer a big hammerin' but it wasn't to be, with Alexander Isak missin a great chance befor the break, which would have given us at least a smaall chance of comin back!

But the truth iz that The Blue Moons are streets aheed of us and were much the better team----We had 2 shots on goal by Isak and that woz it!

This financial (UN)fair play rulin to protect 'the cartel six' iz workin a treat, with 3 of them in the semi finals of the FA Cup yet again!

And barin a miracle that Championship Coventry can beat Moan U in the semi finals, it will be an 'aall cartel' final at Wembley come May---yet again!

Arrr well!--At least it wont cost us a fortune for hotel accomidation, train fares and match tickets at £100 (Wot aa paid for a Leegue Cup final ticket last season!) come the semis next month!

Az Moan U will be in the semis, wor game against them at 'The Theatre of Muppets' due to be played that weekend, will now be moved to a midweek date! (And an owerneet stay!--So indeed that meeenz more expense!)

Attendance: 52,126 (NOT!---az there were loads of empty seats in the home sections!)

* PS: Not to be outdone by the empty home seats, some of WOR ‘fans’? made for the concourses for beer and burgers after City’s 2nd goal in the 30th minute —-and didn’t retorn til 20 minutes after the 2nd half started???

This photo woz taken 15 minutes into the 2nd period!🥶

PPS: They mayazwell have stopped at home and watched it on the telly! 📺 

The pub crawl took places in the following drinkin dens🍺🍺🍺🍺JUST 4 THIS TIME!

HEATON PARK (FOR THE 3rd TIME THIS SEASON!)

CLOUDWATER BREW CO.

TRA  RCH (TRACK BREWERY)

GREY HORSE 

THE BLUE MOONS v THE TOON *** FA CUP QWAATAA FINAL **** TOMORROW TEATIME

 Posted '6:30 pm bells' Friday 15th March 2024

VIEW OF THE PENNINES IN THE DISTANCE HIGH UP IN TIER 3 OF THE SOUTH STAND WHEN WE LOST 1-0 ORLIER THIS SEASON!

(TIER 3 AGAIN— HOPE THERES NEE ‘TEARS’😭 

The FA Cup draw that neebody wanted woz Man City away---and so!----Az yi'd expect!---Thats exactleee who we got!— Wor 6th FA Cup away tie in a row!

7,800 Toon fans will occupy tier 2 and 3 of The South Stand!

Wembley beckons for the winners in the semis and not many Toon fans Fink we will make it that far!???🤔

Anthony Gordon who haz just been caalled up into the Ing-er-land squad iz expected to start, but Trippier, Barnes, Wilson and The Pope are still crocked— az iz De Bruyne for Man City (thank God!)

We are drivin doon in The Geordie Times ‘canny tranny’ 9 seater van ⬇️ (just 4 of us) and are stopping owerneet at the same Manchester hotel for the third time this season!( once v Moan U and once v Man C in the Premyaa Leegue!)

THE GEORDIE TIMES ‘CANNY TRANNY’, COMPLETE WITH THE TYNE BRIDGES AND BLUE STAR!

A full Geordie Times match (and boozer 🍺🍺🍺 report will appear here sometime on Sunday (if we win?🤪) —-or Munday (if we divvint!🥶). 

Az per usual! “Watch this space!”