DARBEE COONTY v THE TOON **** SATURDAY TEATIME!

Posted '1:41pm bells' Thorsday 8th September 2016

We heed for Pride Park on Saturday evenin', where we take on 'The Ramshakle Mob', now managed by formaa Lestaa manager Nigel Pearson.
Pearson waz credited with buildin' 'that side', which of course went on to win the Leegue last May aftaa he'd left!
However!--- Hiz current side have scored just ONE goal in 5 games so far this season and we will nevaa have a better opportunity to win wor 4th Leegue game in a row.

We sold oot wor 3,200 allocation of tickets 'lang ago' in wot will be wor forst visit here for ower 6 years, when we lost 3-0! <("We want revenge!")

Pride Park <(its original name!) iz a 'Lego clone' of Stoke and 'The Smoggies' new stadiums, (with different coloured seats!) and iz on the trunk road oot of Darbee, with hardly any boozers nearby (just like Stoke and Boro!)

We are on the '11:40am bells' train (me finks?) from 'The Central' and shud arrive in deepest Derbyshire around aboot the '2:30 bells' mark! ('5:30 bells' ko)

A full Geordie Times match report will follow sometime on Sunday az per usual---watch this space!

WOLVES TICKETS ANLY A TENNER!

Posted '1:03pm bells' Tuesday 6th September 2016

Tickets for wor EFL Cup tie against Wolverhampton Wanabeez later this month are nuw on sale to season ticket holders!
At just a TENNER for big kids and THREE QUID for sprogs there shud be a bigger than usual crowd than wot we expected!
30,000 plus we reckon because of the price reduction!
(We paid £15 and £5 for the last roond against Cheltenham!)

BAD BLUE BOYS of DUNSTON 2 SKELMERSDALE UNITED 2 *** FA CUP 1st QUALIFYIN' ROOND

Posted '11:11am bells' Sunday 4th September 2016

MORIEN SCORES FROM THE SPOT TO ORN 'THE BAD BLUE BOYS' A REPLAY!

"WEMBLEY, WEMBLEY HERE WE COME!"

With a blank weekend coz of the Internationals (see article below!) it waz decided to heed for mee fave non leegue club for their FA Cup tie v Skelmersdale near Scouseland!

Heavy rain kept the crowd doon, but the traffic on their way to the Metro Centre, half a mile from the groond waz heavin' <(it's indoors yoo see!)

The clubhoose waz half empty/full! when I arrived but it soon filled up with approx. 15 Skelmersdale fans/officials amongst the throng to shelter from the rain <(THAT, I may add iz the ANLY reason 'I' went into the clubhoose!!!!)

Toon season ticket holder 'Shaz the Postie' then torned up and we had discussions aboot the 12 players we have signed in 'the window' and those who have departed!

The doonpour had eased off az the teams ran oot and for some reason the game kicked off 5 mins late at '3:05 bells'?

THE GAME KICKS OFF (EVENTUALLY!)

It took 'The Bad Blue Boys' barely 2 mins to open the scorin' when 'Scrappy' (Liam Thear) put the baall into the net at 'The Dunston Rocketless End' <(Explanation: there used to be a tower block behind this end which looked like a space rocket!--now demolished!)

Skelmersdale, who are 2 leegues higher than their Tyneside coonterparts equalised soon after with a unstoppable shot from Strickland at 'The Teahut End' <(AYE!---there's a teahut behind the goal!)

And then controversy in 1st half stoppage time when the ref (and linesman on wor side) said the baall had croosed the line (when it clearly hadn't!) to put the visitors 2-1 up!---aall hell then broke loose at the decision az the ref blew for half time! 

A 'mad dash' to the clubhouse then ensued (to beat the queues!) and we looked at some of the photos on the wall az we supped wor half time beverages > (Broon ale!)---Skelmersdale are a famous non leegue club who lifted the old Amateur Cup back in the 70's @ Wembley and one of the photos on the wall shows the 1974 FA Cup final between 'The Toon' and 'The Liverbirds', with Steve Highway beatin' Bobby Moncur to the baall (which he crossed to a certain Kevin Keegan who scored!) Highway aalso played for Skelmersdale!

The visitors went hell for leather in the 2nd period and if it wasn't for Dunston's keeper havin' a blinder the game would have been ower lang before the end.

A penalty waz then awarded to 'The Bad Blue Boys' which waz easily convorted by Malcolm Morien!---A home player waz then sent off az 'we' hung on to claim a replay at their place on Tuesday neet!---The Wembley dream lives on!

PS:  I estimated the crowd to be 250 and the official attendance waz!---249!

"WE WAZ THERE!" 


PROGRAMME!

 

   



CRUMPLED TEAM SHEET!

MATCH TICKET!!! 

A NEW SEASON OF 'BLANKETY BLANKS'!

Posted '1:00pm bells' Saturday 3rd September 2016

"I'M BACK AGAIN FOLKS!"

A new season and the forst international break after just 4 weeks iz upon us, which meeenz a 'blank weekend' of course az far az NUFC are concerned!

This iz because Ing-er-land, under the management of *The UFO have a World Cup qualifying game against Slovenia on Sunday (or iz it Slovakia?) <(shows how much interest we have in this game!)


*The UFO haz amazingly selected EIGHT of the team who were humiliated against Iceland in the Euros and it surely will end in 'crocodile tears' for him!---me 'finks'

* UFO = Ugly Fat One!

THE WINDOW SHUTS!

Posted '12:35pm bells' Thorsday 1st September 2016

Transfor deadline day closed at '11 bells' last neet with the news that 'The Sossoko Kid' haz signed for SPORZ for a reported THORTY MILLION!
Just how anybody can think a man who haz gone AWOL for the past 2 seasons iz worth SO much money iz beyond us!
This iz probably the best bit of transfor dealin' we've done in wor entire history!
£30 mill for a player who contributed to wor demise last season!
"WOW!"
Let us remind yoo wot Sissoko said in JOON this year!
"ARSENAL is one of the best teams in Europe!
I hope that I will have a chance soon to play for this club!"

Are yoo readin' this Sporz fans???

Rafa the Gaffa haz certainly pulled off a coup in this deal and just the othaa day he said:
"If someone wants Moussa they have to pay!" 
In total 19 players have left NUFC in the transfor window.

A total of 12 have arrived in that same period, namely:
Matz Sels, Matt Richie, Dwight Gayle, Jesus Gamez, Isaac Hayden, Grant Hanley, Ciaran Clark, Mohamad Diame, Deandre Yedlin, Daryl Murphy, Achraf Laazar and Christian Atsu

Those leavin' us---and 'good riddance' to most of them, are:
Marveaux, Obertan, Taylor, Cabella, Townsend, Coloccini, Cisse, Wijnaldum, Janmaat, Bigiramana and of course Sissoko!
On loan are: Thauvin, Mbabu, De Jong, Saivet, Krul, Armstrong, Sterry and Riviere

TRANSFOR DEADLINE DAY IZ UPON US!!!

Posted '1:15 pm bells' Wednesday 31st August 2016


WINDOW CLOSIN'!


Transfor deadline day iz here and so far we have signed 11 players and got rid of 18
A full list of 'in's and 'oot's will appear here tomorrow!

WHO'S AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD WOLF!?" ***

Updated '10:15 am bells' 30th August 2016

The EFL Cup draw haz been kind to us once again for we have been drawn at home in the thord roond against Wolverhampton Wanabeez who must now play us TWICE in a few days at 'wor place' az we play them in the leegue az well on the Saturday before!

EFL: Saturday 17th September***'3 bells' 
EFL CUP: Tuesday 20th September***'7:45 bells'

THE TOON 2 NE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTON 0 *** EFL 2016-2017

Updated '11:05am bells' Munday 29th August 2016

SHELVEY FREE KICK GOAL (2nd half)
*Geordie Times excluuusive!

"LET US GO FOURTH!"

A thoroughly entertainin' game waz won 2-0 with 2 brill set piece goals from Jamaal Lascelles and Jonjo Shelvey.
To be honest, before the game aa would have been happy with a point against Chris Hughton's 'high flyers', given the fact that both wor proven strikers Mitrovic and Gayle were oot injured!

But aa needn't have worried az we put on wor best display of the season so far to push us up to the dizzy heights of FOURTH place in the table!
*'Ne Where Near Brighton' had anly lost 1 oot of their last 23 games but a fearless Toon side put them to the sword!
A Matt Richie free kick at The Gallowgate End foond the heed of Lascelles and he nodded past the visitors keeper to put us 1-0 up!
*(We say 'Ne Where Near Brighton' az their new ground ISN'T!)

LASCELLES GOAL (1st half)
*Geordie Times excluuusive!

Gouffran then hit the crossbar with a thorty yard screamer az we went for the 'jugular'!  HT 1-0 to 'us'!
The referee waz absolutleee cr*p and handed oot a stream of yellow cards to NUFC player for trivial offences---If anybody waz gannin to beat us it wasn't Brighton--but HIM!

We attacked The Leazes End in the 2nd half and the killer goal came in the 63rd minute when Shelvey hit an unstoppable free kick from outside the box, which gave their keeper 'ne chance'!

Just before that Brighton had a player sent off for a 2nd bookable offence and with Shelvey's goal the contest waz ower!

More chances went 'a beggin' and we had the settle for a 2-0 win which moves us up into the 'play off positions' in 4th place and of course a 4th win in a row---things are startin' to look UP --in more ways than one!

Toon team: Sels, Anita (Gamez 72), Mbemba, Lascelles, Dummett, Richie, Shelvey, Hayden, Gouffran (Yedlin 88), Diame (Colback 81), Perez 



Attendance: 49,196 (1,800 'Ne where Near Brighton' fans!) (*The Geordie Times predicted a 50,000 crowd!)
*The highest crowd in Ing-er-land on the day!  *


Happy Toon fans stream away from SJP after the match!

THE TOON v NE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTON *** TOMORROW TEATIME!

Posted '12:15pm bells' Friday 26th August 2016

Lookin' towards SJP from Leazes Park Road

Chris Hughton makes hiz thord retorn to SJP tomorrow in the visitors dugoot since hiz unceremonial dismissal in 2010 and lookin' for hiz forst win (the othaa 2 ended in defeat when he waz manager of Norwich)
*Ne where near Brighton are undefeated in 6 games so far this season so this will be a hard game---make ne misteak aboot that.
(*We say 'Ne Where Near Brighton', coz their new groond ISNT!)

With both Mitrovic and Gayle sidelined because of their injuries against Cheltenham on Tuesday neet wor forward line iz severely depleated.
Wor visitors have taken up an allocation of 2,250 tickets (max 3,200) with tickets still available--we understand

A limited number of tickets are available in the home stands az well  and we predict a crowd of ower 50,000 on this bank holiday weekend!

A full 'Geordie Times' match report and pix will appear here sometime on Sunday!---watch tis space az per usual!

MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS U23s REPORT BELOW

Posted '1:00 pm bells' Thorsday 25th August 2016

At last!   a'v completed the match report from wor U23s game against 'The Jellied Eels Mob' U23s last Munday neet @ Dagenham & Redbridge! (see below!)