THE MANC MUPPETEERS v THE TOON *** TOMORROW @ '12:45 BELLS'!

Posted '1:22pm bells' Friday 21st August 2015

Tomorrow dinnaatime we heed for the delights of Salford where we take on 'The Cockney Reds' @ The Theatre of Muppets!

An orly start for the 2nd week in a row meenz we are catchin' the '6:30 am bells' train in the mornin' <(like we did last week when we went to Swanzee!) and shud arrive there in plenty of time for a few gargels before the match!

Just ONE win there in the last 21 attempts meenz that we are definite 2nd favourites once again to pick up the 3 points with the odds stacked against us!
Wayne Rooney iz lookin' for hiz 13th! goal against us in the Premyaa Leegue era!

Aall £46 Toon tickets have been sold, although they havvent said just how many will be in wor usual  East Stand seats in the visitors enclosure? (live on BT)

New boy Florian Thauvin will make hiz debut for us and will wear the number 20 shirt!

We sincerely hope that we DIVVINT play like we did @ Swanzee and get somebody sent off before half time, or else we are in for a hidin'!

But who knows?---this IZ NUFC after aall and anythin' can happen!

Full match report to follow on Sunday---sometime!

WAR-CHEST NEWS *** £50(ish!) MILLION NOW SPENT!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 20th August 2015


THE 'HAIR' APPARENT TO THE NUMBER 20 SHIRT!

Wor 4th major signin' haz arrived on Tyneside by the name of Florian Thauvin from French club Olimpique Marseille for a reported fee of £12 million!
The 22 year old French winger haz signed a 5 year contract and iz available to play @ Man U on Saturday.
He will wear the number 20 shirt which haz been vacated by Remy Cabella who heeds in the opposite direction on a year long loan!

More to follow on wor trip to 'The Theatre of Muppets' tomorrow!

NORTHAMPTON TOON *** NEXT TUESDAY NEET!

Posted '2:25pm bells' Tuesday 18th August 2015

Wor home game against 'The Cobblers of Northampton' in the Leegue Cup 2nd roond will be played next Tuesday neet @ '7:45 bells'
Tickets are now on sale to season ticket holders and just the lower sections of St James' will be open for this game az (not suprizinglee!) a sub 30,000 crowd iz predicted!  (Northampton have sold 1,450 tickets!)

THE SWAN LAKERS 2 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '11:07 am bells' Munday 17th August 2015

THE TOON ATTACK THE FAR GOAL (1st half)

"DISASTERS DAYS CONTINUED!"

Anothaa away day and yet anothaa away defeat and nothin' haz changed since last season! (apart from the manager!)

Wot can we say (again!)  It waz aall Swanzee from the start az they plummeted the goal in front of the loyal Toon fans who had made the lang jorney doon to sooth Wales!
(A roond trip of ower 700 miles!)

A new heed coach--but we seemed to play exactly the same az we did on the road last season and within 5 minutes yoo just knew that disaster loomed az 'we' couldn't get anywhere near 'their' goal!

Swanzee struck the 'inevitable blow' just 4 minutes later when Gomez had the simple task of roundin' Tim Krul in The Toon goal to put the home side 1-0 up!
We couldn't make inroads to fight back and then in the 40th minute it waz 'game ower' az Janmaat got hiz 2nd yellow of the game for pullin' back one of their players and we were doon to 10 men before the break!

'Brollyman McClaren' then brought on Steve Taylor after the half time interval to replace an injured Sissoko and then the home side made the game safe by a free heeder from Ayew in the 52nd minute and we were doomed!

Tactical genius McClaren then substituted the anly attacker left on the field by takin' off Cisse and bringin' on Aarons just TWO minutes after Swanzee had scored????
In effect NUFC were now playin' a '4-5-0 formation! 

A damage limitation exercise? that had the 1,500 travellin' in uproar az we played oot the rest of the game with not one shot on target in front of the away contingent!
Mitrovic came on when it waz tooo late (82nd minute!) az we suffered wor SEVENTH away defeat on the bounce' (Ne away wins since JANUARY now!) (and just TWO GOALS scored!) 


2nd HALF ACTION AZ THE TOON (dark strip)
MAKE A RARE 'SORTE' ON THE SWANZEE GOAL!


Wor retorn jorney on the train next day torned oot to be another disaster az well!---The train guard on wor inter-city train from Bristol to Newcasil had a stroke at Gloucester and we aall had to get off and get a two carriage train to Cheltenham ---and then anothaa train to The Toon with standin' room only!---
Nearly EIGHT hours after leavin' Newport (where we were stayin' for the neet) we eventually arrived back on Tyneside @ '4pm bells Sunday afternoon, completleee 'cream crackered'!

The joys of followin' NUFC away!

Footnote: There were a canny few Wolves fans on the train that had to be abandoned---They were on their way to see their home game against Hull which kicked off @ 'high noon bells', but they had nee chance of makin' the kick off!
One of their number aged 82, (we were told) who hails from Ross on Wye and who haz held a Wolves season ticket for 70 years, waz determined not to miss any of the match and he took a taxi from Gloucester at great expense to get there on time! <(a medal the size of a dustbin lid iz wot he deserves!---hope he made it!?) 

PS: Hope the train guard haz made a full recovery az well!

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Mbemba, Coloccini, Haidara, Anita, Colback, Sissoko (Steve Taylor 46), Wijnaldum, Obertan (Mitrovic 82), Cisse (Aarons 54)

Attendance: 20,678 (1,500 very angry Toon fans!)



*

THE PRE MATCH GARGELS IN SWANZEE TOOK PLACE HERE!

 

    

THE POST MATCH GARGELS TOOK PLACE IN NEWPORT

NEWPORT



THE SWAN LAKERS v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOON!

Posted '3:11pm bells' Friday 14th August 2015

Tomorrow mornin' @ '6:20 bells' we face the lang train jorney to sooth Wales for wor game @ Swanzee. 2 changes are needed to get there so me and 'Grumpy Stumpy' are takin' plenty of 'supplies' for the 6 hour plus jorney!

When we get there we will make a 'bee-line' for 'The Villiers Arms', which iz 15 minutes waalk from the groond <(az the drunken magpie staggers!) for the final pre-match liquid lubrications! 

The match we understand iz now a complete selloot, with NUFC fans in the now usual North Stand section behind the goal!

Lets hope we can put in a good performance and bring at least a point back yem?---and a full match and booze report will appear here on eethaa Sunday neet or Munday mornin'!



'The Geordie Times' makes ne apology for diggin' up the match report from wor forst ever visit to The Liberty Stadium when me and 'Sarnie Steve' broke doon on the way to the match near Cardiff! 
(Ground number 274 *** International 'Russ'cue!) 
 MATCH REPORT ON THAT BELOW *

"A LOAD OF COBBLERS!"

Posted '10:44am bells' Friday 14th August 2015

The draw for the Leegue Cup waz made last neet and for once we have been given a home tie against 'The Cobblers of Northampton' from Leegue 2

It's a bit disappointin' that this tie isn't away az 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have never been to Sixfields Stadium, where Northampton play!
However!---it iz still better than havin' to travel to Exeter or Gillingham mid-week <(like we did last season!) and wor forst ever trips to the likes of Rochdale and Fleetwood will have to be 'put on hold' once again until the FA Cup draw at least!

Ne doubt--- az this iz their 'cup final', that "A load of Cobblers!" will occupy level 7 of The Leazes End when the tie iz played at the end of this month!

More to follow on aall this later!

LEEGUE CUP DRAW THORSDAY NEET!

Posted '2:22pm bells' Wednesday 12th August 2015

"Rochdale!--Rochdale!--here we come!?" <(or not az the case may be!) >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The draw for the Leegue Cup 2nd roond takes place tomorrow neet which involves NUFC.
There are SEVEN possibilities of gannin' to a new groond for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' and quite a few we have been te az well! (26!)
The 7 we have never been te---are: Shrewsbury's new groond (been to the old one), Oxford's new groond (been to the old one), Rotherham's new groond (been to the old one's! (2) and Barnet's new groond (again!---been to the old one!)
The places NEVER visited by 'us' are MK Dons, Northampton (The Toon did play at their old groond in the 1964-65 season but this before we started 'groundhoppin'!) and finally---Rochdale!

Wor preferred option iz a home draw against a team we have never played in wor history, but for me if it iz away, then Rochdale's Spotland groond iz the one aa want to gan te most! 

In my lifetime aa must have passed the place 2,000 times at least on the M62 followin' 'The Toon' in that area (Manchester, Liverpool, Wigan, Oldham etc) and of course for mee work az a truck driver!---But I have never actually been to ROCHDALE!--- even for work!

"But pleeeze! pleeeze!---NOT Exeter or Gillingham away!---PLEEEEZE!"

THE TOON 2 SOOOTHAMPTON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '10:45am bells' Munday 10th August 2015

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

A very mixed day @ St James' Park az we kicked off wor campaign for the new season!

Defensive frailties that were evident last season came back to haunt us az the 2 Sooothampton goals were scored by unmarked players who simply heeded the baall past Tim Krul in The Toon goal!

Their forst goal came in the 24th minute when Krul failed to stop a heeder from unmarked Pelle enterin' the net @ The Gallowgate End!
We were on top until this stage and this waz anly Sooothampton's 2nd attack of the game!

We hit back through Papiss Cisse who seemed to chest the baall into the net @ The Leazes End from barely a yard oot from a cross by Haidara just before the break.

It waz soon 2-1 to 'us' shortly after the restart when Obertan went on a superb run doon the right wing to the corner flag. He then hit a pinpoint cross for new boy Wijnaldum who heeded a unstoppable heeder past Skelenenburg in the visitors goal @ The Gallowgate End to lift the roof off the stadium!

ACTION @ THE GALLOWGATE END (2nd half)

Mitrovic made hiz debut in the 75th minute when he replaced Cisse and he very nearly got in 'The Guinness Book of Records' by gettin' sent of within FIVE SECONDS of comin' on with a bad challenge on a Sooothampton defender---Thankfully he waz anly booked by the ref---but this surely iz the quickest ever bookin' by a player makin' hiz debut!?

However!---wor defensive frailties came back once again to haunt us when Shane Long out jumped Janmaat to heed an easy goal in front of 'The Simon Templar Mob' in level 7 of The Leazes End with 11minutes left on the clock!

It could have been worse near the end when Colback inexplicably lost the baall near the half way line and Mane somehow missed the goal from a few yards oot az he broke through wor defence!

A point iz better than nowt aa suppose, but it looks like anothaa lang hard season aheed, with trips to Swanzee next week and then Man U the week after, followed by an 'easy'? home game against 'The Arse' to end off the month!

Toon team: Krul, Mbemba, Coloccini, Janmaat, Haidara, Anita Tiote (68), Colback, Sissoko, Wijnaldum (De Jong 81), Obertan, Cisse (Mitrovic 75)

Attendance: 49,019 (1,500 Sooothampton fans)  *

THE TERRIERS of BEDLINGTON 0 THE DUNSTON BAD BLUE BOYS 8 (EIGHT!) *** NORTHERN LEEGUE DIVISION 1

Posted '10:51am bells' Sunday 9th August 2015


DUNSTON'S 2nd GOAL SCORED BY DAN HALLIDAY


Az the scoreline suggests this waz a completleee one sided game with the visitors on top from start to finish!

Fower of us travelled up to Bedlington, namely 'me', 'Davy the Silver Fox', 'Grumpy Stumpy' and 'Scott of the Antarctic' <(he lives high up in the moontains of Windy Nook in Gatesheed!)

A taxi waz wor means of transport az the bus fare to Bedlington waz a fiver each, so it cost just the same 'to travel in style'!

We'd met up in 'The City Tavern' in the centre of The Toon and arrived 25 minutes later in 'sun-kissed' Bedlington High Street!

'The Market Tavern' waz wor forst 'port o call' before movin' on to 'The Northumberland Arms' and then onwards to the Dr. Pitt groond not far away for the last 'liquid refreshments' in the clubhoose before kick off!

Dunston went for 'the jugular' straight from the kick off az they pounded the home goal.
2 goal in quick succession and a string of missed chances, plus a penalty appeal torned doon put the visitors (or the 'guests' az the giant scoreboard said) aheed by the break---but it could and shud have been many more!


THE GIANT SCOREBOARD---THAT DIDN'T WORK!



The rout started at the start of the 2nd half when 'The Bad Blue Boys' went 3-0 up <(we missed it az we were still in the clubhouse for wor half time gargels! It waz soon 4 and 5 before 3 more goals at the end finished 'The Terriers' off! (a hat-trick for super sub Malcolm Morien!)


MORIEN SCORES THE 6th GOAL! (OR WAZ IT THE 7th?)


It's hard to imagine, but just a few short years ago Bedlington won The Northern Leegue FIVE times in a row and now they faced humiliation in front of their dwindlin' band of supporters who numbered barely 100. The Dunston committee men plus and few fans made up the rest of the numbers <(30 we reckon!)


DUNSTON TAKE A CORNER AZ THE SCRUFFY LOOKIN'
TERRIER AND HIZ MASTER (in Bedlington red) LOOK ON!
(Definitely NOT! a 'Bedlington terrier'!) 
 


It waz then off to 'The Barrington' up the street from 'The Dr. Pitt' to celebrate a great victory before retornin' in style (once again!)  to 'The Strawberry' next to St James' Park for yet more 'gargels'!

"GIVE IZ AN 'I'!"

*

THE TOON v SOOOTHAMPTON **** THIS SUNDAY @ '1:30 BELLS'!

Posted '12:18pm bells' Friday 7th August 2015


"NO!--IT'S NOT A 'DODGY LOOKIN' LAMB!---IT'S A BEDLINGTON TERRIER!"


The big day iz aalmost upon us and we are travellin' up to 'sunny'? Bedlington tomorrow afternoon where 'The Terriers' are takin' on 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston in a Northern Leegue encoontaa @ 'The Dr. Pitt Welfare Groond'!

And az for NUFC?----Sunday afternoon iz the startin' point against 'The Saints' of Sooothampton @ St James' where the 3 new boys will make their Premyaa Leegue debuts for The Toon.
Club captain 'Fab' Coloccini haz signed a 1 year extension to hiz contract and we can anly hope that 'a new dawn' haz arrived on Tyneside and that we can make a winnin' start against the soooth coast outfit!
It's ower 9 years since wor new boss 'Brollyman' McClaren took charge of a Premyaa Leegue game, when he waz manager of 'The Smog Monsters of Teesside' (they lost 1-0 @ Fulham!)

Sooothampton, we understand, have been allocated 1,646 tickets for level 7 of The Leazes End and still have quite a few tickets left to sell az we speak! (ie: There will be less than 1,646 of them on Sunday!)
Despite this a 50,000 plus crowd iz predicted by 'us'

'The Geordie Times' will publish a match, boozer and pix report on both games, sometime on Munday
(PS: A 'crowd' 'approachin' 150 iz predicted by us @ Bedlington!)