TOON U21s 7 TEAM NORTHUMBRIA 0 *** NORTHUMBERLAND SENIOR CUP QWAATAA FINAL

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 19th November 2014


"AND HERE'S YOUR STARTER FOR 7!"


Dreams of a replay so that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' could visit a new groond very quickly evaporated @ 'Blue Flames' last neet in front of 268 hardy souls! <(NOT includin' me---I may add, az aa had to gan to graft!)

A hat-trick by Sean Longstaff and forthaa goals from Gilliead, Olley, Ward and Broccoli sealed the university sides fate in this very one sided contest! 

"THEY DON'T LIKE US!---THEY DON'T CARE!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 18th November 2014

An absolutelee disgraceful decision by Millwaall FC to play their FA Youth tie against us on the same afternoon az wor forst team visits 'The Arse', meenz we can't possibly take in both games in their entirety!
Wor game @ 'The Emirates' kicks off @ '5:30 bells' on Saturday 13th December, while wor Youth game @ The New Den kicks off @ '3 bells' on the same day!

Az it would take at least an hour to travel between the 2 groonds, NUFC asked Millwaall if they could bring the Youth Cup tie forward a couple of hours so Toon groundhoppers could attend both games---but they REFUSED POINT BLANK!

The Youth Cup game could aalso gan to extra time and penalties meenin' that it wouldn't finish before wor game @ 'The Arse' started! <(meenin' that we would end up missin' it, if we stayed til the bitter end!) 

Aall Millwaall had to de waz bring the kick off time forward by TWO HOURS to help us---but they have insisted that the game gans aheed @ '3 bells'---Az their club songs gans----"No one like us!---We Don't care!"

"NO GO! FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!"
(Unless we miss the Arsenal game!)

Meenwhile!---wor U21s take on Team Northumbria tooneet at 'Blue Flames' Benton in The Northumberland Senior Cup @ '7:30 bells'---A draw would meen a replay @ Team Northumbria's Coach Lane groond!--anothaa groond we have nevaa been te (like The New Den!)

"THE CLUBHOOSE WHERE TIME STOOD STILL!"

Posted '11:20am bells' Sunday 16th November 2014

THE DUNSTON CLOCK, SHOWIN' THE CORRECT TIME
AFTER THE MATCH!
(ING-ER-LAND ARE ON THE TELLY!---AND NEBODYS WATCHIN'!)

Az mentioned before, The Toon had a 'Blankety Blank' weekend yet again due to the European International qualifiers, so it waz decided to heed for Federation Park, where the Dunston 'Bad Blue Boys' were playin' 'The Guisborough 'mackems' <(they play in red n white stripes!) in a Northern Leegue fixture.

The clubhoose (of course!) waz the forst 'port o caall' and aa arrived in good time for a few 'gargels' before the match. A couple of the othaa lads came in and we sat and chatted az we supped wor ale.
And then aall of a sudden aa hord a loud 'thud' and looked in the direction where the noise had came from, but could see nothin' amiss? <(very strange?)

10 minutes later a'd nearly finished mee pint and looked towards the clock on the waall to see if we had time for anothaa pint (or 2!) before the kick off!---But the clock wasn't there???---and then aa 'tumbled'---it waz the clock which had faallen off the waall and had made the loud thud!

"John!", aa shouted to the committee man behind the bar!, "Aa think yi clock's faallen off the waall!", pointin in the direction of the empty space on the 'said' waall!

He duly went to retrieve the clock which had faallen onto a chair and put it back up and waalked away.  "The clock's 10 minutes slow!", somebody shouted and John went back, took the clock back off the waall and moved the minute hand 10 minutes forward to the correct time!
He couldn't hear the clock tickin' and tapped the glass to try and get it gannin'---but to no avail!?---- 

And then a Dunston fan foond sommik else on the floor! "Aa think yi need this to get the clock gannin', John!", he yelled, az he held a BATTERY above hiz heed!

Huge roars of laughter suddenly enveloped the packed clubhoose az John sheepishly took the clock off the waall yet again and put the battery back in! 
He then skulked off back to the bar, tryin' to hide hiz blushes in the process! <(Yi COULDN'T make it up!)

The game torned ott to be just az 'entertainin' with Guisborough winnin'  a '7 goal thriller', by 4 goals to 3!
Az predicted by 'The Geordie Times' in an orlier article (see below!), we (once again!) missed a goal at the start of the 2nd half, scored by Guisborough, az we were still in the clubhoose at the time! <(we must have missed a 100 goals ower the years because of this!)

STEVE 'BULLY' BULL SCORES FROM THE SPOT FOR 'THE BAD BLUE BOYS'!

A very 'entertainin day' in more ways than one!

The goals sequence:
Adam Gell (shot) 0-1 to Guisboro
David Coulson (heeder) 1-1
og Ben Cattanach 1-2
Liam McPhillips (heeder) 1-3
Dale Burrell (25yard shot) 2-3
Dan Earl (shot) 2-4
Steve Bull (pen) 3-4


Attendance: 200 (estimated)   

BLANKETY BLANK TIMES 4 !

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 15th November 2014

"I'M BACK AGAIN!"

For the fourth time this season so far, we find worsels withoot an NUFC game ower the weekend due to the International breaks and Monday neet futbaall! (3 times for Internationals and once for Mondays!)

This meeenz that we must find wor 'fix' somewhere else yet again, with 'The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston' lookin' the best bet az they are at home to Guisborough Toon in a Northern Leegue encoontaa <(providin' their pitch haz recovered from the resent doonpours!?) (kick off '3 bells')

Next up for any of the Toon's teams iz a Resorve U21s home game in the Northumberland Senior Cup, against Team Northumbria on Tuesday neet.
And the best result will be a draw for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers', az the replay will be played @ Northumbria's Coach Lane groond next door to The NUFC trainin' groond---a groond we have nevaa seen the Toon play at! <(Hence--why we are prayin' for a draw!)

The forst team aren't in action again til next Saturday when we take on 'appy 'arry's Rag and Bone Men' from Shepherd's Bush (QPR!) @ St James' Park!

Shud the 'Bad Blue Boys' game be played, then we will bring yoo a report from there sometime tomorrow!--- but "beware!"---'The Geordie Times' normally misses the start of the 2nd half az we will still be drinkin' wor half time tipples az the game restarts and there iz the distinct possibility that we might miss a goal (or two!) when we stagger from the clubhoose back to wor standin' places nearest to the 18 yard box!

P*SS POTTERS U21s 1 THE TOON U21s 2

Posted '2:10pm bells' Friday 14th November 2014

'GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE???*** RYAN TAYLOR'S FREE KICK WINNER!

Last neet in front of a live telly audience <(of hundreds?) The Toon resorves ran oot 2-1 winners @ The Britannia Stadium.

Aall the goals were scored by Ryan Taylor!

He put us in front on the half hour mark but blotted hiz copybook by inadvertently slicin' the baall into hiz own net just before the break!

He made amends however in added time in the forst half, when he fired a spectacular free kick ower the 'P*ss Potts' goalie to clinch hiz 'hat-trick'? and the victory, which put us top of the Resorve Leegue!

Attendance: Divvint naa?  (Sky telly audience: 100s!) 

"EEEEEE!"--- "THE RESORVES ARE ON THE TELLY!" *** "AND SO ARE THE SPARTANS AND THE HEEDBANGERS!"

Updated 'high noon bells' Thorsday 13th November 2014

With the forst team oot of action til a week on Saturday due to yet anothaa International break, we torn wor attention to wor U21 resorve side managed by 'Pedro' Beardsley.

They play away toooneet @ The Britannia Stadium, Stoke in wot iz now a live telly game!? >(beleeeve it or not!?) (SKY Sports 2 @ '7:30 bells')
This game waz switched from Moss Rose, Macclesfield because of this---thus denyin' 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' of anothaa obsolete venue to chalk off the list!

Then next Tuesday we take on Team Northumbria in The Northumberland Senior Cup @ Blue Flames, Benton (aka Whitley Park)---Anothaa game we expected to 'be switched' and take place @ Team Northumbria's groond next door!---but wasn't! <(thus denyin' us yet anothaa new venue!) <("Despicable!")

 
And taalkin of 'live telly', two more forst team game kick off times have been moved:
We now play Sooothampton on SKY @ SJP @ '5:30 bells' on Saturday 17th January <(that will pleeze their fans who will now be unable to get back home on the train!) and then @ 'Broken Nose Bruces's Tiger Lillys', who we now play away @ '12:45 bells' (SKY) on Saturday 31st January.

And then!----on FA Cup 2nd roond weekend, 'The Spartans of Blyth' take on 'The Monkey Hangers of Hartlepool' (Friday 5th December @ 7:55 bells' on 'The Beeb') And then!--- 2 days later on Sunday, 'The Heedbangers of Gatesheed' take on 'Warrington Wanabeez'? in a 'high noon bells' shoot oot @ The International Stadium on BT

In between this (by the way!) WE have a live telly game @ 12:45 bells' on the Saturday against 'The Pensioners of Chelski' (BT) @ SJP!

THE 11th HOUR of the 11th DAY of the 11th MONTH *** "WE WILL REMEMBER THEM!"

THE BAGGIE TROOSERS 0 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '11:11am bells' Monday 10th November 2014

"FIVE IN A ROW!"

THE TOON (in blue & green) ATTACK 'THE SMETHWICK END'
DURIN' THE 2nd HALF (View from row AA seat 38)

Unbeleeevibleee we have now won five games 'on the spin' which iz in total contrast to the start of the season when we had the joint worst record in British leegue futbaall (with Bornley) with NE wins oot of SEVEN and sat firmly at the foot of the table just a few short weeks ago in September!

Against a lack lustre West Brom side we didn't get oot of the blocks straight away and the forst hour of the game waz like gannin back to the dark days of September!

VIEW OF THE 'TINY' MAIN STAND

Then bang on the stroke of half time up stepped Perez to back-heel the baall into the Baggie Troosers net to give us the lead!
To be honest, aa couldn't tell who'd scored or indeed that it waz a back-heel, az the goal waz scored at the far end of the pitch from us and it waz hard to make oot!
The tannoy announcer told us that number 17 had scored for The Toon, namely 'Perez' and it wasn't til later on that neet that we foond oot just how good the 'wondergoal' waz on 'Match of the Day'! <(mebeez we shud stop at home and watch it on the telly next time?) <(not!)

THE TOON ATTACK 'THE BORMINGHAM ROAD END' (1st HALF)

Wor view of wor 2nd goal however, waz in complete contrast, reet in front of us, when Janmaat crossed from the right and 'Fab' Coloccini waz there to heed a brilliant and unstoppable effort into the corner of the net, to send the 2,700 Toon faithful into raptures!

'The Baggies' (and their fans!) had given up by this time and it waz just a matter of windin' the clock doon to claim the 3 points and wor 5th victory in a row. By the time the match ended the home sections were virtually empty az we celebrated wildleee on the terraces!---From bottom to 8th top!---Wot a difference a month makes!---tooo true!

P45DEW?---We resorve wor judgement! <(wot fickle bustards we are!)

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini (Williamson 78), Dummett, Haidera, Abeid, Colback, Sissoko, Sammy Ameobi (Gouffran 78), Cabella (Ryan Taylor 82), Perez

Attendance: 26,476 (2,700 happy Toon fans!)

THE PRE-MATCH 'GARGELS' TOOK PLACE HERE!
(WE CAN ANLY APOLOGISE FOR THE '2 INDIVIDUALS' WHO
REFUSED TO GET OOT OF THE WAY AND COMPLEETLEE SPOILT
'THE GEORDIE TIMES'Z' PHOTO OF THE BAR!)

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE GAME @ BLUE FLAMES!

Posted '2:07pm bells' Saturday 8th November 2014

'The Geordie Times' haz some very disappointin' news to tell yoo, wor loyal reeders and groundhoppers!

It iz aalmost certain that wor Northumberland Senior Cup tie against Team Northumbria WON'T be switched to the university sides groond (az waz expected!) but will be played @ 'Blue Flames' (aka Whitley Park) instead on Tuesday 18th November! (kick off '7:30 bells') 

This iz a huge 'body blow' to the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' coz we have of course been to 'Blue Flames' many times before, but have NEVAA seen an NUFC side play @ Coach Lane Sports Groond which iz just 'next door'!  < ("ONE DAY, MEBEEZ!?")

THE BAGGIE TROOSERS v THE TOON *** SUNDAY DINNATIME!

Updated '10:11am bells' Saturday 8th November 2014

ACTION FROM THE HAWTHORNS LAST JANUARY *** WE LOST 1-0
(TOON ARE IN YELLOW)

The fireworks are ower so it iz now 'wor turn' to see if we can 'rocket' up to the top half of the table and add to wor 'four in a row' winnin streak and beat 'The Baggie Troosers' of West Brom on Sunday, which iz a live telly game @ '1:30 bells'

Don't lets get carried away however, coz like aa said aboot the Man City away game last week, 'this iz NUFC and anything can happen'!

Aall 2,700 tickets for the away end have not suprizingly been sold and at the price of just £15 for big kids and just 'A FIVER' for sprogs and zimmerframeites <(and aa include meesel this time az concessions start at 60!) it's the bargain of the season!
(Contrast this with wor next away game after this against 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham, when aa must pay £43 for the 'priviledge'? of standin' near the corner flag behind the goal!)

Stat attack: Whereaz we haveent had a penalty for 30 games, WBA have had 2 in their last 4 games!
We are neck and neck with them in the table with 13 points each!
So far this season 'The Baggies' have 'bagged' just one win @ The Hawthorns in the Premyaa Leegue!

HISTORY: Wor 1st ever meetin' took place 116 years ago when NUFC won 3-0 @ St James' Park in front of 16,000 on 3rd December 1898 with Andy Aitkin, Jock Peddle and Joe Rogers scorin wor goals <(remember them?)
Away, wor 1st meetin' took place @ Stoney Lane on April Fools Day 1899 when we lost 2-0 in front of a 2,304 crowd
Leegue and Cups: Played 122, won 46, drawn 32, lost 44

Squad news: Papiss Cisse iz expected to play while Rolando Aaarons iz a doubt. Gabriel Obertan, Davide Santon and Seim De Jong are aall 'crocked'!