SMOG MONSTERS U21s v THE TOON U21s @ MONKEY HANGERS! *** TOONEET!

Posted '11:03 am bells' Monday 27th October 2014

Wor U21 resorve side travel to 'Monkeyhangerland' in Hartlepool tooneet to face 'The Smoggies' @ Victoria Park (their adopted home venue for resorve games)

If yoo are plannin' on gannin' kick off iz @ '7 bells' with admission set @ £3 for big kids and NOWT for sprogs and zimmerframeites!


Update: Tuesday 28th

Smog Monsters U21s  2    The Toon U21s 1 (Campbell)

An Adam Campbell strike in the 35th minute looked to have sealed victory for the Toon U21s, but with just 2 minutes remainin' the Smoggies equalised through Husband and then on the stroke of full time Jak Alnwick in the Toon goal made a hash clearance and the baall fell to Cooke who hit home from 12 yards oot to give Boro the victory!

Attendance: "divvint naa?"

SPORZ 1 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '9:19am bells' Monday 27th October 2014

THE TOON PLAYERS CELEBRATE PEREZ'S WINNIN' GOAL
IN FRONT OF THE TOON FAITHFUL!

"A GAME OF 2 HALVES!"<("YID BETTER BELEEEVE IT!")

Havin' travelled to 'the smoke' the evenin' before for this 1:30 bells Sunday encoontaa, aa left wor hotel in Tavistock Square near Euston station @ '10:00 bells' aftaa consumin' TWO large 'help yersel' brekkies (to keep me gannin for the day!) and made for O'Neills Bar near St Pancras station before heedin' for Kings Cross 'to collect' two more boozers, namely 'Millers Bar' and 'The Waiting Room',where aa 'waited' for 'Norman the Cowboy Plumber', who *'had taken a chance' and had travelled doon on an orly train, which duly arrived just 1 hour 15 mins before kick off! (*If the train had been delayed for any reason he would have missed the kick off!--or worse still! ---the whole game!)

Anyway!---we boarded the 259 bus which gans through Tottenham and arrived @ White Hart Lane some 45 minutes later, just in time for the start of proceedings!

Sporz went for the jugular straight away and before lang they took the lead in the 17th minute when Adebayor heeded an easy chance past Tim Krul in the Toon goal!
We were terrible up til this point and defeat looked certain az the home side went to double their lead and missed several good chances!  It waz still just 1-0 at the break and we were thankful for that at least!

And then the 'game changers'----Sammy Ameobi and Remy Cabella replaced Obertan and Anita who 'were out of sorts' for the start of the 2nd period.
Straight from the kick off Ameobi teared doon the field and collected a through baall from Jack Colback and he fired a fierce shot into the far corner of the net with Sporz keeper Lloris beaten 'aall ends up' with just EIGHT seconds on the clock! (many Toon fans who were still in the concourse feedin' their 'alcohol habit' 'missed it'!)

It waz a different baall game now az WE 'went for the jugular' and just 13 minutes later Cabella crossed and an unmarked Perez heeded past Lloris to unbelievably put us 2-1 up!
The players celebrated wildly in front of the 2,000 plus Toon faithful az we danced in wor seats!

We somehow managed to hold on and beat Sporz for the 2nd year in a row at their place, but more importantly climb oot of the relegation zone to 14th place in the table and put the mackems 'in it'!---a very satisfactory outcome!

It waz a happy contingent of fans who travelled back to The Toon on the '4:45' from King's Cross where we arrived some 3 hours later!---bring on 'The Blue Moonies' <(who we play away in the Leegue Cup on Wednesday neet!)

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Steve Taylor, Coloccini, Dummett, Anita (Cabella 46), Colback, Obertan (Sammy Ameobi 46), Sissoko, Gouffran, Perez (Haidera 79)

Attendance: 35,650 (2,200 happy Toon fans!)

PS: TWO NEW PREMYAA GROONDS!---"YAHOOO!"
Some great news for the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' concernin' Sporz:
Because of buildin' work on the White Hart Lane site, Sporz are said to be relocatin' to Milton Keynes some 50 miles up the M1 for at least one season while the work iz completed.
This meeenz that (provided we are still in the same division az them?) we will have a new Premyaa Leegue groond to visit in the near future.
Not anly that!, but when Sporz move back to Tottenham their pitch will be in a different location just a few feet away from the present one!
This meenz!---when their new stadium iz opened this will be a new venue for 'the mad-sad groundhoppers' az it's 'next door' (see below pic!)

SPORZ NEW GROOND IZ ON THE LEFT--
THEIR CURRENT ONE IZ ON THE RIGHT OF THIS SKETCH!

SPORZ v THE TOON *** SUNDAY DINNATIME-ISH!

Posted '2:49pm bells' Saturday 25th October 2014

ACTION FROM A SUNNY WHITE HART LANE LAST NOVEMBER
(THE TOON ARE IN YELLOW)

We are off to 'the smoke' yet again this weekend when we play Sporz @ White Hart Lane on Sunday in a non televised '1:30 bells' kick off!

The cans are ready to 'pop' az the train crosses the King Edward Bridge and we shud be well tanked up by the time we reach King's Cross three hours later! (Aall trains back are DRY!)

We can anly hope that we can repeat wor 1-0 victory of last season when Loic Remy scored the anly goal of the game, and record wor forst Premyaa Leegue away win since we beat Hull way back in March in the infamous 'Pardew heed-butt incident'! (In total that's 2 draws and 7 defeats since we last won away!)

We have sold wor full allocation of 2,200 tickets for this game

A full Geordie Times match report and pub crawl report will follow sometime on Monday!

JOHN 'THE UNDERTAKER' BACK HOME AT LAST!

Posted '2:15pm bells' Thorsday 23rd October 2014

Police statement:

The family of flight MH17 victim John 'The Undertaker', (who waz a very good friend of ours) have let it be known that hiz body haz now returned to Tyneside and they would like to express their gratitude to everyone for aall the support and good wishes and support received durin' this lang and difficult period

Preperations are now bein' made for a private funeral later this month.

A message on behalf of John's sister Joyce:

"As those of you who knew him will be aware, John was a very private person and we'd like to say our farewells to him along with family members and close friends.
For this reason the date of the funeral has not been published".

"Your understanding is appreciated and once again we'd like to place on record our thanks for the countless kind gestures from John's fellow football fans---they have been a great sorce of comfort to his family"

THE TOON U21s 3 BRIGHTON U21s 1 *** DARSLEY PARK *** BEHIND CLOSED DOORS!

Posted '12:31pm bells' Tuesday 21st October 2014

DARSLEY PARK ARIEL VIEW PICTURE EXCLUUUSIVE BY PERCY THE PIGEON!

 
Match report by Percy the Pigeon who flew ower the action!

"Cooo!" @ a deserted Darsley Park apart from a few playin staff, players families and scouts, The Toon U21 resorves ran oot 3-1 winners ower Brighton's equivalent to regain top spot in the table!

The goal sequences were az follows:

20th minute: The visitors took the lead when Fenalon tapped in.

40th minute: Lang term 1st team absentee Ryan Taylor then levelled things from the penalty spot for us.

60th minute: Vuckic climbs above the Brighton defence to heed us into the lead.

66th minute: Dan Barlaser makes it 3-1 with a shot just inside the box.

Brighton had two players sent off!

I then winged my way back to the Benton Ale Hoose where I had started off before the game and 'flew' the match report to 'The Geordie Times' HQ late last neet! "Coooo!"--- "Hic!"

THE TOON U21s v BRIGHTON U21s *** NOW BEHIND CLOSED DOORS!

Posted '10:17am bells' Monday 20th October 2014

"COOOOO!"---"A'M OFF TO THE BENTON ALE HOOSE FOR A FEW
'LIQUID LUBRICATIONS' BEFORE FLYIN' TO DARSLEY PARK!"----
"SEE YOOO LATER CHICKEN!"--- COOOO!"

Wor U21 resorve game against Brighton due to be played @ 'Blue Flames' this afternoon haz now been switched to wor trainin' groond next door @ Darsley Park and there iz now NO ADMITTANCE to fans az it's bein' played behind closed doors!
So if yoo were planning on gannin---DIVVINT!

If we've said this once---we've said it a hundred times!----wot possible experience of crowds can the resorves gain by playin' in front of a few club officials, family members and scouts if they don't let the true fans in to watch!???

We have no choice (yet again!) but to send wor faithful carrier pigeon 'Percy' to fly ower the action and send us 'a birds eye view' match report of the game!

We expect to get the match report when he flies back to 'The Geordie Times' HQ late this afternoon and we will put it online sometime tomorrow!----watch this space az per usual!

THE TOON 1 THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '12:26pm bells' Sunday 19th October 2014



A bizzare afternoon started in 'The Newcastle Arms', when, just az we were aboot to leave for the '3 bells' kick off ,a Toon fan telt us that the match had been delayed az high winds had dislodged some bits from the new scoreboard that had just been erected in 'The Leazes End' corner next to the away fans!
"They arnt lettin' anybody in!", he said az he looked at his mobile!

"TOTAL CHAOS!"

We decided to heed up anyway, to see wot waz gannin on and utter chaos greeted us az we made wor way to The Milburn Stand concourse!
The whole place waz packed with fans unable to get in and more and more kept comin' up az kick off time approached!
Before lang yoo couldn't move az rumours circulated that the match might have to be caalled off az there waz a danger to spectators!
(It could anly happen to us!)


"WOTS GANNIN ON---LIKE!"


News then filtered through that the game WOULD be played with a '4 bells' kick off!  A lad from the London Branch of wor supporters club telt us that he waz booked on the '5:25 bells' train back doon to 'the smoke' and he would now have to miss the 2nd half to catch hiz train! <(just hiz luck!) <(and for many othaa az well 'in the same boat' of course!)

Anyway! we eventually got in through the crush and on forst inspection of the new scoreboard wor disappointment intensified!
It waz anly aboot a thord of the size we had been led to believe and looked absolutleee cr*p!,---and sommik yoo would buy from 'The Poond Shop'!---typical of NUFC theeeze days!

Az the game kicked off an hour late, (with ne apologies for the delay!) a fan behind me commented that hiz new plasma telly waz bigger than the new scoreboard! (judge for yourself---see below!)


"I'VE GOT A BIGGER TELLY IN MEE LIVIN' ROOM!"


A pretty awful game unfolded below us with both teams below par az the 1st half petered oot!

Cisse missed a glorious chance at the start of the 2nd half and with the goal at hiz mercy he hit the side nettin'!

However!---an unlikely hero emerged in the shape of 'The Angel Gabriel' (Obertan) when he jinked past 3 Leicester player to fire a great shot from just outside the box into the left hand corner of the net @ The Leazes End to put us in front! ---to huge roars from the 50,000 faithful!

'The Basil Brush Brigade' then brought on 2 forwards and this changed the game az they went for the jugular.

It waz thankfully to no avail and we held oot to win for the 1st time at home since last May and the relief on the players and fans faces telt it's own story---news that the SMBs had lost 8-0! at Sooothampton rounded off a perfect day! <(apart from the farcical delay that iz!)

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Dummett (Heidara 72), Steve Taylor, Coloccini, Anita (Perez 59), Colback, Obertan, Sissoko, Gouffran (Cabella 92), Cisse

Attendance: 51,866 (3,235 Basil Brushes!)
(Anly 'The Arse' had a bigger crowd in Britain!)

THE TOON v THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE *** THIS AFTERNOON!

Updated '11:22am bells' Saturday 18th October 2014

LET'S HOPE HE'S NOT LAUGHIN' @ '5 BELLS'!

We face 'The Foxes of Leicester' this afternoon @ St James' in wot now iz a 'must' 'must' win game!
Oot of the 134 teams in the Inglish and Scottish Leegues anly us and Bornley havvent won so far this season in the leegue!

A shockin' stat that needs to be addressed @ '3 bells' today against the newly promoted midlands ootfit!

Even wor legendry top goal scorer Alan Shearer haz spoken oot and he predicts a lang hard winter near the bottom of the leegue!

Less than a thoosand tickets remain on sale and wor visitors have taken up their full allocation of 3,250 tickets for level 7 of 'The Leazes End', meanin' that a crowd of at least 51,000 will be present!
Unbeleevable!, considerin' we havvent won since last May some five and a half months ago!

The 'Angel Gabriel' Obertan will start the game, which just aboot sums up wor predicament az he waz surplus to requirements not so lang ago!
Riviere iz a doubt which shud give a chance to Adam Armstrong?

Tim Krul, Paul Dummett and Janmatt have suffered injuries but shud make the startin' line up <(we shall see!)

With games comin' up against Sporz away and The Liverbirds at home we desperatleee need the 3 points to claw wor way up the table!

A full 'Geordie Times' match report and pix will appear here sometime on Sunday----az per usual---"watch this space!"

313 bigges main wallsend

(Ground number 313)
Date of First Visit: 14th October 2014
Bigges Main, Wallsend

Wallsend Boys Club Senior X1  1
Newcastle United U21s  7 (Barlaser <(not! Quinn!), Olley, Heardman (pen), Mystery Man? (3)!, og) 

Friendly fixture
Attendance: 240 (estimated by 'The Mad Professor'!)


"HAT-TRICK HERO!---WHO ARE YOO!???"

TOM HEARDMAN PENALTY! (THE TOON ARE IN GREY)

This game waz arranged by resorve/U21 team coach Peetaa Beardsley, az he of course started hiz playin' career at the famous Waallsend Boys Club!

We! (bein' me and 'Michael the Mag') met up in 'The Hotspor' before heedin' for the Monument Metro to Waallsend where we planned to de a 'pub crawl' before the game!
Thiz waz 'two' 'forsts' for me!---A'v nevaa ever had a drink in Waallsend before and have nevaa seen them play here before!

Beleeeve it or not?--- a'd actually booked a days holiday from work to see this one!---that's reet!---'A days holiday in Waallsend'! <("It doesn't get any sadder than this folks!") <(Does it!???)

Forst 'port o caall' waz 'The Anson', a bar on the High Street with a reputation, but on entry it seemed quiet enough, but of course this waz a Tuesday afternoon when 'the radgies' were probably still in bed recoverin' from the previous neets 'bender'!

Next up waz 'The Ship' just alang the road and on entry we got some strange stares from the locals, az though we'd 'invited' worsels into their hoose and sat in their favourite chairs!

Channel Four racin' waz on the telly and they were soon distracted from us as a race started!

It waz then onward to 'The Queens Heed' ower the street and finally (and appropriately!) 'The Last Orders', last, before heedin' for the groond some 15 minutes waalk away!

The usual 7 or 8 'saddos' were in attendance and stood near the halfway line opposite the main entrance!
It waz a '4:30 bells' kick off az Waallsend didn't have any floodlights and the groond waz simply a fenced off field with ne cover!

The home side made the better start and had two good chances before The Toon took control!

The sequence of goals waz az follows:
28th minute: Callum Roberts crosses for Dan Barlaser to fire home.
I made the fatal missteak of sayin' that I though the goalscorer waz Jonathyn Quinn and waz ridiculed mercesleee for the rest of the half for my 'dillibritt mistayk'! <(personally I blame the drink!)

34th minute: Callum Roberts again iz involved in the build up and the baall faalls nicely to Gregg Olley and he shoots from the edge of the box, givin' the home keeper ne chance! <(I kept my mouth shut this time in case I got it wrang!)

Half time score 2-0 to The Toon!

60th minute: Tom Heardman iz fouled in the box and takes the penalty himself to put us 3-0 up (see above foto!)

70th minute: The amateurs of Waallsend are tirin' by this time and we bring on a super sub with the number 17 on hiz back! No one knows who he iz but he scores with a fine effort!
(There were ne team sheets!, just a programme with the full squad!)
 
75th minute: An own goal puts us 5-0 up az the skies darken and the rain begins to fall!

83rd minute: 'Mystery Man' gets hiz 2nd from close range
 85th minute: 'MM'? completes hiz hat-trick with anothaa close range effort to put us 7-0 up!--By this time we were strugglin' to see in the dim light az the freezin' wind hit us straight in the face! <(winter iz here!)

89th minute: The Biggest 'cheer' of the afternoon comes when Waallsend finally score a consolation goal through a tap in!--final score 7-1 to The Toon!

'Holiday' ower!----We then heed back to The High Street and take in one more boozer (The Duke of York) before heedin' back to The Toon on the Metro and wor final 'port o caall' waz 'The Strawberry' before heedin' yem! ---- Anothaa groond chalked off the seemingleee nevaa endin' list!

"WE WAZ THERE!"

PS: Aa eventually foond oot that wor number 17 hat-trick hero 'Mystery Man' waz caalled Stefan Broccoli!

Waallsend pub crawl

WAALLSEND HIGH STREET *** "GET YOUR DOUBLE GLAZING HERE!"

    

  

WAALLSEND BOYS CLUB GADGIES v THE TOON U21s *** THIS AFTERNOON! *** "NEW GROOND! *** NEW GROOND!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 14th October 2014

This afternoon we face the mooth waaterin prospect of a visit to Waallsend, where wor U21s are takin' on the famous Boys Club senior side, who field a team in The Northern Alliance.

Wor U21s coach Peetaa Beardsley of course played for them in hiz younger days alang with many othaa famous players like Alan Shearer and 'Broken Nose Bruce'!

This new groond will be an unprecedented thord this month followin' wor visits to Heaton Stannington and Man City 's Academy! (can't ever remember visitin' THREE new groonds in the month of October!?)

We will be heedin' for the Waallsend High Street boozers, where again a'v nevaa ever had a drink in, but av hord that a couple of them are reet dives and they divvint take kindly to strangers invadin' their toon! <(must be sommik to de with 'Hadrian'???)

The game kicks off @ '4:30 bells' @ the Boys Club's Bigges Main groond which av been telt isn't tooo far from the Metro station!

Admission iz £3 and U16s are FREE! 

A match report and pix will appear here later on sometime!