THE TOON v MOYZEEZ MANC MUPPETS *** TOMORROW AFTERNOON!

Posted '1:52pm bells' Friday 4th April 2014

THE TOON PLAYERS CELEBRATE WOR FAMOUS 1-0  VICTORY
IN FRONT OF THE JUBULANT TOON FANS  
@ 'THE THEATRE OF MUPPETS' ORLIER THIS SEASON!

"83 YEARS OF HURT!"

Next up iz a game against Moyzeez Muppets @ St James' tomoorow afternoon with a very unusual '3 bells' kick off time!
Unusual because we are normally on the telly when we play them, but we are not complainin'!

Again top scorer Loic Remy will be missin' from wor line up which iz very bad news az we carnt seem to score withoot him!
Krul, Debuchy and 'The Sissoko Kid' are aalso missin', so it's just az well we have enough points on board in the safety zone!

We can anly hope that we divvint put in anothaa dismal performance like last weeks surrender @ St Mary's in Sooothampton---but this iz NUFC of course and anything can happen!---especially az Moyzee 'The Chosen One' isn't exactly flavour of the month in London/Dublin/Cardiff/and in the skies ower 'The Theatre of Muppets'!!!

We are lookin' for wor forst double ower Man U since 1930-1931! WHEN we won by the incredible score of 7-4 @ Old Trafford in front of---wait for it!---just 7,000 spectators on September 13th 1930!
For the record, Cape got a hat-trick and Starling scored 2 with wor othaa goals comin' from Lindsey and J.R. Richardson! <(remember him???)

The retorn game @ St James' waz played in front of a 20,000 crowd when we won 4-3 with Bedford (2), Boyd, Hutchinson and an own goal, givin' us wor last double ower them on January 17th 1931! ---for an ELEVEN-SEVEN aggregate score, ower the two games, ne less!

A full match report will of course appear here sometime on Sunday---"See yoo then!"

"JAWMANY CALLING!" **** "NEW GROOND! *** NEW GROOND! *** NEW GROOND!"

Updated '2:00pm bells' Thorsday 3rd April 2014

"ATTENTION AALL NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!"

'The Toon' have annoonced two pre-season friendlies in Jawmany on the weekend of 2nd and 3rd of August in a fower team tournament, aalso involvin' Schalke 04 of Jawmany, Malaga of Spain and one other unnamed team!
The city of Gelsenkirchen will host the games in the 'Veltins Arena' which iz the home of Schalke 04!
Opened in 2001 the magnificent stadium haz a retractable roof and can hold 62,000 and waz host to the 2004 Champions Leegue final, az well az 5 matches in the 2006 World Cup finals (includin' England's defeat by Portugal on penalties!)

NOTE THE STANDIN' TERRACES!

Details are eagerly awaited on tickets etc. and we will bring yoo forthaa news az we find oot!


  

USA *** TWENTY THOOOSAND THANKYOOOZ!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 3rd April 2014

"TOON! *** TOON! *** BLACK AND WHITE ARMY!"

Today wor great friends from across the pond recorded their 20,000th hit on 'The Geordie Times' website!
A MAGnificent achievement considerin' that wor American cousins are NOT supposed to be that interested in the 'big roond baall game'!
Az per usual the celebrations have started in New York City and we again thank each and every one of yoo for loggin' in to this daft blog!

Countries with ower 1,000 pageviews:

UK***53,535
USA***20,004
UKRAINE***6,036
(Mee old) CHINA***3,213
JAWMANY***2,071
RUSSIA***1,237
THE GUINNESS REPUBLIC***1,086

Wor total owerseas 'hits' now stands at a fantastic 52,257 (149 countries, territories and the planet MARS!)

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"

THANK YOO AALL FOR LOGGIN' IN!

SOOOTHAMPTON MATCH PIX AT LAST!

Posted '1:17pm bells' Monday 31st March 2014

At last! and two days late (az usual!) 'The Geordie Times' brings yoo---wor loyal reeeders some match and 'liquid lubrication location' pix from Saturday!


"EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY!"
(WE WERE 3-0 DOON AT THIS POINT!)
 

A'v worked oot (or at least Julie did!) how to doonload photos from mee new *'tellin bone' <(see match report article below!)

THE TOON (IN BRAZIL YELLOW)
ATTACK THE SOOOTHAMPTON GOAL
(VIEW FROM ROW 'Q' SEAT 1178)

SOOOTHAMPTON 4 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2013-2014

Posted '10:50pm bells' Sunday 30th March 2014

(Match pix to follow here!---when aa can work oot just how to doonload them from mee new 'telling bone'!??????)

*"THE WONDERS OF MODERN TECHNOLOGY!---HELP!"

Forst of aall--apologeeeez for not updatin' this site until now!---there are FOWER reasons for this!
ONE!: A'd had ne kip for ower a day! (see article below!)
TWO!: The train didn't get back to The Toon til nearly '1 bells' in the mornin' !
THREE!: The clocks went forward and so aa missed a valuable hours drinkin' time on Sunday!
FOWER!: Aa had an urgent appointment with a pint of John Smith's extra cold in 'The Hotspor' on Sunday afternoon!

"ITS' NOT! LIKE WATCHIN' BRAZIL!"

An absolutleee disastrous performance waz meted oot to the lang sufferin' lang distance travellin' faithful, on a glorious sunny day doon the sooth coast!--but it wasn't the 'faithful who got 'tanned' but the the team on the pitch wearin' their 'lucky'??? Brazil away kit!

Kickin' towards the far goal from us in the forst half we had to suffer wave after wave of attacks on the goal in front of us az Sooothampton bombarded wor defence!
FOWER times they hit the side nettin' with the home fans convinced that the shots had gone in--and FOWER times the Toon fans scoffed at them with ironic cheers!

However! wor cheers soon torned into groans az the home side eventually made the inevitable breakthrough just before half time when Rodrigues netted for 'The Simon Templar Mob'!

It soon got worse in the 2nd period when in the 50th minute Llallana crossed for Lambert to fire the baall into the roof of the net!
It got much worse just a minute later when Lallana slammed an unstoppable shot into the goal with sub goalie Rob Elliot helpless to stop it!

There was 'ne way back' for NUFC, especially az wee hadn't had a shot on target up until this point and the 'Simon Templar Mob' rubbed it in with chants of "Inger-land--Ingerland!--Ingerland!" in response to the fact that THREE Englishmen had scored against us! <(When?--waz the last time that that happened!???)

Super sub striker??? De Jong then missed a very simple chance to open hiz Toon goalscorin' account in the 80th minute, but he somehow??? managed to 'baallz it up aaltogether' and 'missed' the baall in front of goal! <(a goal which your great grate grandma could have scored!)

Wor misery waz completed in the 89th minute when Rodgues doubled hiz tally to send us onward, homeward, for the 'hazardous' jorney yem, havin' just witnessed wor very worst performance of the season! <(the retorn jorney included--a replacement bus!---a packed train back to London!---a 'sardined' tube ride back ti King's Cross!---and a torturous FOWER hour jorney back to 'The Toon', havin' been stuck needlessleee in Northallerton Station for ower half an hour!) <(with grovellin' apologeez for the delay blasted from the train tannoy every few minutes, az aa tried in vain to get some 'shuteye'!)

It's great to be a Toon fan!

Toon team: Elliot, Yanga (Santon 46), Williamson, Coloccini, Haidera, Anita, Sissoko (Dummett 78), Ben Arfa (De Jong 46), Gouffran, Cisse

Attendance: 31,360 (2,187 very disalloooshand and thoroughly 'p*ssed off' Toon fans!)

*Catweasle explanation for wor younger reeeders!: The top photo iz of 'Catweasle', a TV programme from the 1970's.
'Catweasle waz transported from the middle ages to the present day in a time machine and had obviously never seen a telephone before. When it rang and he answered it, he caalled it 'a telling bone' az it spoke to him! <(so nuw yi naa wot a 'tellin bone' iz!      

SOOOTHAMPTON v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '1:00pm bells' Friday 28th March 2014

"A THOOSAND MILES FOR ONE OF YOUR SMILES!"

We make wor 2nd langest jorney of the season tomorrow, when we travel by 'choo choo train'(s) to deepest Hampshire via London, for a Premyaa Leegue fixture @ St Mary's (Swanzee iz forthaa!)

We depart from 'The Central' @ '6 bells' and shud be there by dinnaatime to catch the '2nd wave' of 'gargling' time! (the 1st 'wave' iz before '11 bells'---like!)

A'v got to de a neetshift truck run to Halesowen yet again toneet ('run 159' since last Joon!) and shud complete the 450 mile roond trip by '4 am bells' in the mornin'---just enough time to gan yem and get changed/showered/fed, before grabbin' a few cans and heedin' for the train station!
Then it's a 650 mile roond trip to Sooothampton makin' mee total jorney time just to see the match of 1,100 miles!

Aa could of course eethaa miss the match' (an unfinkable non starter of course!) OR skip work toneet (so aa could get some kip!), but az they naa where am gannin in the mornin', they would, ne doubt, put 'two and two together' and mee cards would be on the office table on Monday mornin'!

And so aa'll have to try and catch a few hours 'shuteye' on the way doon in coach 'F' to 'recharge mee batteries' before gannin' on the hoy doon there! <(the things yi de to follow The Toon!)

Not sure of wor team line up yet?, but worryingly, top goalscorer Loic Remy iz unlikely to be in the startin' 11 again, due to injury!
aalso missin' will be goalie Tim Krul who picked up a knee injury against Everton on Tuesday and Debuchy iz aalso still crocked!

A full match report will follow sometime on Sunday (when aa wake up!)---"ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!"

Meeenwhile---below are two match reports from 'The Geordie Times' archive---one iz from mee forst visit to the now lang gone 'Dell' way back in the 1968-1969 season when aa waz still at school and the othaa from 1984-1985

THE TOON U21s 1 MOYZEEZ MANC MUPPETS U21s 0 *** FA PREMYAA RESORVE LEEGUE

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 27th March 2014

"QUALITY STREETE!"

Last neet @ Benton wor resorves defeated The Manc Muppets 1-0 in front of a huge 266 crowd in the wind and rain!

Remie Streete scored the anly goal of the game in the 49th minute when Alex Gilliead gave him a through baall. 
Streete then raced forward and side footed the baall past Amos in The Muppets goal az the wind howled around the exposed pitch!

THE TOON U21s v MOYZEEZ MANC MUPPETS U21s **** RESORVE LEEGUE ***TOONEET!

Posted '2:37pm bells' Wednesday 26th March 2014

In a re-arranged fixture wor U21s are in action @ 'Blue Flames' tooneet against 'Moyzeez' boys U21s
Admission iz FREE to season ticket holders and members!

But be warned!---take your windcheeeter jacket and 'firm hold Harmony hairspray' with yoo (that's if yoo have any hair left!?)  az it iz forecast to blow a gale aall neet!

THE TOON 0 THE TOFFEE NOSES 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2013-2014

Posted '9:55am bells' Wednesday 26th March 2014

Yet anothaa 'Mr Hyde' performance from us this season (wor umpteenth!) saw us crash 3-0 to European contenders Everton @ St James' Park last neet.
However! it could have been 'oh so different' if De Jong, Cisse and Gouffran hadn't missed good chances orly on @ The Leazes End! (an 'end' where were haven't scored a solitary Premyaa goal this year!)

They DIDN'T score of course and 'The Toffee Noses' took advantage az they pounded wor goal @ The Gallowgate End with a procession of corners!

They made the breakthrough when one of WOR corners 'went astray' and foond Everton's Ross Barkley in mid-field and he evaded several attempts to stop him by firing a shot past Tim Krul to put them 1-0 up at the mid-point of the half!

That's the way it stayed til the interval, but it didn't tek the visitors lang to double their lead when Lukaku hits home from 3 yards oot in front of their 2,000 or so travellin' faithful, high up in 'level 7' of 'The Leazes'!

Wor inability to finish waz evident az De Jong and Cisse struggled up front and the inevitable  thord goal came in the 'dyin embers' of the 90 minutes when Osman rifled the baall into the net az the groond emptied faster than pullin' a plug from a bath full of dorty waataa!

Shola then came on with TEN SECONDS to gan!? ---WOT! waz the point in that???
Honestly! there wernt 20,000 Toon fans left inside az the ref ended wor misery and we slunked off to 'The Newcastle Arms' to drown wor sorrows! ("ER!"---for the umpteenth time this season!)

Toon team: Krul, Yanga (Marveaux 74), Williamson, Coloccini, Sissoko, Dummett, Anita, Tiote, Gouffran (Shola Ameobi 91?), De Jong (Ben Arfa 57), Cisse

Attendance: 47, 622 (2,000 plus 'Toffee Noses')  

THE TOON v THE TOFFEE NOSES *** TOOONEET!

Posted '12:10pm bells' Tuesday 25th March 2014


ACTION FROM WOR GAME @ GOODISON PARK ORLIER THIS SEASON
(THE TOON LOST 3-2!)

"IT NEVAA RAINS IT POURS!"

Not havin' had a home game for a month we now play wor second home game in three days when 'The Toffee Noses' of Everton visit SJP toneet in a re-arranged Premyaa Leegue game!
(KO '7:45 bells')

We can anly hope that we divvint put in a disastrous forst half performance like we did at Goodison orlier in the season, when we foond worsels three doon at the interval, when it could easily have been double that---such waz wor inept performance that Monday neet! (we came back in the 2nd half to reduce the deficit to 3-2!)

Again!--top goalscorer Loic Remy will be missin' through injury (az will Debuchy and Santon) and we can anly hope that wor othaa striker Pappis Cisse's confidence haz returned after hiz dramatic 93rd minute winner against Palace on Saturday ---hiz FORST goal in open play this season! (he scored a penalty against Stoke on Boxin' Day az well!)

The reason we are playin' on a Tuesday neet and not a Wednesday (az iz tradition on Tyneside) iz because wor (still!) banned manager requested this day, for reason unknown to man nor beast!? (ne live telly!)

'The Geordie Times' will of course bring yoo a compreeeehensive match report sometime tomorrow---watch this space az per usual!