THE TOON v SC BRAGA ***TOMORROW EVENIN'!

Posted '2:55pm bells' Friday 9th August 2013

Tomorrow we play wor one and anly home pre season friendly against SC Braga of Portugal in a '6 bells' evenin' kick off @ St James' Park

We expect, because of the Saturday evenin' kick off time, that anly around 10,000 will be there, az of course we will have ne new signings on show, az wor anly (loan!) signin' to date, Loic Remy, iz carryin' a calf injury and will not feature in the game!

The kick off time will not suit many fans and they will give the game 'a miss' and 'gan on the hoy', but in my case it works oot nicely, az av been invited to a weddin' on Saturday mornin', which gives me plenty of time to make the start!

Fans can pay at the gate at both The Leazes and Gallowgate End's

A full match report will follow sometime on Sunday!

LEAGUE CUP DRAW*** IT'S MORECAMBE AWAY! ***NEW GROOND! ***NEW GROOND!

Posted '1:35pm bells' Thorsday 8th August 2013


"NO!***NOT THAT MORECAMBE!"

The Leegue Cup draw haz paired us with Morcambe away and the tie will take place in the week commencin' 26th August.

We have been to Morcambe before to watch The Toon, beleeeve it or not? when wor resorves played Blackborn resorves at Cristie Park a few years back.
HOWEVER! Morecambe have since moved to pastures new at The Globe Arena which we have NEVA been te before!


"AYE!***THAT ONE!"


More to follow on aall this much later!

THE BILLY BOYS 1 THE GEORDIE BLUE SOX? 1 ***THE GRAND TOUR OF SCOTLAND 2013 (PART FOWER)

Posted '12:20pm bells' Wednesday 7th July 2013

For the fourth time in az many weeks we crossed 'Hadrians breeze blocks' and heeded ower the England/Scotland border, this time for west Glasgow!

Yet again 'super sub Shola' saved the day for 'The Toon' who sported their usual black n white shirts and black shorts, but strangely wore aall blue socks? against "The Billy Boys of Glasgey"

Aroond aboot 1,500 Toon fans filled 'The Govan Stand Corner' bit, with wot looked like 30,000 or so Rangers fans in the rest of the groond.

The Scottish 2nd Division side (just renamed Division 1?) took the lead in the 5th minute when a very dodgy penalty waz awarded against 'Fab' Coloccini who waz adjudged to have upended Nicky Clark in the box and Lee McCulloch stepped up to take it, beatin' Tim Krul in the Toon goal!

'The Toon', with a full strength team pressed for the equaliser at 'The Copeland Road End', but were unable to break doon the home sides defence and we went in 'one doon' at the interval.

The 2nd half waz dire from wor point of view with 'The Billy Boys' gannin close on several occasions to double their lead.
It wasn't until the desperate introduction of Shola Ameobi in the 73rd minute , replacin' an ineffective Cisse that things changed.

Aall of a sudden a string of corners came wor way and then deep into injury time with the Rangers fans singin': "Premier League---your havin' a laff!", up stepped 'wor saviour' for the fourth time in pre season to stab the baall home from a through pass from hiz bruvva Sammy (who waz anothaa 'super sub'!) to save wor blushes! < (and silence 'The Billy Boys'!)

Most worryin' of aall waz the fact that (az mentioned) we had a full strength team at the start, while lowly Rangers had several trialists in their side!
'The Grand Tour of Scotland' waz ower---for this season at least!

Anothaa lang hard season looks on the cards for certain! < ("Pass the heedache tablets, pleeeze!")

Toon team: Krul (Elliot 46), Santon (Dummett 63), Coloccini (Yanga 73), Steve Taylor , Sissoko (Marveaux 63), Tiote (Anita 73), Gutierrez (Sammy Ameobi 80), Cabaye (Gosling 80), Cisse (Shola Ameobi 73), Ben Arfa (Gouffran 46)

Attendance: 30,000 plus (1,500 Toon fans)

"THE PRE MATCH 'GARGELS' BAR!"
 (A 'CELTIC BAR' NOT FAR FROM IBROX,
WHICH WAZ THREE QWAATAAZ EMPTY!)

  

REMY SIGNS!*** ON LOAN!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 6th July 2013

News that striker Loic Remy haz signed for us in a loan deal from QPR haz brought mixed reaction from the Toon faithful.

Remy of course backed oot of a deal to join us in January at the very last second, preferrin' 'double your money' instead with 'appy 'arry's rag and bone mob!

He iz on a gang rape charge next month and so this loan deal could be one of the shortest on record, dependin' on the outcome of the court case!?

And wor opinion @ 'The Geordie Times'?----It reeely iz desperate times @ 'penny pinchin' NUFC!

THE GRAND TOUR OF SCOTLAND (PART FOWER) ***THE BILLY BOYS v THE TOON ***TOONEET!

Updated '12:05pm bells' Tuesday 6th July 2013

Tooneet we heed back ower Hadrians Waall for the fourth time in a month, this time to face Glasgow Strangers @ Ibrox Park in a '7:45 bells' kick off!
The Toon have sold wor entire allocation of just 1,000 tickets (we could have had 2,000!) and we will be in wor 'usual' corner section of the groond!

No tickets will be on sale to Toon fans on the day of the match but home fans can pay on the night!
SO!---if yi want to get in, put your best 'Billy Connelly' 'jock accent on' and divvint wear any black n white colours!

We'll be heedin' up around aboot the 1:30pm bells' mark and shud arrive at 'The Wee Rangers Club' not far from Ibrox at aboot '4:30-5:00 bells'!

A full match and trip report to follow much later az per usual

"LETS US HOPE***THAT THIS IS NE JoeK!"

Updated '12:25pm bells' Sunday 4th August 2013



"SOME NEW 'SIGNINGS' AT LAST!?"---"HIC!"


The rumours dein the roonds at the minute include one that 'JoeKanory' iz to be sacked by NUFC after just eight weeks in the job of 'Director of Fools'!

Eight weeks to sign players of which TWO were spent on a holiday in Italy and of course NE signins to date despite him tellin' us that we would have a team fit for 'The Champions Leegue' by the start of the season! <("Joekanory!---Joekanory!---Joekanory!") 

Rumour haz it that he arranged to meet Villa's Darren Bent aboot signin' for us. Bent duly torned up with hiz agent and 'JoeKanory' torned up DRUNK!

Bent waalked oot in disgust and anothaa striker waz lost!
Apparentleee, this wasn't the forst time that JoeK had torned up for an interview in a comatosed state and we have hord that NUFC are on the brink of losin' their patience with him and are to 'give him the bullet'!
Lets hope (and pray!) that THIS iz NE 'JoeK'!

PS: Accordin' to todays Sundih Sun, 'JoeK' iz watchin' a CRICKET MATCH! this afternoon in Norf Landan < (where else!?) and iz YET to see the forst team in action, to see where we need strenthenin' (That's the NUFC forst team and NOT the Norf Landan cricket team, by the way!)
Perhaps he haz got a spin bowler lined up for us?---that would be interestin'---wouldn't it? 

"THE TOON'S NEW CENTRE FORWARD---PERHAPS!?"

HEEDBANGERS 1 TOON X1 2

Posted '11:05pm bells' Saturday 3rd August 2013

"A SOUPER SHOW BY CAMPBELL!"

Adam Campbell scored twice to secure a narrow win ower Gatesheed in the 2013 Tyne Bridge Derby last neet!
Hiz forst came in the 20th minute when a Connor Newton back heel foond Campbell, who duly rifled the baall into The Heed net!

'The Heedbangers' equalised at the mid-point of the 2nd half  when Marcus Maddison stuck a fine effort from 20 yards oot! (The same 'Maddison' who had scord in the same fixture for US last season!)

Then!---with barely 7 minutes left on the clock, Harris Vuckic foond Campbell in the box and he gleefully dispatched the baall past former Toon keeper, 'one' Adam Bartlett to score hiz 2nd goal of the game!

That's the way it stayed and to be honest it waz a lucky win indeed for us @ The International Stadium!

Attendance: 1,274 (includin' several 'numbskulls' in Toon garb settin' off flares and fireworks!)

THE TYNE BRIDGE DERBY ***THE HEEDBANGERS v TOON X1 ***TOONEET!

Posted '12:30pm bells' Friday 2nd August 2013

Tooneet The Toon are sendin' a mainly resorve/junior squad ' 'ower the waataa' to play The Heedbangers of Gatesheed @ The International Stadium in a '7:30 bells' start!

Wor prediction that we would send a strong squad because of forst team *inactivity ower the weekend haz not *materialised! <(*we naa aall the big words!)

The Toon 19 man squad iz: Mitchell, Alnwick, Booth, Satka, Good, Logan, Newton, Williamson, Streete, Smith, Sterry, Keman, Vuckic, Campbell, Aarons, Aird, Amalfitano, Herdman, Quinn

Admission iz a tenner for grown ups, a fiver for zimmerframites and two quid for sprogs under 16

Because of wor team line up, many fans will 'give it a miss' and we predict a low attendance of around aboot 700 to 800

Match report to follow tomorrow sometime!

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS NEWS ***"GANNIN FOR A BURTON!"

Posted '2:10pm bells' Thorsday 1st August 2013


"NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS***GANNIN FOR A BURTON!"

There iz yet more 'joyous news' for 'the mad-sad groundhoppers' az 'The Hazbeens and Villians' of Bormingham have announced that wor U21 away Resorve fixture will be played @ The Pirelli Stadium, Burton on Monday November 4th and NOT Villa Park az waz previously thought!

Sadly!---this iz the anly fixture in the FA Premier U21s Leegue that we naa of, that will be played on a groond we havvent previousleee visited!

We will of course inform yoo, wor loyal reeders straight away! if anymore games at this level are to be played on a new groond!

Watch this space!

GROUND NUMBER 303 ***ST MIRREN PARK, PAISLEY ***ST MIRREN 0 THE TOON 2 ***THE GRAND TOUR OF SCOTLAND 2013 (PART THREE!)

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 31st July 2013

"THE BATTLE OF THE ALAMO!"

Mee day didn't start off well az a'd injured mee foot openin' a gate, to get mee lorry through it @ '4 bells' in the mornin', after de'in a neetshift run to Halesowen (Birmingham) from the Team Valley (Gatesheed) and back.

By the time 'Big Al' had picked me up @ '2 bells' in the afternoon to gan to St Mirren, mee foot waz 'up like a puddin'!  
But 'duty caalled' az this groond waz a one aa HAD to de az a'd never been there before!

'Al' had been here before to watch a Scottish Leegue encoontaa and he parked hiz 'jam jar' aboot a hundred yards from the main stand's entrance meenin' aa didn't have far to waalk after the game!
He knew a good boozer az well and so 'off we set' doon this road away from the groond.
After an agonizin twenty minutes aa limped into the boozer caalled 'The Alamo', where the waalls were adorned with pictures from 'the wild west', complete with bull horns, tomahawks, cowboy hats and red Indians in their heedgear!

The locals were very friendly and thankfully welcomed us with open arms and NOT the tomahawks on the waall!
Mee foot waz achin' like mad after the torturous trek and aa 'mordered' the forst 'gargel' which went straight doon mee 'Gregory Peck' < (to help ease the pain, yoo understand!)

After several pints of Belhaven Best' it waz time for the dreaded 'battle' to 'limp' to the groond from 'The Alamo'! 
'Sarnie Steve' accompanied me there and after wot seemed like 'six hours' we finally arrived at the tornstiles where we had purchased tickets for the main stand and not the away end, (just for a change!) Mee foot (and lower leg!) waz up like 'a balloon' by this time and aa plonked meesel into mee seat wonderin' just why a'd put meesel through aall this grief just for a friendly match! < (A'm NOT caalled 'The mad-sad groundhopper' for nothin'!)

Anyway!---the match kicked off with The Toon wearin' wor new 'dark blue number' az wor home strip obviously clashed with St Mirrens 'black n white stripes'!

We took the lead in the 20th minute when Papiss Cisse (wearin the new Wonga logo!) took a pass from Sammy Ameobi on the left to expertly place hiz shot past the St Mirren keeper to put us one-nil up, to very generous applause form the home fans! 
Just six minutes later wor lead waz doubled when Debuchy met a Vernon Anita through baall to calmly place hiz shot beyond their keeper! (the full backs forst goal for the club!)

The Toon were 'on fire' at this point (just like mee foot!) and we were unlucky not to add to the score before the break and we went in 'two to the good'!

The 2nd half wasn't half az good az the forst and the game petered oot. The attendance waz given oot ower the loudhailer and the gadgie telt us that there were 709 Toon fans in the visitors end behind the far goal to wor reet. This again brought generous applause from the 'St Mirren faithful', which aa thought waz a very nice gesture!
At the end of match aa shook hands with one of their fans who waz behind me and he wished us good luck for the new season!
Who says the jocks hate the English?

There's one thing for certain, I really hope that they survive in the Scottish Premyaa this season. And az they play in the famed stripes like us, St Mirren will be 'adopted' az mee team north of the border for the forthcomin' season!  (Quality fans and the best a'v come across for a very lang time!)

It waz then the '*lambastable limp' back to the jam jar for the three hour jorney back yem!
(*Aa havvent got a clue wot 'lambastible' meenz, but it soonds good!)
Once in the hoose aa got an 'ice-pack' oot the freezer to put on mee swollen foot and lower leg to try and tek the swellin' doon a bit! < ("Oh! the 'joys'? of followin' NUFC!") 

Toon team: Elliot (Alnwick 65),  Debuchy (Santon 46), Dummett, Anita, Coloccini (Streete 81), Yanga (Williamson 81), Tiote (Newton 75), Gosling (Gouffran 65), Cisse (Campbell 65), Ben Arfa (Vuckic 65, Sammy Ameobi

Attendance: 4,216 (709 Toon fans in the North Stand plus anothaa 100 or so like us dotted around the rest of the groond!)



pix from mine and 'mal the iglish skool teechaa'z phones