'APPY 'ARRY'S RAG & BONE MEN RANGERS 1 THE TOON 2 ***"FROM 'THE ABYSS' TO 'BLISS'!"

Updated '11:25am bells' Monday 13th May 2013



BEN ARFA PENALTY @ 'THE LOFT END'
(THE TOON ARE IN 'HI VIZ' YELLOW)



WE'VE DONE IT!----we've avoided the 'abyss' of the Championship with this 'scrappy' but 'must win' game in Shepherd's Bush yesterday afternoon and have climbed to a 'nose bleedin' 13th in the Premyaa Leegue table with just one game to gan against 'The Arse' @ St James' next Sunday, in the final game of the season!

The pre match 'gargels' took place aroond the King's Cross area in 'The Dolphin' and 'McGlynn's Bar', before heedin' nearer to the groond where several 'liquids' were partaken in 'The Thatched Hoose' boozer which iz a 20 minute waalk from Loftus Road!

And then to the match!---wor most important game for 'many a year' and one we had to win to avoid a last day nail-biter!

It didn't start off well, az a dodgy lookin' penalty decision waz awarded against us in the 10th minute when Debuchy waz ajudged to have fouled Junior Hoillet inside the box!<(it looked 'ootside' from where wew were?)

Remy, of aall players tucked the baall to Elliot's right to give the home side an undeserved lead!

It didn't last lang though, and in a 'tit for tat' move, the ref gave US a penalty at the othaa end, for a shirt pull on Ben Arfa and wor number 10 smashed the baall into the top right hand side of the goal to level things!

Then!---the moment of the game came and wor 'life saver' when QPR defender Bosingwa tried a back pass, which Ben Arfa intecepted befor their goalie and the baall spun nicely to Gouffran who had the simple task of sidefootin' the baall into the net from 30 yards oot!
This sent the 1,608 Toon fans ballistic in 'The School End' and that's the way it stayed til the break!
2-1 would be enough to ensure wor survival and the 2nd half waz a game of 'beat the clock' az the minutes ticked doon.

THE TOON ARE ABOOT TO TAKE A FREE KICK
INSIDE THE QPR BOX! (it waz blocked!)
('View'? from row 'E' in The School End Upper Tier!) 

Toon goalie Rob Elliot waz needlessleee booked when he kicked the baall away and this waz to prove desisive az with just 9 minutes left on the clock he again 'needlessleee' handled ootside hiz area and waz sent off for a 2nd bookable offence!
Veteran Steve Harper replaced him to huge roars from the Toon fans and a norve janglin last few minutes waz endured before the ref put us oot of 'heart attack mode' and blew for full time!
WE WERE SAFE!

After the match it waz back to KX for some celebratory drinks before catchin' the '8 bells' (dry!) train back to Tyneside!

Toon team: Elliot, Debuchy, Williamson, Coloccini, Yanga, Tiote (Perch 52), Cabaye, Gutierrez, Ben Arfa (Harper 81), Cisse, Gouffran (Obertan 77), Cisse

Attendance:17,278 (1,608 Toon fans) <(plus many more in home sections!)

WOT THE PAPERS SAY! (the front and back pages of 'The Ronny Gill')

'APPY 'ARRY'S RAG & BONE MEN RANGERS v THE TOON ***TOODAY @ '3 BELLS'!

Posted '7:00am bells' Sunday 12th May 2013


WELCOME TO 'SUNDAY SCHOOL'!


Wor day of destiny iz upon us followin' 'The Hazbeens and Villians' dramatic 2-1 defeat at the hands of 'The Chelski OAPs, yesterday!
Az mentioned yesterday---make NE MISTAKE!---THIS! iz wor biggest game for 'many a year', az we fight to avoid 'the abyss'!

Because Villa have to play FA Cup winners? 'The Blue Wigs' next Sunday, it means that in the unlikeleee event of an away win for us this afternoon, we will be safe, with one week to gan before the end of the season!

We will have the backin' of 1,600 fans in 'The Shool End Upper Tier' with many more infultratin' the home sections to roar us on to victory?
Anything less and we will be sweatin' on 'The Arse' beatin' Wigan this comin' Tuesday @ 'The Em'!

Who would ever have thought that Wigan could beat Man C???---we can't take ANYTHING for granted!----wor destiny iz in wor OWN HANDS! <(and nebody elses!)

In less than an hours time, we are on the '7:55 bells' train to wor fave London destination of King's Cross, with plenty of 'liquid refreshment' to keep us gannin'!
Lets hope (and pray!) that we will be crackin' open a few cans in celebration on the way back az well!?

Full match and drink report to follow sometime tomorrow! < (hopefully a 'happy one'!?)

'APPY 'ARRY'S RAG & BONE MEN v THE TOON ***TOMORROW!

Updated '2:45pm bells' Saturday 11th May 2013

"BACK TO 'SUNDAY SCHOOL'!"

Make ne mistake, tomorrow iz the biggest game in The Toon's history for many a year and don't we naa it!

A'm writin' this az Villa have just at this very moment, LOST 2-1 ! against Chelski and the win for the 'Kings Road Mob' iz a brilliant result for us, az that ultimately now means that a Toon victory tomorrow afternoon in Shepherd's Bush, will banish aall fears of 'the abyss'!

Of course!---az we have anly won a shockin' TWO oot of TWENTY SEVEN away games in domestic competition and Europe, a win would be an unlikely bonus, be it against the worst team in 'The Premyaa'!

Any othaa result tomorrow would mean that we will gan into the last week of the season not knaain wor fate!

Yet again aall the taalk in the local 'rag' iz aboot how the players are "up for it!" <("it's like a broken record!"---"it's like a broken record!"---"it's like---!")
Wor beleagered manager, on the othaa hand, haz admitted that he iz a failure this season and haz aalso pointed the finger at 'The Fat Controller' for not supplyin' him with transfer funds last summer!
(Mee finx that THAT iz the 'death knell' for him, no matter wot wor fate iz!)



GEORDIE TIMES VIDIPRINTAA
(az it happened!)

Latest from Villa Park: half time: 1-0 to the home side! "AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!"
Both teams doon to 10 men!
One hour and three minutes played: Chelski Equaliser: 1-1 ! "HHHHOOORRRAAAYYY!!!"
GOAL!: Lampard scores hiz record 203rd goal for Chelski in the last minute to win the game! "GGGEEERRRIIINNN!!!"

A WACKY WEEKEND! of 'IFs' and 'BUTs'!

Posted '6:50pm bells' Friday 10th May 2013

The penultimate 'wacky weekend' of the season iz aalmost upon us and aall Geordie eyes will be on the 'Hazbeens and Villians' v The Chelski Pensioners' game tomorrow dinnertime @ Villa Park!

Shud the visitors win, then that will meeen that IF WE can (somehow?) win just wor 2nd away leegue game of the season on Sunday in Shepherd's Bush, WE will definatleee avoid 'the abyss'!

This iz because 'The Villa' must play 'The Blue Wigs' on the final day of the season, meanin' that anly one of them can gain max points and climb above us!
A draw aalso means that we will be safe az well!

Of course this iz aall 'IFs' and 'BUTs' and shud we fail to win, then it could aall gan doon to wor final game against 'The Arse' a week on Sunday @ St James'!<(lets hope and pray it DOESN'T come to this!)

Wor game @ QPR iz a selloot to Toon fans, but NOT to home fans and many Geordies have been joinin' their membership scheme to get a precious ticket in the home sections!
(SO!  it shud be 'fun and games' in more sense than one on Sunday!)

NEW ZEALAND QUIZ ANSWER!

Posted '3:55pm bells' Friday 10th May 2013

A week ago we asked yoo wot waz significent aboot wor friendy game against the New Zealand national team in 1984?

We asked yoo wot the attendance waz that day and gave yoo three options: waz it!***3,486,  13,486 or 23,486

The answer IZ!----the 'crowd' waz 3,486 <(includin' little ol' me!) and iz the lowest post war crowd to witness a Toon forst team game @ St James' Park!

Kenny Wharton, Chris Waddle and Pat Heard were wor goal scorers in the 3-0 win!

QPR ARCHIVE GROOND REPORT FROM 1968 BELOW!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 9th May 2013

In the run up to wor crucial game in Shepherd's Bush this comin' Sunday, 'The Geordie Time Machine' takes yoo back 45 years to wor forst ever visit to 'Steptoeland' in December 1968 when we drew 1-1 with QPR in this archive 'Christmas cracker'. (see below!)

IZ it reeely THAT lang ago??? ("now where did aa park mee 'time machine'???")

THE GEORDIE TIMES 'ALEXA WORLD TRAFFIC RANK' 08/05/2013*****12,730,932

SWAN SONG!

Posted '11:35pm bells' Tuesday 7th May 2013

"A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A TOON FAN!"

A tense 90 minutes waz had @ the Dunston 'Bad Blue Boys' v Team Northumbria, Northern Leegue game toneet, az most of the crowd of 150 (or so) 'crowded roond' their 'mobiles' for any news of Wigan's fate against Swanzee which waz bein' played at the same time! 

If Wigan won, then 'The Toon' would be in the bottom 3, come wor vital game against QPR in Shepherd's Bush on Sunday!

Dunston then scored through Steve 'Bully' Bull and that's the way it stayed til half time!
Aa waz comin' oot of the Dunston clubhoose, after the half time interval, havin' devoured mee 'broon ale liquid lubrication', when a 'devistatin' fone caall came through from a mate caalled 'Dylan', who telt me that Wigan had taken the lead!<('as it now stood', WE would now be in the bottom 3!)

5 minutes later there waz anothaa caall from him to tell me that Swanzee had equalised!<(Wigan back in the bottom 3!)
The Dunston/Team Northumbria game waz in 'full swing' for the 2nd half by this time and then aa got anothaa 'caall' to tell me that 'The Blue Wigs' had retaken the lead!<('US' in the bottom 3 again!)

The game in front of me had now been 'dezegnated' az a meaningless match!---az aa listened to the reports comin' through from Wigan with fellow Toon fans, 'The Caped Crusader' and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer', who were standin' beside me near the half way line!

ACTION FROM THE DUNSTON v
TEAM NORTHUMBRIA GAME!---
ME FINX!?

Aa even had to ask just wot the Dunston match score waz?, az mee concentration levels on this game were now 'zero'!

Two more frantic fone caalls from 'Dylan' to tell me that Swanzee were now in the drivin' seat @ 3-2, sent me into 'extasy' and had the crowd beside me on 'tenderhooks', a scoreline which of course meant that WE were still 3 points clear of danger, 'az it stood'!

The final whistle blew in the 'live' game in Dunston (who won 1-0!--aa finx?) and we aall rushed to the clubhoose to see the final 15 minutes of the Wigan game!

NINE minutes injury time waz played, due to a bad injury to the Swanzee keeper , which had me bitin' mee fingernails doon to the bone, az aa norvousleee 'shovelled' the broon ale doon mee 'gregory peck'!

And then at last!---the final whistle blew @ 'The JJB' and we were still 3 points clear of 'the abyss'!

We can anly hope now that 'The Blue Moonies' of Manchester slaughter 'The Blue Wigs' of Wigan in the FA Cup final @ Wembley on Saturday to knock their confidence completeleee 'off the scale'!

Wor final destination iz back in wor own hands once again lads and lasses!

PS: This result haz banished any fears of wor game against QPR bein' moved by 'SKY' to Monday neet for the 'live telly ghouls'!

SHEPHERD'S BUSH ON SUNDAY!?

Posted '10:00am bells' Tuesday 7th May 2013

"SUNDAY SERVICE IN SHEPHERD'S BUSH!?"

We are now 99% certain that wor game against 'appy 'arry's Rag and Bone Men of Shepherd's Bush will now take place @ '3 bells' on Sunday az advertised!
'SKY' and the Premyaa Leegue  still havvent conformed this, but the fact that they are showin' the Championship play off game between Brighton and Palace in the Monday neet slot haz surely ended wor worst fears!

Aa meeen!--If we played next Monday neet we would have to stay owerneet at much greater expense than the Sunday slot. <(where we can get back in one day!)
Aalso, othaa teams at the bottom could have gained a crucial advantage ower us, had the game been moved!

Results ower the last few day havvent went kindly for us and we now find worsels in fourth bottom place just three points above 'The Blue Wigs' and 'the abyss'!
Wigan play @ home to 'The Swan Lakers' toneet and the sooth Wales boys can de us a massive favour by beatin' them, but shud the result gan the othaa way, then we reeely are 'in it'!

We await this result with trepidation!

"UNBELEEEEVIBLE!"

Posted '8:20pm bells' Sunday 5th May 2013

"BACK TO 'THE SCHOOL END' ON MONDAY!???

'The Geordie Times' haz just lorned that wor game against QPR scheduled for next Sunday @ '3 bells' in Shepherd's Bush could in theory STILL be switched to the Monday neet for live coverage on 'SKY', shud they so wish!

Many fans of course have made their travel arrangements and booked hotels for a Sunday game and it would be a disgrace if the game waz now moved at such short notice!

The reason for this, iz that shud Wigan beat Swanzee this comin' Tuesday neet with their 'game in hand', then they will gan above us and 'SKY' would like nothin' better than to 'see us suffer', by televisin' wor game and hopin' we get beat to compound wor misery!

That's reet!---They divvint have to tell us til Tuesday neet, just FIVE DAYS! before the game iz due to take place!---
D-I-O-B-O-L-I-C-A-L-!

'The Geordie Times' hazzent booked anythin' yet because of this scenario and az each day gans by the train fares just gan up! and up! (£80 plus, we last hord!)

Yet again the loyal and lang sufferin' fans have been left on 'tenderhooks' for the 'whims' of live telly!
U-N-B-E-L-E-E-E-E-V-I-B-L-E-!