THE AALL BLACKS 0 THE VIOLA 0---MATCH ABANDONED DUE TO WAATERLOGGED PITCH!

Updated '3:00 pm bells' Sunday 7th August 2011

WA(A)TERGATE 2---"NO!---IT'S NOT FOG!---IT'S RAIN!"

"THE 'WA(A)TERGATE 2 FIASCO'!"

Yet another farce in the build up to the new season when the predicted thumder, lightnin' and torrential rain desended onto the St James' Park pitch (and stands!) in wor final pre season friendly against Fiorentina of Italy as The Toon ran oot in their 'aall blacks' change kit.

PRESIDENT NIXON--- WATERGATE 1  

After just six minutes Tim Krul in the Toon goal slid aboot ten yards on the surface waata 'like a jet skier' and from then on the deluge continued.

Play was finally halted in the 63rd minute when the players could hardly keep their feet and were in danger of injuries on the now flooded 'waata polo' pitch, so the ref caalled a halt to the 'goals free' fiasco as the downpour continued.

Just another day in the life of some (very wet!) Toon fans who braved the elements to watch this!

Attendance: Just 12,656 includin' 25 diehard Viola fans huddled in one corner of The Leazes End!
(ne doubt wishin' that they were back in sunny Italy!)


THE 100 PUB CRAWL CHALLENGE!

A TOON FAN STANDS WITH HIS ARMS
OOTSTREACHED IN THE DOORWAY
OF 'THE NEWCASTLE ARMS' -----
"IZ IT STILL RAININ'?--"LIKE?"--HE ASKS!

We are to attempt to de sommik that we think that nebody has EVER done before!----We are to 'attempt' to visit 100 pubs and clubs within waalkin' distance of St James' Park this season and we visited SIX of them yesterday before and after the 'waatergate fiasco'.

The truth is--we divvint naa if there ARE 100 'drinkin dens' within' waalkin' distance of the groond----so!---there's anly one way to find oot!---IS'NT THERE! 

More to follow on this later!

THE TOON v THE VIOLA

Posted '11 am bells' Saturday 6th August 2011

ST JAMES' ON A SUNNY DAY!---NOT! TODAY A'M AFRAID!

Today we play wor final and one and anly home pre season friendly game @ St James' against 'The Viola' (The Violets') of Fiorentina who finished ninth in 'Serie A' last season

Wor £65,000 a week  'twitterman' wont be involved of course, but Jose Enrique is expected to start, despite him bein' 'insulted' by 'The Toons' 'allegedly'? reported £50,000 a week new pay offer! ("How the hell could you manage on that!?")

Thunder storms are brewin' ower Tyneside and aa divvint just meen wots happenin' at the club! as a 'very wet day' is invisaged for those of us heedin' for the groond @ 'three bells' this afternoon!
"It's 'chuckin it doon' as I write this!")

Damp match report to follow later!


THE PIT YAKKERS 1  TOON RESORVES 2

Last neet the second string played their last pre season game as well and won 2-1 at Woodhorn Lane against Ashington from The Northern League.
Brad Inman opened wor accoont in the sixth minute with a shot from the edge of the area and then in the 17th minute Phil Airey was 'clobbered' by an Ashington defender in the box and he convorted the resultin' penalty himsel.

There was ne more score til 'the death' when 'The Pit Yakkers' got a consolation goal from a free kick scored by Craig Scott.

Attendance: 1,242 (nearly double the last time we were here and mostly Toon fans)

IT'S MARMITE TIME FOLKS!

Posted '10:15 bells' Friday 5th August 2011

A 'FLOORED' 'JENAS'!?

More derogatory 'twits' from 'Joey' have infuriated     'The Fat Controller' and  'Llambs to the Slaughter' and a free transfer has been granted forthwith! (We're just TWO DAYS behind with the news this time!)

One 'Ronny Gill' reporter (Evenin' Chronicle) ridiculousleee caalled him a flawed genius!---Well! he certainly 'floored' somebody in Liverpool a while back with a 'knockoot punch' and 'genius' is way!, way! ower the top!
(He's more in the Jermaine 'JENAS' bracket rather than 'Beardo', 'Gazza' or 'Ginola'!)

At the end of the day (just like marmite!) you eetha love him or hate him! (but we bloody well need him!---such is wor predicament!)

SHEEPHEADS MATCH REPORT---APOLOGY!

Posted '9:30 am bells' Friday 5th August 2011

Aa said last week that aa would post the full Almere  
City
'sick ground-hoppers' match report from Holland this week, but unfortunately because of work commitments (aa didnt finish til one this mornin' and have to gan back in at dinnertime!) it wont now appear til next week, as aa divvint have the time to de it at the moment.  GROVELLIN APOLOGEEEEZ!

"BLONDIE IS BLOTTO!"

Posted '9:30 am bells' Thorsday 4th August 2011

"GEORDIE TIMES WORLD EXCLUSIVE!"

"ZZZzzz!!!---MATCH?---WOT MATCH?????"

'The Geordie Times' has just recieved this 
'sensat-ional' photo from America of a Toon fan knaan as 'Blondie' who was foond rather intoxicated ootside a 'drinkin den' after an 'aall day bender' in downtown Orlando on the day of 'The Toons' 1-0 defeat to Orlando City in wor tour of the USA the other week!
He'd downed at least two gallons! of the various strong Florida brews as wor 'exclusive' photo clearly shows!.

Special thanx to wor 'undercover' paparazzi reporter with his zoom lens camera, who was on the scene within three hours!---REMEMBER!---yoo saw the picture forst in 'The Geordie Times'! and ne where else! (more than two weeks after the event!)

(Stick to 'broon ale'---mate!)

THE HEEDBANGERS 1 TOON XI 3

Posted '9:00 am bells' Wednesday 3rd August 2011
  'The Toon' side of the bridge!<<<>>>'The Heed' side of the bridge!

Last neet 'The Toon sent a stronger team than invisaged 'across the waata' to play the 'Heedbangers' of Gatesheed in 'The Tyne Bridge derby' (both clubs play within a mile of this iconic Geordie symbol!)

Yet again The Toon torned oot in their new orange change strip, but it was 'The Heed' who took the lead when former Toon player Chris Moore was brought doon in the box in the 9th minute and Kyle Nix beat Steve Harper in wor goal from the resultin' spot kick.
Their lead didn't last lang however and just 4 mins later a Michael Richardson cross was met by Sammy Ameobi's heed to level the score.

We then took the lead through an own goal from James Curtis, who (unfortuanately for him!) sliced the baall home from five yards oot! 

The last goal came on the hour mark when a Ryan Taylor corner eventually fell into the path of 'Sammy Ami' and he toe poked the baall into the net for his second goal of the game

The attendance of 2,108 (1,500 Toon fans) was more than double wot I expected and three times as many as the last time we played here a year ago!?






ST JAMES' PARK to THE INTERNATIONAL STADIUM>>MINI PUB CRAAL!---ABANDONED!---DUE TO IMMINENT THUNDER STORMS!

I had planned do de sommik today that a'v never done before!----waalk to a Toon away game from St James' Park AND de a 'mini' pub craal on the way, arrivin' @ The International Stadium in good time for the kick off!
It's approximately two miles between the groonds across the Tyne (as the drunken magpie flies!) and mee startin' point was to have been 'Shearers Bar' underneath The Gallowgate End sometime yesterday afternooon, but unfortunately as looked oot mee bedroom window across the Tyne @ '2 bells' it had started to rain heavily and a thunder storm looks imminent!---mehbeez next time!

PS: Aa had to make do with a couple of 'gargels' in The Hotspur before catchin' the metro to Gatesheed with 'Dave from York' and then onward to The Schooner bar which stands near the banks o' the Tyne not tooo far from the groond! (The predicted thunder storm DIDN'T happen by the way!)

HIGH NOON 'DERBY' TICKETS ON SALE!

Posted '9:00 am bells' Tuesday 2nd August 2011

Tickets for 'the high noon' 'shootout' @ the SOS on Saturday 20th August, gan on sale today to Toon season ticket holders anly.

100 loyalty points are needed (in other words, fans who've been to 100 or more away games) to obtain a prized ticket.
Wor allocation of 2,640 is 460 doon on wor last visit here, because 'The Dibble' want a bigger segregation area between rival fans!
(Aa wonder if their allocation has been reduced accordingleee???)

The ticket office is open @ '10:00 bells' this mornin' for those of you who are lucky enough to have the 'precious points'!


QueensParkRipoff  TICKETS
The price of a ticket for wor forthcomin' Monday neet live telly game in Shepherds Bush are set at a ridiculous FIFTY QUID! (and FORTY FIVE QUID for inferior view seats!)---(ie: the ones yi cannit see the goal line from!)
That a TWENTY QUID hike from the last time we played here in May 2010!

But!---believe it or not!--we are the 'lucky ones'? as this is not the top price they will charge this season as Man U and Chelsea fans are to be charged at least SIXTY FIVE QUID! to get in! (for seats behind the goal!)

"WELCOME TO THE NEW SEASON!"

(G)ONE! JOEY BARTON!

Posted '9:20 pm bells' Monday 1st August 2011

News reaches 'The Geordie Times' (some five hours after the event!) that Joey Barton has been handed a free transfer by NUFC and is 'on his bike' so to speak!
His twitter 'rant' that he doesnt want to be in a team that is relegated again, because of non transfer activity, rings true with many Toon fans---meesel included!
So here we are!--- with less than two weeks to gan before the big Premier League kick off and we are short of yet another quality player to compete in the top flight survival race!
It could anly happen to us!----"press the self destruct button now!"

THE AALL WHITES 3 THE ORANGEMEN 2

Updated '10:40 pm bells' Sunday 31st July 2011

Today we sampled the 'delights'? of West Yorkshire in wor '2 bells' kick off 'friendly'? against Leeds @ Elland Road where 'The Toon' had a 4,000 plus followin'.

Before the game we heeded to the rundoon district of Holbeck, not far from the groond for the 'customary' pre match 'liquids', but horror upon horror!--- the forst two 'drinkin dens' we came across near Pleasant Terrace werent so 'pleasant' as wor pictures show.

However!---just up the road from these two boarded up hostelries we foond 'sanctuary' next to 'Pleasant Place' (believe it or not?) in the shape of 'The Bulls Head' and we gained entry by knockin' on the back door (as it was before openin time!) and enterin' the bar to be greeted by a large black 'n' white dog barkin' loudly!

SANCTUARY AT LAST!---THORD TIME LUCKY!

After several 'tonsil ticklin' tonics' from the friendly bar staff, we said wor goodbyes to this 'pleasant place' (sic!) and made the qwaata of an hours jaunt to Elland Road for the '2 bells' kick off.

It didn't start off well for The Toon who were wearin' their change orange strip, when in the 4th minute Fraser Forster in the Toon goal fumbled badly and dropped the baall to the delight of Kosnorbo who had the easiest of chances to tap into the empty goal in front of the travellin' fans.

Half an hour later and we were back on level torms when Steve Taylor vollied home at The Gelderd End (aka: The Don Revie Stand)

Midway through the second period a Mike Williamson error let in Lloyd Sam for Leeds to toepoke home.

In the 76th minute we were back on track when Vuckic controlled a cross from Demba Ba and fired into the net.

However!--another blunder from Fraser Forster who misjudged a cross, let in Paynter who heeded in from point blank range to seal the win for Championship side.

Me thinx that Forster has played his last game for us!

Attendance: 20,457

To sum up!----Elland Road is definately NOT! one of mee fave groonds, as aa broke mee leg here 41 years ago, on Boxin' Day 1970 when a crash barrier collased and aa was 'carted off' to St James' Hospital in Leeds (would you believe!) and aa missed the match!
(a 3-0 defeat!)---But that's anotha 'disaster day' story for the 'archives'!

Next up for the forst team---Fiorentina @ St James' Park next Saturday in wor final pre season friendly! (memo: must do better!)

SPENNYMOOR TOON 2 THE TOON RESORVES 4

Posted '9:20 pm bells' Saturday 30th July 2011

NUMBER 9 NILE RANGER (in orange) 
BLASTS HIS PENALTY HOME TO PUT THE TOON
 2-1 UP @ THE BREWERY FIELD

The Toon resorves ran oot 4-2 winners in this 'bakin' heat' encoonta @ 'The Brewery Field' today!

After a few 'liquid refreshments' in the 'Salvin Arms' in doontoon Spennymoor, it was off to the groond just alang the road, for the final 'gargels' before kick off!

Things didn't start off well for 'The Orangemen' (wor change strip, coz 'Spenny' play in black 'n' white stripes like us!) and the home side took the lead in the 40th minute through Peacock.

We levelled things in the 8th minute of the 2nd half when Brad Inman tapped in from close range.

It was 2-1 to us  4 mins later when Ryan Donaldson was hacked doon in the box and Nile 'Lone' Ranger blasted the resultin' penalty into the back of the Spenny net!

An equaliser on the hour mark brung us back doon to orth---but! a 'jinky run' by wor penalty hero saw him gan past two defenders before slottin' the baall home for the best goal of the game!

Brad Inman then got his 2nd in injury time when he fired in from close range to silence the home fans and the 3 mackem striped saddos present!

Attendance: A very healthy 1,127 includin' the 3 SMB's mentioned, plus 2 'freebees' watchin' from their bedroom windows which owerlooked the halfway line! (at least 600 Toon fans by my estimate)