A GEORDIE HERO!

Posted '9:20 am bells' Monday 6th June 2011

A GEORDIE HERO!----BUT WHO IS HE?
Clue: He was born in 1835! 

"AALL WILL BE REVEALED ON THORSDAY!"

TOP 20 WORLD AVERAGE GATES 2010-2011

Posted '2:10pm bells' Saturday 4th June 2011

NUFC are the 14th best supported club in the world ---View of 'The Gallowgate End' from behind 'The Strawberry' boozer (spot the 'Toon' crest!)

Borussia Dortmund have lost their 'title' of worlds best supported club by just 51 fans to Barcelona, who just happen to be the best futball club in the world as well!
'The Toon' move doon one place despite wor average gates gannin up?

As European clubs are by far and away the best supported in the world the 'top 20' are aall from that continent.

1 Barca**********79,192
2 B Dortmund**********79,141
3 Man U**********75,109
4 Real Madrid**********69,737
5 B Munich**********69,000
6 Schalke 04**********61,401
7 The Arse**********60,023
8 Inter Milan**********55,813
9 Hamborg**********54,447
10 AC Milan**********53,922
11 Marseille**********51,086
12 Celtic**********48,968
13 Koln**********47,800
14 THE TOON**********47,718
15 E Frankfurt**********47,359
16 Ajax**********47,316
17 Kaiserslauten**********46,339
18 Man C**********45,942
19 Napoli**********45,608
20 Rangers**********45,305

The Jawmans have the most clubs in the top 20 with 7, followed by England on 4

Jawmany**********7
England**********4
Italy**********3
Scotland**********2
Spain**********2
France**********1
Holland**********1






'Click on' top right hand heeder bar for the final averages in The Premier League for the season just ended 

MICHAE£ THE MOANER

Posted '3:40 bells' Friday 3rd June 2011
So 'MOANIN' MICHAE£' haz said on hiz twitter page that he didn't enjoy his time at 'The Toon'££££? 
"NEETHA DID WE MATE!"---"NEETHA DID WE!"

"HA!-HA!-"IT'S ALL MINE YOU DAFT GEORDIE TW*TS!"
"££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££!"

SWANSONG!

Posted '1:00 pm bells' Tuesday 31st May 2011

"SWAN LAKE IT ISN'T!"

We are to be reunited with 'Cedric the Swan' the ridiculous mascot of Swansea City followin' their promotion to the Premier League, after they beat Reading 4-2 in a thrillin'  play off final at Wembley yesterday.

Wor one and anly previous meetin' with 'Cedric' was on an ill fated car journey to sooth Wales with 'Sarnie Steve' fifteen months ago when wor car broke doon at Cardiff sorvices, as we were on wor way to the Championship match at The Liberty Stadium---It's a lang! lang! story!
('The Geordie Times' makes no apology for printin' a 'BBC style repeat' of this archive match report once again!)
(see below!)

FAIRS CUP 42nd ANNIVORSARY

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 29th May 2011

On this day 42 years ago 'The Toon' won the forst leg of the Inter Cities Fairs Cup Final, beatin' Ujpest Dozsa 3-0 @ St James' 
I was one of the 59,234 crowd and was 'shoehorned' into The Leazes End that neet


Bobby Moncur scored two and Jimmy Scott got the otha one. ("AAAHHH!---MEMOREEZZ!")

Bobby Moncur (oot of picture) scores @ The Gallowgate End---note the 50 or so fans standin' & sittin' on the roof & chimney pots of Leazes Terrace in the backgroond!

NO ROOM AT THE INN!

Posted '5:10 pm bells' Friday 27th May 2011

Sadly!--- the corner singin' section in  'Level 7' of  'The Leazes End' have been telt by NUFC that there's "no room at the inn!" in their bid to relocate to 'Level 4' after bein' 'hoyed oot' of their lofty perch to make way for an extended family enclosure.

Me thinx that this might have sommik to de with the fact that 'some of them' slagged off  'The Fat Controller' and he iz simply gettin' his own back!---
("It  IZ!  HIZ!  train set yih naa!")


Az promised, a'v done a 'match report' from the 'Northern Alliance' game @ Wark in Northumberland last Saturday.
Normally aa anly de new groonds where 'The Toon' have played but there are exceptions to the rule and Wark IZ on 'the banks o' The Tyne' (aalbeit 'The North Tyne'!) (scroll doon to see a 'detailed match report'!?)

wark recreation c s ground

Date of First Visit: 21^st May 2011
WARK RECREATION CHARITY SPORTS GROUND

WARK, NORTHUMBERLAND

WARK 2

SEATON DELAVAL AMATUERS 3

NORTHERN ALLIANCE PREMIER DIVISION
ATTENDANCE 25 (plus 100 sheep & lambs in the suroondin' fields!)




"A 'WARK' ON THE WILD SIDE!"

THE RIVER NORTH TYNE---WARK---NORTHUMBERLAND

As we had yet another blank Saturday to fill in (coz The Toon wernt due to play West Brom til the followin' day) added to the fact that mee normal 'fix' @ Dunston for a Northern League game was 'a non starter' due to the fact that that league had finished for the summer, it meant that if aa wanted to see a game it would have to be forther doon the 'pyramid' in 'The Northern Alliance' as their league was still gannin strong. ('level eleven' in 'the pyramid system')


'A 'Wark' on the wild side' to the picturesque village of Wark, 10 miles north of Hexham in the heart of 'Hadrians Waall country' was the chosen venue and aa heeded off with 'The Caped Crusader' and 'The Mad Professor' to see the delights of deepest Northumberland where Wark were playin' 'god naaz who'? in a league game.


We arrived and parked the jam jar in the centre of the village and made a 'bee-line' for the forst of the villages three pubs which was called 'The Battlesteads' where the forst 'liquid lubrications' of the day went doon a treat!
Wor 'john 'o' groats' were still parched as we 'hit' boozzer number two which was caalled 'The Grey Bull' and was (literally!) reet next to the 'Black Bull'?

THE GREY BULL

On mentionin this to the one and anly local in the bar, he telt us that at one time there was just one big pub owned by a family, but they fell oot and split the pub in half to form two pubs and just for 'the hell of it', the disenfranchised family members gave the new pub a similar name to the one next door! (strange folks theeze country yokels!)

Anyway!----after a quick 'gargel' there, it was the 'lang trek' to the next 'Bull' (aboot ten paces from door to door!) where there were quite a few proppin' up the bar coonta.

AND NEXT DOOR!

As soon as we waalked through the door every-body stopped wot they were dein' and gave us one of those----'Who the f*** are yeez like'---looks, as we ordered the next roond!----It was then off to the groond which was a pleasant scenic waalk across the bridge ower the river 'North Tyne' for the '2;30 bells' kick off.


Nestlin' on the banks of the river with anly sheep and lambs as company in the surrondin' fields, the ground was completely open with anly the overhang in front of changin' rooms roof givin' shelter from any inclement weather ----but it was FREE to get in!   (luckily for us it wasn't rainin'!)

It torned oot that the 'mystery away team' were in fact Seaton Delaval Amateurs who sported an aall red strip as they ran oot for the pre match kick aboot, with Wark wearin' aall blue


The Red DEVILALS (it had to be!) kicked off towards the reet hand goal from us and there was a basketball court and kiddies playground behind that goal.
There was a wild howlin' wind blowin' in from the Tyne and the hills beyond but the 100 or so sheep and lambs didn't seem bothered at aall as they grazed in the fields beyond. (plus--there were 25 spectators present includin' us 3!) ('The Mad Professor' coonted them!---"Er"!---the crowd not the sheep!))

'The Wildsiders' from Wark took the lead just before the break when their number 9 shot from a few yards oot at 'The Field of Sheep End' (whey!---wot else could yi caall it?)






"THE VILLAGE IDIOT IZ ALIVE AND WELL!"

AS the 2^nd half was gettin' underway the local 'village idiot' made an appearance and procceded to climb ower the fence to get in for nowt!
But just ten yards from where he climbed ower there was a gap in the fence and he could have simply waalked in anyway! ----Divvint forget?----it was FREE! to get in!
(just in case yi think av made this up---SEE THE PHOTO aa took on mee mobile phone!)

               "We can see you sneakin' in!"

The Red Devilals came back into the game with two wind assisted goals at the mid point of the half with shots from their number 5 and number 9 who sported a 'Billy Bunter style' frame (it shud be noted that Wark's goalie wasn't exactly 'slimmer of the year' eetha!)
Wark equalised within 5 minutes at 'The Basketbaall End' through one of their fullbacks ("Er!"---there were ne progs or teamsheets so we didn't naa ANY of the players names!) But the away side clinched the game in injury time with a fine effort from their number 11 in front of the sheep and lambs (again---ne reaction from them!) to win this five goal thriller!

Full time: 'The Wildsiders' 2   'The Red Devilals' 3

And can aa just say that we aall had a great day oot (apart from nearly freezin' to death in the howlin' wind!) and I recommend it to anyone to have 'a 'Wark' on the wild side' for a Northern Alliance game if yi ever in this 'neck of the woods'!

IT WAS WELL WORTH THE ENTRANCE MONEY ALONE!

AROOND THE BEND IN 80 DAYS!

Posted '4:10 pm bells' Wednesday 25th May 2011
"80 DAYS TO GAN!"
Believe it or not there are just 80 days! to gan before The Premier League starts agen on August 13th!
Normally, aa start gettin' withdrawal symtoms within a week of the season finishin', but a'm sure that the time will pass very quickly before aa pull aall mee hair oot!.
In the mean time a few pre season friendlies have been arranged to keep us 'occupied' til then (see below)


A 'sauce' close to the club haz telt 'The Geordie Times' that Joey Barton haz NOT been offered a new contract and that both Sol 'Moneybags' Campbell and Shefki Kuqi are 'on their bikes' az we speak!

"BARTON'S GANNIN---LIKE!"

Any transfer news from wor 'exclusive' club 
 'sauce' will be published forthwith for the benefit of Geordie exiles aroond the world (and beyond!)

PREMIER LEAGUE AVERAGE GATES 2010-2011

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 24th May 2011

ST JAMES' PARK---VIEW FROM LEAZES PARK

'The Toon' finished up as 3rd best supported club in England for this season with a total of 906,640 fans passin' through the tornstiles at St James' for league games.
The final Premier League average attendance figures are as follows:


1 Man U************75,109
2 The Arse**********60,025
3 THE TOON*******47,720
4 Man City*********45,905
5 Liverpool*********42,820
6 Chelsea***********41,435
7 SMB*************40,011
8 Villa*************37,180
9 Everton**********36,039
10 Spors***********35,704
11 WHU***********33,492
12 Wolves**********27,696
13 Stoke***********26,858
14 Brum***********25,452
15 Fulham*********25,043
16 Blackburn*******25,000
17 WBA***********24,883
18 Bolton**********22,870
19 Wigan**********16,812
20 Blackpool*******15,782

THE TOON 3 THE BAGGIES 3

Posted '10:10 am bells' Monday 23rd May
"THE ROLLER COASTER RIDE CONTINUES UNABATED!"


Blackpool's roller coaster--"-We wont be comin' here next season!"


A combination of Anger---Apathy and Alcohol meant that aa was incapable of writin' this post last neet! 

'Anger' because we hoyed a three goal lead away in the second half when we were 'cruisin' by mekin' 'needless' substitutions which 'unbalanced' the team. ("WHY!???")
It aall started off oh so well when Steven Taylor gave us the lead at The Leazes End with a close range shot just after the qwaata of an hour mark
Peter Lovencrands then doubled wor lead when West Brom goalie Scott Carson mishandled his shot 1n the 39th minute.

'Apathy' because we shud have known better to even dare think that we 'had won it' when West Brom defender Olsen put us three up with a brilliant own goal just after the restart at The Gallowgate End.
And then it aall went wrang! (of course!)---The Baggies pulled one back with thorty minutes to gan when Somen Tchoyl slid the baall past Tim Krul in the Newcastle goal.
He got his second ten minutes later when he hammered in a loose baall---and aall of a sudden the alarm bells started gannin' off!

And then in the 90th minute disaster struck when (yet again!)Tchoyl who was unmarked, heeded a cross in, to complete his hat-trick and wor misery!---That 'one' heeded goal sent us from ninth in the league back to twelth in a split second!

'Alcohol'  aa needed plenty of this stuff after watchin' that!---believe you me!---the roller coaster ride just gans on and on ('doonwards' this time!) (although aa winnit be on Blackpool's big dipper next season as of course they went doon with The Brummies and The Hammers!)

Attendance 51,678 (2,700 Baggies fans)