Sunday, 30 March 2014

SOOOTHAMPTON 4 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2013-2014

Posted '10:50pm bells' Sunday 30th March 2014

(Match pix to follow here!---when aa can work oot just how to doonload them from mee new 'telling bone'!??????)
*"THE WONDERS OF MODERN TECHNOLOGY!---HELP!"

Forst of aall--apologeeeez for not updatin' this site until now!---there are FOWER reasons for this!
ONE!: A'd had ne kip for ower a day! (see article below!)
TWO!: The train didn't get back to The Toon til nearly '1 bells' in the mornin' !
THREE!: The clocks went forward and so aa missed a valuable hours drinkin' time on Sunday!
FOWER!: Aa had an urgent appointment with a pint of John Smith's extra cold in 'The Hotspor' on Sunday afternoon!

"ITS' NOT! LIKE WATCHIN' BRAZIL!"

An absolutleee disastrous performance waz meted oot to the lang sufferin' lang distance travellin' faithful, on a glorious sunny day doon the sooth coast!--but it wasn't the 'faithful who got 'tanned' but the the team on the pitch wearin' their 'lucky'??? Brazil away kit!

Kickin' towards the far goal from us in the forst half we had to suffer wave after wave of attacks on the goal in front of us az Sooothampton bombarded wor defence!
FOWER times they hit the side nettin' with the home fans convinced that the shots had gone in--and FOWER times the Toon fans scoffed at them with ironic cheers!

However! wor cheers soon torned into groans az the home side eventually made the inevitable breakthrough just before half time when Rodrigues netted for 'The Simon Templar Mob'!

It soon got worse in the 2nd period when in the 50th minute Llallana crossed for Lambert to fire the baall into the roof of the net!
It got much worse just a minute later when Lallana slammed an unstoppable shot into the goal with sub goalie Rob Elliot helpless to stop it!

There was 'ne way back' for NUFC, especially az wee hadn't had a shot on target up until this point and the 'Simon Templar Mob' rubbed it in with chants of "Inger-land--Ingerland!--Ingerland!" in response to the fact that THREE Englishmen had scored against us! <(When?--waz the last time that that happened!???)

Super sub striker??? De Jong then missed a very simple chance to open hiz Toon goalscorin' account in the 80th minute, but he somehow??? managed to 'baallz it up aaltogether' and 'missed' the baall in front of goal! <(a goal which your great grate grandma could have scored!)

Wor misery waz completed in the 89th minute when Rodgues doubled hiz tally to send us onward, homeward, for the 'hazardous' jorney yem, havin' just witnessed wor very worst performance of the season! <(the retorn jorney included--a replacement bus!---a packed train back to London!---a 'sardined' tube ride back ti King's Cross!---and a torturous FOWER hour jorney back to 'The Toon', havin' been stuck needlessleee in Northallerton Station for ower half an hour!) <(with grovellin' apologeez for the delay blasted from the train tannoy every few minutes, az aa tried in vain to get some 'shuteye'!)

It's great to be a Toon fan!

Toon team: Elliot, Yanga (Santon 46), Williamson, Coloccini, Haidera, Anita, Sissoko (Dummett 78), Ben Arfa (De Jong 46), Gouffran, Cisse

Attendance: 31,360 (2,187 very disalloooshand and thoroughly 'p*ssed off' Toon fans!)

*Catweasle explanation for wor younger reeeders!: The top photo iz of 'Catweasle', a TV programme from the 1970's.
'Catweasle waz transported from the middle ages to the present day in a time machine and had obviously never seen a telephone before. When it rang and he answered it, he caalled it 'a telling bone' az it spoke to him! <(so nuw yi naa wot a 'tellin bone' iz!      

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