Saturday, 8 December 2012

GIRONDINS BORDEAUX 2 THE TOON 0

Posted '11:05am bells' Saturday 8th December 2012

Ground number 295, Stade Chaban Delmas, Bordeaux, France

"BORED TO DEATH IN BORDEAUX!"
THE TOON (IN WOR HI VIZ STRIPS)
MAKE A RARE ATTACK ON THE BORDEAUX GOAL

Yet anotha inept performance from 'the resorves' against Bordeaux 'resorves' meens that we finish in 2nd place to quailfy for the knockoot stages of the ill conceived Europa Leegue!

Wor flight from Toon Airport on the Wednesday waz @ '9:30 bells' in the mornin' and we just missed the snowstorm that engulfed Tyneside by an hour and arrived @ Heathrow Airport 45 minutes later. It waz then onward in a mini cab to Gatwick Airport (£15 each) to catch wor connectin' flight to Bordeaux and eventually arrived in the wine capital of France @ teatime.

Bordeaux<(pronoonced 'BORD-EE-OX' to aall yee ingnoramasus'sss oot there who cannit speak 'propa French' like us!) ("ER!" aa'll start again!") Bordeaux iz a massive place and it took nearly an hour to get to wor hotel near the city centre where we dumped wor bags and went straight oot 'on the hoy' (az yi de!)

There were the usual bunch of fans who gan to theeze games dotted aboot the place az we done wor tour of hostelries!

After a good nights kip "ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!" (we got to bed at '2 am bells'!) we awoke and hord via texts from the Toon that it had been gridlocked and many flights after wors, had been put back by up to five hours because of the snow (so we were the lucky ones!)

We met up with the rest of the lads who had been delayed and made wor way slowly to the groond 'bar by bar'!

After wot had happened in Brugge (FIVE security checks to get to the groond!) we made wor way orlier than usual to make sure we made the kick off, but the anly checks we had were at the groond where aa waz sorched three times!

Because we were there orly we could pick wor seats (yoo just sit anywhere when yi play in Europe) we picked some 'prime viewin seats' at the back of the stand, where yi could see ower the fences that hemmed us in!
The anly problem waz we had to stand on the seats to see, az everybody in front of us waz dein the same!

We shouldn't have bothered az wor performance waz woeful to say the least, even allowin' for the fact that it waz a predicted resorve team playin' for us! includin' 'one' Nile Ranger (but it WAZ the same for them 'in aall'!)
The two goal magin shud have been more but thanx to the heroics of Elliot in wor goal it could have been much worse.
The home side took the lead on the half hour mark with a heeder from Diabate, that shud have been blocked by James Perch (but wasn't!) and they were unlucky not to increase their lead by the break.

We hardly had a shot on goal and we were bored to death with the in-action from us.
Their 2nd goal aalso scored by Diabate sealed the win for them in the 73rd minute when he shot through Elliots legs and anotha wasted jorney waaz ower!
Some Toon fans tried to get oot with still 20 minutes on the clock az they were that p*ssed off and eventually they were let oot by the local 'dibble'

We won't BORE yoo to death aboot how we got back (the same way az we'd come in revorse!) except to say that when we got back to Tyneside 12 hours after leavin' wor hotel in Bordeaux, there wasn't a drop of snow to be seen??? (wot waz all the fuss aboot!?)

Toon team: Elliot, Tavernier, Williamson (Coloccini 75), Perch, Ferguson, Abeid, Bigirimana, Marveaux, Sammy Ameobi (Anita 46), Ranger, Shola Ameobi (Cisse 80)

Attendance: 19,983 (1,200 Toon fans)

Much more to follow az the day progresses--but az 'Bugs Bunny' would say: "That's aall for now folks!"

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