THE LIVERBIRDS 4 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted '5:02pm bells' Tuezday 2nd January 2024

"WOR WORST FEARS CAME TRUE!"

On a miserable New Years Day when the rain 'chucked it doon', before, durin and after the game, NUFC once again lost at Anfeeeld to make it a miserable Xmas and New Year for aall Toon fans!

From the word 'go' Livaapoool went on the attack and if it wasnt for the heroics of Martin Dubravka in The Toon goal, where he made several ootstandin saves, az he defended at The Kop End, it could easily have been 4-0 at half time!---But somehow we kept them at bay, includin a great penalty save from Salah and somehow went in aall square! HT 0-0

However!---within 4 minutes of the restart the Mickey Mousers took the lead when Salah had a simple tap in in front of an unguarded goal from a Nunez cross!

Then, unexpectedly, we equalised at The Kop End 5 minutes later when Isak raced towards the goal and a pin point pass from Anthony Gordon foond hiz feet and 'he wellied the baall home' to the delight of the 2,400 Toon fans in The Anfeeeld Road End opposite! (Normally we would have been allocated 3,000 tickets, but because of buildin work at that end of the groond, wor allocation woz reduced!)

TOON FANS CELEBRATE ISAK'S EQUALISER!

However!---wor joy didn't last lang when in the 74th minute Jota passed to Jones and in a replica of their forst goal he had the simple task of tappin the baall into the net to restore The Liverbirds lead!

Just 4 minutes later they increased their lead with another simple tap in goal by Gakpo!

Again NUFC hit back just one minute later, though Botman this time, when he heeded the baall into the far corner of the goal from a Longstaff corner!

There had been several ridiculous refereein' decisions, in Livaapool's favour, but this one beat the lot when Dubravka made slight contact in the box with Jota and he hoyed himself to the groond in a delayed reaction to try and con Taylor the ref!---

He 'took it in' and incredibly pointed to the spot--and after a lang VAR check the penalty woz awarded! (Are they blindfolded at the VAR office?)----Taken by Salah again, but this time he sent wor goalie the wrang way to seal a 4-2 victory!---Wor worst fears of another defeat here, had sadly come true!

It could have been a much heavier defeat if it wasnt for Dubravka, but the ref aalso DIDNT award us a penalty when Longstaff woz fouled in the box and he booked 17 year old Lewis Miley for a perfectly good tackle in the forst half!

This woz wor 7th defeat in wor last 8 games!---We must stop the rot at The Stadium of Shhh!!! (yee naa wot!) in the FA Cup next Saturday!----PLEEEEZE!

Attendance: 57,471 (2,400 very wet Toon fans!)

*The pre and post match 'garglin took place here!

Just 2 drinkin dens this time!

Campanile hotel bar, Livaapoool docks

The Barlow Arms, Livaapoool (20 minutes walk from Anfeeeld in torrential rain!)

THE LIVERBIRDS v THE TOON *** NEW YEARS DAY 2024

Posted 'high noon bells' New Years Eve 2023

 

ISAK WOZ RULED OFFSIDE LAST SEASON WHEN WE LOST 2-1 IN VERY CONTROVERTIAL CURCUMSTANCES!

We heed to Anfeeeld tomorrow neet where we face the dauntin' task of gettin sommik oot of the game!  NUFC havvint won here this century and yoo have to gan way back to 1995 for the last time we won here!  

That woz in the Leegue Cup when Steve Watson scored in a 1-0 win!

The last and anly Premyaa Leegue success came 30 years ago in the 1993-94 season when we won 2-0 with goals from Robert Lee and Andy Cole!

The Liverbirds are unbeaten in their last 21 Premyaa Leegue games at Anfeeeld----so it IZ INDEED a dauntin' task for wor oot of form and injury depleted team!

With nee trains on New Years Day we are travellin' across the Pennines in mee 9 seater 'canny tranny'

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Tuezday----az per usual "Watch this space!" and a (hopefully!) happy new year to aall wor loyal subjects!

THE TOON 1 THE FRIAR TUCK MOB OF NOTTINGHAM 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted '1:57pm bells' Wedinzday 27th Decembaa 2023

"ARE YOU CHRIS WOOD IN DISGUISE?"

"THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST!"

Last Christmas on Boxin' Day Chris Wood scored a penalty for NUFC in wor 3-0 win at Lestaa City!

We then sold him to Forest in the January transfor window coz he wasnt deemed good enough!

Fast forward exactly one year and he scores a hat-trick against us at SJP to stun the crowd (even the Forest fans!) in a revenge 'attack'! (excuse the pun!)

Yih just couldnt make this up--could yih?

It started off so well az well!---A convorted penalty from Isak at The Gallowgate End after he woz hacked doon in the box by Aina in the 20th minute gave us the lead!

And then just before the half time interval Miggy Almiron woz clean through and looked certain to score, BUT inexplicably tried to pass the baall into the middle BUT it woz intercepted by a Forest player and the baall woz hoofed forward and with Chris Wood unmarked in the box he had a simple tap in to level the scores and stun the 52,000 plus crowd!

It certainly knocked the Christmas stuffing (sic!) oot of NUFC az the 2nd half woz a disaster waitin' to unfold!---And it DID!

Wood scorin twice more az he rampaged through wor defence to claim the most unlikely hat-trick EVER!

He'd come back to haunt us for certain, az the empty seats near the end told its own story!

Miggy Almiron had a nightmare and inexplicably he tried to put the baall into hiz OWN net at The Gallowgate End, but a Forest attacker got in the way of hiz shot and luckily for him it deflected to safety!--

(Did he still 'Fink' that we were kickin that way in the 2nd half az well???)

Attendance: 52,207 (Oh no there wernt!----4 empty seats next to me by 'NO SHOW' season ticket holders!) (3,100 Friar Tucks!)

*Fans cannit get tickets, yet those season ticket holders who divvint turn up, cannit be bothered to pass them on to those desperate to get in!

THE TOON v THE FRIAR TUCK MOB *** DINNAATIME!

 Posted '8:00am bells' Boxing Day 2023

"I'M DEAD EXCITED ROBIN!---I'VE GOT A TICKET FOR 'THE AWAY END' ON BOXING DAY!" (From left to right: Maid Marion, Robin Hood, Friar Tuck)

We come off a very disappointin defeat at Lootin on Saturday, hopin to pick worsels up for this clash with The Friar Tuck Mob of Nottingham at SJP!

If we win then it will be wor 8th successive home win in The Premyaa Leegue, which iz in total contrast to wor away form of 4 successive Premyaa Leegue defeats on the road!

NUFC currently sit in 7th place in the table

Forest meeenwhile have lost 5 of their last 6 Premyaa Leegue games and are just ootside the drop zone!

Its a ridiculous '12:30 bells' kick off, with some boozers near the groond openin' at '9:00am bells', like The Strawberry and Leazes End Companions Club!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Tuezday!---Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

THE MAD HATTERS 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted '1:00pm bells' Xmas Eve 2023

"A VIEW TO DIE FOR!"

"KING'S CROSS CHRISTMAS CURSE!"

For the thord time in 11 days we travelled through King's Cross station in London to reach wor destination!

Sporz on Decembaa 12th where we were hammered 4-1

Chelseee last week where we agonisingly lost on penalties in The Leegue Cup!

And then yesterday when we humiliatingly lost 1-0 to Loootin at their dump of a futbaall groond!---Happy Xmas! 

The entrance to Kenilworth Road iz an experience in itself, az the tornstiles are through an ancient terraced hoose and yoo waak in underneath a bedroom through wot would have been its livin room and into the back yard before the groond woz there!

"SING IN THE LIVIN' ROOM!"

Then up a staircase to the back of the stand where yoo get a great view of the washin' on some old wifeys clothes lines in the back gardens, where aa spotted some pink knickers and old wifeys bloomer blowin in the wind amongst other items of clothing!

"SO THIS IZ WOT YOO CAALL 'SPORTS WASHING!"

"IZ THAT A PAIR OF FRILLY KNICKERS ON THE FAR WASHIN' LINE!?"😀

In the stand it woz a case of 'try and find a seat with nee posts to obstruct your view', which proved impossible to dee az there were so many roof posts and a floodlight pylon to block your view! (Nee seat numbers and nee resorved seats this time!)

Anyway! enough of this dilapidated relic which haz hardly changed since we were last here some 30 years ago! (Mee first visit here woz actually way back in 1975- the groond iz in a time warp!)

If I remember correctleee??? Miggy had a great chance to open the scorin at the far end from us (Obstucted view of course!) Az did Callum Wilson, but it wasn’t to be!

Spot the floodlight pylon and the square hole cut into the roof to let it ‘sneak through’!                     BUT! if it rains though, yih gannih get very wet if your seat's there!"

Then it woz aall Lootin az they pressed for the opener!

This came (inevitably!) through an Andros Townsend heeder in the 25th minute (a former Toon player of course!) to put The Mad Hatters 1-0 up!

They pressed for a second goal and it nearly came soon after when Martin Dubravka's crossbar woz rattled with a great shot!--Luckily for us it bounced doon and the Toon goalie grabbed it before anymore damage could be done!

Another post in front of the left hand goal post to block wor view!

NUFC were out of sorts on wor travels again and aa couldnt help Finkin that King's Cross woz some kind of curse on us!?

WE manage to find the net through Isak late in the 2nd half but hiz goal woz ruled oot az hiz left hand woz fractionally offside!???

ISAK IN DARK BLUE AND YELLOW

Lootin had hit the bar at the other end again and we were lucky to lose by just the one goal margin!

Attendance: 11,042 (1,100 devastated  Toon fans!)

It woz then the train back to St Pancras station where a few customary 'drownin of the sorrows' gargels were had at nearby Betjamin Arms (the 3rd time we had done this here in less than a fortneet!) before catchin' the '8:00bells' train back yem from (wait for it!) KING'S CROSS!😧

Not much of a pub crawl this time! 3 inc Bethune Arms

Just The Barrel Vaults at KX and The Bricklayers boozer in Lootin (and of course The Betjamen Arms!)

PS: Mad Hatters an explanation

Lootin’s nickname iz The Hatters!

THE MAD HATTERS v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '6:00 am bells' Saturday 23rd Decembaa 2024

Somewhere in a hoose above the away end! (below!)

it’s mad-hatters tea party time!  it’s no ‘oak!

*In aboot an hours time we are on a train to King's Cross (again) and then onwards to Loootin! 

it’s a very lang time since we last visited this groond, which the away fans must enter through somebody’s doon stairs passage!

It’s a dump for certain az iz the toon centre BUT it won’t be an easy place to get a result!

After visiting The San Siro Milan, Dortmund and PSG, this place will send yoo crashing back doon to Earth in complete contrast!

Honestly Gatesheed Stadium iz 10 times better (and bigger!) az Kenilworth Road iz more like Whitley Bay’s groond or Blyth Spartan’s in comparison!

The fact that they have went from non Leegue to The Premyaa Leegue in a few short years iz a fackin miracle!

Anyway! we really must get sommik oot of the game az defeat iz unFinkable!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Xmas Eve!  Let’s hope it iz indeed a happy Xmas!? 🎄 

*

Chelseee 1. The Toon 1 (Chelseee win 4-2 on pens) Leegue Cup qwaataa Final

 Posted '4:10pm bell🛎️'s Wedinzday 20th Decembaa 2023

“STOPPAGE TIME SICKNESS 🤧 STRIKES AGAIN!”

Followin on from the heartbreak stoppage time 'penalty'? equaliser in Paris the other week, which ultimately cost us a place in The Champions Leegue knockout stage, it happened again in west London, when the normally reliable, but tired lookin Kieron Trippier, played a weak heeder to Chelsee’z Mudryk and he said “thank you very much” az he fired the baall home to level the score in the 92nd minute,after Callum Wilson had given us the lead in the 16th minute! 

NUFC were just 2 minutes away from a famous victory and a place in the semi finals! (A sickener for certain!)

Penalty kicks were then taken at ‘wor end’, but it did nee good az both Trippier and Ritchie failed to score, az we lost 4-2, to break the hearts of the 4,300 Toon fans, who were in both the lower and upper seats of The Shed End! (Wilson and Bruno scored wor 2 goals)

It started off well az we kicked towards the far goal and within 16 minutes we were in front when Callum Wilson raced through their defence and hit a sweet shot into the far corner of the net to send the packed away end at the opposite end of the pitch crazy!

For most of the rest of the game it woz ‘backs to the waall stuff’ az Chelseee peppered wor goal!

Indeed in the 2nd half it woz aall 'them' az the Toon foot soldiers battled away to stop the onslaught!—and then THAT misstayk by Trippier, who looked absolutleee nackered! (He needs a rest, like most of wor players!)

We must dust worselz doon and gan again at Lutin on Saturday in wot seems like a game every 3 days at the moment! (26 games played so far and it isnt even Xmas!)

Attendance: 38,058 (4,300 stunned Toon fans!)

*NUFCs penalty shootout record iz truly abysmal! Just 3 wins oot of 12 since 1970

Magical Mystery Pub Crawl Tour 2023-2024 (3 boozers visited)

Betjamin Arms St Pancras. London

Duke on the Green. parsons Green. London

The Goose. Fulham. London

The Chelseee OAPs v The Toon —-tooneeet!

 Posted 12:33pm 🔔 bells on the train to KX London Tuesday 19th Decembaa 2023

Wor  qwaataa final tie in the Leegue Cup takes place at Stamford Bridge and NUFC will have the backin of 4,600?in ‘The Shed’ at ‘8:00 bells tooneeet for a place in the 2legged semi final!

Havvint got a clue wot team Steady Eddie will pick with aall wor injuries?🤔

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Wedinzday!

THE TOON 3. THE COTTAGE PIE BRIGADE 0 —- Premyaa Leegue 2023-2024

 Posted ‘5:20pm 🔔 bells’ Munday 17th Decembaa 2023 (2 days late, but this IZ The Geordie Times, wot did yoo expect???🤔)

PINK SKY AT NIGHT!---GEORDIE DELIGHT! (But wot are aall those white dots? (Look closely!) 👽Aliens perhaps?👽

“I’d walk a million Miley’s for one of your smileys !”

It woz built up to be a tough game az Fulim had won their last 2 home games 5-0, while we had lost 3 in a row!

However! we shouldn’t have worried az we were on the front foot from the word go az we attacked The Leazes goal in the first half!

The sequence of events were az follows!

14th minute Schar gans doon holdin his leg and haz to be replaced by Krafth

22nd minute: Fulims Jimenez does a kung foo kick on Sean Longstaff andcrecieves a yellow card!

Surely a red I thought?— a VAR check confirms this and after lookin at the pitch side monitor the ref pull oot a red instead!

36th minute: Joelinton gans doon with wot looks like a hamstring injury and iz replaced by Lewis Miley! (Oh no!- not another one to add to the crocks list!)

despite playin 10 men we just couldn’t make the breakthrough az chance after chance went a beggin and somehow it woz still nil-nil at the break!

Crowd celebrate Lewis’s goal

57th minute: The breakthrough finally came at The Gallowgate End, when Bruno weaved through the Fulim defence to thread the baall through to Lewis Miley and he made née misstayk az he shot across the box! At 17years and 200 days the youngest player to score for NUFC in a Premyaa Leegue game!  The huge smile on his face said it aall! Smiley Miley celebrated wildly (sic!) (1-0 to us!)

Smiley Miley! 🤪😀😃

64th minute: Callum Wilson iz clattered in the box, ref waits, baall falls nicely to Almiron who hits his shot into an unguarded net! (Good decision by the ref not to immediately blow for a penalty)   (2-0 to us)

82nd minute: Dan Burn 🔥 bundles the baall ower the goal line after hiz initial heeder woz blocked by Fulim goalie Leno (3-0 to us)

The win lifted us back up to 6th place and within touchin distance of a Champions Leegue place!

Attendance: 52,035 (1,400 or so Cottage Pies!) ( Fulim play at Craven Cottage!—-get it!???🤔)

The aliens have landed! (see top photo) “Take me to your leader!—-Whey aye man!”

THE TOON v THE FULIM COTTAGE PIE BRIGADE**** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 16th Decembaa 2023

LAST SEASON WE WON 1-0 WITH ISAK SCORIN A LAST MINUTE HEEDER AZ HAPPY FANS MAKE THEIR WAY TO THE NEAREST BOOZER! 

(WELL 'ME' AT LEAST!)

Well! we are back doon the orth with a bump, after the disappointment of Wedinzday neet when we exited The Champions Leegue group stage v AC Milan!

Unglamorous Fulim are wor opponents in this Premyaa Leegue clash at SJP but it iz sure to be a hard game az The Cottage Pie Brigade are on a canny run at the moment, winnin their last 2 home games by 5-0 v Forest and West 'am----unlike us who have now lost wor last 3 games!

Anthony Gordon iz a doubt, but Dan Burn iz OK!---The really bad news iz that Kieron Trippier iz suspended havin picked up hiz 5th bookin' at Sporz last Sunday! 

A win would lift us back up into 6th place and anly 4 points off a Champions Leegue place!

Updated Sun ☀️ day mornin

The Geordie Times match report won’t appear here til Munday az I’m a bit dodgy with a virus! 🦠 (nowt to dee with the post match celebratory gargels 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺 by the way, in the 3-0 win!