FA CUP DRAW TOONEET!

Posted '1:25pm bells' Munday 3rd December 2018

The draw for the thord roond of the FA Cup takes place @ '7:30 bells' tooneet and the possibilities of a new ground to visit are endless!
Wot we would like iz a home draw of course, but if not, a tie against one of the lower leegue sides we have nevaa been te, away from home! ---AFC Wimbledon, Newport or Shrewsbury will de nicely!

Wot we definateleee divvint want iz an away tie v Man C, The Liverbirds or The Arse! etc!

NUFC are baall number 27 in the draw, which will take place live on BBC 1 and Radio 5 Live----I will be listennin intentleee on mee truck radio az aa travel across the Peninnes to Eccles, Manchester, to pick up a load of  wood floorin' products and carpets!

'The Geordie Times' will bring yoo the draw az soon az we find oot!

Az per usual, "WATCH THIS SPACE!"

Updated '9:50pm bells' in Eccles, Manchester

"Its The Venkys Chicken Mob of Blackborn at SJP!

THE TOON 0 THE JELLIED EELS MOB 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted just before 'high noon bells' Sunday 2nd December 2018

THE BACK PAGE OF THE SUNDAY SUN!!!!

(Coincidence OR skulduggery?)  

"BACK TO SQUARE ONE!"

The 'feel good' factor woz replaced by the 'feel bad' factor once again, az we failed miserably against West Ham, sufferin' wor heaviest defeat of the season and dentin' wor goal difference in the process!

After 3 straight wins everybody woz on 'a high'---but this IZ NUFC and az we have foond in the past, you shud never (ever!) build your hopes up that 'a corner haz been torned'!

The planned protest against wor 'beloved? owner' 'The Fat Controller', where fans waited til the 11th minute to come to the game, aalso fell flat az anly aboot 200 took part ---just az 'The Jellied Eels Mob' scored their forst of 3 goals at 'The Gallowgate End'! (The Fat Controller aalso joined in the protest against himself by not bein there in the forst 11 minutes!---(the number of years he haz been here!)
Come to 'fink' of it---he missed the remainin' 79 minutes of the game az well! (lucky him!)

The forst goal came amid shambolic defendin' az wor visitors beat the offside trap and Hermandez fired home unmarked to put them in front!

We just didn't play like we did at Bornley on Munday neet and were second best to a very average West Ham side!

The second goal came at The Leazes End in the 63rd minute when Hernandez scored again with a lang range effort to put the game 'to bed'!

The final nail in wor 'coffin' came deep into stoppage time, when a missteak by Manquillo 'let in' Anderson and he made 'ne misayke' with a low shot past Dubravka in the Toon goal!

By this time most of the crowd had disappeared into 'the mist' that had enveloped Tyneside---and az othaa results came in, we foond worselz in 15th position and just above the relegation places--once again!

One more to forget---for sure!

PS: Jellied eels are a favourite delicacy in the east end of London (where West Ham play)---hence 'The Jellied Eels Mob'!) 

Team line ups and more pix to follow later az a'm oot on'the hoy' very soon'

Updated Munday 'high noon bells'

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin Schar, Fernandez, Manquillo, Ritchie (Atsu 54), Diame, Ki, Kenedy (Shelvey 70), Perez (Joselu 78), Rondon

Attendance: 51, 853 (3,000 Jellied Eels supporters!)

*

THE TOON v THE JELLIED EELS MOB **** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON

Posted '5:50pm bells' Friday 30th November 2018

THE BANDSTAND IN LEAZES PARK  BEHIND THE LEAZES END
(pic by 'The Silver Fox')

Tomorrow we face West Ham at SJP hopin' for wor 4th win on the spin!
Hopefully the same team that started against Bornley last Munday will be lined up at '3 bells', az they played reeely well and shud have won easily----if anly Richie hadn't missed THAT sitter and Joselu's shot hadn't rebounded back into play we would have won 4-1 and not 2-1

NUFC v WHU HISTORY LESSON:
1st meetin' 110 years ago @ SJP: 1st February 1908 
 Won 2-0  Toon goalscorer: Bill Appleyard >(Remember him?) >  Attendance: 47,285

Last meetin' 11 months ago @ London Stadium: 23rd December 2017  Won 3-2  Toon goalscorers: Saivet, Diame, Atsu
Attendance: 56,955 (3,000 Toon fans)

AALL TIME RECORD: Played 131  Won 54  Drawn 37  Lost 40

A full match report will appear here sometime on Sunday

PS: There's a boycott of the forst 11 minutes of the game by The Magpie Group in protest at The 11 years of 'The Fat Controller's miserly mismanagement
'The Geordie Times' WONT be joinin in az we 'fink' that its a complete waste of time az wor owner haz a skin az thick az a rhino and it wont bother him at aall (that's IF he bothers to torn up?)
(He WASN'T at Bornley on Munday neet!)

NUFC *** THE LAST TIME WE WON AWAY AGAINST THE CURRENT PREMYAA LEEGUE SIDES

Posted '2:25pm bells' Friday 30th November 2018

TURF MOOR IN 1975   

THE LAST TIME NUFC HAD WON THERE IN A COMPETITIVE GAME

BEFORE MUNDAY'S VICTORY

"AT LAST!"

Wor Premyaa Leegue away win against Bornley on Munday neet at Turf Moor meenz that 'The Geordie Times' haz now seen NUFC win away against EVERY current Premyaa Leegue club for a competitive game!

Bornley woz the anly one left on the list! (although we did win 1-0 in an away friendly in 2001)
The last time we had won there in a competitive game before Munday's win, woz 43 years ago in 1975

The Liverbirds are now the anly current top flight team left, who we haven't beaten away in the 21st century---wor last win at Anfield woz 23 years ago yesterday in 1995 

THE LAST TIME WE WON AWAY:

26th November 2018: The Bornley Hillbillies 2-1

7th April 2018: The Basil Brush Brigade of Lestaa 2-1

3rd December 2017: The Jellied Eels Mob of West Ham 3-2

4th March 2017: 'uddersfield 3-1 (Champoinship)

28th February 2017: Ne Where Near Brightin 2-1

11th February 2017: Wulvzz: 1-0 (Championship)

13th December 2016: Sporz 2-1

7th November 2016: Bournemoooth 1-0

29th October 2014: The Blue Moonies of Manchester 2-0 (Leegue Cup)

21st December 2013: Crysil Paliss 3-0

7th December 2013: Moan U 1-0

5th October 2013: The Taffy Noses of Cardiff 2-1

2nd May 2012: Chelski OAPs 2-0

27th February 2010: The Elton John Mob of Wotfaad 2-1 (Championship)

7th November 2010: The Arse 1-0

18th September 2010: The Toffee Noses of Everton 1-0

15th December 2007: Fulim 1-0

19th September 2004: The Simon Templar Mob of Sooothampton 2-1

29th November 1995: The Liverbirds of Liverpool 1-0 (Leegue Cup)

THE BORNLEY HILLBILLIES 1 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '1:11pm bells' Tuesday 27th November 2018

"THE LANG WAIT IZ OWER!" (In more ways than one!)

We travelled doon in Big Al's 'jam jar' (NOT the sheet metal workers son!) and the others were 'International Russcue' and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer'!

THE TALBOT

We arrived at '5:30 bells' high up in the hills of Bornley (hence: The Bornley Hillbillies!) and heeded for 'The Talbot' which iz normally wor forst 'port o call' when we come here and where 'Dave from York' and hiz 'merry men' were assembled and hoyin the 'liquid lubrications' back!

THE SWAN

It woz then onward to 'The Swan' just doon the road, before heedin for the groond in plenty of time for the '8 bells' kick off.
We got to wor seats at qwaataa to eight anly to hear that the match had been delayed for half an hour coz the referee's assessor had collapsed in the players tunnel and woz rushed to hospital!

After the lang wait, the game eventually kicked off at '8:32 bells' which iz the latest aa can ever remember a game startin in this country! 
(Aa woz in southern Spain once to watch a NUFC X1 play Huelva in a friendly and the game didn't kick off til '11:00 bells' at neet because of the heat---it finished at '12:45am bells' which meant the match had been played ower 2 days!)

1st HALF ACTION AZ NUFC ATTACK THE FAR GOAL

ANYWAY!---within fower minutes of the eventual start we were in front after a failed clearance from a Bornley defender foond Fernandez and he wellied the baall goalwards. It hit Mee (that's Ben Mee---not 'me' in the away end!) and ricocheded into the net at the far end from us, givin Hart in the home goal 'nee chance'!

2nd HALF ACTION

We were 'coastin' in 'the hills' and we doubled wor lead in the 23rd minute when a Ritchie cross from the far right foond the bonce of Ciaran Clark and he 'glanced' a heeder into the goal to send the Toon faithful wild in the end opposite! 

Inexplicably, when we were well on top, 'The Hillbillies' pulled one back in the dyin' embers of the half with a heeder by Vokes from outside the box!

The 2nd half started off just like the forst, when Matt Richie missed an absolute sitter from one yard oot with the goal gapin'!

Substitute Joselu (who had came on for Rondon) then hit the far post when it woz much easier to score!
Bornley then piled on the pressure az 'little old me' pulled mee hair oot az the clock ticked doon!

4 minutes stoppage time at the end of the half meant that Joe Hart left hiz goal to try and help get an equaliser!---It thankfully never came and the ref blew for full time at '10:28pm bells' by my phone clock and the Toon players celebrated alang with wor fans for finally winnin an away game after a 7 month wait, when we won 2-1 at Lestaa! 

It aalso ended the 'lang wait' for a Premyaa Leegue win on a Munday after TEN defeats in a row!
The lang wait woz ower at last (in more ways than one!) az we made it 3 wins in a row and 4 unbeaten!
NUFC now sit in 13th position in the leegue, havin 'leapfrogged both 'uddersfield and West Ham in the process ----AND we play the latter next Saturday at home! 

Who says that I hate Mundays?

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Schar, Fernandez, Clark, Ritchie, Diame, Ki, Kenedy (Hayden 90), Perez, Rondon (Joselu71)

Attendance: 20,628 (2,400 very happy and releeeved Toon fans!)

*

THE BORNLEEE HILLBILLIES v THE TOON *** TOONEET!

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Munday 26th November 2018

"I (Definatly) DON'T LIKE MUNDAYS!"

We heed across the Peninnes tooneet to play Bornley in a live telly game!
We reeely divvint like Mundays in the Premyaa Leegue az we have lost the last TEN in a row when we have played on the forst day of the week!

We leave at '2:00pm bells' and shud be in wor forst 'waaterin hole' by '5:30 bells' at the latest!

Both Paul Dummett and Muto are unavailable, but both Shelvey and Lascelles are!
NUFC have sold the entire away allocation in wot iz yet anothaa 'must not lose' game!


Its now so tight at the bottom of the table that nearly half the clubs in the Premyaa are near the danger zone!
We sit 15th but are just 1 point off the very bottom of the table!

A full Geordie Times match and pub crawl report will follow by tomorrow afternooon!

Az per usual 'watch this space'!

RYHOPE SMBs 2 DUNSTON BAD BLUE BOYS 4 *** NORTHERN LEEGUE

Posted '11:23am bells' Sunday 25th November 2018

"mackem SLAYERS!"

With yet anothaa blank Saturday to fill in (The Toon wornt playin til Munday neet!) we heeded for 'enemy territory' in Ryhope (sund'lind) to watch 'The Bad Blue Boys' at 'The Ryhope Recreation Groond'.

A lad called Peetaa (Peter!) woz drivin and it woz just az well the sat nav woz workin, az the groond woz in the middle of a maze of dead end streets!

We had time for a quick pint in the Ryhope Cricket Club bar (next to the futbaall groond) before heedin for the match!

"SANCTUARY!"

I bought a match programme to see the team line ups, anly to discover that it woz 2 teams of invisible men playin'!

FILL YOUR OWN TEAM IN!

1: DUBRAVKA, 2: CLARK, 3: YEDLIN, 9: SHEARER!, 10: ???

Ryhope wore a red n white striped kit (az yi'd expect for a sund'lind team!), while The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston wore their aall blue strip!
The forst half woz c*ap with both teams unable to get oot of forst gear---and az the rain came doon we decided to heed back to the clubhoose just before half time for some more 'liquid lubrications' (and to avoid a soakin'!)
Just wor luck that Dunston scored through a Fitzpatrick penalty aftaa a 'hand baall' by a Ryhope player, deep into stoppage time---and of course we had missed it!

"Nevaa mind", we thought---there are more goals in this game---and were we to be proved right when Jordan Nellis struck a superb shot into the corner of the net in the 54th minute, to put 'The Bad Blue Boys' '2 up' and send their 60 odd fans wild with delight  (ower half the crowd!)

It woz 3-0 6 mins later, when this time, Fitzpatrick hit a superb stike into the bottom corner and it woz 'game ower'-----well not quite!---az 'the mackem minnows' pulled 2 goals back through Ellis and Devlin to set the norves janglin!

However, Dunston had the last say when Scott Heslop fired home to complete the scorin'! (4-2)

Dunston are still unbeaten in the leegue and are breathin doon Consett's neck at the top of the table! (Consett won az well to remain top) 
Attendance:117 (plus a gadgie watchin' from hiz bedroom window in the distance!)

INVISIBLE TEAM LINE UPS INSIDE!--

On the way back, we spotted this

bus stop aboot a mile away

from the groond!😨

YET ANOTHAA BLANKETY BLANK WEEKEND!

Posted '1:12pm bells' Saturday 24th November 2018

TURF MOOR, BORNLEY ***AZ IT LOOKED IN 1974

On Munday neet we play The Bornley 'Hillbillies', away, for a live telly game, which meenz we have yet anothaa blank Saturday to fill in.
The intention last Saturday when the International break woz on, woz to gan and watch 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston, but I nevaa got there, az aa had to gan to hospital az mee leg and foot had swollen reet up for ne apparent reason and aa had to get it 'checked oot'! (A 3 hour wait!)

Thankfully the swellin haz went doon and 'its back to normal service today', when a'm off to 'enemy territory' in Ryhope (sund'lind) to watch Dunston in a Northern Leegue encoontaa!

44 years ago yesterday, we played Bornley at Turf Moor and were hammered 4-1😧 --- and an archive match report on that game iz printed below! (ground number 034)

034 turf moor burnley

(GROUND NUMBER 34)
Date of First Visit: 23rd NOVEMBER 1974
TURF MOOR, BURNLEY

BURNLEY 4
NEWCASTLE UNITED 1 (Barrowclough)
(OLD) DIVISION ONE
ATTENDANCE 19,523 (2,000 Toon fans)



"TAKIN' THE P**S!"

 The bus was chocka block az usual with *'The Waterloo Wobblers 'az wih left the Toon for this trip tih Turf Moor and of course it was aalso 'chocka' wih drink, AND!---az was the 'custom in them days, a ten gallon plastic 'p**s bucket' occupied the front stairwell.


There were ne 'tool sheds' on the busses back in the 'stone age' (aka; the sixties and
seventies!) and tih save the driver from stoppin' every ten miles or so for a 'p**s
stop', a large container tih hold wor 'surpless liquid' was VITAL! on every away
trip!. (Thus savin' valueable drinkin' time!)


The Bornley trip was ne exception tih the rule, and the stinkin' frothy 'bucket' was
full tih overflowin' az we approached the environs of this Lancashire outpost.
In fact it was that full that everytime the bus went ower a pothole on the 'A59' (and there were plenty of them!) the contents came ower the side like a giant tsunami wave! (slight
exaggeration!) and if yih wor'nt very careful, yi'd get yih troosers and skeets
washed free of charge!. (ie; it wasn't too wise tih get too close, az nature took it's
course!)


Az wih got closer tih the groond, a police outrider signalled for the driver tih
follow him, blue light flashin'. Then, az wih got within 'hocklin' distance' of the floodlights, an ower zelious rookie 'Dibble' who looked aboot sixteen years old put his hand oot tih stop the bus and read wih the 'riot act'.
The p**s bucket was leanin' precarisly against door under the weight of the p**s on the top step of the stairwell and 'young Dibble', in hiz eagerness tih get on, yanked the door and pulled it open!

 Az the door opened!--- (AYE!—YIV GUESSED IT!)---the bucket toppled ower and the entire contents spilled oot and went aall ower his shirt, tunic and flannel troosers!.
----I-T!---W-A-Z!-----H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S-!
The sight of him standin' there, speechless!, drenched tih the skin!, with steam
risin' from his uniform from the ten gallons of warm putrid p**s!, on that freezin'
caad November day!, iz somethin' that will live with iz till MEE DYIN' DAY!.
(Oh! how ah wished that a'd brought mee camara with iz!--OH! HOW AH WISHED!)


The bus was in hysterics!, az he stood there like a drooned rat!, not knaain what
tih de next!. (Toon Fans-'ONE!'---'Dibble'-'NIL!')
We were blockin' the road and the 'Dibble' who waz escortin' the bus, then came
tih wor rescue and signalled frantically for the driver tih move on az we were
causin' a massive traffic jam!.
Wor driver (fearin' he'd be nicked!) didn't need much persuasion tih move on! and
he was off like a shot!, leavin' the 'drenched Dibble' to his fate!.
(Yih COULD'NT make it up!)


Az wih entered the groond the taalkin' point waz of course aboot what happened
tih 'officer' 'Dibble' but anotha taalkin' point waz the battle that waz gannin on
before us between 'The Leazes Boot Boys' and their Bornley counterparts fortha
alang the huge terrace.
'The Longside' where we were housed waz aalso the 'Borley Boot Boys' 'pitch' and
aall that seperated the rival fans waz a metal fence doon the middle straddlin' the half
way line.
It torned out that some of wor fans had 'infiltrated' their section and boots 'n' fists
were flyin' everywhere! (In them days yih just payed on the day tih get in, and it
waz common for rival fans tih get intih the wrang end!)


Before lang and just az the teams ran oot, 'The 'Dibble Brigade' charged in and a canny few were 'collared' and led away! (some 'fans' were unceremonisly carried
oot, kickin' and screamin' az they went!, knockin' off a few of the officers' helmets
in the process, ontih the perimiter track!, but before lang the trouble died doon
and we could nuw (hopefully?) concentrate on the match!

'The Long-
side', incident-ly, waz well named, az it ran the full length of the pitch and in the distance above the main stand yih could see the moors that gave the groond it's name.
(Very picturesque!)

However!---it wasn't too 'picturesque' on the pitch and it wasn't too lang before
we were brung back doon tih earth!, and I'm of course taalkin' aboot wor woeful
match performance once again!.
This time it was Bornley who were 'TAKIN THE P**S' az they ran oot easy fower-
one winners with ex Toon player Peter Noble comin' back to haunt hiz former club
scorin' a hat-trick in the process!
Stewie Barrowclough got the Toon's 'consolation goal'? in the second half when he
cut in from the left tih shoot under Stevenson the Bornley keeper.


SUMMARY:
SO!--- that waz it then!
Bornley took the P**S! ("boo!-hoo!")
'Dibble' got the P**S! ("ha!-ha!")
And we got totally!-------P**S'T! ("yeee-haaa!")


(Az the aad sayin' ganz---"IT NEVER RAINS!"----"IT JUST 'P**SES' DOON!")




Footnote:
*'The Waterloo Wobblers' were a group of fans who frequented 'The Waterloo Pub' on the corner of Bath Lane and Westgate Road in Newcastle---namely ---


'Lang haired Mac', Marty, Dylan, Windy, Fat Wally (aka: 'Thunder Thighs!'), Santy, 'Bob the Bag' (a shoplifter!), 'Davy the Bold-One',  Davy Dowaz, Ashy, 'Plonky' Burns, 'Pete the Nose', 'Jimmy The Mask', (a man so ugly you would think he was wearin' one!) plus various others, who, through the passage of time their names aa cannit recollect at the moment! (aa think they caall it 'Alzheimer's!')

THE WATERLOO--Lost but NOT! forgotten





Geordie Glossary of Terms and Phrases (for the benefit of 'non Geordie' readers)


A
Az=as
Aboot=about
A'd=I'd
Alang=along
Aye=yes
Aall=all
Aad=old
B
Bornley=Burnley
C
Chocka=full
Collared=arrested
Cannit=cannot
Call=call
Caad=cold
D
Dibble=policeman/men
Droned=drowned
De=do
Doon=down
F
Fortha=further
Fower-one=four-one
G
Groond=ground
Ganz=goes
Gannin'=going
H
Hocklin' distance=spitting distance
I
Intih=into
Iz=is/me
K
Knaain=knowing
L
Lang=long
M
Mee=my
N
Nne=no
Nuw=now
O
Ower=over
Oot=out
Ontih=onto
P
P**s=a bodily function!
P**s't=very drunk!
S
Skeets=shoes
T
Toon=City of Newcastle/Newcastle fans/Newcastle United FC
Tool sheds=toilets
Tih=to
Taalkin'=talking
The Leazes End boot boys=Newcastle hooligans
Troosers=trousers
W
Wor=our
Wor'nt=were not
Wih=we
Wrang=wrong
Y
Yih=you
Yiv=you have
Yi'd=you would




©Fink™(the mad-sad gr☺undh☺pper!)

"IT WOZ 50 YEARS AGO TODAY!" (Part 3)

Posted '2:45pm bells' Friday 23rd November 2018

50 years ago today me and mee mate 'Billy' went to Wolves to watch The Toon.
It woz Billy's 15th borthday and he iz 65 today! (how time flyzzz!)

"HAPPY BORTHDAY TO YOO!"

An archive match report on that game iz printed below (ground number 005)