THE FOLLY OF THE WALLY WITH THE BROLLY!

Posted '2:36pm bells' Wednesday 22nd August 2018

I see that one of wor former 'duck egg' managers who woz appointed by 'The Fat Controller', haz created a new 97 year record at hiz current club QPR by losin' the forst 4 games!

After their crunchin' 7-1 defeat to WBA on Saturday the players were told by 'The Wally with the Brolly' to "get their fingers out!" and get a result against Bristol City last neet!
They DID and anly lost 3-0 this time at Loftus Road, which meeenz its QPRs worst start to a leegue season since 1921 when they joined the leegue!

Divvint 'fink' he will last much langer in THAT job!---do yoo!    

POSSIBLE NEW GROOND FOR THE NUFC GROUNDHOPPERS!

Posted '1:00pm bells' Tuesday 21st August 2018

RODNEY PARADE, NEWPORT COONTY AFC

Havin' spent the Friday night in Newport before wor game at Cardiff last Saturday, we might be gannin back there sooner than expected az NUFC U23s have been drawn against eethaa NEWPORT COONTY or Notts Coonty in the Premyaa Leegue Cup draw!
The above teams must play each othaa on Wednesday 29th August for the chance to play us home and away---(The same day that wor 1st team are away to Forest in the Leegue Cup)

And yoo can bet your 'bottom dollar' that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will be rootin' for Newport, az we have never been to their groond before (whereaz we HAVE been to Notts Coonty's groond on several occasions!)

NUFC U23s must aalso play Sooothampton and Leeedz in the 'Group 'H' draw---where of course we have been te many times before az well!

TOON U23s v SMBs U23s **** TOONEET @ SJP!

Posted '1:15pm bells' Munday 20th August 2018
Updated '9:30pm bells'

LOOKIN' TOWARDS THE EAST STAND FROM LEAZES PARK ROAD

A rare Tyne/wear home derby takes place tooneet when wor U23s play their U23s in a Leegue encoontaa at 'The Cathedral on the Hill'!

The East Stand will be open and season ticket holders get in for nowt!
Kick off iz at '7:00 bells' and a smaall crowd iz anticipated!
It's £3 for big kids and £1 for sprogs etc. who don't have season tickets

Full time score will appear here after '9:00pm bells'!


Updated '9:30pm bells'

"WHEY AYE-EEE FIVE 'O'!"

TOON U23s 5 (FIVE!)   SMBs U23s 0

Some joyous news after Saturdays debacle in sooth Wales!
Wor U23s slaughtered the mackems 5-0 at St James' Park tooneet in front of 3,338 delighted fans!

Goals from Bailey, Roberts, Soreneson and a brace from Charman sealed a great victory ower those minnows from Leegue 1!

"HOWAY THE LADS!"😊

THE TAFFY NOSES 0 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '10:45am bells' Sunday 19th August 2018
(Will be updated throughoot the day)

The definin' moment of the game!

Kenedy's weak penalty iz easily saved!

"COME IN NUMBER 9!"  

The biggest mystery in this trueleeee shockin' performance in sooth Wales, woz the absence of new signings Solomon Rondon and Fabian Schar?

We reeely divvint naa wot to say, but I would put this in mee top 10 of worst performances from  a Toon team since I started supportin them way back in the 'swingin sixties'!

The startin line up with Joselu and Perez up front woz mystifyin to the 2,000 fans in the away end, az it doesn't work?


Passes gannin astray from both teams and inactivity anywhere near the goals woz absolute torture to watch and Kenedy in particular didnt seem to make any through passes in the entire game!

The referee Pawson had az poor game az well with nearly every challenge gannin against us! (Perhaps he shud change hiz name to POORson!)

Hayden woz sent of at the mid point of the 2nd half ,for a crunchin tackle on a Cardiff player, which made it even more difficult for us!

And then salvation!---or so we thought!--- when a penalty woz awarded to us in the 6th minute of stoppage time for a hand baall in the box!

Kenedy, who'd had a dreadful game az mentioned, grabbed the baall from Shelvey and then hit a weak shot to the left of their keeper, who saved easily to send The Taffys wild and The Geordies into dispair!

There's one thing for certain---Cardiff , (who never had one shot on target that we can remember?) were terrible az well and WILL be relegated!
So where does that leave us with anly 2 matches played?

With games against Chelski, the 2 manc clubs, and 'The Arse' comin up, "There may be trouble ahead!"

On the train back yem

we bumped into a very

famous person!

Toon team: Dubravka, Manquillo (Hayden 46), Lascelles, Clark, Dummett, Ritchie(Murphy 70), Shelvey, Diame, Kenedy, Perez (Muto 65), Joselu

Attendance: 30,720 (Anly 2,000 Toon fans!)

The empty blue and white seats are in the away section!---

We couldn't sell aall wor tickets!

Disillusion haz set in aalready! 

PS: The most amazin thing aboot wor pre season travels to Barrow, Ireland, Cornwall, Portugal and wor 1st competitive away game in Wales, iz the fact that we have never needed to wear a coat, az it haz hardly rained at aall! (It did rain durin yesterday's match, but had stopped before the end!)
Shirt sleeves every one---so far!

Away pub crawl pix
9 'liquid lubrication locations' visited in total!

Manchester---between trains!

Manchester

Newport---owerneet stay

Newport

Newport

Newport

Cardiff

Cardiff

Cardiff

Cardiff

Cardiff (post match)

THE TAFFY NOSES v THE TOON *** SATURDAY DINNAATIME!

Posted '10:45am bells' Friday 17th August 2018

THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE---

ATSU (IN WHITE WITH ARM RAISED) SCORES WOR

1st GOAL FROM A FREE KICK IN A 2-0 WIN 

DURIN' WOR LAST PROMOTION SEASON! (2016-17)

WE are off on wor travels for the forst Premyaa Leegue away game of the season tomorrow when we heed for the Welsh capital city!

A dinnaatime kick off (for live telly of course!) meenz that we must travel today to be sure of makin the kick off!

Cardiff are favourites for a retorn back to The Championship and reeely we must get sommik oot of this game, az there are a canny few hard games on the horizon (Chelski, Man C, Man U and The Arse!)
With several players due to make their dubuts for us, it will be a good test to see just how good we are in the battle to avoid the drop!

A full match report will appear here sometime on Sunday---alang with a pub crawl report from Newport (where we are stayin) and of course from Cardiff, in wor quest to de 100 away pubs/clubs this season
(scroll doon this page for an article on that!)----
'THE 100 AWAY PUB CRAWL CHALLENGE!'

IT'S THE FRIAR TUCK MOB!----AGAIN!

Posted '9:40pm bells' Thorsday 16th August 2018

         Somewhere in Sherwood forest near                                          Nottingham.
      "HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEWS ROBIN?--
    FOREST PLAY THE GEORDIES AT THE CITY                 GROUND IN THE CARABAO CUP!"

The draw for the 2nd roond of The Leegue Cup (Carabao Cup) haz been made and for the 2nd season in a row we face The Friar Tuck Mob of Nottingham in the 2nd roond!

Last year we played them at home and lost 3-2!
This time its away at their place at the end of this month!

Updated on Friday at '4:30pm bells', on the train to sooth Wales from Manchester, where we had to change on wor way to sooth Wales for the Cardiff game!😨


Wor game at Forest haz been picked for live telly on Wednesday 29th August at '7:45 bells'!

"I HAVE A DREAM!----AND A NIGHTMARE!"

Posted '12:45pm bells' Thorsday 16th August 2018

The draw for the 2nd roond of The Leegue Cup (Carabao Cup) takes place tooneet at '7:00 bells' and 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will be dreamin' that its  an away game on a groond we haven't been te before! 
The draw could pair us with a lower leegue team in the northern section draw and so the possibility of a dream away tie at Rochdale, Fleetwood or Macclesfield iz a possibility! (Groonds we have nevaa been te!)

The nightmare scenario iz an away tie at some sh*thole we have been te before, like Stoke, Blackborn, The Smoggies or (god forbid!) The SMBs (shud they get through!)
PS: This roond isnt seeded like last season, so we could aalso get a northern/midland based Premyaa Leegue team who are not in Europe. (They come in at the 3rd roond stage!)

NUFC are ball number 17 in the draw!

Fingers (and toes!) crossed!

JOYOUS NEWS FOR AALL TOON FANS!

Posted '1:20pm bells' Tuesday 14th August 2018 😅

"LET THE CELEBRATIONS BEGIN!"

Joyous news reaches 'The Geordie Times' that Rickity George, who scored 'that FA Cup goal' in 1972, haz been jailed for 2 years for money laundering, after defrauding hiz victim oot of qwaataa of a million quid in a sham hoose sale! (Hiz victim subsequently had a heart attack!)

Hiz miscreant son woz aalso jailed for hiz part in the fraud!

This will teach him for makin' wor lives a misery everytime the FA Cup 3rd roond draw iz made!---Will Motson and the BBC never let us forget???

AT LAST!---JUSTICE FOR THE TOON FANS WHO WERE AT THAT FATEFUL GAME 46 YEARS AGO! (I woz there!😨)

GET THE BUBBLY OOT!  (Broon ale of course!)

"LET THE PARTY BEGIN!"😅

PS: Wish 'I' woz the judge!
He would have got 46 years hard labour!
The time we have suffered!😨

ON THIS DAY FORTY YEARS AGO!

Posted 4:00pm bells' Sunday 12th August 2018

On this day in 1978 we played Berwick Ramgers in a pre season friendly!

THE BATTLE OF  BERWICK 1978!
(Match report below   ground number 44)

044 shielfield park berwick

(GROUND NUMBER 44)
Date of First Visit: 12th AUGUST 1978
SHIELFIELD PARK, BERWICK UPON TWEED

BERWICK RANGERS 0
NEWCASTLE UNITED XI- 1 (Blackhall)


FRIENDLY? FIXTURE
ATTENDANCE: 1,780 (1,000 Toon fans) (inc. 100 radgies!)






"THE BATTLE OF BERWICK 1978!"

Somewhere near  'The Brown Bear'  boozer--Berwick 

'The Waterloo Wobblers' met up at the 'Central' tih catch the orly train tih Berwick for this pre-season 'friendly'.

'The Wobblers' az we were affectionately known in them days, (coz wih often foond it hard tih waalk in a straight line after an 'aall day bender'!) used tih drink in the aad Waterloo bar on the corner of Westgate Road and Bath lane, not far from St. James', and a good torn oot was expected for the short trip north tih Tweedmooth.
(The Waterloo was opposite 'Tilly's Bar' and has lang since been demolished!)

Amongst the assembled crew that day were such weird and wonderfully named characters like, 'Windy' Wind, 'Jimmy The Mask', 'Santy' Sant, (nee relation tih that white bearded fella!) 'Dylan' (Paulus the Woodgnome) Younger, 'Bob The Bag', 'Mad Mac', 'Lang haired Mac', 'Fawlty Dowaz', Marty 'Eggs 'n' Bacon' Faichen, Johnny 'The Streaker' Burns and of course meesel, aka: 'Fink', the writer of this 'piece'!. (Aalthough, 'Fink' iz 'hardly a 'wierd name'---iz it!?)

A reet 'mottley crew' of 'twenty somethings', aalthough not aall would retorn from the Scottish borders that day.
(read on!)

Aaltogether, Berwick has changed hands between the English and Scots nee fewer than *14 times, in the centuries of bloody conflict between the two warin' nations with the forst 'Battle of Berwick' takin' place in 1296
(*or was it 17 times?---history wasn't one of mee favourite subjects at skool!)

The last time it changed hands was in the 1300's (mee thinks?) when the English retook the border toon and it haz remained in England ever since.

HOWEVER!--for one brief period on 12th August 1978 it changed hands once again!, this time tih the GEORDIE INVADERS!, who had come there en-mass for the 'friendly'? match between Berwick and a Newcastle XI.

The waaterin' holes in the centre of Berwick were packed with Toon fans who had completely took ower the place!, and by the time kick off approached ower the bridge in Tweedmooth there were a canny few 'wheelbarrow jobs' amongst the Geordie 'foot-soldiers'!. (Meesel includeed!)
This game was played at the height of futbaall aggro, when, wherever yih went there was likely tih be trouble, and this match proved tih be nee exception.
Ootside 'The Brown Bear' boozer in the toon centre there was a standoff between 'The Geordies Invaders' and 'The Berwickshire Dibbles' and before lang aall hell broke loose as truncheons were drawn and bricks were thrown as a pitched battle, not unlike that of seven hundred years ago then ensued (slight exaggeration!) before everybody realised that it was in fact 'match time' and aall of a sudden the fightin' stopped as 'The Geordie Invaders' staggered ower 'The Tweed' towards Shielfield Park!


"FANCY DRIBBLE RULED OFFSIDE!"


Aaltogether, play was stopped three times az the Toon fans invaded the pitch.
On one occasion a 'Dibble' was kicked in the heed az a hundred fans (a tenth of the Toons travellin' support) climbed ower the wire fence and aall hell broke loose.

One of the 'Wobblers', namely, 'Marty', who was 'canny sorved' decided tih join in the game when an injury to a Toon player in the second half stopped the game for several minutes.

He vaulted ower the low perimeter fence and took the baall off a startled Berwick defender who was standin' near the touchline.

He then procceeded tih bamboozle the opposition with a mazzy run az he made off doon the pitch towards the Rangers goal!.

After some breathtakingly daft dribblin' (that's reet---DAFT dribblin'---NOT!---deft!) he beat a forther three players who attempted tih stop him (one, with a 'failed' rugby tackle!) before roondin' their keeper and cooly slottin' the baall intih the empty net!. (Which iz sommik that the Toon players had'nt managed aall afternoon!)

This brought thunderous applause and laughter from the Toon fans, BUT!, the local 'Dibble' did'nt see the 'funny side' and he was 'sent off', alang with 'Fawlty Dowaz' and several other members of the 'Waterloo Wobblers' who had joined him on the pitch!. ('Sent off' tih the nearest 'meat wagon', that iz!)

And aall they got for their troubles was a neet in the Berwick 'COP'thorne Hotel, plus a 100 quid fine intih the bargain! (With inflation, that's 700 'smackaroonies' in todayz money!)

Oh! yes!---ah nearly forgot aboot the MATCH!---up until Marty's intervention, it had been a typical pre-season 'run-aboot' and it did'nt 'liven up' again till ten minutes before time, when Ray Blackhall rose magnificently ower the Rangers defence tih heed home a Ralph Callachan corner, which sealed the victory for the 'Black 'n' Whites'.

('Er'!---that meenz that wih actually won TWO-nil---does'nt it???) (Memo: 'Must cut doon on the alcohol intake')

After the match there was more fightin' in the streets, az wih made wor way back tih Berwick toon centre and total mayhem in the train station az wih waited for the 'Cannon Baall Express' tih tek wih back tih Tyneside, with quite a few more Toon fans gettin' their 'collars felt before they made the train'!.

(It was later said that this was the worst trouble that the border toon had seen since Berwick had famously beaten Glasgow giants Rangers 11 years previously in a Scottish Cup tie)

Infact!---this game had been a prelude for wor forst league game of the season at Millwall the followin' week---a 'practice' run yih could say?, for wor visit tih 'The DEN of iniquity!'-----(We would not be disappointed!) (see ground number 45!)



The local papers said it aall aboot 'Marty's' 'wonder goal':

''FANCY DRIBBLE RULED OFFSIDE!'-"--the Jawnil's heedline screamed!, az it went on tih describe his dribblin' 'technique'!
So?---the final score WAS anly ONE-NIL after AALL!
'-----BUT!----Hang on a minute!---he couldn't! have been offside!---He was in his AAN! half of the pitch when he got the baall!.!
---TWO-NIL! TIH THE TOON!
"---(I REST MY CASE!)
FINAL REVISED SCORE:


BEWICK RANGERS 0
NEWCASTLE UNITED XI- 2 (Faitchen, Blackhall)



EPITATH:
Marty sadly passed away suddenly just before Christmas 2002, but he will not be forgotten.

For he will gan doon in the annals of Newcastle United's folklore az the anly fan in the clubs lang history tih come on az a 'sub' and score a goal for them in open play!.


"R.I.P. MARTY!"




©Fink ™(the mad-sad gr☺undh☺pper!)