"TAXI FOR PARDEW!"

Posted '11:05am bells' Saturday 17th February 2018

"WE JUST COULDNT RESIST IT!"

News reaches 'The Geordie Times' that wor former failed manager Alan Pardew took his 'bottom of the table' West Brom players for warm weather trainin' in Barcelona this week, in between games last Munday and today?

The players were on a strict midneet curfew,and shud have been tucked up in bed, but at '5:30am bells' 4 of them nicked a taxi and drove it back to their hotel!

Meanwhile, Pardew 'the dippy' had had hiz pockets 'dipped' in La Ramblas the day before (Barcelona's main thoroughfare) and lost hiz wallet and mobile phone!

Rumour haz it that there were hundreds of numbers on hiz phone, but he woz more worried that he'd lost the number for The Job Centre az well!

"YI COULDNT MAKE IT UP!"  

FA CUP BLANKETY BLANK!---YET AGAIN!

Posted '12:55pm bells' Friday 16th February 2018

'JARRA' in a bygone age!

Az iz the norm theeze days we have a blank weekend az its 'FA Cup 4th roond time' and for the 11th year runnin we are not in it!

Instead  ---- and to get wor 'weekend fix'--- we are off to 'the delights'? of West Boldon near mackemland, where 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston are playin away to 'The Crusaders' of Jarra Rooofin' in a Northern Leegue forst division encoontaa! (Level 9 in the English pyramid system)

We are startin off at 'Lady Greys' (aka The Adelphi) in the Toon for the forst 'liquid lubrications' of the weekend and then onward to a bus stop nearby to catch the bus to the groond! (30 mins?)

There's a clubhoose there of course and guess where we will be gannin pre/durin/post match, in wor 'FebBrewery 'crusade' (VERY approriate for a Jarra team!)
PS: A huge crowd iz expected! (Jarra's average gate iz 70!)

A full Geordie Times match report and pix will appear here in due course!

200 LIVE TELLY GAMES ANNOONED FROM 2019-2022

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Thorsday 15th February 2018

The mouthwaaterin' new telly deal from 2019 to 2022 haz been annoonced worth 4.464 Billion quid!

Who won wot and wot does it meen for 'The Toon Travellers' who gan to every game! (That's assumin' of course that we are still in the 'top flight'!)
There are 7 packages of which 5 have been decided!


SKY have won the right to show 128 games per season and have forst choice of prime fixtures!    BT get the 'scraps'!

Package A
BT will show 32 games per season--aall '12 30 bells' kick offs on a Saturday

Package B
SKY will show 32 games per season---aall '5 30 bells' kick offs on a Saturday

Package C
SKY will show 24 games on a Sunday at '2 00 bells' and 8 games on a Saturday at '7 45 bells'

Package D
SKY will show 32 games on a Sunday at '4 30 bells'

Package E
SKY will show 24 games on a Munday at '8 00 bells' or Friday between '7 30 to 8 00 bells' plus 8 on a Sunday at '2 00 bells'

Package F
TBC 20 games from 1 bank holiday and 1 mid week fixture

Package G
TBC 20 games from 2 mid week fixtures

I HOPE YOO ARE FOLLOWIN' AALL THIS!?

In othaa words we could be playin anytime and date yoo would care to pick!?

On a personal note I am OK with Saturday neet and Sun7day games as I am off work on weekends anyway!
Friday neets and Munday neets are a bit of a pain though, az I will have to take holidays for them!
(Away games at '12 30 bells' on a Saturday would be a pain az well, az aa work neetshift!)

"SORVES THE GREEDY BUSTARD REET!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 13th February 2018

😊😀😁😂😃😄😅😆

"A BLESSIN' IN DISGUISE!"

Woz listenin to the Chelski v WBA game on mee truck radio last neet!

Daniel Sturridge, the man who did a last minute 'u turn' on the motorway on transfor deadline day, when he woz aboot to have a medical with us and went south to West Brom instead 'for family reasons' (AND £100,000 quid a week wages!) , got injured in the very forst minute of the game, when he pulled hiz hamstring--and this brought music to my ears!

It haz torned oot to be 'a blessin in disguise' for us and we are willin to bet that he misses the rest of the season az hiz new team now look aalmost certain to be relegated after losin 3-0!

I divvint want to temp fate, but WBA are now 8 points behind us and have an inferior goal difference, so its pretty safe to say that they wont catch us with just 11 games to gan til the end of the season!

The new management 'team'? of Pardew and Carver are deein a magnificent job there! (remember them?)
WBA were above the relegation zone when they took over from 'The Tramp in a Tracksuit' (Pulis)--and now they are rock bottom!

Wonder how they are aall feelin now???

STOP PRESS!
Just hord on 'SKY' that West Brom have sacked their Chairman and Chief executive!----wonder who will be next???

THE TOON 1 MOAN U 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 12th February 2018

"OH YEE OF LITTLE FAITH!"

The day started off in The Bodega at '11 30am bells'  with me 'finkin' that no matter wot happened we could finish the day ne lower than 17th in the table!
But at 'high noon bells' I woz in for a shock az I'd forgot that 'uddersfield were playin Bournemooth in the orly kick off!

Shud the home side win then we WOULD end up in one of the relegation places before WE'D kick a baall!

And so 'it came to pass' that 'uddersfield took an orly lead az we watched the bar's big screen in horror!   An equaliser soon aftaa had the bar cheerin' but the home side retook the lead to groans from those assembled!

The talk woz then on a relegation battle that more than 50% of Toon tipplers thought we would lose, whereas 'little old me' said that there woz a 50/50 chance of avoidin the drop!

Aa moved on to The Leazes End club behind the East Stand where more doom and gloom emerged when aa foond oot that 'uddersfield had won 4-1 to put us in thord bottom place!

A draw v Moan U woz the best we could hope for aa thought, but NUFC proved me wrang az we put in a 'fight to the death' performance in front of wor 2nd highest crowd of the season!

THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE GOAL (1st half)

NOTE THE TOTAL ABSENSE OF FLAGS

THE CLUB BANNED THEM AFTER THE PROTEST FLAGS

AT THE BORNLEY GAME! (Below)

To cut a very lang story short, the whole team 'fought for their lives' and we emerged 1-0 winners in the end after Matt Richie scored at The Leazes End in the 65th minute to send the crowd into delirium mode!
In particular, wor new goalie Martin Dubravka, Jonjo Shelvey and Mo Diame had ootstandin' performances in a 100mph game which saw sever8al brilliant saves and blocks on the line to deny Moanrinho's men!

Dwight Gayle woz denied a clear penalty in the forst half when he woz fouled by Smalling, but the blind ref waved 'play on'!?  Jonjo Shelvey aalso went close when hiz shot woz tipped ower the bar by the Moan U keeper De Gea!

NUFC ATTACK THE LEAZES END GOAL

Az the clock agognisingly ticked doon after Richie's goal, we thought that there woz ne way we could prevent an equaliser az several amazin clearances by the above, az wor visitors bombarded the Gallowgate goal!---But it never came and the noise at the final whistle woz deafenin! az we won wor forst home game in the leegue in 4 months!---- We now find worsels in 13th place instead of 3rd bottom place and just 3 points behind Bournemooth in 10th spot and TWO point above 'the abyss'----and guess who we play next in a fortneets time???

GRANDSONS JAMIE AND ZAC LOOK ON ANXIOUSLY AZ MOAN U

POUND THE LEAZES GOAL NEAR THE END OF THE MATCH

  That meenz that there are still ELEVEN teams 'in the mix' to avoid relegation with anly ELEVEN games left!---it's UNREAL!

After the match 'Rafa the Gaffa' said: "My message to the fans, and I think they know it really well, is that this IS a team that cares!"

Jose said: "They fought for their lives and that is a beautiful thing in football!---My verdict is---we could have been here for 10 hours and not scored!
Newcastle played with their lives and defended with their lives!
Were they lucky?---YES!---but sometimes you deserve that luck!"

Amazingleee Jose haz now played here 7 times in the Premyaa Leegue with both Chelski and Moan U and still hasn't won a game!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Lejeune, Dummett, Ritchie, Shelvey, Diame, Kenedy (Atsu 84), Perez (Hayden  94)
Gayle (Joselu 80)

Attendance: 52,309 (2nd highest of the season by 2 spectators---52,311 torned up v Man City!)
3,100 Muppets in level 7 of The Leazes End who spent virtually the whole match slagging off 'us' and Alan Shearer!---support your team for gods sake you 'Muppets'! <(now yoo naa why we call them that!)

HAPPY TOON FANS ON BARRACK ROAD AFTER THE VICTORY!

*The "Lets gan on the bevvy in Feb-Brew-ery!" took place in various location before and after the match---includin' The Bodega, Leazes End Club, Premyaa Inn, back to The Bodega and The Star! 

PREMYAA INN

"LETS GAN ON THE BEVVY IN FEB-BREWERY v MAN U

Posted from 11 30am bells onwards Sunday 11th February 2018

Before the game in The Bodega

THE TOON v MOANRINHO AND HIZ MOAN U MUPPETS

Posted '12 50pm bells' Friday 9th February 2018

ST JAMES' PARK FROM CHINA-TOON!

We gan into Sunday's game lookin for wor forst home win in the leegue for nearly 4 months!
We are now just one point above the drop zone with just 12 games left 'to save wor skins'!

New loanee Islam Slimani iz expected to start up front and wor othaa new boy Kenedy iz expected to supply him with 'through balls' and hopefully GOALS!

If yoo were a bettin man/woman yi wouldnt give us much chance against the 2nd best team in the leegue, but this IZ NUFC and anything can happen!

Actually, Jose haz said some very nice things about us!
"I think its difficult honestly (the match)
They are beautiful matches but difficult matches!
I like to go there--I like the feeling of going to Mr Robson's home! (Bobby)-- I like the stadium!
I think the stadium is really nice!
I like the atmosphere, they are a good enthusiastic crowd!
I LIKE THE GEORDIES!, I like to go there!"

(PS: I have changed my opinion of him aalready!) (For MOANrinho read MAGrinho!)

By Sunday we could well be in the bottom 3 shud othaa results gan against us on Saturday, but we can anly hope and pray that this isnt the case come Sunday afternooon!


"And now for something completely different!"

As we have ne game tomorrow, some of lads have asked me to drive them to Stranraer tomorrow (in mee 9 seater transit van) for their home game v Arbroath!
They are groundhoppin and aim to complete aall Futbaall Leegue and Scottish League groonds by the end of this season!

They have visited aall groonds south of the border and have 4 to de in Scotland, namely Stranraer, Inverness, Ross Coonty and Peterheed!

Therefore a Stranraer match report of sorts will appear here eventually!--weathaa permittin'!

Updated 10 50am bells Saturday

STRANRAER STRIFE!
Wor planned game in southern Scotland iz OFF!
Luckily we foond oot before we left the Toon!
A mixture of heavy rain and several inches of snow were forecast in the Stranraer area!
Just az well its been caalled off! EH!

Looks like aa'll just have to gan 'on the hoy' instead!😨

Updated Sunday mornin

Stoke's failure to score a last minute penalty meenz that we sit in 17th place and just above Stoke on goal difference!

Even a defeat today will meen we will still be 17th----A win would propel us up to 13th place!
We shall soon find oot!
Correction!   Uddersfield play Bournemooth in the orly kick and if they win we WILL be in the bottom 3!

Wor "Lets gan on the bevvy in FebBrewery!" continues in The Bodega and Leazes End club before the match which kicks off at '2 15 bells'
Thats all for now folks!---Must dash to catch the bus to The Bodega!

Toon match report will follow on Munday!

THE CANARY CUSTARD CREAMS U18s v THE TOON U18s *** FA YOUTH CUP

Posted '1:20pm bells' Wednesday 7th February 2018

THE LAST TIME WE WERE AT CARROW ROAD WOZ FOR A 1st TEAM GAME

IN 2016-2017 ***NUFC DREW 2-2

Tooneet wor youth team take on Norwich's equivalent at Carrow Road in the 5th roond of the Youth Cup

WE are gannin for an unequivocal <(we naa aall the big words!) ELEVENTH  successive away win in the competition!!!

We unfortunately wont be there, but will bring yoo the final score az soon az we find oot!

Updated Thorsday dinnaatime

Wor attempt to win a 11th away win in a row in the competion failed az we went doon 4-3 in wot woz a see-saw game!
Norwich came from 2-0 doon to 3-2 up and an injury time goal from Wilson sent the game into extra time---anly for the home side to grab the winner in the 101st minute to send us crashin oot of the competition!😥

Watts and Soressen got wor forst 2 goals!

THE 'WINTER' OF DISCONTENT!

Posted '6 40pm bells' Tuesday 6th February 2018

The Geordie Times'z 'little sister The Times of London has done an excellent article by their respected chief sports writer Henry Winter on wor current plight!

THE BANNER IN THE GALLOWGATE END!

IT SAYS: DONT EVER GIVE UP ON YOUR CLUB

KEEP SUPPORTING IT. ITS YOUR CLUB TRUST ME

ONE DAY YOU WILL GET YOUR CLUB BACK

AND IT WILL BE EVERYTHING YOU WANT IT TO BE

NEWCASTLE UNITED IS BIGGER THAN ANYONE

HE IS ONLY ONE MAN. WE ARE A CITY

A WHOLE POPULATION

IT HURTS I KNOW BUT JUST KEEP GOING

TRUST ME

  

WOLVES U23s 2 THE TOON U23s 0 *** FA PREMIER RESORVE LEEGUE 2

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 6th February 2018

The Toon's second string were in action last neet at Bucks Head, the home of Telford AFC, where Wolves resorves play their home games (Aa wasnt there az we've 'done this one' many moons ago!)

We lost 2-0 which woz wor 5th defeat in a row on the road and a huge crowd of 153 torned up to watch it including at least one 'NUFC mad-sad groundhopper!'

Amazingly, az aa drove mee truck up the M1 late last neet the team bus passed me and went into Woodall sorvices, where aa normally stop anyway on the way back from Redditch!

This iz the forst time this haz ever happened to me and it seemed very strange to watch them drive by! (And No!---aa didn't bothaa to ask them for autographs at the sorvices!)