SWANZEE AND MANC TICKETS ON SALE

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 16th July 2015

CEDRIC THE SWAN AND FRIENDS
WAITIN' TO GREET US IN SOOTH WALES!

Tickets for the langest trek of the season AND forst away game in the Premyaa Leegue @ Swanzee on Sat Aug 15th are now on sale
Priced @ £35 for big kids and £17.50 for sprogs and zimmerframites <(like me!)  50 loyalty points are needed to porchase one <(that's those of yoo who have been to at least 50 away games under the NUFC loyalty system)
They are actually £15 and £12.50 MORE expensive respectively than wot we paid last season???

Tickets are aalso on sale for one of wor SHORTEST jorneys of the season to 'The Theatre of Muppets' a week later---priced @ £45 for grown up kids and various lower prices for Sprogs, zimmerframeites and U16s  (50 loyalty points needed az well) 

"WELCOME TO OLD TRAFFORD!"



CLUB ATLAS of MEXICO 2 THE TOON 1 *** THE WOT MADE MILWAUKEE FAMOUS TOUR 2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 15th July 2015

A STRANGE SHAPED STADIUM TO PLAY WITH A ROOND BAALL!

The Toon got off to a losin' start in their tour of the USA when we lost 2-1 to Club Atlas in Milwaukee last neet!
Two goals in the forst 17 minutes from the Mexicans sealed the victory for them---but it could have been much worse az they rattled the woodwork az well on a couple of occasions!

'The Sissoko Kid' got one back for us just before the break with a low shot, but that waz the end of the scorin' although we were much the better team in the 2nd period--- We must now re-group for wor 2nd game in Sacramento on Saturday 

Attendance: 21,246 includin' 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' who waz supposed to send us some match/pub pix--but hazzent yet??? <(the drunken useless bustard!) *

WOT MADE MILWAUKEE FAMOUS TOUR ********* USA 2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 14th July 2015

Toneet The Toon play their forst game in the tour of the USA when they heed to Milwaukee to play Club Atlas of Mexico in a basebaall stadium! <(plastic pitch and aall!)

The same players who played @ Gatesheed on Friday neet will aall get a game (see match report of 'that' and the players used, below) but 'new boy' Ginio Wijnaldum wont be playin, but will join up with the squad later this week!

Lang distance 'Geordie Times' paparazzi reporter 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' iz in the States and will send us some pix of the games (and pubs!) <(he'd better!---or else we'll 'slag him off'!)
Watch this space!

'WAR CHEST' LATEST!

Posted '10:25am bells' Sunday 12th July 2015


At last some good news!---Someone haz actually signed for us in the transfor window!
24 year old Midfield Dutch international 'Ginio' Wijnaldum haz signed for a reported £14.5million from PSV Eindhoven az 'The Toon' finally 'crowbar' wor war-chest open and spend some money at last <(the LAST club in the Premyaa Leegue to buy a player!)

Not sure if he'll be 'jetting off' to America for wor pre-season tour next week, but at least we have one of the SIX players we need to compete in the top flight---more to follow????---lets hope so!

LATEST PREMYAA LEEGUE TRANSFOR NEWS (AT LAST WE HAVE ONE!)

Updated 'high noon bells' Sunday 12th July 2015

The transfor 'window' iz well and truly OPEN and there haz been a hive of activity amongst  aall of the Premyaa Leegue clubs! 
And az for NUFC?---at last we have signed a quality player--namely Ginio Wijnaldum from Dutch side PSV for a reported £14.5 million <(Az mentioned above, we are the LAST club to sign a player in 'the window'!) <(More to follow???----"PLEEEZE!!!")

 
TRANSFORS 'IN' so far

SIX
Bournemoooth,
The Liverbirds

FIVE
The P*ss Potters

FOWER
Swanzee,
Sooothampton,
Wotfad
The Hazbeenz & Villians
The Jellied Eels Mob

THREE
Lestaa,
Sporz

TWO
The Toffee Noses,
The Canary Custards,
The SMBs,
Chelski
Manc Blue Moonies

ONE
Manc Muppets,
The Baggie Troosers,
The Arse,
The Crystal Balls
THE TOON

THE HEEDBANGERS XX 0 THE TWO TOON X1s 1 *** FRIENDLY FIXTURE *** 43 PLAYERS USED!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 11th July 2015

CISSE SCORES THE ANLY GOAL FROM THE PENALTY SPOT

"A GAME OF TWO TOONS!"

Papiss Cisse saved wor blushes in wor new PINK and dark blue change strip on a warm evenin' in east Gatesheed ,when he convorted a very dubious penalty in the 6th minute <(given by a mackem referee!) to win this contest, contested by a total of FORTY THREE players from the two sides!
The Toon played two entirely different 11s in each half, beatin' 'The Heed' by one, who used a 'mere' 21 players in total!


THE BIG KICK OFF!

Bad misses by Sissoko, Armstrong and Riviere only added to wor frustration az we struggled to beat a very average Conference side!

By the end we'd totally lost count of the number of players who went on and off the pitch az wor brains were 'puddled' by this time!

America beckons next week for the forst team while the U18s and U21s are due to play in Ireland and Holland respectively later on this month---we will try and de at least TWO games in eetha Ireland or Holland az the trip to the USA iz a non starter <(ie: Aa havvent got enough pennies left in mee 'piggy bank'!)

2nd HALF ACTION AZ 'THE TOON' ATTACK THE RIGHT HAND GOAL

Toon team line up(ssss!)
(1st half): Darlow, Janmaat, Haidera, Lascelles, Williamson, Anita, Colback, Gouffran, Cisse, Sissoko, De Jong 
(2nd half): Woodman, Bigiramana, Ferguson, Satka, Good, Tiote, Armstrong, Aarons, Perez, Riviere, Obertan   


Attendance: estimated 4,000 (3,000 Toon fans) *

Update on Munday: Official attendance waz given az 5,258 with 3,463 of them 'Toon' fans in the East Stand and 1,795 'Heed' fans in the Main Stand (There were a canny few Toon fans in the Main Stand includin' 'us'---so there were probably 4,000 'Toon' fans in total and the rest 'Heed' fans!)

THE HEEDBANGERS v THE TWO TOON X1s **** TOONEET @ GATESHEED STADIUM

Posted '2:15pm bells' Friday 10th July 2015

The 'big day'? haz finally arrived az we heed to 'The Heed' for wor forst pre season friendly of the new season.
We understand that Dutchman 'Ginio' Wijnaldum will sign for us later today---pendin' a medical!----he will of course NOT be playin' tooneet in a Toon side that will feature TWO completely different teams in the forst and second halves! <(This iz one reason I hate pre-season friendlies!----(ie: can yoo name the 22 (plus!) who will be comin' on and off the pitch after a skin-ful of liquid lubrication!?)

Pay tornstiles will be in operation, despite us bein' told that the game waz 'aall ticket' ----With NE new signings on show wor prediction iz a crowd of between 2,000 and 3,000

ANYWAY!---'The Geordie Times' will of course bring yoo a full match report sometime tomorrow with loads of pix az well!

Watch this space!

NE NEW HEEDS @ THE HEED!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 7th July 2015

Az the week creeps on it's lookin' increasingleee likely that there will be NE new faces in wor startin' line-up against Gatesheed on Friday neet, when we take on wor 'Tyne Bridge' counterparts in a friendly @ Gatesheed Stadium @ '8 bells'!

This is very disappointin' but NOT unexpected after aall the 'War-chest' and 'Cart before the horse' hype that haz been highly publicised on the telly and in the press! <(we've seen and hord it aall before of course!)

The talk around the bars in the Toon iz aall of the depressin' nature for wor prospects for the new season az it draws ever closer!

We shall see---lets hope this 'War chest' iz opened soon!

THE GEORDIE TIMES TV FIXTURE PREDICTIONS--LATEST SCORE 5-2 to THE GEORDIE TIMES

Updated 10:27am bells Saturday 4th July 2015

The telly fixtures for August and September have been announced  and 'The Geordie Times' predicticted the followin' fixtures would (or wouldn't) be moved ---lets see how many we got reet---OR---wrang!


Sat August 8th v Sooothampton @ SJP < We predict that this game WILL be moved to Sunday 9th az wor opponents are in Europaa Leegue action 2 days before <(We were REET---now '1:30 bells' Sun August 9th) 1-0 to The Geordie Times!) 

Sat 15th v Swanzee away < We predict that this game will NOT be picked for live telly and will be played at the original time and date <(We were REET--2-0 to The Geordie Times)

Sat 22nd v Manc Muppets away < Not sure aboot this one, but we 'fink' that it will NOT be moved for live telly <(We were WRANG--now 12:45 bells on the same day---live on BT) 2-1 to The Geordie Times)

Sat 29th v The Arse @ SJP < We predict that this game WILL be moved for live telly! <(We were REET---now 12:45 on the same day--live on BT) 3-1 to The Geordie Times

Sat 12th September v The Jellied Eels Mob away < We predict that this game will NOT be picked for live telly and will be played at the original time and date < (We were WRANG---now 8:00 bells Mon 14th Aug) 3-2 to The Geordie Times

Sat 19th v Wotfad @ SJP < We predict that this game will NOT be picked for live telly and will be played at the original time and date < (We were REET) 4-2 to The Geordie Times

Sat 26th v Chelski @ SJP < We predict that this game WILL be moved for live telly < (We were REET---now 5:30 bells on the same day---live on SKY) 5-2 to The Geordie Times

BROLLYMAN THANKS 'THE GEORDIE TIMES'! --- EXCLUUUSIVE!

Posted '2:22pm bells Friday 3rd July 2015

"52,000 EMPTY SEATS! ---NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A 'WARM WELCOME'!--THANK YOU!"

'The Geordie Times' haz just receeeved a personal e mail from wor new heed coach

"Dear Fink

Thank you for the warm welcome!

I wanted to take the opportunity to write to you directly to thank you for the warm welcome I have received since I arrived at Newcastle United

I will be in touch again before our first game at Gateshead next week, shortly before we depart for the USA!

Best wishes

Steve McClaren
Head coach"