WOT NEXT @ ANFIELD?

Posted '1:41pm bells' Thorsday 9th April 2015

'KEEP THE FAITH!'  *** "WHEY!- 4 OF US ARE, ANYWAY!"

Now that the (annual) horror derby shows are behind us for anothaa season at least, we must 'move on' and think of wor next game away to 'The Liverbirds' @ Anfield next Munday neet!

With a ridiculous price of £52 for a ticket to 'stand' in 'The Anfield Road End' (row 12 this time!) many fans are wonderin' if it will be £10 a goal, come the end of the game? (and of course NOT in wor favour!)

Lookin' at the leegue table and with yet anothaa 'blankety blank' weekend comin' up, we could possibly find worsels just SIX points off a relegation place come Munday mornin', shud the revival of the 'no hope' teams below us continue on Saturday and Sunday!

With just 850 tickets sold for Munday neet, this will be the lowest number of Toon fans @ Anfield since 'little ol' me' started gannin there in 1968---wot does that tell yoo aboot the apathy and 'no hope' mentality of those who will stay behind and watch it on 'the box'?

More to follow on aall this later on in the week!   

NUFC LATEST TEAM FORMATION!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 7th April 2015

Wot 'John "Whey Aye-Where's Mee Pie?" Carver' said after wor latest 'disastrous derby debacle'!

CarverQuote: "We've only got 35 points!---You need 40 points!---We've got 7 games left!---Yi naa we're down to the bare bones!"

KRUL

R. TAYLOR, JANMAAT, WILLIAMSON, COLBACK, SISSOKO



GUTIERREZ, GOUFFRAN, AMEOBI, CABELLA, PEREZ

THE TOON'S NEW FORMATION
TO PLAY LIVERPOOL NEXT MUNDAY!
(1-5-5 !) 

THE SMBs 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Easter Munday 6th April 2015

Eggscruciating!

 

THE SMBs v THE TOON *** EASTER SUNDAY*** "THE DERBY GAME THAT NE ONE WANTS!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 4th April 2015

"WELCOME TO THE JOURNEY TO HELL!"
("AND BACK!")

Tomorrow we heed once again alang the Washington Highway for wor annual visit to The SOS, in a game that BOTH sets of fans could de withoot!
Honestly! it's purgatory gannin' to their place and they must feel the same aboot the retorn game!
The last time we played them it took a total of SEVEN HOURS from leavin' The Newcastle Arms to retornin' there after the game because of the torturous jorney doon and back by the yellow double decker skoool busses!

If yoo jumped in your car it would take yoo a maximum of 20 minutes to drive between 'The Cathedral on the Hill' and 'The Stadium of Sshhh! (yee naa wot!)' ---yet the busses (and Metro) that we must travel on to get there and back take forever!
The busses depart @ '2 bells' from Barrack Road (for a '4 bells' kick off!) and it will take at least AN HOUR to get there, az we are escorted by 'The Dibble' in black marias, motor bike outriders plus police helicopters at a max 10mph! ---and when we eventually get to the SOS, Dibbles on horseback and those with barkin' dogs will then frogmarch us to the away tornstiles past the mackem hordes!---PURE PURGETORY for sure! 

And then of course there's THE MATCH!---anothaa defeat iz unthinkable but a real possibility and I'm sure the mackems feel the same az they are hoverin' aroond the relegation zone---and I'm certain a draw would be exceptable  to both camps! (we write this before any games have taken place today and tomorrow dinnatime and there iz a very real possibility that the SMBs could be in the bottom 3 come kick off time!)

History lesson: We have played the SMBs 151 times and have won 53, drawn 49 and lost 49 times.

Wor fost ever away meetin' took place at Newcastle Road <(would yoo believe?) when we lost 2-0 in an FA Cup tie in the 1888-1889 season in front of a 5,000 crowd 
Wor forst ever leegue meetin' took place @ Joker Park 10 seasons aler when we won 3-2 with Pendle (2) and Wardrope gettin' wor goals in front of a huge (in them days!) 25,000 crowd!

Geordie Times history: A 3-3 draw @ 'Joker' in 1967 when McNamee famously swung from the crossbar after scorin'
(Archive match report below)
PS: This will be 'The Geordie Times'z 50th competitive Tyne/weary derby game 'in a row' from 1967 onwards! <(If we make it!)   

PROFIT BEFORE PERFORMANCE!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 31st March 2015

NUFC have annoonced that we made a record EIGHTEEN MILLION, SEVEN HUNDRED THOOSAND POONDS profit in the last financial year!

It's just a pity that they keep it in their OWN pockets and not spend it on strengthenin' the squad!
Ne mention at aall that we languish in TWELTH place in the Premyaa Leegue and are slidin' doon' the table rapidly towards the 'abyss'!
It's just az well that there are anly 8 games to gan or we reeely would be in the s*it!---Wouldn't we!?  

NOT ANOTHAA BLANKETY BLANK!

Posted '10:12am bells' Sunday 29th March 2015


"SURPRISE! SURPRISE! ---I'M BACK AGAIN!"

With yet anothaa blank weekend to fill in---(this time due to the Internationals!) we were forced to find wor 'futbaall fix' elsewhere and had planned to gan and watch North Shields in the FA Vase semi final 2nd leg v Highworth Toon (Shields won the 1st leg away 1-0).
However!---the game waz a complete 1,500 selloot and so we heeded for one of wor fave haunts instead, namely 'The Dunston 'Bad Blue Boys' who were playin' *'Billy Syners' in a 'Tyne/Tees' Northern Leegue encoontaa! (*Billingham Synthonia)

'Geordie Times' intrepid reporter 'Tex' Taylor, however, managed to get hiz hands on a prized 'Shields' ticket and by the wonders of modern technologeee, he sent us a 'detailed' match report, via text messages from hiz mobile 'tellin' bone'!

WEMBLEY BOUND!

The 'detailed'? text messages went az follows:
'4:37 pm bells': "Shields 1-0!"
'4:49 pm bells': "2-0!"

This of course meeenz that North Shields are on their way to WEMBLEY!---where they will play Dunston's conqueror's Glossop North End in the final!---and 'The Geordie Times' sends them wor congratulations on bein' yet anothaa Tyneside based Northern Leegue side to reach the final!

'The Bad Blue Boys', by the way, won 3-2 @ Federation Park in front of 150 hardy souls in a game that waz played in a howlin' gale!  

'THE BAD BLUE BOYS' ATTACK THE 'BILLYS' GOAL

"KING KONG HERE WE COME!"?

Posted '1:35pm bells' Thorsday 26th March 2015

"SOMEWHERE IN NEW YORK!"

"USA AALL THE WAY!"

Great news for wor USA fan club!----News reaches 'The Geordie Times' via 'The Ronny-Gill's' back page (The Newcastle Chronicle) that The Toon are plannin' a pre season trip to the USA once again!
Ne dates or venues have been annoonced yet, but a game in New York would gan doon very well with 'The Toon Army' and 'The New York Branch',  az this iz a place we've aalways wanted to gan to!

The last trip there in 2013 didn't gan doon well with the fans or players az there were huge distances to travel between venues!---but disappointingly, ne games in 'The Big Apple'!

Of course this iz just speculation at the moment, but the promise of huge publicity (and loads of money!) for NUFC will make this trip a real possibility and we will keep yoo (and wor loyal American fan base) informed of any developments!

"Watch this space!"

NOT THE TICKET!

Posted '1:13pm bells' Tuesday 24th March 2015


TOON FANS PACK THE ANFIELD ROAD END IN 1984


News that NUFC have sold just 850 tickets for wor visit to Anfield next month should come az ne surprise!

A extortionate £52 to get in, restricted view tickets @ £47 <(for the 'view' of the back of somebodys heed!), a Munday neet fixture which iz live on the telly and of course disillusionment and the 'fear factor' of gettin' a reet hammerin' off 'The Liverbirds' are the main reasons for this boycott!
We had an estimated 15,000 to 17,000 @ Anfield for a Friday neet live FA Cup telly fixture some 30 odd years ago and now just 850 diehards are plannin' on makin' the trip to Morseyside for this one!

How times and expectations change!

PS: The Toon fans that day, sang: "We've got more fans than you, Liverpool!--Liverpool!"
The Kop replied: "We've got more goals than you, Newcastle!---Newcastle!" <(they beat us 4-0!)

THE TOON 1 THE ARSE 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '11:00am bells' Sunday 22nd March 2015

'THE TOON' ATTACK THE LEAZES END DURIN' THE 1st HALF

"A GAME OF 2 HALF'S!" <( Bet yiv hord this one before!)

Before the match the talk in the bars waz just how many 'The Arse' would get against wor injury/suspension ravaged squad! 
And so it waz to prove in the 1st period when they raced into a 2 goal lead with othaa chances 'gone abeggin'!  We had some chances too, but couldn't put wors away and we went in 2 behind at the break!

We came oot with 'aall guns blazin' against 'The Gunners' at the start of the 2nd half and aalmost straight away we pulled a goal back when a Ryan Taylor run doon the right foond Cabella and hiz neat cross foond 'The Sissoko Kid' in the Gallowgate End penalty area and unmarked he gleefully excepted hiz chance to welly the baall past Ospina in the visitors goal!

This brought the crowd to life and we had great chances to equalise through Perez, Gouffran and Sissoko, but we couldn't find a way past their goalie again az 'The Arse' hung on for dear life!

'TOON' ACTION @ THE GALLOWGATE END

At the end of the day (apart from gettin' dark!) we went away pointless and anly results from teams below us in the table kept us 10 points above 'the abyss' (although Pardew's Palace DID win to gan above us and push us doon to 12th place!)

'Whey Aye (where's mee pie?)' Carver's CV now reads:
Played 12, won 2, drawn 3, lost 7, goals for 11, goals against 21.  That's just ONE home win in THREE months (and of course just ONE away win in the same period!)

Toon team: Krul, Ryan Taylor, Janmaat, Williamson, Colback, Anita (Gutierrez 72), Sissoko, Gouffran, Cabella, Sammy Ameobi (Armstrong 89, Perez

Attendance: 50,544 (3,000 or so 'Arseholes' in level 7 of The Leazes!)  It would have been a 'full hoose' but NUFC in their wisdom would anly sell tickets to members with NO public sales at aall!

PS: It costs a ridiculous £35 to become a 'member' (ie: you can't just turn up and buy a ticket anymore for certain games like 'The Arse' and Man U!)

PPS: On a totally different theme: On Thorsday the chancellor 'slashed'? 1p of a pint of beer in hiz budget speech---Yesterday aa went into 'The Bodega' on Westgate Road and ordered a pint of 'Caffreys' which waz £3 the last home game!---aa waz charged £3:20 this time and pointed this oot to the barmaid!---(who shrugged hor shoulders!) ---so much for 'slashin' the price of beer!---"EH!"

Geordie Times quiz answer from Friday: "Look through any window--yeah!"

We asked yoo which boozer waz featured in the picture lookin' towards The Gallowgate End on Strawberry Place

And the answer IZ!

SOHO!

THE TOON v THE ARSE *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Updated 'high noon bells' Friday 20th March 2015

"LOOK THROUGH ANY WINDOW---YEAH!"---'THE GALLOWGATE END'----
BUT FROM WHICH TOON BOOZER WAZ THIS PICTURE TAKEN?
(ANSWER ON SUNDAY!)

Forst of aall--apologeeez for not updatin' 'The Geordie Times' on a more regular basis like aa used to--but lang workin' hours are the blame for this and some days aa just havvent got the time!

We gan into Saturdays game against the high flyin' 'Arseholes' of Islington', needin' at least a point to drag us forthaa from 'the abyss'!
Bornley's totally unexpected win against 'The Blue Moonies of Manchester' last week sees us just 10 points above them followin' wor 'no show' @ Goodison Park last Sunday!

In othaa words--we are still not completleee safe and are relyin' on othaa clubs at the bottom to 'cock it up' this weekend az 'The Arse' are firm favorites to 'wipe the floor' with us!

Missin' of course are both Cisse and Coloccini through suspension and just who iz gannin to lead the line on Saturday and shore up wor defence now---iz anybodys guess???
'Injury plagued' az well, we face Arsene Winger's side with a depleted line-up and can anly 'hope for the best'!
Othaa players missin', include Steve Taylor, De Jong, Dummett, Haidara, Tiote, Abeid, Good and Aarons

Carver said yesterday: "I only have 13 fit outfield players plus 2 goalies available for Saturday!" <(a ready made excuse shud we lose!) 
   
'Pieman Carver's' record in charge now reads: Played 11, won just 2, drawn 3 and lost 6 times!  (At home we have won just once since the beginnin' of January!)  

It's not hiz fault entirely of course, az Pardew 'jumped ship' unexpectedly at the end of December and with ne signins in the January transfor window, wor predicament iz bein' 'brought home to roost', followin' the failure of 'The Fat Controller' to 'put hiz miserly hand in hiz pocket'!

'History lesson': 125 years ago: Woolwich Arsenal (az they were then known) forst came to St James' Park on 30th September 1893 and were slaughtered  6-0! by a rampant Toon side in an old 2nd Division game  
A double hat-trick from Bill Thompson and Joe Wallace secured the victory in front of a 2,000 crowd!

Aall time record: Played 175, won 66, drawn 38 and lost 71 times

Geordie Times history: 1967, old 1st Division: A 2-1 win 48 years ago, again on 30th September, when a Pop Robson penalty and a goal from Wyn Davies in front of 33,377 gave us the 2 points <(2 points for a win in them days!)
IF anly it waz the 30th of SEPTEMBER tomorrow! <(if anly!) *

A full Geordie Times match report will be forthcomin' sometime on Sunday!