THE TOFFEE NOSES 3 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '10:21am bells' Munday 16th March 2015

"A VIEW TO DIE FOR!"---
THE PLAQUE TELLS US THAT THE MAINLY WOODEN STAND
WAZ BUILT BY A LIVERPOOL COMPANY IN 1926!
(SO NEXT YEAR WILL BE IT'S 90th BORTHDAY!)

You would have thought that havin' 10 days 'off' to Everton's 2 (they played in the Europa Leegue last Thorsday) that we would be revigorated and fresh, while the home side would be the opposite!.
However this could not be forthaa from the truth az we put in yet anothaa shockin' performance in front of the Toon faithful az 'The Toffee Noses' put us to the sword!

The forst goal came at the same part of the groond az the Toon fans were housed in the ancient wooden contraption that passes for a futbaall stand with metal pillars at frequent intervals to block your view!

A Lukako through baall to McCarthy who mis-hit a low shot, which somehow beat Krul and ended up in the back of wor net?, put us one behind and it waz aall uphill from that point! (Az you can see by wor balcony seats (see above pic!) we didn't get a very good 'view' of it!)

THE TOON (IN GREY!) ATTACK THE GLADYS STREET END
DURIN' THE 1st HALF

A legitimate penalty claim by Williamson @ The Gladys Street End waz waved away by the ref and this waz a definin' moment of the game.

After this we were disjointed and 'aall ower the place' az the home side pressed for anothaa goal but thankfully we went in just 1-0 doon at the break!

However!---It didn't take Everton lang to double their lead in the 2nd half az a needless penalty waz given away by Gouffran in the 55th minute and Lukaku made ne missteak from the spot!

Coloccini then dived in two footed on an Everton player and waz sent off and this effectively sealed the 3 points!

We then plodded away aimlessly and aa can anly remember one worthwhile attack in this half when Sissoko fired a shot which waz brillianty parried away by Tim Howard in goal!

It waz aall Everton after this and the final nail in wor coffin came 'at the death' when Barkley rounded Krul to sidefoot home!

Mee mate 'Big Al' summed it up az we heeded back to Lime Street train station: "Divvint worry!--there's anly 9 games to gan to end wor sufferin'!"  ---"Roll on summer!"

Toon team: Krul, Williamson, Janmaat, Coloccini, Ryan Taylor, Sissoko, Colback, Obertan (Perez 46), Riviere (Gutierrez 62), Sammy Ameobi (Cabella 58), Gouffran

Attendance: 38,806 (3,000 very unhappy Toon fans!) *

The pre-match 'gargels' took place here!

YORK (waitin' for Liverpool train!)

  

THE TOFFEE NOSES v THE TOON **** TOMORROW AFTERNOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 14th March 2015

ROONEY'S BAR NEAR GOODISON PARK---
NAMED IN HONOUR OF WAYNE ROONEY!
"DIVVINT THINK WE'LL BE GANNIN HERE FOR THE PRE-MATCH GARGELS!"

Tomorrow we heed once again ower the 'Pennine Chain', this time to Liverpool by 'snail' train where we face a strugglin' Everton side who are even below 'us' in the Premyaa Leegue!

The reason we are playin' it tomorrow iz because of Everton's involvement in the Europa Leegue and not because it's a live telly game!---It ISNT ---(unless yi watch a 'dodgy channel'!)

But why the '4 bells' kick off time if it's not on live TV???

Az the bottom 7 clubs (inc Everton) are averagin' a point or less a game, then it's safe to assume that wor 35 point tally will be enough this time to avoid the dreaded drop!---especially az we are 13 points clear of 3rd bottom side QPR with just 10 games to gan!

'Whey Aye the Pie' Carver keeps tellin' us that a top 10 finish iz still possible and this seems to be the eternal target for the foreseeable future under 'The Fat Controllers' reign!

Top 10!---wow!--- Bobby Robson waz sacked by Freddie Shepherd for guidin' us to 5th place not so lang ago!---but such iz 'the ambition' of the club now, that survival iz the forst aim---and then the dizzy heights of 'the bottom' of 'the top half' of the Premyaa Leegue table!---if possible!? (4 points off that at the mo!)

The 10th or 11th (not sure?) best supported club in the WORLD are fightin' ower the 'scraps' from the Premyaa Leegue 'gravy train' and we are gannin ne where---fast! <(just like wor torturous train jorney tomorrow!)

History lesson: We forst played Everton in an old Division 1 game @ Goodison Park 117 years ago when we lost 3-0 in front of a huge (at the time!)16,000 crowd!

Geordie Times history: A 1-0 defeat 45 years ago on 30th October 1971 in front of 38,811 when A Ball scored the anly goal of the game <(Er! That's 'Alan Ball' incidentally!)
It waz Tony Green's debut for the Toon that day and we stood in the Main Stand paddock next to the players tunnel!  
(A 'Geordie Times' archive report on that game will appear here later on ---when aa can find it!) <(foond it !--but it needs updatin' so aa will publish it later on this week after re-editin'!)

Match report and pix on Sunday's game will appear here on Munday---sometime!

AWAY TICKET PRICES 'LEEGUE OF SHAME'!

Posted '2:18pm bells' Thorsday 12th March 2015

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!----50 QUID! ----(WBA £5 for a Senior!)

Followin' 'The Liverbirds' ridiculous £52 they are chargin' Toon fans for the 'privilege' to 'stand' in The Anfield Road End next month, 'The Geordie Times' haz done a 'shame' price leegue of  the Premyaa Leegue clubs we have visited this season (and those we are due to visit before the season closes in May!)

The price differences between the clubs iz staggerin'!
Some have been subsidised by 'the reciprocal pricin' fund'---most havvent!

1***Chelski***£55
2***The Liverbirds***£52 (still to play)
3***Man U***£46
4***Man C***£44 (£15 for |Leegue Cup!)
5***WHU***£43
=6***Villa***£41
=6***Sporz***£41
8***Bornley***£40
9***SMBs***£39 < (we charged them £47!) (still to play)
10***The Arse**£36.50
11***Hull***£35
=12***Swanzee***£25
=12***Sooothampton***£25
14***Palace***£22  (£15 for Leegue Cup)
=15***The P*ss Potters of Stoke***£20
=15***The Toffee Noses***£20 (still to play)
17***The Baggie Troosers***£15 (£5 for ower 60s!) <(Me!)

Lestaa and QPR---still to play---ne prices yet

PS: We are ne better!----NUFC prices for away fans vary enormously from just £15 for West Brom fans to a whoppin' £47 for the visit of the mackems!        

"FIFTY TWO QUID? --- YI HAVIN' A LAFF!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 11th March 2015

While the 'blue half' of Morseyside are chargin' NUFC fans just £20 to get in next week, the 'red half' on the othaa side of Stanley Knife Park just half a mile away are chargin' us a staggerin' £52 when we play there next month!
Restricted view tickets at the back and sides are a ridiculous £47 for a view of somebodys heed and NOT the pitch, if they stand up! <(and of course they WILL!)

That's a price difference of £32 between the two Morsey giants!
It's total rip-off madnesss!!!!

THE TOON U21s 1 THE P*SS POTTERS of STOKE U21s 1 *** FA PREMYAA RESORVE LEEGUE

Posted '11:30am bells' Tuesday 10th March 2015

'Curious George'

Last neet the resorves drew 1-1 with Stoke in front of a sparse crowd @ a windswept and freezin' cold St James' Park!

The game waz'nt very good and didn't come to life til midway through the 2nd half when the visitors took the lead when Perry vollied home @ The Leazes End.

We replied through Tom Heardman in the 78th minute when he toe poked the baall into the net from inside the 6 yard box @ The Gallowgate End, after a pin-point cross from Adam Armstrong!

There waz ne more scorin' az we froze to death in The East Stand!

Attendance: 397

Match report by wor rovin' reporter, 'Curious George'! 

S.O.S. TICKETS NOW ON SALE!

Posted '10:15am bells' Munday 9th March 2015

THE 'SCENIC' ROUTE TO THE S.O.S. ---FOTO TAKEN ON LAST VISIT
(500 YARDS/METRES FROM THE GROOND!)
"ARE THOSE PEOPLE'S HOOSES!?"

Tickets have went on sale today for wor derby game @ The Stadium Of Sssshhh! (Yee Naa Wot!) and 100 loyalty points are needed to purchase a ticket (That's for fans who have been to at least 100 away games under the loyalty system!)

Tickets are priced @ £39 for big kids, £26 for zimmerframeites and £15 for sprogs under 16

The loyalty points will drop to 95 on Wednesday and 90 on Friday

*****************************************************

In othaa news: Wor U21/resorve side are in action tooneet at 'The Cathedral on the Hill' when we play The P*ss Potters of Stoke U21s.
The East Stand az per usual iz where yoo shud heed for if yoo are gannin'---FREE to season ticket holders & members---£3 and £1 everbody else!

Unfortunately aa won't be there (again!) because of work commitments, but aa will be sendin' 'Curious George' who iz mee 5 year old grandbairn Jamie's pet monkey, to report on the game! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

THE WHITLEY BAYWATCHERS 1 THE BAD BLUE BOYS OF DUNSTON 0 *** NORTHERN LEEGUE DIVISION 1

Posted '10:08am bells' Sunday 8th March 2015

WELCOME TO WHITLEY BAY! (THE SEA IZ IN THE DISTANCE!)
This pub owner obviously hord that 'The Bad Blue Boys'
were in toon and boarded up hiz windows!

With anothaa weekend to fill in with ne 'Toon' futbaall it waz decided to heed for the delights of Whitley Bay to watch their Northern Leegue encoontaa against The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston!

The weathaa forecast for Saturday 2 days before on the telly showed the north east in a bright yellow glow and temperatures into double figures az the weathergorl smiled and pointed hor finger towards Whitley Bay on the map!

And the reality???---Honestly it waz absolutleee perishin' az me 'Davy the Silver Fox' and 'Grumpy Stumpy' <(who iz aalways 'on the scrumpy'!) alighted from Whitley Bay metro station!

Stumpy's right knee waz 'cattle trucked' and with the aid of 2 crutches he made hiz way very slowly towards the forst boozer 'on the list' just doon the road, in a howlin' gale. <(so much for the weathaa forecast!)
However the appropriately named 'Station' liquid lubrication location waz BOARDED UP! and we had ne choice to 'move on' and hope the next one wasn't! <(Stumpy waz NOT amused!)

It WAZ open and we made wor way into 'Itsgeralds' for the 2nd 'lubrication' of the day (the forst one waz in 'The Botanist Bar' next to Greys Monument in Newcasel city centre where we'd met up!)

I say 'Itsgeralds' az the 'F' waz missin' off the sign and the 6 or so clientele inside were proppin' up the bar so it wouldn't collapse!

'ITSGERALDS!

A few 'liquids' later and it waz time to heed for the groond!--Az 'Grumpy Stumpy' could hardy waalk  we flagged doon a taxi to take us their a mile or so inland!

We made a 'b-line' for The Seahorse Clubhoose inside the ground where we bumped into several committee men from Dunston and a few Whitley fans who we knew!

Ootside the bitin' wind waz howlin' once more and it waz obvious that the game would be spoiled by this!---and it WAZ az the Whitley Bay goalie kicked the baall doon the middle of the field it veered off course in mid flight and ended up knockin' aall the sauces and condiments off a table next to the hot dog stand!---much to the amusement of the 300 crowd!

After 25 minutes 'Grumpy Stumpy' had had enough and made for the warmth of the clubhoose for some cold cider!

THE BAD BLUE BOYS ARE IN RED!

The score waz 0-0 at half time and after a couple more 'gargels' in the 'said' clubhoose, we reluctantly heeded back to wor freezin' cold standin' place on the terraces!
The 2nd half waz ne better than the forst and just when it looked like the game would end goal-less up popped a Whitley Bay striker called Mike Williamson! who waz through on goal and he beat the Dunston keeper to win the game with just a few minutes to gan! (NO! Toon defender Mike Williamson hazzent been sent on loan to Whitley!)

It waz then a taxi to Tynemooth to sample the delights of 'The Cumberland Arms' before catchin' the metro back to The Toon for the final 'lubrications' in 'The Strawberry' next to St James' Park!

AZ YI CAN SEE BY THE SWAYIN' PUB SIGN ---
IT WAZ DEED WINDY IN TYNEMOOTH AZ WELL!

Attendance: 307 (50 or so 'Bad Blue Boys'!) <(includin' at least 20 committee men!)    

"CHEER UP!---YI WON!"

BLANKETY BLANK YET AGAIN!!!!

Posted '11:30am bells' Saturday 7th March 2015

"YOU'LL NEVER (EVER!) GET RID OF ME!"

With wot seems like a fortnightleee occurrence theeze days, we find worselz with yet anothaa 'blankety blank' weekend to fill in thanx (once again!) to wor FA Cup exit on January 3rd!

However!---we are gannin to get wor 'fix' @ Hillheads in Whitley Bay this afternoon where 'The Whitley Baywatchers' are takin' on 'The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston' in a Northern Leegue encoontaa!

The Seahorse Clubhoose at the groond will be wor main 'target' before the game, where several 'liquid lubrications' will be consumed!

It shud be a canny game, so if yoo are in the area and are plannin' on gettin' a sun tan on Whitley Bay beach, just think of wot yoo are missin' up the road and make a 'b-line' for the tornstiles instead! <(the sun tan on your magnificent beer-gut can wait!) 

Not that yoo will be remoteleee interested, but a full 'Geordie Times' match/hootch report will appear here sometime on Sunday alang with excluuusive match action pix! <(bet yiz cannit wait!???)

CISSE BANNED FOR 7 GAMES! **** EVANS FOR 6!

Updated '11:20am bells' Saturday 7th March 2015

CONCLUSIVE EVIDENCE THAT JONNY EVANS
DID HOCKLE IN PAPISS CISSE'S FACE!
IN A STATEMENT EVANS SAID:
 "I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE IT CLEAR, I DID NOT SPIT AT PAPISS CISSE!" 

Followin' on from the now infamous spittin' incident between Jonny Evans and Papiss Cisse on Wednesday neet @ St James', Cisse haz admitted and apologised for hiz reaction to Evans hocklin' in hiz face, (by doin' the same to him!) and haz been banned for the next SEVEN games!

This rules wor top goal scorer oot til the last 3 games of the season and he will miss games against The Toffee Noses, The Arse, The SMBs, The Liverbirds, Sporz, Swanzee and Lestaa!

Evans, on the othaa hand DENIED he did anythin' of the kind and waz defended by hiz manager Louis Van Crash <(apparently he's been in loads of road accidents!) claimin' that the incident DIDN'T happen and Jonny 'is a nice lad' and could never de such a thing???? <("Oh NO!?"---see top pic Louis!")

CISSE WIPES AWAY THE SPIT FROM HIZ FACE!

The 'excluuusive' footage obtained by 'The Geordie Times' clearly shows him hocklin' at Cisse az he stands above wor number 9!
How the hell can he deny THAT!? (He had until '6 bells' last neet to answer the charge! <("GUILTY MA' LORD!")

Updated Saturday: HE WAZ FOOND GUILTY OF COURSE AND BANNED FOR SIX GAMES!

THE TOON 0 THE MANC MUPPETEERS/COCKNEY REDS 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '11:00am bells' Thorsday 5th March 2015

"LIFE CAN BE 'KRUL'!"

Wot can we say?---a game that waz peterin' oot into a goal-less draw waz won in the last minute of normal time when Mehdi Abeid sent a 100mph back pass to Tim Krul in The Toon goal and hiz disastrous 'panic attack' kick, foond the feet of Man U's Ashley Young, who had the simple task of slottin' the baall into the corner of the net from just 10 yards oot, to break wor hearts and send the 3,000 or so Manc/Cockney/Irish/Welsh (etc etc!) Muppets in the away section into raptures!

We shud have had a penalty in the 10th minute, when, az Riviere raced into the box @ The Leazes End, he waz upended by Chris Smalling, but the ref waved away any protests and yet anothaa bad 'call' waz made az we fumed in the stands! <(BT and Match of the Day later confirmed that INDEED a spot kick shud have been awarded to 'us'!)
There were several chances from both sides throughoot the match, but neethaa could make the breakthrough until Krul's 'gaff'!
(He'd had a blinder up until this point with 3 great saves to deny the visitors!)

The main taalkin' point of the 1st half however, waz when after a tangle of legs, Papiss Cisse clashed with Johnny Evans.
The Manc player unforgivably hockled in Cisse's face and wor number 9 repaid 'the complement' in kind! <(can yoo blame Cisse for that?---WOT would YEE DE if somebody spat in YOUR face???)

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL DURIN' THE 1st HALF

10 minutes after the re-start Krul made a fantastic double save @ The Leazes End to deny the visitors! 

Spiderman Gutierrez then came on to replace Ryan Taylor midway through the 2nd half and he received a rapturous reception from The Toon fans after hiz fight against cancer!---it wa great to see him back!

Anyway!---the game waz lost once Man U had scored so late on and anothaa unfortunate defeat iz now on John 'Whey Aye the Pie' Carver's CV

Hiz NUFC record in charge now reads: Played 10---won 2---drawn 3---lost 5    
Home record: Played 5---won 1---drawn 2----lost 2 

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Williamson, Coloccini, Ryan Taylor (Gutierrez 66), Obertan, Abeid, Sissoko, Sammy Ameobi (Gouffran 81), Cisse, Riviere (Perez 69)

Attendance: 49, 801 (nearly 2,000 lower than wor game against Villa on Saturday!) Double ticket prices, live telly and the fact that NE tickets went on general sale to prevent any Man U fans buyin' tickets for the home sections, were the main reasons it wasn't a 'sell-oot'!)  (3,000 (plus) Muppets in Leazes level 7 az usual!)  *