LIAM'S FUNERAL NEXT THURSDAY

Updated '11:00pm bells' Thorsday 14th August 2014

News that Liam's family have returned from Holland with him have been confirmed and hiz funeral will be held in Newcastle next Thursday mornin'
A service will be held at St Mary's Cathedral in Clayton Street West, Newcastle next Thursday @ 10:00am. (Over the road from The Central Station)

There iz still no news of John az the Dutch forensic team are still tryin' to identify the remains of victims of flight MH17

RIP Liam and John!*** You will never be forgotten by us!

GILLS v THE TOON *** TUESDAY 26th *** AZ PREDICTED BY 'THE GEORDIE TIMES'!

Posted '11:35am bells' Friday 15th August 2014

Accordin' to the BBC website, wor away Leegue Cup tie against Gillingham will take place on Tuesday 26th August az predicted by 'The Geordie Times' <(conspiracy theories excepted!---see artice below!) with a '7:45 bells' kick off time!
Yoo read this news forst in 'The Geordie Times' and nee where else! <(er! apart from the BBC website that iz!)

*** CONSPIRACY THEORY NUMBER ONE! ***

Posted '10:18am bells' Friday 15th August 2014

Yesterday, followin' the Leegue Cup draw, 'The Geordie Times' said that we were CERTAIN that wor game against Gillingham would be one of the games picked for live telly---and so what happens???---'SKY' have chosen the 'unattractive' tie between MK Dons and Man U, plus the 'meaningless' local derby between Bradford and Leeds for live transmition!

There definitely IZ! a 'conspiracy theory' against 'The Geordie Times'!

Ne confirmation of wor dates have been announced yet, but we are CERTAIN!???  the game will take place on Tuesday 26th August <(but divvint haad yer breath!) <(Conspiracy theory number TWO comin' up---perhaps?)    

MOOR MISERY @ SPENNY!

Posted '11:27am bells' Thorsday 14th August 2014

Clad in that horrible grey away strip 'a Toon X1' lost 4-1 v Spennymoor Toon last neet @ Brewery Field.
It waz a poor display on wor part with The Northern Premier Leegue outfit runnin' oot easy winners!

Tom Heardman got wor anly goal with an easy tap-in after 14 minutes in front of a 668 crowd

GILLS AWAY IN LEEEGUE CUP!

Posted 10:00pm bells' Wednesday 13th August 2014

The Toon have drawn Gillingham away in the Leegue Cup!
For a change yoo read this news forst in 'The Geordie Times' and nee-where else! 
The tie will be played week commencing 25th August! 

Keep the faith!


Update '10:47am bells' Thorsday 14th August 2014

This tie looks the most attractive for live telly (havin' seen the rest of the draw) and we are CERTAIN! that it will be picked for live transmission on eetha Monday 25th, Tuesday 26th or Wednesday 27th August!

Az for mee aan 'mad-sad groundhoppers' record, The Priestfield Stadium iz the last Leegue groond that still exists in England that aa havvent been at some point to watch The Toon, since aa started gannin to away games in 1967!
We played them for the one and anly time doon at their place in 1976 when we won in the League Cup, with Tommy Cassidy <(who frequents a certain hostelry in High Bridge quite often!) and Paul Cannell scorin' wor goals in front of an 11,000 plus crowd that neet <(but not includin' me!)

PS: THREE BLACK MARKS against me!----Aa wasn't at Southport in 1968 or Bury in 1980 for Leegue Cup ties but have since visited them for NUFC resorve games----Aa wasn't at Layer Road, Colchester eetha in 1982 for an FA Cup tie (won 4-3) but that groond nee langer exisists az they have moved on to 'pastures new'!

JAWMANY CALLING!

Posted '2:07pm bells' Wednesday 13th August 2014

At last! ---more than a week late aa have finally completed the match reports from the Schalke 04 Tournament in Jawmany!
(see below!)

308 veltins arena gelsenkirchen germany

Ground number 308

Date of First Visit: 2nd August 2014

Veltins Arena, Gelsenkirchen, Germany

Malaga (Spain) 3
Newcastle United 1 (Obertan)

Schalke 04 Cup

Attendance: 15,704 (800 Toon fans) (8 to 10 Malaga fans!)

"SPIRITS IN THE SKY TOUR OF JAWMANY 2014!"

BOTH JOHN AND LIAM ARE UP THERE SOMEWHERE!

(Day One, Friday)
"THIS PLACE REELY 'TAX' THE BISCUIT!"

We started off wor jorney to Teesside at 'The Central' where we caught the train to Darlo and then onward by taxi to 'Smog Airport' (it waz ower £100 cheaper to fly to from there than from 'Toon Airport'!)

We went with heavy hearts az one of wor party of 4 , namely John 'The Undertaker' waz one of the victims of flight MH17 which got shot doon ower the Ukraine!
'Liam from the Lamp' who waz aalso with John on the ill fated flight, had been due to travel a different route to Jawmany and wor thoughts were with him az well!

On arrival at the airport we made straight for the 'check in' where a grumpy old gadgie demanded wor "Airport tax tickets!", az he snapped at 'Big Al' <(not! the sheet metal workers son!)

"Wot are yi on aboot --like?", replied Big Al
"You needed to pay £6 each for airport tax!" az he pointed towards a ticket machine in the distance!
(Toon Airport doesn't charge anythin'--by the way!)

We paid wor 'tax' <(robbin' bustards!) and made wor way in to the departure lounge.
There waz ne sign of a bar so we asked a lassie in a shop where it waz!
She pointed us in the reet direction but warned us that it waz FIFTEEN QUID to get into 'the lounge', but then it waz 'drink/eat az much az yoo like!
We still had nearly two hours til the flight left and so we heeded for 'the lounge'
The lassie who waz standin' at a desk just in side the door telt us that infact the price had just gone up that day and demanded TWENTY ONE QUID! to get in!!!! <(if this isn't daylight robbery then aa divvint naa wot iz!?)
"Stuff it!", we said to hor---"We'll just gan T total!"(or words to that effect!)

After bitin' wor nails for nearly two hours we finally left on wor forst flight to Amsterdam and then onwards to Dusseldorf where we were based!

After hoyin' wor bags in the Hotel Acon, we made a 'bee-line' for the 'old town' where aall the bars were!

ESPIRIT ARENA * FORTUNA DUSSELDORF

We'd decided to take in an extra game and heeded for the tourist office forst and bought tickets for Fortuna Dusseldorf v Braunsweig <(hope av spelt that reet?) who were playin' that neet!---so after a few more 'liquids' we heeded for their stadium on the ootskirts of Dusseldorf where the home side drew 2-2 in an entertainin game in front of 41,000 <(for a 2nd division match!)

It waz then back to the 'old town' to 'finish off' the day

A few West Ham were there and it looked az though it waz gannin' to 'kick off' az we made wor way aroond! (just why 'us' and 'The Jellied Eels Mob' were invited to this tournament iz puzzlin', az of course their iz still 'bad blood' between us from the fire bomb incident 34 years ago!)

A few liquid refreshments later and it waz time to heed back to the hotel and 'bedeee byes'! ---"ZZZZzzzz!!!!"---'Day One' ower!


('Day Two' Saturday)
"WISH A'D BROUGHT MEE BROLLY!"

"WHY DOES IT ALWAYS RAIN ON ME!?"

Today's game which kicked off at '3:30 bells' waz the forst match  in the Schalke 04 Tournament and wor opponents were Malaga of Spain. We started off the day with a continental brekky in the hotel consistin of (in my case!) some boiled ham and cheese, a bread bun and fower hard boiled eggs, washed doon with a bowl of cornflakes and milk! ("BBburrppp!")

A quick wash n brush up later and we were oot on 'the hoy' again in Dusseldorf centre. It waz then onward on a half hour train ride to Gelsenkirchen where the groond waz situated and where Schalke 04 play their home games.

On departure from the train we were 'greeted' by a line of dibbles complete with crash helmets, lang sticks and a few 'black maria' vans! (or in this case, grey!) <(welcome to Jawmany!)

They prevented us gannin to the main square and were tryin' to usher us on the busses and trams that went to the groond!


"THE 99s ARE ON ME!"

Quick thinkin' waz needed and so we sneaked behind a bus and wandered off aimlessly doon the street away from the line of dibbles. We went roond the block in a 'pincer movement' and came oot at the top of the square where an 'Ice Cream Parlour' sat on the corner!---It selt BEER! and so 'in we went' to consume vast quantities of the local brew!

Then it waz time to heed for the groond and we went through the line of dibbles still guardin' the station az they looked at us in puzzlement az to just how we managed to get past them! <(Yi'll never stop the Geordies gettin' a drink!)

It waz then a torturous half hour tram jorney to the groond <(aall Jawman groonds are miles from their city centres!) but the tram (and train) rides were 'in' with the ticket price of 13 euros which made it a bargain (compare that with English prices!?)

'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham were playin' in the 2nd game against hosts Schalke 04 and they were milling around the beer kiosks az we entered wor section of the groond.
We were segregated from them by a thin blue striped tape, but yoo could simply waalk around the back of the concourse and gan where the hell yi liked!

Aboot 800 Toon fans were in wor section az the game kicked off and straight away Malaga were on the attack bearin' doon on wor goal time and time again! (Malaga had between 8 and 10 fans in the groond by the way!)


SPIRITS IN THE SKY
BOTH JOHN AND LIAM WOULD BE WATCHIN' FROM ABOVE!


In the 17th minute a burst of applause broke oot in honour of Liam and John 'The Undertaker' who had been shot doon on flight MH17 ower the Ukraine just ower a week beforehand. Aall sections of the groond joined in includin' Schalke, West Ham and the 8 to10 Malaga fans! 
The stadium roof waz open at this time and both of them would have been watchin' the match from the skies above!---Wor NUFC 'Spirits in the Sky' Super Fans!

Then in the 25th minute the inevitable happened when Malaga took the lead when Darder fired in off the post from 20 yards oot, givin' Elliot in the Toon goal ne chance!

Then just 6 minutes later it waz 2-0 when a completely unmarked Castello poked the baall home from 6 yards oot! <(shockin' defendin' from us!)

It waz soon 3-0 to the Spaniards when Costello again scored after hiz shot went in off Yanga's arse!

It waz aboot this time that they closed the roof of the stadium az thunder and lightning were forecast az the skies blackened!

There waz ne way back now and in the 2nd half the main taalkin point waz when some young 'Jellied Eels' sneaked into wor section and nicked a Toon flag!

Aall hell then broke loose az Toon fans chased after them az they waved the flag in their section!


Some members of the West Ham ICF (Inter City Crew) (aged 50 and over!) then told their younger bretheren to give us wor flag back and things calmed doon!

Gabriel Obertan then gave us a consolation goal when Jack Colback gave him the baall from a short corner and 'The Angel Gabriel' jinked past two Malaga defenders to rifle the baall into the back of the net! 

We left at the final whistle optin' to give the West Ham v Schalke game a 'miss'.
Az we waalked to the tram stop in just tee shirts and jeans the thunder and lightning started and the rain came lashin' doon. (John and Liam obviously wornt too happy aboot the result!)
Luckily we weren't too far away from the tram shelter and ran the final hundred yards and didn't get too wet!
Then a bike rider appeared complete with brolly az he peddled hiz cycle ower the busy road in the torrential rain to huge roars of laughter from us! (see above foto!)

It waz then back to 'the ice cream parlour' for somemore 'liquid lubrication' (avoidin the 'dibble' once more!), before heedin back to Dusseldorf for the 'final fling'

(Day Three, Sunday)

Date of Visit: August 3rd 2014
Veltins Arena

Schalke 04  1
Newcastle United 3 (Riviere, Arrons, Cabella) 

Schalke 04 Tournament
Attendance: 20,000 (800 Toon fans)

"THE WRITINGS ON THE WALL!" 
"THE GREATEST TOON FANS OF THEM ALL!"




THE BACK WAALL OF THE TOON SECTION OF THE VELTINS ARENA***
HALF TIME ***SUNDAY ***  RIP LIAM AND JOHN!



The mornin' started off the same az the day before (breekies/washies etc) and this time we decided to heed for 'pastures new' and the toon of Essen for the pre match 'gargels', which iz just 10 mins by train from Gelsenkirchen!

The weather waz fine in Essen but there were a few worryin' dark clouds in the sky, but we are 'tough'? and had just tee shirts and jeans on again!
After dein' a few bars it waz time to heed back to the train station, but on arrival the boards said aall the trains were severely delayed for some reason?
Panic soon set in az we realised that we could miss the kick off, az we had to get a tram az well, when we got of the train.
"TAXEEEEE!"
We asked the driver how lang it would take and he said less than half an hour, so 'in we got'!  We arrived with aboot ten minutes to spare and took up wor 'usual' standin' places on the away terrace! (panic ower!)

The teams ran oot and for the 2nd day runnin' we wore wor horrible aall grey away strip! West Ham's game had finished a half hour before against Malaga (Malaga won the tournament!) and there were anly aboot 50 or so 'Jellied eels' left in their section with 'their nutters' lang departed!
The bulk of Schalke fans were in the standin' terrace behind the far goal, but they were strangely quiet?

A minutes silence (which somehow turned into applause) waz then given before the kick off, for Liam and John which waz a nice touch from Schalke

We started off much brighter this time and were on the attack from the start and the sequence of events were az follows:

17th minute: Again a roond of applause went roond the arena in memory of flight MH17

18th minute: Goal!: Rolando Arrons runs from hiz own half to cross the baall ower to Riviere who heeded home past the Schalke keeper to put us 1-0 up in front of the Toon faithful!

Half time: 1-0 to The Toon

54th minute: Rolando Aarons run doon the right hand side of the pitch and sends in a cross which beat their keeper 'aall ends up'!.
The cross hits the far post and rebounds into the net to double wor advantage! (Aarons later said "he meant it!")

72nd minute: A bad misstayk by the home defence lets in 'new boy' Ferryra and he outwitted a tackle to give the baall to anotha 'new boy' Cabella and he gleefully excepted hiz chance by pokin' the baall home past the Fahmann in the Schalke goal!---
3-0 game ower!


GEORDIE ARAB --"THE DRINKS ARE ON ME !" --LITERALLY !

 
The Toon fans then preceded to hoy beer ower each other which iz allowed onto the terraces in Jawmany. Several got soaked includin' a few Schalke fans and their bairns who were on the other side of the glass panel segregation fence! A black mark against wor fans for this, although some redeemed themsels and had a quick whip-roond to gave it to the Schalke bairns families (We are not aall stupid tw*ts who hoy beer away at 4 euros a pint!) <(ne wonder we are not allowed to bring beer into the seats in England!)

91st minute: With most of the Schalke fans departed by this time (includin' the soaked families!) they got a consolation goal at the end through Avdijaj <(hope av spelt that reet?) who heeded home from close range.
The ref then blew for full time az The Toon fans clapped the players off the pitch.

It waz then 'onwards' back to wor fave 'ice cream parlour' before retornin' to Dusseldorf for wor final session there!

Day Fower (Monday): Day fower waz spent travellin' back from Jawmany the same way we'd came and we bumped into 'Alex of St George' who just happened by complete coincidence to be sittin' next to me on the 2nd leg from Amsterdam to Smogside Airport.

He doesn't live far from the airport and he invited me and 'Big Al' to partake in a few more 'liquid refreshments' < (az though we hadn't had enough ower the last 3 days!) in hiz 'local' caalled 'The Oak Tree' which iz within 'hocklin distance' of the runway!

From there it waz a taxi back to Darlo Station and the train back to 'The Central'

Yet anothaa European adventure off the list!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)

(more pix to follow ower the next few days)

   

THE TOON ARMY XX 1 THE 'REAL' DADS ARMY 0 !

Posted '11:00pm bells' Monday 11th August 2014

Wor final (and anly!) home pre season fixture of the season waz played yesterday az The Toon wor an 'aall white' number with a a black 'V shape' design on the front and we have to tell yoo that a game that waz definatleee heedin for a goal-less draw --didn't! ---az 'The Sissoko Kid' scored the anly goal of the game for us against the 'Real Dads Army' of Spain namly Real Sociedad @ St James' in front of just under 20,000 (including a total of TWO 'Daddy Cool fans'!)

The main taalkin points of the game were:

17th minute: A rapturous one minutes applause for 'The Undertaker' (The Caped Crusader) and 'Liam from the Lamp' enveloped the groond in tribute to those two super fans who's anly 'crime' waz to want to gan to New Zealand to watch their team play!---but of course they never made it due to an unspeakable terrorist act against flight MH17 from Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpar ower the Ukraine! (RIP John and Liam!)
In 'The Undertaker's' case this would be the forst home game he had missed for ower 50 years, whereas hiz 'apprentice', 'Liam from the Lamp' waz just a few years into hiz 'Toon travels' <(they will both never be forgotten by aall of us!)

26th minute: New boy Daryl Janmata sets up Emmanuel Riviere but he just missed the baall for a certain goal!

60th minute: Mike Williamson gans close but 'Daddy's keeper Rulli makes a fine save from hiz bullet heeder!

87th minute: "GGGOOOAAALLLL!"--- The '|Angel Gabriel' Obertan puts in a fine cross to set up 'The Sissoko Kid' on the edge of the box and he wellies the baall past their keeper at 'The Gallowgate End' to win the game for us, az the rain p*ssed doon!

'The Geordie Times' prediction that we would use between 17 and 18 players (see below) wasn't that far off the mark az a total of 20 players were in fact used by NUFC!

Attendance: 19,188 (2 'Real' Daddys!)

"NOT! THE 'REAL' DADS ARMY!"

THE TOON v REAL SOCIEDAD *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

Posted '7:58am bells' Sunday 10th August 2014

Wor one and anly pre season friendly @ St James' Park teks place this afternoon @ '1:30 bells' when we play Spanish opposition in the shape of Real Sociedad.

We fully expect that around 17 or 18 players will be used in this game so take your new squad number list with yoo to suss oot just who iz playin'!

Very heavy rain and thunderstorms are expected so wrap up in your Toon top and jeans!

There will be a full 'Geordie Times' match report on this game ASAP

SPARTANS v TOON U21s TOONEET

Posted '2:22pm bells' Friday 8th August 2014

Tooneet wor U21s are of to Blyth to play 'The Spartans. Kick off iz at '7:30 bells' if yi fancy gannin?---but watch oot for the thunder storms---like!


Updated 1:15pm bells' Saturday 9th August 2014

The Toon ran oot 3-2 winners with wor goals comin' from Heardman, Olley and Smith in front of a 624 crowd in very wet conditions!