"THE MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR IS WAITIN' TO TAKE YOOO AWAY!"

Posted '9:50pm bells' Friday 31st August 2012

The draw for the group stage of the Europa League haz been made today and it haz been very, very! kind to us, with trips to the holiday island of Madeira near the Canary Islands ('A' on the map), Bordeaux in champagne capital of France! (B) and Brugge in beer capital of Belgium! (C) 
(The Toon iz 'D' on the map)

This avoids the feared and dreaded trips 'to the back of beyond' in places like Azerbiajan, Ukraine, Torkey and Israel!


Matches to be played on the followin' dates:

Thorsday 20th September***Maritimo of Madeira, Portugal 
away

Thorsday 4th October***Bordeaux of France
home

Thorsday 25th October***Brugge of Belgium
home

Thorsday 8th November***Brugge of Belgium
away

Thorsday 22nd November***Maritimo of Madeira, Portugal
home

Thorsday 6th December***Bordeaux of France
away

THE TOON 1 ATROMITOS 0

Updated '5.45am bells' Friday 31st August 2012

A very fortuitous win against win against Greek unknowns Atromitos<(had yee ever hord of them before!?) sent The Toon, playin' in their new 'Yellow Peril' 'high viz jacket coloured' change kit into the group stage of the Europa League with 'super sub' Haris Vuckic's deflected winner in the 22nd minute of the forst half @ 'The Leazes End', estimated to end up costin' 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' aroond aboot £2,000 each for the next three away games in the group stage! (at least an average of £600 (plus!) a trip, (inc. beer money etc!) we thinx!---dependin' on where we're heedin'?)
(Vuckic had replaced Ryan Taylor in the 11th minute, who had fell awkwardly on the Milburn Stand touchline)

We were very lucky to win this game, az the visitors had quite a few chances to level things, after wor opener had sent the near 30,000 faithful wild with delight! (40 or so Atromitos fans)

Two heart stoppin' penalty appeals by the visitors in each half were waved away by the Swiss ref who booked the offendin' players for divin'! (many refs would have given both pens!)

Really there's nothin' more to add except to say that there waz 'A bad moon 'a' risin' above 'The Gallowgate End' durin' the 2nd half of this lack lustre display! (see photo!) 

On the final whistle the tannoy annooncer telt us that we had been drawn away to Man U in the 3rd roond of the League Cup!<(at least we won't have to fork oot for a Wembley final ticket in this competition now!)

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Coloccini, Ryan Taylor (Vuckic 11), Bigirimana, Perch (Tavernier 60), Marveaux (Amalfitano 92), Obertan Gosling, Ba

Attendance: 29,242

'The Magical Mystery Tour' of Europe sets off again today at 'high noon bells' (when the draw iz made for the group stage!) (fingers crossed that it's not Azerbaijan etc!)

"Wwwwatch this space!!!!"

 

"WELCOME TO HELL ON EARTH!"*** THE TOON v ATROMITOS

Posted '1:00pm bells' Thorsday 30th August 2012

In complete contrast to last Thorsday, when we awoke in Athens to 100 degree plus temperatures and signs at their groond sayin' 'Welcome to Hell', in Greek, the Atromitos players and fans would have thought that this waz 'Hell on Earth' az they awoke this mornin' on Tyneside to torrential rain, gale force winds and freezin' caad temperatures!

This can anly be good news az far az we are concorned, az the caader it gets the more chance we have of beatin' them to progress to the 'Group stage' of the Europa League! (the 5-1 demolition of Vitoria Setubal in the 'Inter Cities Fairs Cup', in the heavy snow, way back in 1969, springs to mind!---somethin', the Spaniards of that time had never seen!)

'The Magical Mystery Tour' draw iz tomorrow dinnertime and we await it with trepidation az to just where we will be gannin this time!??? (IF ? we progress!???)

The Toon will wear their new 'Yellow Peril' change strip this evenin' @ '8 bells' and we can anly assume that that the probable line up will be wor 'shadow squad' again, that drew 1-1 in Greece last week!?

The draw for the League Cup thord roond takes place toneet (when wor match will still be in progress!) with the possibility of FOWER! new groonds for the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers'! to visit, namely, Burton Albion, Crawley Toon, Northampton Toon and MK Dons< (carnt wait!)

Az per usual---match report and League Cup draw to follow much later 

PS  apologeeez for not updatin' the trip to Athens last week, but a'v been 'stowed off' with work and will update it ASAP!

LEAGUE CUP DRAW LOOMS!

Posted '4:00pm bells' Wednesday 29th August 2012

The draw for the thord roond of the League Cup iz due to take place tomorrow neet DURIN' wor game against Atromitos in the Europa League @ St James' Park!--so we won't be able to watch it live!

Possible new groonds to visit are Crawley Toon, Burton Albion and MK Dons! <(Carnt wait!) for the prize of a Wembley final!

The draw for wor 'Magical Mystery Tour' of Europe meeenwhile takes place at dinnertime om Friday! (SHUD we get through!???)
The permutations for this however, are 'mind bogglin'!!!

More on the Atromitos game tomorrow!

FREDDIE RIP!

Posted '6:10pm bells' Tuesday 28th August 2012

News that wor former chief executive Freddie Fletcher haz 'passed away' haz reached 'The Geordie Times'.
Freddie will best be remembered for formin' The Platinum Club and Bar 1892 in the John Haall era.

He was aalso responsible for the controversial 'bond scheme' where we were telt to cough up £500 to guarantee wor seats for 10 years, anly to be telt later that we were anly guaranteed 'A' seat! (in the smaall print of the bond!)

Wor seats were in The Milburn Stand in line with the Gallowgate 18 yard box and this waz to be renamed Bar 1892 with extortionate price increases.
We refused to pay and were forced to leave wor seats for inferior ones in the rebuilt Milburn Stand 'level 7' with ower 200 stairs to climb to reach wor new seats!
He waz then renamed 'Freddie The Fleece' by irate fans who had lost their prime view seats!
THAT'S what many fans will remember Freddie for!

KINGS ROAD OAPs 2 THE TOON 0

Posted '2:40pm bells' Sunday 26th August 2012


THE TOON ATTACK THE SHED END

Wor second game in less than 48 hours followin' wor draw against Atromitos of Greece on Thorsday neet started at '5:30 bells', but torrential rain, thunder and lightnin' (in complete contrast to the 100 plus heat of Athens!) threatented to have the game postponed and it wasn't until half an hour before kick off that the rain eased and the old 'current bun' came to wor rescue.

The match however could not be 'rescued' after Torres got a dodgy lookin' penalty for Chelski which waz convorted by Hazard.
The thunder and lightnin' then retorned but it anly fired up the home side and they went 'two up' deep into forst half stoppage time with a fine strike from Torres.

We came oot in the second half with aall guns blazin' but it waz to ne avail despite good chances to score by Cisse and Ba near the end.

Anly TWO of the startin' line up in Athens started here, namely, Anita (makin' his league debut) and Cisse.

Toon team: Krul, Simpson (Ryan Taylor 64), Coloccini, Steven Taylor, Santon (Marveaux 74), Cabye (Perch 77), Anita, Gutierrez, Ben Arfa, Cisse, Ba

Attendance: 41,718 (1,500 Toon fans)

After the match it waz back to King's Cross to catch the last train yem (but not befor gettin' a soakin' waalkin' back to the tube station!) and aa arrived yem at 12:30 am bells on Sunday mornin' havin' left the hoose for Greece at '7:30am bells' on Wednesday mornin'!----It's a hard life gannin on 'the hoy' for fower days! 

ATROMITOS 1 THE TOON 1

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 26th August 2012

GOAL!***"RYAN TAYLOR***OWER THE WAALL!"

A much langer version of the match/drink report below will follow later when aa get time!---like!
Chelski report later today---sometime!

(Ground number 290)
Date of First Visit: 23rd August 2012
Municipal Stadium of Peristeri, Athens, Greece

Atromitos 1  The Toon 1 (Ryan Taylor) ("through the waall!"

Europa League 4th Rd Qualifyin' 1st leg

Attendance: eetha! 4,872 or! 5,002? (90 Toon fans ('The Bear' coonted them!) (47 tickets sold from NUFC) (plus! 200 or so watchin' from their balconies!) (Er!--plus a doggie waalkin alang the far terrace! (see photo below!)

"SPOT THE DOGGIE!" (middle of photo)
("Er!"---yi might need a magnifyin' glass!)


"100 IN A ROW!" (Whey!--IF!? yi include the Anglo-Italian Cup!---like!)

The epic and lang jorney to Athens began @ '7:30 am bells' from wor hoose to the bus stop some 100yards distant on Wednesday mornin'!
Then it waz a 10 minute ride to 'The Central' to catch wor train to King's Cross--then anotha train to Gatwick Airport and finally the flight to Athens (followed by an hours tube ride to the city centre where wor hotel waz situated!) where we arrived some 12 hours afta leavin' Tyneside!

The temperature waz ower the 100 mark az we dumped wor bags in The Hotel Arethusa and we heeded straight for the forst 'liquid refreshment stop' ower the road.
A few more 'liquid stops' later and we eventually retired for the evenin! "ZZZZzzzz!!!!"

Next day it waz even hotter and az the match didn't kick off til '8:00 bells' we had aall day to sample the 'delights' of Athens, makin' sure to keep oot of the suns rays az we didn't want to get bornt to death!

It waz then oward to the groond which waz situated in the western suborbs of the capital.


The groond waz just wot we expected (a dump!) and on three sides of the groond the people of the high rise villas had an uninterupted view of the proccedings from their roof terraces and balconies (estimated 200 freebeez!)

Dan Gosling touched the baall forst az we kick off towards the end The Toon fans were hoosed behind a runnin' track and this meant that aa had nuw seen The Toon play in 100 consecutive European club competition games in a row strechin' way back to 1977! (Er!--this includes 6 games in the Anglo-Italian Cup az well!) 

However!---things didn't start off well and the home side were oot of their blocks quicker than we were and took the lead when Epstein hit a low shot past Steve Harper in The Toon goal.

The equaliser came deep into injury time when Gosling was fouled and from 25 yards oot Ryan Taylor (who else!?) hit one of his famous free kick 'screamers' 'ower the waall' into the back of the net, givin' the Atromitos keeper 'ne chance' and send the 90 Toon faithful into joyous celebrations! 

Marveaux the magician, Kuqi and Obertan then had chances to score in the second period, but couldn't find the back of the net and we had to settle for a ones each draw to take to the second leg next Thorsday @ St James'

A 'NOT QUITE' MINT CONDITION PROGRAMME!

Toon team: Harper, Taverier, Perch, Williamson, Ryan Taylor, Bigirimana, Anita, Marveaux, (Gutierrez 70), Obertan, Gosling (Amalfitano 64), Cisse (Campbell 77) 

Next day it waz then a 'torturous' jorney back to London (Heathrow Airport this time!)
via Romania for wor game against Chelski @ Stamford Bridge on the Saturday afta just fower hours kip (aye!--we'd stopped 'on the drink' for a canny while after the match!)
And we (eventually!) arrived  at wor hotel in Swiss Cottage (London) aroond aboot 17 hours after leavin' wor hotel in Athens @ '11:30pm bells'!****"Who would be a Toon fan!"?

DOUBLE HEEDER!***ATROMITOS v THE TOON (then!) CHELSKI v THE TOON

Updated '7:00am bells' Wednesday 22nd August 2012

"IT'S AALL GREEK TO ME!?"

Later this mornin 'The Geordie Times' sets off on an epic 'double heeder' of a jorney to London to catch wor flight from Gatwick, and then onward to Athens for the Atromitos game on Thorsday neet and then back to London again for wor game against  Chelski on Saturday @ '5:30 bells'.

We fully expect that wor 'shadow squad' will play in Greece and that wor 'full strength team' will play in west London because of the narrow gap between the two kick off times! (less than 48 hours!) 

The temp in Athens iz predicted to be 102% centigrade! (39 celcius!)---We'll just have to make sure that we have plenty of 'liquid lubrication' to keep us gannin!

We've been telt by the NUFC ticket office that 43 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have bought away tickets for this match in total! (or shud that be!----43 'mad-sad fools'!)

No updates will be available til at least Sunday when we eventually get back! (we carnt afford posh phones/laptops etc. to send stuff back!---like!) (we've anly got 'carrier pigeons'!)

In the meeeentime!!!--wor computaa iz gannin into hibernation!!!----"ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz!!!!!!!"

TICKET NEWS!

Posted '10:55am bells' Tuesday 21st August 2012

There are still a few Atromitos (£25) and Chelski (£55!) tickets available for Thorsdays and Saturdays games and tickets for wor forthcomin' away game against 'The Toffee Noses' on Mon Sept 19th are nuw on sale priced @ £38 for big kids, £24 for zimmerframeites and £19 for sprogs!

Tickets for wor home game against 'The Greeks' a week on Thorsday are aalso on sale @ £15 and just a FIVER! for those of yoo with zimmerframes or dummies! 

More to follow on wor 'double heeder' of games against 'The Greeks' and Chelski later on tooneet!

THE TOON 2 SPORS 1

Posted '9:45am bells' Sunday 19th August 2012

 Ben Arfa penalty winner through the heat haze!

A wonder strike from Demba Ba and a Ben Arfa penalty @ The Gallowgate End in the 2nd half sealed the 3 points for The Toon in this evenly contested game in very humid conditions against the 'Hot'spurs (sic!).

It wasn't plain sailin though az Spors had hit the woodwork twice in the forst period and we were lucky to gan in 'nowts each' @ half time! (aalthough Ba went close @ The Leazes End!)

Ba's wonder strike came 10 minutes after the restart, when he struck a right footer into the corner of the net from just inside the penalty area, which sent the near capacity crowd wild! 
Vurnon Anita then made hiz debut to rapturous applause from 50,000 Geordies!

The visitors equalised through Defoe in the 77th minute and at this point it looked az though Spors wud gan on and win it az they had most of the play.

But Ben Arfa waz then 'sandwiched' between two Spors defenders in the box just 3 minutes later and the ref pointed straight to the spot.
Ben Arfa grabbed the baall off Demba Ba (who wanted to take the spot kick!) and he hit his effort to the right of Freidel in the visitors goal, (sendin him the wrang way!) to seal the tight fought victory in the 80th minute of the game.

'I Beg Your Pardew' waz sent to the stands after pushin' the linesman in the technical area not lang before this, after the 'blind official' failed to give us a throw in (we cud see from level 7 in The Milburn Stand that the baall waz oot!---why couldn't he???) 

A great start to the season!---lang may it continue!

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Perch, Steven Taylor, Santon, Tiote, Cabaye (Inita 71), Gutierrez, Ben Arfa, Ba (Obertan 85), Cisse

Attendance: 52,385 (2,800 Spors fans)

Footnote: The resorves won 6-4 against Spors resorves @ Benton with wor goal comin' from Campbell who got a hat-trick,  Good, Vuckic and Inman.
The U18s aalso played against Spors U18s @ Little Benton next door, losin' 4-0 though!