THE CREW 0 THE TOON 3

Posted '2:15 pm bells Wednesday 27th July 2011

The Toon finally came good in their USA tour with a great 3-0 win @ The Crew Stadium, Ohio against Columbus Crew.

Shola Ameobi 'copied' his brother 'Sammy' (see Almere report below) by scorin' a fine goal in the 9th minute by roundin' their keeper after a defensive mistake.
'Fab' Coloccini made it two when he fired in from ten yards oot and Harris Vidic wrapped things up with a great shot in injury time, in front of the joyous Toon fans at that end of the stadium.
Final score 3-0 to us!

Things are (hopefully!) lookin' up!

Attendance: 11,224 (quite a few Toon fans)

THE SHEEPHEADS 3 TOON XI 2

Posted '2:00 pm bells' Wednesday 27th July 2011

As aa
was
havin'
'ground withdrawal symptoms', aa decided that aa MUST! tek in at least ONE of wor pre season games in the 'second strings' tour of Holland and so alang with 'Mal the Inglish Skool Teecha' <(he told me how to spell it!) we heeded for Leeds/Bradford airport for a bucket price flight to Amsterdam

When we arrived at the groond which was half an hours train ride from 'Amsterdam Centraal' we were telt by 'Glennn from Ashington' (who'd 'groundhopped' to AALL of the Dutch games) that the game wasn't bein played there, as they had a plastic pitch and 'The Toon' refused to play on it!

This meant that the game had to be played on a grass trainin' pitch next to the groond on 'The Toons' insistance!

Aall that way to see a match on a f*****' trainin' pitch was devestatin' news to both me and Mal, but at least they hadn't caalled the game off aaltogether!
Brief match report below (full groundhoppers report to follow later on in the week!)

Veld 7, (Field 7!) Fanny Blankers Koen sports complex
(honest! aa havvent made it up!--see photo above!)
Almere City 3
Newcastle United XI 2 (Nile Ranger, Sammy Ameobi)

Friendly fixture
Attendance:280 estimated (40ish Toon fans) 

Things didn't start off well on 'Veld 7' as within a minute of the start the home side known as 'The Sheepheads' took the lead afta sloppy Toon defendin'
It got worse six mins later when Almere doubled their lead and we were now on the back foot.

Nile Ranger pulled one back at the otha end with a fine effort but it remained 2-1 to the hosts at half time.
'The Sheepheads' restored their two goal advantage midway through the second half when Joey Barton fouled one of their forwards in the box and the home side convorted a penalty through Meulens

Sammy Ameobi reduced the arrears with a tap in near the end but we couldn't get another, although Ranger came close in the final minute to levellin' the game!

This was mee 280th groond watchin' The Toon and as coincidence would have it, there were 280 spectators present (aye! we coonted them!)

Like aa say!---full mad-sad (and 'sick'!)groundhoppers report to follow (much) later!

FARCE IN FLORIDA***ORLANDO 1 THE TOON 0

Posted '7:15 am bells' Sunday 24th July 2011

"I'm a canny cetre forward---like!"

This match in 'The State of Disneyland' @ '1:30 bells' this mornin' had to be played on a plastic pitch due to the grass one, (which had hastily been laid on the top ), comin' up 'like a loose carpet', which then had to be removed before the match could take place for fear of yet more injuries to key players!

We had precisely ne chances in the forst half and then Orlando, who play in the lower leagues of America, struck in the 76th minute of the second half when Kevin Molino fired home to win the 'drastic plastic' game 1-0. 
We could have done with a 'Mickey Mouser' apparently, (Scouser, Joey Barton, perhaps?) as we were totally inafective again up front!
USA tour so far: Played two, won none, scored none! 

Attendance:10,889 (in a 70,000 seater stadium!)


Better news from Holland though, where a Toon XI beat an Utrecht XI 3-2 on their trainin' pitch after bein' 2-0 doon at one stage.
Joey Barton , Michael Richardson and Ryan Donaldson were wor goalscorers

(more to follow later when aa finish work!)

WE'RE NOT FERRY GOOD!

Posted '10:45 am bells' Friday 22nd July 2011

HOLLANDIA 2  TOON XI  2 (Joey Barton, Ryan Donaldson)
Attendance: not known, but aa naa of at least one 'Toonhopper' who would have been there!

The Toon's second string, boosted by the appearances of  Joey Barton, Yohan Cabaye, plus several others with forst team experience could anly draa with the Dutch amateurs in the smaall toon of Hoorn last neet.

Joey Barton opened the scorin' in the 16th minute but the Dutchmen then struck twice to lead 2-1 at half time.
Barton then missed a penalty which hit the post 10 mins into the 2nd half, but wor embarrassment was saved by Ryan Donaldson who equalised for us with just 10 mins left on the clock.

Amazingly! the team were forced to 'slum it' on a SIXTEEN HOUR! ferry jorney from North Shields instead of a ONE hour flight from Toon airport!

This is reminiscent of a forst team tour to Sweden in the late 1980's, when players had to endure a torturous FORTY HOURS! plus ferry ride in rough seas to Scandinavia.
Some of the players, includin' Brazilian star Mirandinha were SO p****d off, that they actually paid for their AAN! air fares home, rather than come back on the ferry!
Twenty odd years on---and nothin' changes!

SPORTING KANSAS CITY 0 THE TOON 0

Posted '7:00 am bells' Thorsday 21st July 2011

The Toon drew nowts each with Kansas  in the (very) orly hours of this mornin' @ Livestrong Sporting Park in the swelterin' heat in their forst game of their USA tour.

Dan Gosling went off in the 15th minute with a facial injury and more worryin', Ben Arfa was stretchered of on the half hour mark with a leg injury!
Demba Ba made a quiet debut in front of 16,131 fans includin' aboot 9 or 10 Toonhoppers who'd  travelled from England. (but not me a'm afraid------As mentioned, (see article below) aa was unable to travel to The States this time (aa was there on wor last visit in 2000) and was fast asleep in bed back home when the match was on!) "ZZZZZzzzzz!"

BERWICK RANGERS ANSWER!

Posted '8:00 pm bells' Tuesday 19th July 2011

Answer to 'The Geordie Times 'quiz

Wot is unique aboot Berwick Rangers badge?

Answer: Berwick are the anly club to have a Scottish lion and an English lion in their club badge!

FOR A FEW (THOOSAND!) DOLLARS MORE!

Posted '9:45 bells' Tuesday 19th July 2011

Like Joey Barton, Nile Ranger and Yohan Cabaye, I winnit be gannin to 'The States' for wor pre season tour tomorrow, due to work commitments and financial considerations <(I'm NOT! in the 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire', league!) and aa simply cannit afford to tek ten days off graft to gan.

I worked it oot that if me and wor lass went, it would cost us £2,000 each for hotels and the (possible) ten flight 'nightmare' (I divvint like flyin'!) and with spendin' money and lost wages added on, yi taalkin aboot a £5,000 outlay at least! (That's roughleee EIGHT THOOSAND DOLLARS! ($8,000!) to wor American friends!

However!--- if anybody is willin' to lend/give! me the 'bit', we could catch a flight to Kansas tomorrow in time for the forst match! (any offers???)----(the silence iz 'deafenin'!!!)

But fear not!-- I do have contingency plans in place to 'slum it' and gan to at least ONE of the resorves pre season games on their tour of Holland and so get at least one new groond under mee belt! (the tour was annoonced just last week, givin' us virtually ne time to organise things!)

It's ironic to say the least that the Toonhoppers who ARE gannin' to the USA (seven, that aa naa of!) will miss the games in Holland as they are bein' played in the same time period!

Aa meen!--yi cannit be in two places at the same time!---can yi!!!???

BERWICK STRANGERS 1 THE TOON RESORVES 2 "ZZZZzzzz!!!!"

Posted '9:30 pm bells' Saturday 16th July 2011

The Toon won their second game in less than 24 hours when a
'resorve-junior' side beat Berwick Strangers   2-1 at a rain sodden Shielfield Park this afternoon.

After a few 'liquid refreshments' in 'The Brown Bear' and 'The Harrow' (amongst otha boozers!) we made for the groond as the rain lashed doon relenltlessleee!

Yven Moyo opened wor accoont in the 39th minute with a reet foot shot past the despairin' home keeper.
Brandon Mielie then doubled wor lead 29 mins from time with a deflected shot which wrang footed the Berwick keeper.

The home side replied 5 mins later from the penalty spot but that was the end of the scorin' and wor 'second string/juniors' ran oot 2-1 winners in wot was a truly aaful game to watch! "ZZZZzzzz!!!!"

Thankfully there was ne pitch invasion this time!

Anly 493 very wet fans bothered to torn up, of which approximately half where from Tyneside.

Quiz question: wot iz unique aboot the Berwick club badge?   The clue is in the two lions on their crest (above)
The answer will be revealed in 'The Geordie Times' on Tuesday!

DARLO 0 THE TOON 2

Posted '9:10 am bells' Saturday 16th July 2011

An unfortun-ate pitch invasion by some Toon
'brain-deed' idiots marred this friendly fixture with many of them hardly able to stand! ("Er!---aa was a little bit better than that!")

With the backin' of six thoosand plus fans and wearin' wor new bright orange change kit, we took the lead with just three minutes on the clock with a fine Joey Barton effort.

It stayed that way til the hour mark when sub Sammy Ameobi came on to chants of: "If Sammy scores we're on the pitch!"  
He did! and this resulted in the 'said invasion' from aroond 500 or so of the 'braindeed' variety, most of them not much older than 'school age'
Ten minutes  passed before the pitch was cleared by 'The Dibble' and match stewards and the game thankfully resumed after quite a few were carted off to the local nick!

In total 22 players were used, includin' the French duo of Yohan Cabaye and Mehdi Abeid, who of course were mekin' their dubuts 

Attendance: 9,721 (6,000 Toon fans)(500 'braindeed' idiots!) 


Today the Toon resorves play Berwick in Tweedmooth and lets hope the same thing doesn't happen up there this afternoon! (Er!---see Berwick report from 1978 below!)

I'm back on the train again at 'eleven bells' (after gettin' off the Darlo train at eleven thorty last neet!) and this time we heed north instead of south!

Again!---match report to follow much later!

DARLO v THE TOON TOONEET!

Posted '10:50 am bells' Friday 15th July 2011

Just fifty fower days after hoyin' away a three goal lead against West Brom on the last day of the
2010-11 season on May 22nd, we are ready to embark on this seasons games aalready, with a friendly against  Darlo @ 'The Northern Echo Areeena' toneet @ '7:45 bells'.
The Toon will have a very healthy followin' of nearly SIX thoosand and will probably ootnumber the home fans by three to one!

A'm on the 'three bells'  train from 'The Central' and shud 'hit' the forst 'liquid lubrication location' in Darlo toon centre by 'three forty five bells'! (hopefully!) 

Match report to follow much later! (when I sober up!)

LEGS ELEVEN!
 Az aa was writin' the above 'piece', 'The Geordie Times' had it's 11,111th hit! 
We now have been viewed in 104 countries! 
"Hello! Belarus!" ----"Hello! Taiwan!"---"Hello!  Aruba!" (wherever you are?)