Thursday, 26 October 2017

034 turf moor burnley


(GROUND NUMBER 34)
Date of First Visit: 23rd NOVEMBER 1974
TURF MOOR, BURNLEY

BURNLEY 4
NEWCASTLE UNITED 1 (Barrowclough)
(OLD) DIVISION ONE
ATTENDANCE 19,523 (2,000 Toon fans)



"TAKIN' THE P**S!"

 The bus was chocka block az usual with *'The Waterloo Wobblers 'az wih left the Toon for this trip tih Turf Moor and of course it was aalso 'chocka' wih drink, AND!---az was the 'custom in them days, a ten gallon plastic 'p**s bucket' occupied the front stairwell.


There were ne 'tool sheds' on the busses back in the 'stone age' (aka; the sixties and
seventies!) and tih save the driver from stoppin' every ten miles or so for a 'p**s
stop', a large container tih hold wor 'surpless liquid' was VITAL! on every away
trip!. (Thus savin' valueable drinkin' time!)


The Bornley trip was ne exception tih the rule, and the stinkin' frothy 'bucket' was
full tih overflowin' az we approached the environs of this Lancashire outpost.
In fact it was that full that everytime the bus went ower a pothole on the 'A59' (and there were plenty of them!) the contents came ower the side like a giant tsunami wave! (slight
exaggeration!) and if yih wor'nt very careful, yi'd get yih troosers and skeets
washed free of charge!. (ie; it wasn't too wise tih get too close, az nature took it's
course!)


Az wih got closer tih the groond, a police outrider signalled for the driver tih
follow him, blue light flashin'. Then, az wih got within 'hocklin' distance' of the floodlights, an ower zelious rookie 'Dibble' who looked aboot sixteen years old put his hand oot tih stop the bus and read wih the 'riot act'.
The p**s bucket was leanin' precarisly against door under the weight of the p**s on the top step of the stairwell and 'young Dibble', in hiz eagerness tih get on, yanked the door and pulled it open!

 Az the door opened!--- (AYE!—YIV GUESSED IT!)---the bucket toppled ower and the entire contents spilled oot and went aall ower his shirt, tunic and flannel troosers!.
----I-T!---W-A-Z!-----H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S-!
The sight of him standin' there, speechless!, drenched tih the skin!, with steam
risin' from his uniform from the ten gallons of warm putrid p**s!, on that freezin'
caad November day!, iz somethin' that will live with iz till MEE DYIN' DAY!.
(Oh! how ah wished that a'd brought mee camara with iz!--OH! HOW AH WISHED!)


The bus was in hysterics!, az he stood there like a drooned rat!, not knaain what
tih de next!. (Toon Fans-'ONE!'---'Dibble'-'NIL!')
We were blockin' the road and the 'Dibble' who waz escortin' the bus, then came
tih wor rescue and signalled frantically for the driver tih move on az we were
causin' a massive traffic jam!.
Wor driver (fearin' he'd be nicked!) didn't need much persuasion tih move on! and
he was off like a shot!, leavin' the 'drenched Dibble' to his fate!.
(Yih COULD'NT make it up!)


Az wih entered the groond the taalkin' point waz of course aboot what happened
tih 'officer' 'Dibble' but anotha taalkin' point waz the battle that waz gannin on
before us between 'The Leazes Boot Boys' and their Bornley counterparts fortha
alang the huge terrace.
'The Longside' where we were housed waz aalso the 'Borley Boot Boys' 'pitch' and
aall that seperated the rival fans waz a metal fence doon the middle straddlin' the half
way line.
It torned out that some of wor fans had 'infiltrated' their section and boots 'n' fists
were flyin' everywhere! (In them days yih just payed on the day tih get in, and it
waz common for rival fans tih get intih the wrang end!)


Before lang and just az the teams ran oot, 'The 'Dibble Brigade' charged in and a canny few were 'collared' and led away! (some 'fans' were unceremonisly carried
oot, kickin' and screamin' az they went!, knockin' off a few of the officers' helmets
in the process, ontih the perimiter track!, but before lang the trouble died doon
and we could nuw (hopefully?) concentrate on the match!

'The Long-
side', incident-ly, waz well named, az it ran the full length of the pitch and in the distance above the main stand yih could see the moors that gave the groond it's name.
(Very picturesque!)

However!---it wasn't too 'picturesque' on the pitch and it wasn't too lang before
we were brung back doon tih earth!, and I'm of course taalkin' aboot wor woeful
match performance once again!.
This time it was Bornley who were 'TAKIN THE P**S' az they ran oot easy fower-
one winners with ex Toon player Peter Noble comin' back to haunt hiz former club
scorin' a hat-trick in the process!
Stewie Barrowclough got the Toon's 'consolation goal'? in the second half when he
cut in from the left tih shoot under Stevenson the Bornley keeper.


SUMMARY:
SO!--- that waz it then!
Bornley took the P**S! ("boo!-hoo!")
'Dibble' got the P**S! ("ha!-ha!")
And we got totally!-------P**S'T! ("yeee-haaa!")


(Az the aad sayin' ganz---"IT NEVER RAINS!"----"IT JUST 'P**SES' DOON!")




Footnote:
*'The Waterloo Wobblers' were a group of fans who frequented 'The Waterloo Pub' on the corner of Bath Lane and Westgate Road in Newcastle---namely ---


'Lang haired Mac', Marty, Dylan, Windy, Fat Wally (aka: 'Thunder Thighs!'), Santy, 'Bob the Bag' (a shoplifter!), 'Davy the Bold-One',  Davy Dowaz, Ashy, 'Plonky' Burns, 'Pete the Nose', 'Jimmy The Mask', (a man so ugly you would think he was wearin' one!) plus various others, who, through the passage of time their names aa cannit recollect at the moment! (aa think they caall it 'Alzheimer's!')


THE WATERLOO--Lost but NOT! forgotten





Geordie Glossary of Terms and Phrases (for the benefit of 'non Geordie' readers)


A
Az=as
Aboot=about
A'd=I'd
Alang=along
Aye=yes
Aall=all
Aad=old
B
Bornley=Burnley
C
Chocka=full
Collared=arrested
Cannit=cannot
Call=call
Caad=cold
D
Dibble=policeman/men
Droned=drowned
De=do
Doon=down
F
Fortha=further
Fower-one=four-one
G
Groond=ground
Ganz=goes
Gannin'=going
H
Hocklin' distance=spitting distance
I
Intih=into
Iz=is/me
K
Knaain=knowing
L
Lang=long
M
Mee=my
N
Nne=no
Nuw=now
O
Ower=over
Oot=out
Ontih=onto
P
P**s=a bodily function!
P**s't=very drunk!
S
Skeets=shoes
T
Toon=City of Newcastle/Newcastle fans/Newcastle United FC
Tool sheds=toilets
Tih=to
Taalkin'=talking
The Leazes End boot boys=Newcastle hooligans
Troosers=trousers
W
Wor=our
Wor'nt=were not
Wih=we
Wrang=wrong
Y
Yih=you
Yiv=you have
Yi'd=you would




©Fink™(the mad-sad gr☺undh☺pper!)






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