THE CHELSEEE PENSIONERS 2. THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 *Posted ‘2:22pm bells 🔔’ Munday 28th Octobaa 2024

“WOT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES!”

This time last year we were flyin high in The Champions Leegue havin beaten PSG 4-1 at SJP and not lang before that, hammering Sheff United 8-0 at their place!

Fast forward 12 months and we are a shadow of that team, havin not won for 5 games in the Premyaa Leegue and have slipped from 3rd place in September to 12th place today!

In other words the clocks went back yesterday—-and so did we!

It anly took Chelseee 2 minutes to open the scorin az they attacked The Shed End where the 3,000 Toon fans were situated when Cole Palmer fired home! BUT! after a lengthy VAR check it woz (thankfully!) ruled offside!

Some of wor defendin woz woeful, but we had a great chance to equalise (or so we thought) when Bruno woz hacked doon by Colwill just ootside the box— but incredibly ref Hooper waved ‘play on’ when the Chelseee defender should have been red carded!🥶

Just one minute after this wor hosts DID take the lead in the 18th when Neto sent a low cross in to the unmarked Jackson who shot past The Pope in the Toon goal!

Almiron then missed a great chance for us to level things, but inexplicably shot wide!

We DID however equalise in the 32nd minute when Lewis Hall foond Isak and he had the simple task to fire home from close in! Another lang VAR check followed, but this time the goal woz given! HT 1-1

It didn’t take The pensioners (their old nickname) lang to retake the lead when just 2 minutes after the restart when Lavia sent Cole Palmer through and he shot past Pope on the nearside post for their 2nd goal!

The Toon had 2 great chances to level things again, through Isak.

First a heeder from a Willock cross which woz easily saved and then at ‘the death’ Isak woz clean through and we looked certain to score az Joelinton woz unmarked, but Isak decided to shoot instead from a tight angle az Joelinton looked on in frustration!🥶 and wor last chance woz gone!

Yet another defeat at Stamford Bridge—one more to add to wor bogey groond total (Anfeeeld, The Eitiad and The Emerites to name the other 3)

In the Premyaa Leegue era, we have played here 36 times and won anly twice!—Nee wonder we hate the fcukin’ place!🥶

Attendance: 39,526 (3,000 unhappy Toon fans!)

*Pub crawl report in London***7

PRESIDENT HOTEL BAR

“A BRIDGE TOO FAR!”

*Posted ‘high noon bells 🔔’ Friday 25th Octobaa 2024

 

IF YOU ARE WONDERIN’ WHY WE CAALL THEM ‘THE PENSIONERS’ THEN LOOK AT THIS CHELSEE V NUFC PROGRAMME FROM 110 YEARS AGO IN 1914. NUFC WON 3-0 IN FRONT OF A 20,000 CROWD!

On Sunday at anothaa 💩 kick off time (2 🛎️ bells) we are off to Stamford Bridge to take on The Pensioners of Chelseee in a live telly game! (Sky +)

This iz yet anothaa bogey groond, where we havvint won for 12 years and have anly won 2 ooot of 35 visits in the Premyaa Leegue era!

We hear that Callum Wilson still isnt fit enough to play (when will he ever be?) but are hopeful that Lewis Miley will play some part!

We are on the train 🚂 to King’s Cross on Saturday afternooon and are stayin’ in a hotel in Russell Square at £80 each for a triple room! (£240 aall told!)

The retorn train fare iz £120 WITH 33% off on a Senior rail card and £24:50 for the match ticket! (Senior) So that’s ower £224 each before the tube 🚎fares, ‘desperate dan’ 🥘 (scran) and ‘liquid lubrications’ 🍺 are added on!—It certainly ain’t cheap to gan to London any more!🥶

A full Geordie Times match and boozer report will appear here sometime on Munday!

Az per usual “Watch this space!”

“OH ANTHONY GORDON!”

 *Posted ‘5:50pm bells 🔔’ Tuezday 22nd Octobaa 2024

News reaches The Geordie Times that Anthony Gordon haz signed a new extended contract!

He hazzint been in the form he woz last season, but every player gans through a bad patch and we can anly hope that he regains his sharpness!

This iz great news for most Toon fans, although some have their doubts!

Let’s hope he proves the doubters wrang!

Hiz reaction to signin’ the new contract: “I LOVE IT HERE!”

THE TOON 0. NEE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-202

 *Posted ‘high noon 🛎️ bells’ Sunday 20th Octobaa 2024

“BLANKETY BLANK!”

A very frustratin’ day at SJP for certain az we completely dominated the forst 35 minutes az we attacked the Gallowgate End!

Chance after chance went a beggin’ az we pounded Brightin’z goal but we just couldn’t put the baall in the back of the net!

Alexander Isak woz the main culprit, havin missed the baall for ‘an air shot’ reet in front of goal and then had a one to one with their goalie, but instead of roondin’ the keeper he shot straight at him to huge groans from the capacity crowd!

Just after this we paid a heavy price for the miss, when, and with their first attack, Danny Welbeck woz put through and had a ‘one to one’ with ‘The Pope’ in the Toon goal and unlike Isak he made nee misstayk and planted the baall into the corner of the net to huge roars from the 2,000 Brighton fans who had made the 350 mile trek north! HT 0-1 to ‘them’!

Again NUFC came oot with aall guns blazin az we attacked the Leazes End, but 2 big misstaiks by Anthony Gordon who shot straight at their keeper and another chance when he scuffed the baall and the chances were gone!

Aaltogether we had 20 odd shots, with just 6 on target, at least 4 of them from Isak and Gordon, but couldn’t find the equaliser despite 10 minutes added time for a bad injury to goal scorer Welbeck, who woz stretchered off, late on!

Wor forst home defeat for 280 days,and more worringly nee goal in open play for 4 and a half hours!🥶

Attendance: 52,220 (2,000 Seagulls)(Fans that iz!)

We say ‘Nee where near Brightin’ az their groond iz miles away from Brightin in the middle of the nee where in the countryside and yoo have to leave the boozers at least one and a half hours before the game to queue and get a bloody packed train 🚂 to get to the match! (Nee pubs near their groond!)

PS: They didn’t blast ‘Hey Jude’ from the loudspeakers before kick off yesterday, which iz great news az far az we are concerned!  The Beatles are from Liverpoool—-so just why we have been playin it before games iz a complete mystery! 

Aa meeen, Liverpoool or Evaatin divvint blast The Animals ‘House of the Rising Sun’ or Lindisfarne’s ‘Fog on the Tyne’ before their their games!—do they!?

THE PRE MATCH FLAG DISPLAY DIDN’T QUITE GAN TO PLAN!?😵‍💫

THE TOON V NEE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN ***PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 *Posted ‘high noon 🛎️ bells’ Friday 18th Octobaa 2024

THE SHEAR SCALE OF THE MILBURN STAND CAN BE SEEN FROM THE BACK WINDOWS OF THE LEVEL 7 CONCOURSE, LOOKIN’ UP BARRACK ROAD TOWARDS THE BLACK AND WHITE BULL BOOZER AT THE TOP!

24 MILLION—AND COONTIN’!

After a fortneets rest after another International break, NUFC are back in action tomorrow afternooon v Brighton in an untelivised’3:00 🔔 bells’ kick off at SJP

Alexander Isak iz expected to retorn to the fray after suffering a toe injury, but there are yet again doubts ower Callum Wilson who haz still to feature this season!  Kieran Trippier iz definatleee oot, but there are hopes that Lewis Miley will finally make at least the bench after, like Wilson, missin since last season!

The Toon are seekin’ wor 13th home game withoot a defeat, stretching back to January 13th in a 3-2 defeat v Man City!

That’s 280 days undefeated at SJP come tomorrow. OR 6,720 hours. OR 403,200 minutes!  OR (aboot) 24,192,000 seconds! ⬅️The Geordie Times gives you the undisputed stats, unlike othaa Toon websites!

JOYOUS NEWS FOR ‘THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!”

 *Posted ‘7:24pm bells’ Tuezday 15th Octobaa 2024

"NEW GROOND!---NEW GROOND!"

News that wor Premyaa Leegue home game v The Liverbirds will stay at its original date of Wedinzday 4th Decembaa for live telly on Amazon Prime haz been conformed and iz ‘joyous news’ az it meenz that the game doesn't clash with wor U21s game at Boston United the day before! 

A groond we have never seen The Toon play on! (This will actually be wor 2nd groond visited in Boston!)

The othaa fixtures for live telly have aalso been released (a day late!) for Decembaa and January and this will be a crazy time for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers'

Wor new hectic itinerary iz below: (Deep breath!) 

(Premyaa Leegue games unless stated)

OCTOBAA:

Sat 19  3:00  Nee Where Near Brightin  H  nee telly

Sun 27  2:00 The Chelsee Pensioners  A  Sky

Wed 30  7:45  The Chelsee Pensioners (Leegue Cup)  H  Sky

NOVEMBAA:

Sat 2 12:30  The Arse  H  TNT

Tue 5  7:45  Tamworth v U21s in National Leegue Cup  Live on National LeegueTV

Sun 10  2:00  The Friar Tuck Mob of Nottingham  A  Sky

Mun 25  8:00  The Jellied Eels Mob of West Ham  H  Sky

Sat 30  3:00  The Cristil Paliss Prats  A  nee telly

DECEMBAA

Tue 3  7:30  Boston United v U21s in National Leegue Cup  nee telly az far az we naa?

Wed 4  7:30  The Liverbirds  H  Amazon Prime

Sat 7  3:00  The Brentfaad Beez Kneez  A  nee telly

Sat 14  3:00 The Basil Brush Brigade of Lestaa  H  nee telly

Sat 21  3:00  Ipswich Toon  A  nee telly

Thu 26  3:00  The Hazbeenz and Villians  H   Amazon Prime

Mun 30th  8:00  Moan U  A  Sky

JANUARY 2025:

Sat 4  12:30  Sporzz  A  TNT

Sat 11-Sun 12  FA CUP 3rd roond  ????

Wed 15  7:30  Wolverhampton Wanabeez  H  TNT

Sat 18  12:30  The Cherry Pickers of Bournemoooth  H  TNT

Sat 25  3:00   The Simon Templar Mob of Sooothampton  A  nee telly 

 

A DIP INTO THE GEORDIE TIMES ARCHIVES. GROUND NUMBER 15

 *Posted ‘high noon bells 🔔’ Tuesday 15th Octobaa 2024

The Premyaa Leegue fixture changes for Decembaa and January were supposed to come oot yesterday—-but DIDN’T!

So to fill a bit of time in av downloaded a game from 1971 at Blackpool, which woz missin from mee archive match reports from 53 years ago! (See below!)👇 

015 bloomfield road, blackpool

 

THE BLACKPOOL KOP AND TOWER AZ IT LOOKED IN 1971

SJP. THE OLDEST CURRENT TOP FLIGHT GROOND IN THE WORLD!

 *Posted ‘high noon bells’ Wedinzday 9th Octobaa 2024

THE OLD WEST STAND (NOW THE MILBURN STAND) IN 1901 (NUFC WON 1-0 IN FRONT OF A 20,000 CROWD)

St. James' Park iz currently the oldest top flight football groond in the world, having opened 144 years ago in 1880.

Current Premyaa Leegue clubs who have played at the same grounds since the 19th century

1880 St. James’ Park  1880-1884 Newcastle Rangers, 1886-1892 Newcastle West End, 1892 Newcastle East End, 1892 Newcastle United

1884 Anfield  1884-1892 Everton, 1892 Liverpool) 

1884 Portman Road  Ipswich Town

1889 Molineux  Wolves

1892  Goodison Park  Everton

1896 Craven Cottage  Fulham

1897 Villa Park  Aston Villa

1898 City Ground  Nottingham Forest

Footnote: Stamford Bridge  (Chelsea) was opened in 1877 as an athletics stadium---Football wasn't played there til 1905 when Chelsea were formed

THE TOFFEE NOSES 0. THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025 (LAST EVER VISIT)

 *Posted ‘high noon 🔔 bells’ Munday 7th Octobaa 2024 Updated ‘7:00pm 🛎️s’

NUFC IN THE WHITE AND GREEN AWAY STRIP

“BLANKETY BLANK!”

This woz wor last ever visit to Goodison Park in the Leegue, before The Toffee Noses move to their new abode beside the river Mersey next season!

Anothaa poor game when the finishing touch of puttin the baall into the back of the net didn’t happen despite numerous chances from various players! (We counted 8 shots in the 2nd half that were not on target!)

The unluckiest shot though, woz Bruno’s shot in the first half, which woz cleared off the line by an Evaatin defender!

In the 35th minute we were awarded a penalty when Tonali woz fouled in the box by Tarkowski. (Alang VAR check resulted in the ref pointing to the spot!)

Anthony Gordon the man Evertonians love to hate took it against Pickford the man Toon fans love to hate!

Unfortunately Gordon shot to the right with a weak effort which woz saved by the SMB which brought a huge roar from the home fans az we held wor heads in wor hands!

Apart from that, in the 2nd half, shots by Joelinton, Gordon and Murphy went wide and the game petered oot into a goalless draw!

(Everton had then missed an open goal near the end)

We are definitely missing Isak and Wilson who both would have surely won the game for us!

That’s 7 Premyaa Leegue games played and 6 of them have been poor!  Despite this we are still in 7th place in the table with 3 wins, 3 draws and 1 defeat! (Includin the Leegue Cup we have lost just ONE oot of NINE!---)

There iz now anothaa International break before we we play wor next game v Brightin a week on Saturday at SJP!

Hopefully both Isak and Wilson are in contention by then!? 🙏🏻 

Attendance: 39,265. (3,000 Toon fans)

PUB CRAWL REPORT:

Just 3 boozers this time!

We stopped in a hotel on the outskirts of Manchester (az it woz much cheaper) and got to the match from there!

MANCHESTER PICCADILLY

LIVERPOOL

LIVERPOOL LIME STREET

UPDATED ‘7:00pm 🔔s’

The late news iz that Man City have won their case against The Premyaa Leegue for unfair competition rules!— This shud be good news for the PIF and NUFC to compete with the best! 🤪👍🏁