Friday, 27 December 2013

THE TOON 5 THE P*SS POTTERS of STOKE 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2013-14

Updated '1:51pm bells' Friday 27th December 2013

"GEORDIE BOYS TAKIN' THE P*SS!"(POTTS!)
CISSE STEPS UP TO PUT US 5-1 UP!

SIX goals, THREE sendings off, TWO penalties, TWO penalty appeals and ONE blatent 'hand baall' torned doon, were the main taalkin' points of this crazy Boxin' Day game played in freeezin' conditions @ St James' Park!

The chaotic sequence of events were az follows:

1st HALF:
29th minute: It started off badly for The Toon az 'The P*ss Potters' spurned two great chances orly on az we just couldn't get 'off the blocks'!
The warnings wornt heeded and the visitors deservedly took the lead through a great strike from Assaidi @ 'The Gallowgate End' from 18 yards oot!

30th minute: The P*ss Potters fans sing: "Shall we sing a song for you!?" <(aall 600 of them!--- who were given FREE travel and REDUCED ticket prices! <(A pathetic torn oot for Boxin' Day!) 

34th minute: Stoke's Whelan iz booked for a rash challenge on 'The Sissoko Kid'!

40th minute: Whelan iz booked again and sent off for daft tackle on Cabaye!

42nd minute: Mark Hughes the 'P*ss Potts' manager iz aalso sent off for complainin' aboot Whelan's dismissal and hoys hiz coat away!

44th minute: Anothaa sendin' off!---This time it's Stoke's Wilson who pulled doon Remy in the box!

44th minute: Remy takes the penalty himself but it iz saved by ex mackem goalie Sorensen!

44th minute: Stoke break upfield and have a handbaall appeal torned doon when Williamson handles reet in front of the ref! <(it must be Christmas!)

45th minute: From the haandbaall incident we break upfield and Remy makes amends for hiz miss a minute orlier when hiz shot iz deflected twice, before endin' up in the net! (below)

45th minute: Stoke's Nzonzi iz booked for arguin' aboot the 'Williamson' hand baall incident! 

That's! (deep breath!) SEVEN incidents in just FIVE minutes!

2nd HALF:
48th minute: The nine men carnt cope with wor attacks and 'Gooffy' Gouffran puts us aheed with a fine left footed effort, just inside the box!
'GOOFFY' (with hiz arm outstretched) SCORES WOR 2nd GOAL! 

55th minute: Loic Remy heeds home from a Debuchy cross to make it 3-1 to us!
REMY GOAL

66th minute: Neat 'one touch futbaall' from 'The Toon' pays off and Yohan Cabaye nets with a great side footed shot! (game ower!)
CABAYE SCREAMER!

79th minute: We are awarded wor 2nd penalty of the game when Pieters fouls 'Uncle' Ben Arfa just inside the area!

80th minute: Super sub Cisse grabs the baall and fires it past a dejected Sorensen to cries of: '"Your just a sad mackem Bustard!" from the Toon faithful!
CISSE PEN 5-1 ! (Aall photos taken by t'The Geordie Times' paparazzi fotografaa!) 

82nd minute: A tussle between Cabaye and Shawcross shud have resulted in anothaa penalty for us, but the ref takes pity on wor visitors and waves 'play on'!

89th minute: Yet anothaa penalty appeal iz torned doon by the ref az Shawcross lunges at Haidera, but the ref again torns doon wor appeal!

93rd minute: "It's aall ower!"-- and the three points are well and truly in Santa's bag for a belated Christmas present for us!

On top of aall this 'Uncle' Ben Arfa aalso hit the post twice in the 2nd half!

'Geordie Times' Statfacts:
This waz wor 200th home win in the Premyaa Leegue era! <(and 'The Geordie Times' haz seen them aall!)
This waz aalso wor 1,800th Leegue win in wor history!
Wor 1st ever win waz when we beat Woolwich Arsenal 6-0  at St James' Park ower 120 years ago in September 1893 <(and NO!---due to circumstances beyond our control we wernt at THAT game!) 

Toon team: Krul, Debuchy, Coloccini, Williamson, Santon (Haidara 61), Sissoko, Cabaye, Anita (Shola Ameobi 46), Ben Arfa, Remy, Gouffran (Cisse 72)

Attendance: 51,665 (Highest Boxin' Day crowd in Britain!)
(just 600 'P*ss Potters') < (A p*ss poor tornoot!)
The 5-1 win waz aalso the biggest in the entire 4 divisions of  the Leegue!




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