TRANSFOR DEADLINE DAY!---WE'VE ESCAPED!---UNSCATHED!

Updated 9:30 am bells' Wednesday 1st February 2012

"NO GO!"

It waz transfor deadline day yesterday of course and we came through unscathed thanx to to many vigilantes who stood guard at various locations aroond the Toon! 

There were ne reported helicopter activities ower Tyneside az news quickly spread that we had EVERY heliport covered from The Benton Trainin' Groond to The Arena's heliport next to The Redheugh Bridge and I have to tell yoo that we had a team handed mob, ready with sticks, clubs and basebaall bats to repel any invaders from the sky, waitin' to whisk one (or more!) of wor star players away to London, Manchester or (of course!) Liverpool!

It worked! az ne players were transfored yesterday and we can breathe a sigh of relief til the summer at least!
(Ne players came IN, on deadline day eetha---by the way!)

THE TOON RESORVES v BEDLINGTON TERRIERS---TONEET @ '7:30 bells'

Posted '2:50 pm bells' Tuesday 31st January 2012


"WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!?"


Toneet @ Blue Flames, Benton (aka Whitley Park) the resorves take on the Terriers of Bedlington in the semis of The Northumberland Senior Cup. 

In the resorves last game we were hammered 6-0 by Man U's second string @ Altrincham last week, so lets hope we can boonce back toneet and claim a place in the final, which will be played @ St James' Park.
Season ticket holders have to pay for this one and a low crowd iz expected. (wor guess iz a sub 400 attendance!)

Match report to follow eetha later toneet or in the mornin'!?

"10,000 THANK YOOZ TO AALL WOR OWERSEAS REEEDERS !"

Posted '7:30 pm bells' Monday 30th January 2012

"TO THE SEVEN CONTINENTS ON THE PLANET
10,000 THANK YOOOOZ FROM 'THE GEORDIE TIMES'!"

Yet another 'Geordie Times' 'landmark'? haz been passed, az today @ '7:30 pm bells' preciseleee we have just received wor TEN
THOOOSANDTH pageview from owerseas! (and beyond!)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Below we include the countries and territories that have made this possible---aall 112 of them in the order that they visited us!---A special thank yoo to yoo aall! 

001 United States of America
002 Canada
003 Japan
004 Bulgaria
005 Columbia
006 Brazil
007 Republic of Ireland
008 Denmark
009 Hong Kong
010 France
011 Jawmany (Germany)
012 Russia
013 Burundi
014 Kenya
015 Lithuania
016 China
017 Iraq
018 Egypt
019 India
020 Romania
021 Malta
022 Slovenia
023 Holland
024 New Zealand
025 Australia
026 Spain
027 Greece
028 Belgium
029 Ukraine
030 Luxembourg
031 Sooth Korea
032 Poland
033 Italy
034 Serbia
035 Malaysia
036 Macedonia (FYROM)
037 Hungary
038 Mexico
039 Switzerland
040 Torkey
041 Croatia
042 Norway
043 Equador
044 Czech Republic
045 Portugal
046 Austria
047 Latvia
048 Kyrgystan
049 Azerbaijan
050 Estonia
051 Israel
052 Argentina
053 United Arab Emirates
054 Chile
055 Sweden
056 Finland
057 Tunisia
058 Saudi Arabia
059 Sooth Africa
060 Peru
061 Indonesia
062 Thailand
063 Iran
064 Iceland
065 Pakistan
066 Slovakia
067 Singapore
068 Albania
069 Uruguay
070 Vietnam
071 Bosnia and Herzegovina
072 Nigeria
073 Georgia
074 Philippines
075 Lebanon
076 Isle of Man
077 Belarus
078 Moldova
079 Yemen
080 Taiwan
081 Aruba
082 Venezuala
083 Guatemala
084 Ghana
085 Mauritius
086 Cyprus
087 Zambia
088 Brunei
089 Kuwait
090 Liberia
091 Gibralter
092 Morocco
093 Sierra Leone
094 Jersey
095 Bahrain
096 Trinidad and Tobago
097 Tanzania
098 Algeria
099 Gambia
100 Bhutan
101 Jamaica
102 Maldives
103 Malawi
104 Monaco
105 Guernsey
106 Bahamas
107 Costa Rica
108 Jordan
109 Vanuatu
110 Oman
111 Syria
112 Cayman Islands

Plus Mars!>>>>>>>>


Once again!--TEN THOOOSAND thank yoooz for your support!

A 'LOVE'/'HATE' AFFAIR!---57 YEARS AND COONTIN'!

Posted '2:30 pm bells' Monday 30th January 2012

"THE CUP THAT DOESN'T CHEER!"

Now that we've recovered from wor 725 mile plus roond trip to Sussex we must wonder just wot it's like inside the new Wembley Stadium az we havvent been there now since 2000 when we lost to Chelski in an FA Cup semi final.

It's not even the end of January and yet again we face the prospect of yet another trophyless season, with the anly thing to look forward te,  a crack at the thord rate Europa League and visits to places like Latvia, Estonia and Sloveeenia on Thorsday neets! (shud we qualify?)

It iz now 57 years since we last won a major domestic trophy (the FA Cup in 1955!) and wor now seemingly 'hate affair' with the trophy we once 'loved' and won three times in 'the fifties', just gans on and on and ON!

After yet another defeat in the competition to yet another lower league side!, we must regroup once more for the 'mooth waaterin' prospect of yet another visit to darkest Blackborn on Wednesday neet (wor 2nd visit this season---we lost there in the LEAGUE CUP!)

But hang on a minute!!!----Aa nearly forgot!!!-----The resorves play Bedlington Terriers in the Northumberland Senior Cup @ Benton tomorrow neet in a semi final tie! so some silverware cud be headin' wor way after aall! (so it's not aall doom and gloom after aall!------iz it??????)

'THE MIDDLE OF NE WHERE' ALBION 1 ------------THE TOON 0 !

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 29th January 2012

Forst of aall, apologeeez for the late postin of this match report az we didn't get back til qwaata to four this mornin'!


A Mike Williamson own goal settled this 'Farce in Falmer' late yesterday afternoon to knock 'The Toon' oot of the FA Cup in wot waz yet another shockin' FA Cup exit for 'the aall blacks' (we wore wor change strip!)

The drive doon took us six and a half hours and we parked up at Lewes train station which iz the nearest 'boozer friendly' place to the groond---which of course iz built in the middle of ne where, next to a village caalled Falmer (which we thought was 'pub-less'!)

After a few 'liquid refreshments' in the three drinkin dens up the hill from the station, we heeded to the train station to catch 'the cattle truck' to Falmer which iz fower miles distant.
There waz aboot a 50-50 mix of both Brighton and Toon fans az the train set off on wot we were telt was a seven minute jorney to the groond. ("Er!"---TEN minutes actually!)

On close up inspection aa was very impressed with 'The Seagulls' new 'nest' az it wasn't the 'tinny shed' aa expected for a club of their stature.
The rather nice brickwork ootside the stadium looked az though it had cost 'a few bob' to build.

"NICE BRICKWORK!---PITY ABOOT THE LOCATION!"

Once inside, wide padded seats greeted us and it reminded me of The Emirates seats at 'The Arse', the anly difference bein' that these were blue instead of red. (much more to follow on the stadium later!).

Anyway!--- the teams ran oot to a packed crowd and aa couldn't see an empty seat anywhere, so the "empty seats" 'chant' couldn't be used today by the Toon faithful!

It was a dour forst half and we just couldn' t get wor act together with 'Captain Shola' leadin' the line up from with Leon Best just behind.
Brighton were even worse and a can't recaall one shot on target from them in the forst period which not suprizingly ended goal-less!

The second half wasn't much better with wor 'toothless' strikeforce unable to break doon the home sides defence az we kicked towards wor fans in The Sooth Stand.
The anly goal came in the 75th minute when Danny Simpson pulled oot of a tackle to let Will Buckley race through to the box and hiz shot deflected off the unfortunate Mike Williamson and into the net to knock us oot of the cup at an orly stage yet again!
Oh! how we need the two 'Dembas' to fill wor strikers roles (Ba and Cisse)

We didn't get yem til qwaata to four this mornin', like aa say!---(a 725 mile roond trip!) but that's another story for the 'disaster days' groundhoppin' list! (now 283 groonds---and coontin'!)

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Santon (Ferguson83), Cabaye, Williamson, Perch, Guthrie (Gosling 83), Ben Arfa (Ryan Taylor 83), Shola Ameobi, Gutierrez, Best
Attendance: 21,558 (2,500 disillooosioned Toon fans!)

PS: some of the lads did manage to 'sniff oot' ONE 'drinkin den' not too far from the groond---so it's actually a 'one boozer groond'!


The FA Cup draw iz on at '3:30 bells' this afternoon---but who f*****' cares now!?

PPS: Wots the bettin' that the headline in 'The Ronny Gill' on Monday iz!: (for the thoosandth time!)
------"WE LET THE FANS DOWN!---WE'RE SORRY!"

"FULL 'mad-sad groundhoppers' 'FA Cup disaster!' report to follow later on in the week!"

BRIGHTON, HOVE (& FALMER!) ALBION v THE TOON

Posted '6:00 am bells' Saturday 28th January 2012

VIEW FROM THE AWAY END

Today we travel to the seaside (not!) for wor much antisipated visit to The Amex Stadium in Falmer which iz ne where near Brighton (or Hove!) and miles from the sea!
The groond apparently iz in the middle of ne where and iz 'pub-less' so we believe!? (we'll soon find oot!)
The plan iz to drive to Lewes and park the 'jam jar' next to the station and catch the train to Falmer which iz seven miles away. (there's ne parkin' at the groond unless yoo have a permit!) (and of course---we divvint!)

A capacity crowd of ower 20,000 iz anntisipated for this FA Cup tie @ '5:15 bells' and The Toon will have 2,500 in The South Stand (cud have been more of course but we ('disgracefully') 'knocked them back' for an extra 800 tickets that they offered us?)

We're settin' off in half an hours time for the 350 mile drive and of course a compeeehensive match and groundhoppers report will follow much later on Sunday---when we eventually get back!

NEW GROOND FOR NEW 'NUFC GROUNDHOPPERS'---LAST NEET!

Updated '9:00 pm bells' Friday 27th January 2012

The Toon resorves played Man U resorves @ Moss Lane, Altrincham last neet @ '7 bells' in the Premya Resorve Leegue North and I have to tell yoo that we lost 6-0 in this Altrincham Annihilation ! (not much more to say!---iz there?)

'The mad-sad groundhoppers' wernt there (thank god!) az we have done this groond some time ago, so we didn't need to gan back! (we're just 'part-time resorve hoppers'!)

We of course sent wor faithful 'Stop the Carrier Pigeon' reporter to this game (at great expense!-----two packets of 'Trill' bord seed!) and he got back this mornin' with the bad news

  

Remember wor motto:
"We'll bring yoo the news, second hand, forst!"

"COME IN NUMBER 18!"---"COME IN NUMBER 9!"

Posted '9:30 am bells' Thorsday 26th January 2012

"FROM AFRICA TO EWOOD!?"

"Sensational news from Africa!"----Senegal, one of the favorites to win the African Nations Cup were knocked oot of the competition by minnows Equitorial Guinea, when they lost 2-1 last neet,
which meens that number 18 Demba Cisse and number 9 Demba Ba on the above Senegal team photo, will be flyin' back to Tyneside MUCH ORLIER than expected and could even be selected to play against Blackborn away next Wednesday neet @ Ewood Park!?

We certainleee need them after 'The Catastrophe @ The Cottage' last Saturday! (see below!)

LOYAL TOON FANS LET DOON YET AGAIN!!!

Updated:'high noon bells' Wednesday 25th January 2012

"CAN WE HAVE SOME MORE OF THEEEZE?---PLEEEEEZE!"

News reaches 'The Geordie Times' that NUFC DIDN'T take wor full allocation of tickets offered for Saturdays forthcomin' FA Cup tie away to Brighton, which sold oot within two days of gannin on sale last Thorsday.

This follows on from the decision to take wor minimum allocations of less than 2,000 for Man U, Man C and Norwich! (because we can't be bothered with the hassle of sellin' them, as the home club keeps aall the 'bit'!)

The followin' statement comes from the official website of Brighton. www.seagulls.co.uk
"Newcastle have not accepted their full allocation for Saturdays fourth round FA Cup tie, so the club is pleased to announce that an extra 5 per cent of tickets will be available to Albion supporters for this game". 

We've taken an allocation of 2,500 and were offered 800 more, BUT WE TORNED THEM DOON!!!!????
We've said it aall before!----it's a total disgrace! and many fans have been been let doon and left disappointed YET AGAIN!----

We had 4,000 fans @ Fulham last Saturday divvint forget! (Fulham sell the whole of The Putney End to away fans with ne extra charge for non sales, so we could buy as many as we wanted!)

"GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!--NUFC!!!"---

THE GEORDIE TIMES pageviews in the last month---include:

England---Scotland---USA---Venezuela---Russia---Canada---Austria---Australia---Ukraine---Wales---Holland---Northern Ireland---Republic of Ireland---Greece---Singapore---France---Norway and the Cayman Islands---

"HELLO TO YOO AALL!" 

AMEX STADIUM------NEW LEAGUE GROOND!------100 HOURS TO GAN!!! (AND COONTIN'!)

Posted: '1:15 pm bells' Tuesday 24rd January 2012

"BEWARE!---WOR LASS'S ROLLIN' PIN!" 

Now the dust haz settled and we've dusted worselz doon afta wor second half  'horror show' @ Craven Cottage, it's time to 'move on' and regroup for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' next forst team match @ Brighton in the FA Cup 4th roond on Saturday tea/beer! time which of course iz at a "NEW GROOND!"

The six month old American Express (Amex) Stadium in Falmer iz ne where near Brighton of course and if you gan by train, you, (apparently!) have to queue for at least an hour afta the match to get back to Brighton!

Because of yet another crazy kick off time of '5:15 bells' to satisfy the 'couch potatos' and 'pub plonkies', we cannit get back to 'The Toon' by rail az we would miss the last train from Kings Cross (London) back yem---SO!----we're reluctantlee travellin' doon in 'Norman the Cowboy Plumbers' 'Merc' and are plannin' to leave @ '7 bells' on Saturday mornin'! 

("Er!"---It's the Chinese new year parade on Sunday and wor lass haz booked a table at a restaurant in China Toon (next to St James') and I'm unda strict instructions to get back in time and NOT stay owerneet in 'The Smoke'!) (she's threatened me with hor rollin pin if a divvint make it!)

'The Cowboy Plumber' iz drivin' doon and the 'NOT so little old ME', who drew 'the short straw', iz drivin' back, which meens the latter cannit have much to drink! ("BOO! HOOO!")---
BUT! sacrafices HAVE to be made some times in the pursuit of 'tickin' a rare new league groond off the list! (and keepin' wor lass happy!)

NOT! an artists impression
of me and wor lass!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)

THE TOON v THE SMB's----ANOTHER HIGH NOON SHOOT OUT!

Posted 'high noon bells' Monday 23rd January 2012

Not suprizingleee, wor forthcomin' home game against The SMB's haz been moved to a high noon Sunday kick off! (now on Sunday 4th March)
Wor home game against The Liverbirds haz been moved to a Sunday az well. (now @ 1:30 bells on April Fools day!)

Wor away game against The Arse haz aalso been moved to a Monday neet (now @ '8 bells' Monday 12th March) az haz the WBA game which iz now on a Sunday afternoon (now @ '4:00 bells' Sunday 25th March)----aall of course for the benefit of the telly (but NOT the fans) az per usual---For aall the fixture changes----see below

COTTAGE CATASTROPHE!-----THE WACKO JACKO JIVERS 5 THE TOON 2

Posted '10:30 am bells' Sunday 22nd January 2012

IF EVER there was a game of two halves then surely this was it at Craven Cottage yesterday!
The Toon, playin' in wor 'aall blacks' change strip, TOTALLY dominated the forst half az we kicked towards The Hammersmith End opposite to where we were housed and we missed many chances to gan aheed.
The invertible breakthrough came in the 42nd minute when number 8 Danny Guthrie hit an unstoppable shot from the edge of the box into the right corner of the net.
The floodgates would now surely open but we couldn't get another before the break and this proved decisive az the players left the pitch to a standin' ovation from the 4,000 Toon fans in The Putney End.

'Shell shocked' iz the anly way to describe the second half and it aall went 'pear shaped' in the 52nd minute when David Santon pulled doon Damian Duff on THE EDGE of the Fulham box and the ref influenced by the pony tailed linesporson (or whatever she's supposed to be caalled?) gave a penalty to the home side which was duly convorted by Murphy

We then completely 'imploded' with some absolutely shockin' defendin' by us and in less than 30 minutes, Clint Dempsey went on the rampage with a hat-trick of goals!
In between his hat-trick 'The Wacko Jackos' got another dodgy lookin' penalty, (scored by Zamora this time) and then Ben Arfa pulled one back for us in front of the travellin' fans with a mazy dribble.

However!---Dempsey had the final say and he got his thord in the last minute to make the scoreline an unbelievable 5-2 to them!

An absolutleeee devestatin' result for aall The Toon fans who were there and we aall shook wor heeds in disbelief az the ref blew for full time!
Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson,Coloccini, Santon, Ben Arfa, Guthrie (Perch 78), Cabaye (Gosling 83), Best (R Taylor 86), Shola Ameobi, Gutierrez 
Attendance: 25,692 (4,000 'shell shocked' Toon fans!)

THE WACKO JACKO JIVERS OF FULHAM v THE TOON---TOMORROW!

Updated '6:20 am bells' Saturday 21st January 2012

"YI CANNIT 'WACK' THIS!"

This afternoon @ 3' bells' we're off to Craven Cottage for the sole purpose of viewin' the Wacko Jacko statue that stands alang side that otha Fulham great 'Johnny Haynes'. 
Wacko Jacko's claim to his statue iz that he once waalked across the muddy pitch to the dugoots on the far side of the groond, many moons ago, while Johnny Haynes made a 'mere' 658 appearences for the club spannin' 18 years, scorin' 'a paltry' 158 goals!---and I'm sure yooo'll agree that this pales into insignificance, compared to Wacko's 'achievement' of actually managin' to 'walk the walk' across the pitch!

"WHO ARE YOU?"

Az usual on trips to 'The Smoke' we're lettin' the train take the strain this mornin' and a full match (and liquid lubrication!) report will follow sometime tomorrow mornin'! 

The Geordie Times mad-sad groundhoppers forst visited Craven Cottage 34 years ago and we have 'dug up' this archive gem of a 'match report'? from that game in 1978 which iz reproduced below.

THE TOON U18's 2 WATFORD U18's 1-----------------------------------------------BRIGHTON TICKETS ON SALE

Updated '11:00 am bells' Friday 21st January 2012

Two 'wonder strikes' in front of a sparse crowd huddled into The East Stand and Milburn Stand directors box on a freeeeeezzzzzin' cold neet, were enough for The Toons youngins to progress to roond five of The FA Youth Cup.  

Goal one came in the 24th minute when a 'one-two' between Adam Campbell and Dennis Knight foond Michael Hoganson and he hit a brill shot across the box to beat the Hornets keeper and give us the lead @ The Leazes End.

It was then 'good knight' Watford just two minutes later az Knight doubled wor lead with a great solo run to break the visitors hearts.
HT 2-0

The Hornets fought back in the 2nd half and pulled one back in the 80th minute when Micheal Kalu heeded in from a corner to send wor pulses racin' az the last thing we wanted waz half an hours extra time az we sat frozen to wor seats!

Thankfully that didn't happen and 'Good Knight's' goal proved to be decisive and we hurried towards the warmth of The Newcastle Arms on the final whistle for some celebratereeee 'Arthur Scargills' (gargels!)
Attendance: just 889 (half a dozen Watford)

FA CUP TICKET NEWS
Tickets for wor forthcomin' game against Brighton a week tomorrow are nuw on sale to season ticket holders---£24 for grown ups  and various lower prices for zimmerframites, teenage mutant toonies and young sprogs!

THE TOON U18's v WATFORD U18's---FA YOUTH CUP---TONEET!

Posted '9:45 am bells' Thorsday 19th January 2012

'GAZZA', JOE ALLEN & SQUAD WITH THE  FA YOUTH CUP

Toneet @ St James' Park wor youth team tek on Watford's equivelent in the 4th roond of The FA Youth Cup.
Kick off iz @ '7 bells' and anly The East Stand will be open and admission iz three poond for big kids and one poond fifty for little kids and very old kids!---so get yerselz alang and cheer the youngins on!
Shud we win, we will have another home tie in the next roond when we will take on the QPR 'rag and bone boys' of Shepherds Bush (hopefully!)

Memories of the final in May 1985 come floodin' back az we beat Watford in the final 2nd leg @ Vicarage Road 4-1 to lift the trophy, when a certain person caalled 'Gazza' played for us and scored a fantastic goal from 30 yards oot! (remember him!?)

Toon youth coach of that time, Maurice Setters said, "You'll have to wait a thousand years to see that again!", in reference to 'Gazza's' wonder strike!
(the forst leg @ St James' had ended goalless by the way!)

'The Geordie Times' waz there that Friday neet in May and aa remember that the next day we were off to Norwich for a forst team game @ Carrow Road where we drew 0-0

Footnote: We havvent won the Youth Cup since then, so lets hope that we DIVVINT have to wait another thoosand years to win the trophy again! (somehow aa divvint think we'll be aroond by then!)

IT'S BRIGHTON!---"OH I DO LIKE TO BE BESIDE THE SEASIDE!"

Updated '10:45 pm bells' Wednesday 18th January 2012
WREXHAM  1     BRIGHTON  1(aet) BRIGHTON won 5-4 on Penalties!

 WE GOT WOR WISH AND 'THE TOON' WILL PLAY @ THE AMEX STADIUM, BRIGHTON IN THE 4th ROOND OF THE FA CUP ON SATURDAY 28th JANUARY @ '5:15 BELLS'
THIS WILL BE A NEW GROOND FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!
"YAAAHOOOO!"

Oot of the other 31 teams left in the FA Cup there are anly THREE groonds that we havvent been te before.
The New Den @ Millwall, Crawley (whatever their groonds caalled?) and (of course!) The Amex Stadium @ Brighton!
This will be wor forst new groond for a forst team competitive game for nearly a year and a half! (Accrington Stanley's Crown Ground in the League Cup was the last one in August 2010!)

AMERICAN EXPRESS STADIUM, BRIGHTON?----------OR!---------THE RACECOURSE GROOND, WREXHAM?

Posted '5:45 pm bells' Wednesday 18th January 2012

Toneet we will find oot wor oppon-ents in the next roond of the FA CUP when Wrexham meet Brighton in a thord roond replay in north Wales

For the benefit of wor owerseas reeeders we will publish any score 'az it happens'----so 'watch this space' from '7:15 bells' GMT til the final whistle!

'The Geordie Times mad-sad groundhoppers' will be roootin' for Brighton to win for TWO very good reasons.
1: We've been to The Racecourse Groond on a few occasions but have NEVER! won there! (the forst time waz an FA Cup disaster in 1978 when we lost 4-1 !)  
Whereaz The American Express (AMEX) Stadium  will be a NEW GROOND for us if ? it's them!
2: Wrexham are now a NON LEAGUE CLUB which is NOT good news az far az we are concerned, az we've had many bad expieriences playin non leaguers before! (Don't mention the 'H' word!)

A NUMBER 9 AT LAST!---DEMBA 'MARK II' SIGNS FOR TOON FROM JAWMAN CLUB ! -------NEIN!"---"NEIN!"---"NEIN!"

Updated 2:50 pm bells' Wednesday 18th January 2012

THE 'CISSE-CO' KID!

News reaches 'The Geordie Times' (a day late az usual!) that we have signed a new centre forward who will wear the 'coverted' number nine black 'n' white striped shirt.
His name iz Papiss DEMBA Cisse and he haz signed from Jawman club Freiburg for a reported fee of £7.5 million.
Like Demba Ba he iz on African Nations Cup duty for Senegal and so won't be available to play for a while yet.
This season he has scored nein (sorry!) NINE! goals in the Bundesliga to tek hiz total to 37 goals in 65 starts! (This compares favourably with his namesake who scored 37 times in 97 appearences for Hoffenheim before hiz move to Tyneside!) 

BACK PAGE OF TONEETS 'RONNY GILL'

Papiss Cesse haz revealed the 'lightnin' pace' of hiz move to NUFC from Bundesliga side Freiburg.
The African was determined to make the move to St James' Park, and travelled through the neet in order to make it happen and become The Toon's new number 9.
Cisse said today, "It's been very quick!---An agreement was only finalised between the two clubs at '8 bells' last night<(or words to that effect!) and then I headed to Newcastle.
I was told to be at the airport at 10pm so I had little opportunity to do much" 

In otha news, Wrexham's game against Brighton last neet was caalled off because of a frozen pitch and they will try again toneet @ '7:15 bells' to see just who plays The Toon in the next roond of the FA Cup!------We wait with 'baited breath' to see just where we will be gannin @ '5:15 bells' on the 28th of this month? (the game will be live on ESPN)

THE TOON 1 THE SHEPHERD'S BUSH RAG AND BONE MEN RANGERS 0--------------"STEPTOE RIDES AGAIN!"

Updated 9:00 pm bells' Sunday 15th January 2012

QPR SUPPORTERS CLUB
"NOOOCARRSILL!---HERE WE COME!"

The sole reason for wor game against 'The Steptoe Rag and Bone Men of Shepherds Bush', bein' televised live on Sky @ 1:30 bells today, was because of the retorn of Joey Barton to The Toon!
HE WASN'T!---coz he got sent off against Norwich on January 3rd for a heed butt on Bradley Johnson and waz banned! 
Aaltogether now!---"There's only NONE Joey Barton!"

However!---another familiar face waz there in the shape of Mark Hughes who replaced Neil Warnock az their new manager last week and we (did'int!) wish him well!

Just under 50,000 were inside the groond when the game kicked off, which isnt bad when you consider that the game was live on the telly and against unattractive opposition and at a cr*p kick off time!

We didn't start off well and QPR came at us 'hammer and tongs' in the forst ten minutes and had a couple of chances to gan aheed!

In the 20th minute Yohan Cabaye waz disgracefully fouled by Shaun Derry, but the QPR player got off with just a yellow card, while Cabaye had to be stretchered off the pitch!
Chris Foy the ref got it totally wrang I'm afraid and shud be sent to the gallows @ The Gallowgate End for hiz incompetence (if only they were still there!)

We withstood this 'barrage' and in the 37th minute we broke the deadlock when Leon Best fired home  a great effort from just inside the box @ The Leazes End to send us in 1-0 up at the break!

More bad tackles followed in the 2nd period from 'The Rag and Bone Merchants', but we 'kept wor cool' and despite Mark Hughes 'kick em hard' team tactics, we held on to take the three points and send us up to =5th  

The results of course certainly went wor way ower the weekend and wor win today took us above 'The Liverbirds' and into equal FIFTH with 'The Arse' who lost 3-2 away to Swanzee!

Toon team: Krul, Coloccini, Williamson, Santon, Gutierrez, Guthrie, Cabaye (Ben Arfa 25), R Taylor (Gosling 81), Best (Perch 75), Shola Ameobi
Attendance: 49,865 (1,500 Steptoes')

The Geordie Times 100 Pub Crawl Challenge

We started off @ 'The Five Swans' near The Haymarket this mornin' @ '11 bells' for the forst 'gargels'
This used to be caalled 'Lucky's Bar', and waaterin hole number SIXTY FIVE on wor seeminglee neva endin' jorney waz indeed a 'lucky one' for us az it torned oot!
Withoot borin' yoo to bits, we did a few 'celebratereee' boozers after the match and by the end of the neet @ 'The Old George', wor Geordie Times pub total came to SEVENTY! (anly THORTY to gan!) 

More to follow on this tomorrow!-----when we (eventually!) sober up!

Footnote: For those of yoo who are tooo young to remember or wernt even born, Steptoe and Son was a 'rag and bone men' comedy series in the 1960's based in the Shepherds Bush area of London, where QPR play!---so nuw yi naa! 

ST JAMES' PARK SINCE 1880---AND AALWAYS WILL BE!------------------WOT THE PAPERS SAY!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 14th January 2012

TAKEN FROM LAST NEETS 'RONNY GILL'

Yet more ramifications <(whatever that meenz?) of the 'attempted' name change of St James' Park are deein' the roonds with Newcastle City leaders puttin' in their 'penneez-worth' of comments.

For the benefit of Geordie exiles aroond the world (and beyond!) 'The Geordie Times' haz reprinted extracts from an article printed in last neet's 'Ronny Gill'

Quote:
'The Fat Controller' < (or words to that effect!) has been told that he will receive NO support from Newcastle Council in his efforts to rename St James' Park.
City leaders at the council have passed a motion calling on 'The Fat Controller' < (owtte!) to reverse his decision in light of widespread fan opposition.
Labour and Liberal Democrat politicians united behind a motion which will see the council REFUSE to change street signs to reflect the clubs decision to rename the ground.
The motion, agreed UNANIMOUSLY, says the council officially agrees with "the overwhelming majority of supporters who believe this is the wrong decision" 
It adds: "Council confirms that it has NO plans to change existing way finding signs which bear the name 'St James Park' and call on the club to reconsider it's decision"
The council motion also commits city officers to write to media organisations asking them to hold back from referring to the ground as 'yee naa wot'<(or words to that effect!)

ARCHIVE UPDATES!--- LATEST!

Posted '8:30 pm bells' Friday 13th January 2012 

"CRUFTS!---CRUFTS!---HERE WE COME!"

We've had loads of trouble tryin' to doonload wor  archive stories from 'Microsoft Word', since we got the shortened web address of www.geordietimes.com  to make it easier to log in. (The old address, by the way, is still OK to use www.geordietimes.blogspot.com )

The computaa simply wouldn't let us doonload 'Word' and it kept sayin'---"WORD CANNOT REGISTER YOUR ACCOUNT"------ everytime we tried?.

The Man City story we did a few weeks back (007 Maine Road) had to be completly re-typed onto the blog!---and az I'm not the worlds quickest typer, it took me THREE F*****' DAYS! to de it---'and it done mee heed in'!

However!---we've been messin' aboot with the computaa and by chance have worked oot how to de it anotha way!
By splittin' the screen into two and  'draggin'  the story with the mouse onto the blog page, it works!, and we can now doonload an archive story withoot havin' to re-type it again!----but it's a bit of a pain to de it this way! (we're NOT az daft az yoo think!???)

We play 'The Jackson Jivers' of Fulham away next Saturday and we will put wor forst ever visit there from 1978, online, sometime next week, when we won 3-1!.  (groond nunber 50!)
"CRUFTS!---CRUFTS!---HERE WE COME!"

Az the title suggests---it's well worth the reeed!

'GEORDIE TIMES' NEWS FLASH!--------------------------"THE VULTURES ARE WAITIN'!"

Posted '6:00 pm bells' Thorsday 12th January 2012

"SOMEWHERE NEAR WREXHAM!--OR!---IZ IT BRIGHTON!?"

News haz reached us through the grapevine that wor forthcomin' FA Cup tie away to eetha Brighton or Wrexham will be on live telly @ '5:15 bells', Saturday 28th January!

The match iz live on ESPN and ne doubt 'The TV Vultures' will be hopin' (and prayin'!) that we play non leegue Wrexham and that we get 'twanked'!

It doesn't reeeleee matter who we play though, az it will be another owerneet stay for us, wherever it iz, with THAT! crazy kick off time!

PREMIER LEAGUE AVERAGE GATES 2011-2012

Updated '12:50 pm bells' Thorsday 12th January 2012 

"ST JAMES' PARK SINCE 1880---AND AALWAYS WILL BE!" 

The latest average gates for the 'premya leegue' are az follows.
The Toon are still in thord position and wor current average of 48,866 iz the highest since the 2007-2008 season when we averaged 51,321.
The anly 'movers' are Villa who climb above Everton. Wolves aalso move up to climb above their arch rivals WBA


Premya Leegue average gates up 'til
12th January 2012

1 Man U-----------75,452
2 The Arse--------59,960
3 THE TOON---48,866
4 Man C-----------47,013
5 L/birds-----------44,857
6 Chelski----------41,632
7 SMB's-----------38,830
8 Spors------------36,077
9 Villa-------------34,650      
10 Everton---------34,407
11 Stoke----------27,222
12 Norwich-------26,516
13 Fulham--------25,315
14 Wolves--------25,162
15 WBA----------24,794
16 Bolton---------23,125
17 B/born---------22,916
18 Swanzee-------19,823
19 Wigan----------17,662
20 QPR------------17,025

Interestingleee!, we have had the biggest away gates at fower clubs so far, which iz more than both Manc clubs, The Arse, The Liverbirds and Chelski!

1  THE TOON! (4 times) biggest gates @ Man C--- Norwich---SMB's---Bolton
2  Villa (3 times) @ Fulham---Swanzee---Stoke 
=3 Man C (twice) @ Liverbirds---QPR
=3 Liverbirds (twice) @ Chelski---Everton
=3 The Arse (twice) @ Spors---Wigan  
=3 Bolton (twice) @ WBA---Blackborn
=3 Chelski (twice) @ The Toon---Wolves
=8 Man U (once) @ Villa
=8 Wolves (once) @ Man U
=8 WBA (once) @ The Arse



= Last (Ten teams with none)
QPR
Swanzee
Norwich
Fulham
Blackborn
Wigan
Everton
Spors
Stoke
SMB's!

NO JUSTICE FOR BEN ARFA!

Posted '11:00 am bells' Wednesday 11th January 2012

'THE RONNY GILL'---THE INSIDE! BACK PAGE ON MONDAY

'The Geordie Times' haz been 'simmerin' with rage for a few days now, aboot wor disgraceful coverage in the local press and ITV's coverage of wor FA Cup game on Saturday and now iz the time to 'have a rant'!

"Now that the dust haz settled ower Hatem Ben Arfa's 'wonder goal' at the weekend against Blackborn, when he beat SIX players to score, we ask the question, just why waz it given such little 'air time' on the ITV FA Cup highlights show on Saturday neet and Sunday mornin'???"

"A total of FIVE seconds waz shown and NE REPEATS!?, before they briefly showed Spidermans winner (Gutierrez) and then they quickly moved on to the next game!
Mebeez we should be thankful that such brief highlights were broadcast, az we divvint want the so caalled 'big boys' nickin' him in the transfor window!" (THIS is still a possibility of course!)

"Then we had 'The Ronny Gill's back page main photo on Monday of  'WAYNE F******' ROONEY! kissin' 'the badge' az he celebrated one of hiz goals against Man City!----WHILE!----Ben Arfa and Spiderman's celebrations were 'relegated' to the INSIDE back pages!
And this iz supposed to be Newcastle's main paper for goodness sake!" (now printed in Smogland by the way!) (perhaps they shud rename it 'The ROONEY Gill'!)

"ITV showed extended highlights of at least HALF AN HOUR! of both the Swindon v Wigan and Fleetwood v Blackpool cup games, which included a lang discussion on Paul Ince's son who plays for Blackpool--by!---PAUL INCE!!---but NE! mention at aall of 'ye naa who'???"

"Even the national press commented on it!" (see the article below taken from 'The Mail')

TUESDAY'S DAILY MAIL

"It's an absolute disgrace if you ask us!"

Footnote for non Geordie reeders:
'The Ronny Gill' iz the name given to The Newcastle Evening Chronicle newspaper by Geordies, az street paper sellers shout oot "CHRON-ICLE!", which soonds like "RONNY-GILL!" to the trained Geordie ear!---so nuw yi naa!

NEWSFLASH!!!------THE TOON RESORVES 3 v WIGAN RESORVES 1--RESULT---BEHIND CLOSED DOORS! (AGAIN!)

Updated '3:30 pm bells' Tuesday 10th January 2012

For the thord resorve leegue home game in a row we played 'behind closed doors' against Wigan this afternoon @ Darsley Park!
Az usual under theeze circumstances, we sent 'by air' (at great expense!), wor intrepid  'Stop the Pigeon' reporter, who flew ower the action and 'winged' this 'exclusive' match report back to The Geordie Times Heed Office , second hand!---forst!

'Stop the Pigeon'---in his own words:
"The Toon won 3-1. Cooocooo!---Remie Streete kneed the baall into the net from a Dan Gosling cross to open the scorin' in the forst half!
Wigan equalised in the 66th minute but we fought back and fortha goals from Brad Inman fower minutes later with a low shot and trialist Jason Prior, who fired in from 10 yards oot in front of wor manager 'I Beg Your Pardew', to seal the victory!---Cccoooooo"

(It's just a pity we couldn't gan worsels and give you the report forst hand!---second!) 

"KING OF THE CASTLE!"---THE USA 3,000 CLUB!

Posted '8:10 pm bells' Monday 9th January 2012

"HANDS UP!---IF YI LOVE 'THE TOON'!"

Yet anotha milestone haz been reached today az wor great American cousins from across 'the pond' have just logged on to 'The Geordie Times' for the THREE THOOSANDTH time!

It doesn't seem like two minutes since the 'USA Geordies' paid their two thoosandth visit and they have, by far and away, the highest number of pageviews we have received from ootside the UK in wor aall time list.

The Top Ten owerseas visitors are az follows:
(Up to and includin' ' 8 bells' toneet!)

United States of America***3,002 hits
Republic of Ireland***571
Greece***563
Germany***405

"TAKE ME TO
YOUR LEADER!"
"WHEY AYE MAAAN!"

Nigeria***259
Holland***199
Australia***176
Russia***146
Canada***138
Mars***100! (& coontin'!)>

FA CUP DRAW!---SOOTH COAST!---OR!---NORTH WALES!

Posted '7:15 pm bells' Sunday 8th January 2012

AMEX?

The FA Cup fourth roond draw haz paired us with eetha Championship side BRIGHTON or non leegue WREXHAM away!

Brighton would be 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' prefored choice az we've NEVA been to their new Amex groond before, whereaz, we HAVE been to The Racecourse Groond, Wrexham. 
We have very bad memories of wor last FA Cup visit to North Wales az we lost 4-1 there in 1978!

OR!---RACECOURSE?

We'll be lookin' with great interest for the result of this replay which will take place on Tuesday 17th January @ Wrexham---"COME ON BRIGHTON!"

THE TOON 2 TANDOORI CHICKEN ROVERS 1

Posted '11:00 am bells' Sunday 8th January 2012

TOON FRY THE CHICKENS!

A last gasp goal from Spiderman saved the day for us and prevented an unwanted extra jorney across the Pennines via Brough and Kikby Stephen for a replay @ Ewood Park.

In complete contrast to wor game against Man U on Wednesday the forst half was absolutleee terrible and typical of The Toon in the FA Cup!

With man of the moment Demba Ba missin' through African Cup duty and Shola on the subs bench, we had ne recognised centre forward to put the baall in the net! (Tiote was missin' az well, az he iz aallso on African Cup duty)

The bottom club in the premya leegue actually took the lead in the 35th minute when Goodwillie (glad it's not my surname!) stabbed the baall home @ The Gallowgate End to gan in one-nil at the break.

Level 7 wasn't open for this game and there were large gaps in the lower section az well, not helped by the fact that Blackborn had anly brung a pathetic 300 or so to the game! (many decided to boycott it, in protest at the Indian board (who famously own a chain of tandoori chicken takaways!) and (of course!) because of their beleagered manager Steve Keen!---great supporters---"EH!?")

Things livened up in the second period followin' a 56th minute substitution which saw Shola replace Obertan who was oot of sorts and he made a difference straight away.
However!--it was a Ben Arfa wonder goal in the 70th minute that saved the day, when he he beat aboot six Rovers players and hit a left footed 'rocket shot' which flew past their keeper to level the scores.

THE BLACKBORN TEAM LINE-UP!
(AFTA THE MATCH!)

And then deep into injury time when a replay looked certain, and just like in the comic book stories, SPIDERMAN popped up (Gutierrez) and after a 'one-two' with Leon Best he chipped the baall into the corner of the net to finally 'fry' The Tandoori Chickens of Blackborn and send us wild with relief!---and into the fourth roond draw!

It cud anly happen to us!

Toon team: Krul, Simpson (R Taylor 60), Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Gutierrez, Abeid (Gosling 87), Cabaye, Obertan (Shola Ameobi 56), Ben Arfa, Best  

Attendance: 30,876 (300 Tandoori Chickenites!)

'Geordie Times 100 Pub Crawl Challenge' update to follow later!