"WE WILL REMEMBER THEM!"

 Posted Friday 11th November 2022

"LEST WE FORGET!"

THE TOON 0 THE CRY BABIES OF PALLISS 0 (THE TOON WIN 3-2 ON PENALTIES) *** LEEGUE CUP 3rd ROOND

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' onwards, Thorzday 10th November 2022 

THE POPE'S 3rd PENALTY SAVE TO WIN THE TIE!

"NO POPE IN ROME, COZ HE'S SAVIN' PENALTIES AT WOR HOME!"

'The Pope' woz the unlikely hero at 'The Cathedral on the Hill', az he produced a 'miracle' by savin' a hat-trick of penalties at The Leazes End last neet in a game that woz best forgotten and the worst display from an NUFC team this season in front of a record crowd of ower 51,000 for a Leegue Cup home tie!

VIEW FROM ROW 'Y' SEAT '13' LEAZES END MIDDLE TIER

Az expected there were a raft of changes in the startin line up from wor MAGnificent 4-1 win at Sooothampton last Sunday!

NUFC lost the toss and attacked The Leazes End in a forst half that would send yoo to sleep, it woz that bad!

The 2nd half woz nee different, but from the 65th minute onwards 'Steady Eddie' sent on FIVE cavalrymen, in the shape of  Trippier, Botman, Bruno, Willock and Almiron,---but it did nee good az the jinx of the 'cups' hit us once again! (In wor last cup game at SJP we lost to 'The Boat People' of Cambridge last January!)

The final whistle went and the penalty shoot out took place at The Leazes End----The goals and saves were az follows: (NUFC took the 1st penalty)

Chris Wood scores***1-0 to NUFC

The Pope saves Milivjevic penalty***1-0 to NUFC

Kieran Trippier scores*** 2-0 to NUFC

Hughes scores***2-1 to NUFC

Joelinton scores***3-1 to NUFC

Ward scores***3-2 to NUFC

Sven Botman's penalty saved***3-2 to NUFC

The Pope saves Mateta penalty***3-2 to NUFC

Bruno chips baall ower the bar***3-2 to NUFC

The Pope saves Ebiowei Penalty to complete hiz hat-trick of 'miracle' saves to send the players and crowd wild with delight! Final score 3-2 to NUFC

*Beleeeve it or not, this woz the forst time ever that NUFC have won a penalty shootout at SJP! (We had lost the previous 8 (EIGHT!)

Attendance: A record Leegue Cup crowd at SJP of 51,660 (Just 562 diehards from Palliss)

*Record breakin' fact file:

Record crowd for a Leegue Cup tie at SJP!

The forst time ever that NUFC win in a penalty shootout at SJP!

The forst time ever that an NUFC goalie haz saved 3 penalties in a shootout!

*The draw for the 4th roond takes place after the Moan U v Villa game tooneet!----There iz anly ONE team left in the competition where 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have never been tee!   MK DONS----If we divvint get them away, then hopefully a home tie against a lower leegue side pleeeze!

'The Geordie Times' will publish just who we have drawn at aroond aboot 'midneet bells' tooneet!

Az per usual  "Watch this space!" 🠟🠟🠟 

 It's BOURNEMOOOTH at SJP in week commencing Decembaa the 19th

THE TOON V THE PALLISS *** TOONEET!

 Posted '2:22pm bells' Wedinzday 9th November 2022 

SJP AT NIGHT FROM LEAZES LANE

Tooneet at SJP we play Cristil Palliss in the 3rd roond of the Leegue Cup at '7:45 bells'!

After Sundays brilliant 4-1 win at Sooothampton we are unbeaten in 9 games and just one undersorved loss v Livaapool in 15 games in aall competitions!

We expect a raft of changes, az we play Chelsea on Saturday in wor last game before the World Cup break to hopefully consolidate wor 3rd place in The Premyaa Leegue!

The game iz a complete selloot and it will be a record home crowd of 52,000 plus for a Leegue Cup tie, beatin the previous record of just under 50,000 v Sporz in a semi final tie in 1976!

There are nee replays (thank god!) and if the scores are level after 90 minutes, it will gan straight to a penalty shootout!

The draw for the 4th roond will take place on Thorzday neet after the Moan U v Villa game!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime tomorrow!  Az per usual   "Watch this space!"

 

WOT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES!

 Posted '6:00pm bells' Tuezday 8th November 2022

"NEE DONKEY DERBY'S NOW!"

On this day last year 'Steady Eddie' took 'the reins' from 'Broken Nose Bruce' and in the process he haz transformed us from lame donkeys to  thoroughbred race horses! 

We were rock bottom of the Premyaa Leegue with nee wins in 14 and were odds on favorites with the bookies to gan doon! If that had happened, then we would be playin 'donkey derby's' against the SMBs this season!

A year on and we are now in 3rd place and joint 3rd favorites at 50/1 to WIN the Premyaa Leegue, with just 1 undeserved defeat v Livaapool in 14 games!

Wor prediction of a 7th place finish at the start of the season woz wildly optimistic to say the least! (How wrang were 'WE'?)

Never in wor wildest dreams did we fink that we had an outside chance of the title!

But az we are just 7 points behind top placed Arsenil, it's a very unlikely scenario, but we can still dream!

'Steady Eddie' haz done miracles with the players, especially Miggy Almiron and Joelinton, who look unrecognizable from a year ago!

"A VERY HAPPY 1ST ANNIVORSARY EDDIE!"

THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB 1 THE TOON 4 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted from '1:55pm bells' onwards Munday 7th Novembaa 2022

"JUST CHAMPION!"

Coz of the train strike (which woz caalled off at the last minute!) it woz too late to change wor arrangements to drive to Sooothampton and so it woz a 700 mile plus roond road trip to the south coast in mee 'canny tranny' 9 seater van (Mee alone to Reading and 3 passengers from there!---its a lang story!)

Anyway!---a'd left wor hoose at '1:00pm bells' on Saturday and eventually arrived at wor Sooothampton hotel at '9:30pm bells'!

After hoyin wor bags into wor hotel rooms it woz time to 'hoy' some drink doon wor necks after the exhausting road trip!

Aftter several 'liquid lubrications' we retried to wor rooms for a good neets kip! "ZZZZzzzz!!!"

Next day woz match day and we managed 2 'liquid lubrication locations' before the '2 bells' kick off at St. Mary's.

And wot a day it torned oot to be!----

The game kicked off in brilliant sunshine and pourin rain, then sunshine again az we put Sooothampton 'to the sword'!

"HERE COMES THE SUN!"

The goal sequences were az follows:

35th minute: Miggy Almiron jinks through the home defence to fire home a glorious shot into the corner on the goal, to send the 3,200 Toon fans behind it into raptures!

"HERE COMES THE RAIN!"

58th minute: Chris Wood takes advantage of a loose baall to torn and fire home to double wor lead!

62nd minute: A fantastic through baall from Kieron Trippier finds Joe Willock who cooly places a precision shot into the corner of the net!

 

89th minute: A late consulation goal for 'The Simon Tempar Mob' through Perraud woz witnessed by just 10,000 home fans---the rest had left by then! ('The Simon Templar Mob'---an explanation: The 1960s cult TV series 'The Saint' starred Roger Moore az the detective Simon Templar. Sooothampton's nickname iz of course 'The Saints'---get it???) 

91st minute: Bruno completes the rout by hittin a belter from the corner of the box az topless Toon fans showed of their MAGnificent physiques to the world, az they danced in the sun and rain! (It woz that kind of day!)

"BEER WE GO!--BEER WE GO!--BEER WE GO!" 🍻

(GREAT PHOTO OF THE LITTLE GIRL WITH HOR EAR MUFFS ON!)

"YOO TOO CUD HAVE A BODY LIKE MINE!"🍺X 1,000!

The win lifts us up to 3rd in the table and meeenz that whatever happens against Chelsea next Saturday, we will still be in a Champions Leegue place by Xmas Day!

"JUST CHAMPION!"

Attendance: 30,402 (3,200 very happy Toon fans!)

*After the match we heeded back to pick mee canny tranny up from the car park next to wor hotel at '4:30 bells'---It took nearly an hour to get oot of Sooothampton and then anothaa hour to get to Reading where aa dropped 'Sarnie Steve' off (he woz workin doon there)  then onward to 'Donny' (Doncaster) to drop 'Mal the Inglish Skool Teachaa' off (he lives there!) and then to Durham sorvices to drop 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' off (he lives nearby!) and then finally to drop 'Big Al' off near hiz home near Newcasil racecourse! (NOT the sheet metal workers son!) before finally gettin to mee Tyneside abode at '1:00am bells' on Munday mornin and 707.6 miles after leavin there at '1:00pm bells on Saturday!---totally knackered by this time of course!

Or 1,138.772 kilometres for yoo metric gurus! (Aye aa took mee socks and shoes off and used mee fingers and toes to work it oot!---honest!)

Woz it worth it????----"YOO BET IT WOZ!"

🎵UP THE PREMYAA LEEGUE WE GO!🎵

5 Liquid Lubrication Locations visited 

(All in Sooothampton)

Runnin total for away games so far this season: 

83 Liquid Lubrication Locations visited (so far!)

Tour of Austria 41

Brightin 8

Tranny Rovers 2

Wolverhampton Wanabeez 4

Livaapool 4

Fulim 8

Moan U Muppeteers 1

Sporz 12

Sooothampton 5

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THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB V THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON

 Posted 'high noon 🔔 bells' Saturday 5th November (bonfire day) 2022

THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE!---MARCH 2022--- A 2-1 WIN! 

(TOON ARE IN LIGHT BLUE)

We travel the 350 miles to Sooothampton by road today at '1:00pm bells' coz of the train strike, which woz caalled off at the last minute last neet! (too late to change arrangements---and in any case we hear that there are nee trains from The Toon to King's Cross at aall?)

Anyway!---we shud be there by '7 bells' tooneet and will dump wor bags in the hotel and gan 'on the hoy'!

Then tomorrow we heed for St. Mary's Stadium for the '2:00 bells' kick off where aall 3,200 away tickets have been sold!---We hear that Toon fans have aalso bought tickets in the home sections az Sooothampton cannit sell them!

Joelinton iz suspended due to the accumulation <(we naa aall the big words!) of yellow cards!  We hear that Callum Wilson haz picked up a flu bug, but hopefully wor number 9 will feature tomorrow!

A full Geordie Times match and drinkin dens report will appear here on Munday sometime!  (We shud be back on Tyneside in the late evenin' on Sunday!

Az per usual: "Watch this space!"

Explanation: We caall Sooothampton, 'The Simon Templar Mob', coz this woz a character in the cult 1960s TV series 'The Saint', played by Roger Moore.  Sooothampton are known az 'The Saints' of course-----get it??? 

359 arrowmark home improvements stadium, birtley (v leeds u u15s)

 Ground number 359 

Date of First Visit: 2nd November 2022

Arrowmark Home Improvements Stadium, Birtley

Newcastle United U15s  0

Leeds United U15s  5

Under 15s Flooit Cup

Attendance: 222 (estimated)

We foond oot aboot this game at short notice through a twitter post from Birtley Town FC who said that they were hosting this game at their groond!

Az a'd never seen a Toon team play there, aa booked a days holiday from work so aa could gan

On the day of the game there woz torrential rain and there were fears that the pitch would be waaterlogged and the game caalled off!

However, the rain finally stopped and so aa heeded south to Bortley for the '6:30 bells' kick off in mee 'canny tranny' van!

Fellow NUFC mad-sad groundhopper Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer woz there, but Glennn from Ashington wasn't!--He couldn't wangle a day off work at such short notice, unlike me! (He woz devastated!)

Anyway! The game kicked off 5 minutes orly (?) and both teams went for the forst goal! We hit the bar orly on and Leeedz had 3 chances thwarted by the Toon goalie! (Az this woz an under 15 game, the rules are that nee names are published or team sheets available!)  The groond iz reet next to the East Coast Main Line and passenger and goods trains hurtled passed az the game progressed!

It woz nil-nil at half time, which woz a fair reflection of the forst half!

However! The 2nd half woz completely different az Leeedz youngins ran riot!

A penalty woz given to them after one of their strikers woz felled in the box by wor keeper!

Their number 9 hit it straight doon the middle to open the scorin!

It woz soon 2-0 to them when their lanky number 6 rose above wor defence to double Leeedz lead!

The floodgates then opened (even though it wasn't raining!) when their number 10 fired home!

Leeedz number 9 then got hiz 2nd goal with a brilliant lob ower wor keeper!

The rout woz completed at the death az we were makin wor way to the exit gate, to complete the 0-5 scoreline (divvint naa who got their 5th az we couldn't see az we were a canny distance from the action by this time!)

Great that a new groond had been added to the seemingly never ending list--but the result wasn't so great!---woz it!

More groond pix

ONE OF MANY INTER CITY TRAINS FLEW PAST THE CASA ROSA STAND. IT'S IRONIC TO SAY THE LEAST, THAT WE CANNIT GET TO SOOOTHAMPTON ON SATURDAY BY TRAIN FOR WOR 1st TEAM GAME, AZ THEY ARE ON STRIKE AGAIN! (THE GAME IZ ON SUNDAY, BUT BECAUSE OF THE '2:00 BELLS' KICK OFF TIME, WE WOULD MISS THE 1st HALF IF WE WENT BY TRAIN ON SUNDAY!)   SO!----A 700 MILE ROAD TRIP IZ WOR ANLY OPTION NOW!

NEE BEER HERE! 🠝

WADGEY'S BAR WHERE ANLY SOFT DRINKS WERE ON SALE!---THEY ARNT ALLOWED TO SELL ALCOHOL AT U15s GAMES!---SO A COFFEE IT WOZ!

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS *** NEW GROOND! *** NEW GROOND!

 Posted '12:47pm 🔔 bells' Tuesday 2nd Novembaa 2022

The 'hoppers' have a new groond to tick off the list, az wor U15s are in action at Northern Leegue Bortley Toon's, Arrowmark Home Improvements Stadium ----v Leeedz tooneet, in a U15s floodlit cup game!

Get alang if yoo can and support the kids!---Kick off iz at '6:30bells'   ENTRY IZ FREE!

From the north the groond entrance iz off the main Durham Road and through the Toon centre on the right opposite A1 Commercials!

A Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime later!

Az per usual:  "Watch this space!"

THE TOON U21s 1 THE SMB U21s 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2 DIVISION 2

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 1st Novembaa 2022

"TRICK OR CHEAT!?"

Last neet at SJP in the Tyne/wear resorve derby NUFC drew 1-1 with wor mackem counterparts, but the mackems equaliser in the 4th minute of stoppage time woz dubious to say the least!

It shud be noted that The SMBs actually fielded 4 forst team players in this game!

It started off well when Joe White scored with a fine shot at the Leazes End in the 33rd minute after a '1-2' with Dylan Stephenson from a short corner to send the vast majority of the 2,511 crowd in  the East Stand into raptures!

We held on til the dyin' moments with 10 men after Turner-Cooke woz shown a 2nd yellow card in the 79th minute!

Deep into stoppage time the SMB goalie Alex Bass ran up when a corner for them woz taken at The Leazes End.  He got a heed to the baall but put the baall into the net via hiz HAND!

The ref and linesmen missed it and the goal woz given, much to the annoyance of the Toon players and fans alike!

Aa naa goalie are allowed to handle the baall in their own box---but didn't realize that they were allowed to dee it in the OPPOSITION'S box????  A HALLOWEEN 'TRICK OR CHEAT' for certain!

THE TOON 4 THE HAZBEENZ AND VILLIANS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 30th Octobaa 2022

HALLOWEEN PARTY TIME!

This woz a game of 2 halfs az NUFC huffed and puffed durin the forst 45 minute + 10 mins stoppage time due to a bad injury to Villa's goalie Martinez, who woz kneed by one of hiz own players in the 35th minute and had to be replaced by Olsen! haloween 

We'd had a couple of good chances through Wilson and Longstaff who both shot wide orly on, but we just couldnt get oot of 2nd gear!

The breakthrough came 6 minutes into stoppage time when Villa defender Ashley Young controlled the baall with hiz upper arm in the box and the ref pointed straight to the spot!

Callum Wilson took it and slammed the baall doon the middle with Olsen divin' to hiz right at The Leazes End!  He then scored again, but the goal woz ruled oot for offside by VAR   HT 1-0 up!

The 2nd half woz SO different with NUFC dominatin from start to finish. 11minutes after the restart Wilson double wor lead when a 'one-two' between Almiron and Trippier from a corner woz crossed by Trippier who crossed the baall for Wilson to nod in from close in!

3 minutes later and it woz 3-0 when a Wilson shot woz parried by their sub keeper to Joelinton and he said, "thank you very much!" az he fired the baall into the back of the net!

Then the goal of the game in the 67th minutre when Almiron send a brilliant 20 yard bender into the corner of the Gallowgate End net, with their goalie well beaten, to send the crowd wild!

It woz aall 'one way traffic' az we peppered their goal with numerous shots---too many to mention and hit the woodwork twice through Wilson (bar) and Murphy (post)!

It could easily been 7 or 8, but we had to settle for the 4-0 win to consolidate wor 4th place in the table!

Like we said in wor previous match report THE TOON ARE BACK AND YOU'D BETTER BELEEEEVE IT!

Attendance: 52,233

*Before the match the Villa fans sang the: "Cheer up Alan Shearer, sad Geordie b*stard---and a shit football team!" song

The reality iz that THEY are the sad b*stards with a shit futbaall team for certain! (They havint won in their last 15 visits!)

THIS PHOTO OF THE EMPTY SEATS IN THE VILLA END WOZ TAKEN 20 MINUTES BEFORE FULL TIME

*

HAPPY TOON FANS OOTSIDE 'THE STRAWBERRY' AFTER THE MATCH

*