THE TOON U18s v CHELSKI OAPs U18s ***FA YOUTH CUP QWAATAA FINAL ***TONEET @ ST JAMES' PARK!

Posted '1:00pm bells' Tuesday 11th March 2014


4th ROOND ACTION IN THE FA YOUTH CUP @ ST JAMES' ORLIER THIS SEASON
THE TOON U18s WON 4-1 AGAINST THE SMB U18s IN FRONT OF A 3,500 CROWD!

There are TWO very important games that concorn us toneet!
Forstly @ '7:05 bells' wor youngins take on Chelski's equivalent @ St James' with a place in the semis up for grabs in the FA Youth Cup!

The East Stand will be open (az per usual in theeze games) and it's £3 for big kids and just £1 for sprogs and zimmerframeites!

A 3,000 plus crowd iz anticipated so get alang orly to grab your prime view seat on the halfway line!

Wor rovin' paparazzi reporter 'Liam from the Lamp' will be there to take pix and bring yoo wor loyal reeeders aall the latest news from the game!---watch this space tomorrow! (Unfortunatally aa can't make 'this one' coz av got to gan to graft!)

Then! (a little later!) there's Bayern Munich against 'The Arse' in Jawmany in the Champions Leegue---and just WHY? (yoo may ask) are we bothered aboot THIS game???

Whey!---if 'The Arse' can manage to owercome a 2 goal deficit from the forst leg in London and win the tie, (highly unlikely!) then wor away game against them, which haz been pencilled in for a dreaded April Monday neet slot @ The 'Em', will be moved to a weekend slot instead!
Much better for us of course!

"Come on 'Yooo Arseholes'"!  

"EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY!"

Posted '2:25pm bells' Monday 10th March 2014





ST ANDREWS CHURCH ON THE CORNER OF GALLOWGATE
 IN THE SHADOWS OF ST JAMES' PARK!




 



 

 

THIS CARTOON IN TODAY'S 'JAWNIL'

HAZ EVEN MADE IT ONTO THE TELLY!

 

AZ REPORTED ON 'LOOK NORTH', 'THE MACKEMS'

ARE APPARENTLY DEAD UPSET COZ IT IMPLIES

THAT THEY ARE AALL THIEVES!

(AZ IF WE WOULD?)

("HELP!"---"WHO'S NICKED MEE

STERLIN' SILVER CARTIER WATCH!???")

"SUPER SUNDAY! *** CONTINUED!"

Posted '9:15am bells' Monday 10th March 2014 


YESTERDAY @ '2 BELLS'!

Like the previous Sunday, yesterday @ 2 bells' waz spent in the 'Soho Bar' in the shadows of St James', where the most important thing on the big screen at that time waz a gangster movie from Chicago!
(Last week it waz a 'Charlie Chaplin' silent movie from the 1920s, when a certain team from Manchester broke mackem hearts to lift the Leegue Cup!)

THE SILENT MOVIE FROM LAST SUNDAY!

News then filtered through from the city of Hull that the home side were tw*tin' the SMBs 3-0 @ The KC Stadium (to break mackem hearts once again!), and book their place in the semi-finals of the FA Cup!----Anothaa 'Super Sunday' for aall Toon fans!
"Ha!-Ha!"

 

 

 

They'll be cryin' in their beer in Pennywell today!

But NOT! in 'The Red Lion'!

TEARS ON TYNESIDE!

Posted '8:55pm bells' Saturday 8th March 2014

'THE BAD BLUE BOYS' (IN BLUE!) ON THE ATTACK!

There were tears on Tyneside az both of wor non leegue clubs who had made it through to the FA Vase qwaataa finals bowed oot of the competition today!

Forstly Newcastle Benfield went doon 1-0 in deepest Leicestershire to St Andrews FC in front of 1,200 fans, while the game we were @, @ Federation Park Dunston, ended in a 1-0 win for West Auckland Toon against 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston!

There waz a very healthy crowd of ower 1,000 who packed into Federation Park and to be fair, 'West' were the better of the two sides, havin' rattled the crossbar in the forst period of the game!

'THE HAND OF S*D'!
AN EXCITED DUNSTON FAN SHOWS HIZ HAND(S)
JUST AZ I'M ABOOT TO TAKE AN ACTION PHOTO!

'The Bad Blue Boys' never reeely 'got oot of the blocks' in a lack lustre performance and 'West' won it with a deflected shot from ex Toon resorve player Dennis Knight in the 56th minute, to send the former World Cup winners into the semi finals!


ACTION @ 'THE TEA-HUT END'!


Before the match the tiny clubhooose waz packed to the rafters with hardly enough space to breathe, az we fought wor way to the bar coontaaa for some 'Broon Ale in Bottle'!

"I WAZ THERE!"***"THE PROOOF!"

Attendance: 1,009 (300 'West' fans!)

A 'MINT CONDITION' TEAM SHEET!
(ANY OFFERS!???)

FA VASE QWAATAA FINALS *** BENFIELD & BAD BLUE BOYS NEWS!

Posted '2:20pm bells' Friday 7th March 2014

FEDERATION PARK IN THE LAST ROOND
(DUNSTON BEAT BRIGHTLINGSEA REGENT 5-0 !)

Aalthough NUFC divvint have a game again this weekend because of non participation in the FA Cup, there ARE two massive non leegue games takin' place tomorrow involvin' Tyneside based teams in the FA Vase 6th roond!

Newcastle Benfield must travel to deepest Leicestershire to take on St Andrews FC, while 2012 Vase winners, 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston take on former World Cup winners, West Auckland Toon @ Federation Park, Dunston---both '3 bells' kick offs, on the trail to Wembley.

Az  Dunston  iz a bit nearer than Leicester, 'The Geordie Times' iz takin' in that game and a full match report and pix will be forthcomin' sometime on Saturday neet or Sunday mornin'!

If yi fancy gannin' and have nowt else better to de then get yersel alang and cheer 'The Bad Blue Boys' on to Wembley!
It's a fiver to get in for 'big kids' with concessions for sprogs and zimmerframeites and a big crowd between 800 and 1,000 (normal crowd 200) is anticipated tomorrow afternoon!

The most important thing yi need ti naa, though, iz that the clubhoose iz open before and after the game for those of yoo who fancy dein' a bit of 'tonsil ticklin'! 

BLANKETY BLANKETY BLANK!

Updated '12:12pm bells' Friday 7th March 2014

"SEE YOU AGAIN ON MARCH THE NINTH!"

Because 'The Toffee Noses' of Everton beat 'The Swan Lakers' 3-1 in the FA Cup 5th roond, wor game against the Morseysiders scheduled for a live telly game this comin' Sunday haz nuw been postponed az this iz 6th roond weekend and of course the FA Cup gets priority ower the leegue!
This game will now take place on Tuesday 25th March with a '7:45 bells' kick off! (NE live telly though!)

This meeenz that because of wor FA Cup exit at the forst hurdle (again!) we will have yet another blankety blank weekend to fill in for the EIGHTH TIME this season! <(and yet anothaa 14 day break between games!)

This year alone we havvent played on FOURTH ROOND DAY and FIFTH ROOND DAY and nuw of course we wont play on SIXTH ROOND DAY!
And az 'Tex Taylor' pointed oot to me last week, az we supped in 'The Strawberry' beside St James', we didn't play on THORD ROOND DAY EETHAA! <(when we lost to Cardiff!) 

JUDGEMENT DAY LOOMS FOR PARDEW!

Posted '1:30pm bells' Thorsday 6th March 2014

Wor manager 'I Beg Your Pardew' haz until '6 bells' toneet to answer charges aboot hiz heinous and despicable crime of heedbuttin'? ex mackem player David Meyler at Hull last Saturday.

God anly naaz just wot punishment they will dish oot, but yoo can bet your life that because he iz employed by NUFC the punishment will be severe!---Judgement Day looms!  

Updated Friday 7th March

Pardew haz requested a personal hearin' which iz due to be held sometime next week before wor trip to Fulham a week on Saturday
 

NUFC FIXTURES FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON 2013-2014

Posted '2:54pm bells' Wednesday 5th March 2014

THE LEAZES END @ ST JAMES' PARK***
VIEW FROM THE LEAZES PARK BANDSTAND

Wor home game against 'The Toffee Noses' of Everton  haz now been pencilled in for Tuesday March 25th, while wor away game against 'The Arse' haz been moved to the dreaded Monday neet slot for live telly on 28th April < (provided they DON'T beat Bayern Munich in the retorn leg of the Champions Leegue in Jawmany---highly unlikely az they lost the forst leg 2-0 in London!)

The Cardiff home game could aalso be changed at short notice, due to the whims of SKY or BT! 

March 2014
Sat 15th @ '3 bells'***The Jackson-less Jivers of Fulham*away
Sat 22nd @ '3 bells'***The Crystal Balls*home
Tue 25th @ '7:45 bells***The Toffee Noses of Everton*home
Sat 29th @ '3 bells'***Sooothampton*away

April 2014
Sat 5th @ '3 bells'***The Manc Muppets*home
Sat 12th @ '3 bells'***The P*ss Potts of Stoke*away
Sat 19th @ '3 bells'***The Swan Lakers*home
Mon 28th @ '8 bells'***The Arse*away

May 2014
Sat 3rd @ '3 bells'***The Red Herrings of Cardiff*home
Sun 11th @ '3 bells'***The Liverbirds*away

* We say 'Jackson-less Jivers' az the 'Wacko Jacko' statue haz been taken away from Craven Cottage!

"YOUR LADS TOOK ONE HULL OF A BEATING!" ****THE TOON'S PREMYAA LEEGUE 'AWAY DAY WINS' LIST!

Posted '1:30pm bells' Tuesday 4th March 2014

'THE SISSOKO KID' (AND CO!)
CELEBRATE WOR 3rd GOAL @ HULL LAST SATURDAY
IN FRONT OF THE JUBULANT TOON FANS!

Followin' wor 'heedbangin' 4-1 win at Hull on Saturday, we have now beaten every one of the othaa current 19 Premyaa Leegue side away from home in the last 20 seasons!

Timeline list: (In the order that we last beat them away)

2014
1 Broken Nose Bruce's Tiger Lillys***won 4-1
2 Big Fat Sam's Jellied Eels Mob***won 3-1

2013
3 The Crystal Balls***won 3-0
4 The Manc Muppets***won 1-0
5 Sporz***won 1-0
6 Cardiff Red Herrings***won 2-1
7 The Hazbeenz and Villians***won 2-1

2012
8 Chelski OAPs***won 2-0
9 The Swan Lakers***won 2-0
10 The Baggie Troosers***won 3-1

2011
11 The P*ss Potts of Stoke***won 3-1
12 The SMBs***won 1-0 !

2010
13 The Arse***won 1-0
14 The Toffee Noses***won 1-0

2007
15 The Jackson-less Jivers of Fulham***won 1-0

2004
16 Sooothampton***won 2-1

2000
17 The Blue Moonies (@ Maine Road)***won 1-0

1995
18 The Liverbirds***won 1-0 (Leegue Cup)

1994
19 The Canary Custards of Norwich***won 2-1 

 

"A MONSTER IN WOR MIDST!"

Posted '2:37pm bells' Monday 3rd February 2014

"COME AND HAVE 'A GO' IF YOU THINK YOU'RE HARD ENOUGH!"

For gods sake!---Yi would have thought that Alan Pardew had mordered somebody @ '4:25pm bells' in Hull on Saturday!?---such iz the 'ower the top condemnation' of hiz 'touchin' of the heeds' with THAT ex mackem player!

The one thing that it did de, waz to knock the Leegue Cup final off the back pages of the Sunday papers!---very much to the annoyance of the SMBs!

Even the Monday papers have got in on the act by claimin' he iz some kind of a monster that shud be 'hung, drawn and quartered'! !---"Boil him in oil!---Send him to guillotine!---Keel haul him under the nearest ship on the Tyne!---Burn him at the stake!---Skin him alive!----Stretch him on the rack!---Tie him to the electric chair!"---Hang him from the rafters at Gallowgate! (like they used to de!)----"Aaltogether now!"----
"There's only one Alan Pardew!---One Alan Pardew!
Walkin' along!---He sticks the 'NUT' ON!
Walkin' in a Pardew wonderland!"

TODAY'S DAILY MAIL!

TODAY'S SPRINGFIELD SHOPPER!